Flipping the switch

It was gone 8 o'clock as I stood up from my desk at work. Most people had already left for the evening, and as soon as I'd tied up the last of the paperwork, I was out of there, a hot bath and cool bottle of beer my only plans for the evening.

Today didn't go exactly how I'd imagined, I smiled to myself, as I headed heavy-footed towards the office kitchen for a last cup of coffee. A horny radio DJ with a homicidal wife and a thing for feet?! Yeuch! And poor van Pelt, who nearly got on the wrong end of both of them! All in a day's work, I guess! I stifled a giggle, followed quickly by a weary sigh, thinking of van Pelt and Rigsby, and their not-so-pretend lovers' spot on live radio. I'd already decided that I was going to have to plead ignorance with Bertram if things sparked up again between those two. I wouldn't want to get in the way of 'true love', would I? Yeah, like that exists, I scoffed, uneasily, not quite able to put my finger on the bitter-tasting emotion that was subtly circling around in my mouth. They are good together, though...

This thought trailed off as I noticed Jane lurking in the kitchen, sipping that odd-smelling tea of his. I walked past him, trying to ignore the mischievous glint in his eyes, a glint probably invisible to most people, but to me it shone as bright as a Californian midday sun.

"Your brow is furrowed, you have a squinty look in your eye... you wanna talk to me about the whole foot fetish thing but the catholic schoolgirl in you tells you that it's not necessarily appropriate."

The 'catholic schoolgirl' jibe, along with that look of his, should have been enough to stop me as abruptly as witnessing a freshly-painted Red John smiley face... but on this occasion it wasn't - past experience failing to clear away the cloud of tiredness that had shrouded any rational thought at that moment.

"You're right, I don't get it, I can't wrap my head around it," I admitted. What the hell, it wouldn't hurt to humour him a little, would it? I reason to myself, that way he could smile his self-satisfied smile and then I'd get to drink my coffee in peace.

"Well, fetish is a strong word, but everyone has a thing..." he continued, "it's just, it's human nature."

"I don't," I lied, as innocently and sincerely as I could make it sound. I must have known on some level this would just goad him on further.

"Oh c'mon Lisbon, don't deny yourself that freedom. There's definitely something out there that works for you, that flips your switch..."

I glanced over at him, noticing the wide grin that now appeared on his face, highlighting those cute little lines at the side of his mouth.

"... like turtlenecks?" he teased.

I rolled my eyes at him and sighed a deep sigh inside, realising a little too late that I was not perhaps going to be allowed to drink my coffee in peace after all. Another feeling had also started to naw at my insides, and although it hadn't fully formed yet, it was making me decidedly jumpy.

"You're right. It's inappropriate." I picked up my coffee cup, giving him one last look, and made to leave the kitchen. "Night."

But he obviously hadn't finished his little mind games yet, and gently caught my elbow, making it difficult for me to leave.

"So it is turtlenecks? Thick, woolly, itchy turtlenecks?" he mocked, "I call tell there's something, what is it?" He bent down slightly, so he was peering right into my eyes. Looking back at him, I felt my face redden.

"It's nothing, Jane" I pleaded distractedly, turning my gaze to the floor.

"Aahh, so I'm right!" Jane's face lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. "There is something, I knew it! You're thinking about it right now, aren't you, Lisbon, you can't help yourself!"

He was almost giddy with excitement now. God, he was so infuriating.

"Pity you can't actually read my mind, then, isn't it?" I surprised myself with this almost witty comeback, especially as by now my mind was racing as to how I could end this conversation as quickly as possible.

"I could, of course, but I wanna hear you tell me."

"You'll be waiting a while, then." My heart was now racing too, convinced he already knew the answer.

"Aw, c'mon, Teresa, don't be shy, I'm your partner, you can tell me."

"No!" I silently screamed at him to stop, my breath feeling more and more shaky.

"Go on, what is it? I won't judge you... well, maybe just a little." He sniggered at his own joke, now totally in his element.

"Just leave it, Jane!" I yanked my elbow free, trying to take a step away from him.

"But this is fun, isn't it? I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours..."

And then I felt something give inside me, I actually heard an audible 'snap', I was sure of it, and what followed was as much of a shock to me as I could only imagine it was to Jane.

"Stop, just stop. Do you really want to know, Jane? Hmm? Do you?" My face was burning fiercely now, as I fixed my eyes firmly on his.

"Yes!" he called out, triumphantly.

I paused for only a second, a second in which I should have just shut my mouth, turned and walked out of there, but I was too hyped up and mad, so mad.

"It's you, Jane, you. You are my "thing", you flip my switch, you press my buttons." What are you saying?! I asked myself incredulously, but any control I'd had of my current actions had been lost. "You started flipping my switch the day you walked in here and you've been flipping it ever since, with your, your... annoying charm and your ... dubious schemes, and... your...stubborn refusal to leave things well alone!"

These last few words were barely audible as I felt that hard lump in my throat and the sting in my eyes. I stood in silence for a few moments, staring at the cuffs of my shirt.

Then I forced myself to look back up at him, into those deep blue eyes, eyes which now had an unfamiliar look about them... could it have been genuine surprise? The smug smile had certainly disappeared, in any case. I was also vaguely aware that at last he had fallen silent.

"So now you know. Happy now? Jerk!" I feebly smacked his arm with the back of my hand, before turning, making my way on autopilot back along the corridor to my office. Closing the window blinds, I through myself face first onto the couch and clutched a cushion on top of my head, hoping this would block out the wild tornado of thoughts swirling round in my head. God, what had I done?

After what seemed like a very long time, long enough for any tears to dry up and my arms to be aching with gripping the cushion so tightly, I felt a hand lightly touch my shoulder. Forgot to lock the damn door, I scolded myself. Maybe if I just stay like this, he'll go away. The hand lifted... and then I felt it again, but this time over my own hand, squeezing it gently. It felt confusingly calming, that hand resting on mine, enough to make me lift my head and wipe away a few strands of hair from my bleary eyes.

Jane knelt on the floor next to me, a smile restored on his face. This smile, however, had no hint of smugness; it was warm, kind, and held a little bit of hope.

"So... not turtlenecks, then?"