I couldn't help writing this story after I saw last week's episode because all of a sudden I just got a great idea for a story. But be forewarned I haven't seen the first season of LB so some of my history might not go with the show exactly. This story begins around last week's episode, the one where LC went to SF, and from there will not go with what happens on the show. Hope you guys like it. (I actually wrote this a while ago but I couldn't find anywhere to post it where people gave me any feedback or responded so I hope you guys will.)
-As memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven, it may also be a hell from which we cannot escape-
LC and Stephen had been best friends for years and in all that time they had crossed the very fine line between friendship and something more a number of times, beginning during their senior year. The first time he had kissed her was when they were looking through her yearbook for someone she could date and the night of her last birthday when they had done slightly more than kiss since they were both a little inebriated had been the last. But each time nothing had changed, not outwardly anyway and they had never attempted to have an actual relationship.
As far as LC was concerned Stephen was still hung up on Kristen and he might always be. She couldn't really understand what exactly Stephen saw in her or why he continued to keep in touch with her. It was probably only in hopes that they would eventually get back together. Which further confused her because when they had been together Kristen had cheated on him and he had spent a great deal of time miserable, feeling that he loved her more than she loved him and finally wondering if she actually loved him at all.
If she was honest with herself she'd admit that she had feelings for Stephen that were more than platonic, at least she used to. She wasn't sure how she felt about him now. But there had been a time, in between the first kiss and the last kiss, when she had realized exactly how much he meant to her and how much she wished there was a chance for them to be more than just friends.
That time had passed though and she had been understandably hurt when he continued pining over Kristen after their first kiss and crushed when he had chosen not to discuss what had happened on her birthday at all. Then she had talked to Talan and found out about when Stephen had come down to take Kristen out for Valentine's Day. And that had been it, the final straw. The nail in the coffin.
She finally realized that she was tired of being Stephen's consolation prize, the one he came running to when things didn't work out for him with Kristen. She was through being used by him and tired of him pretending like he didn't notice that he was continually stringing her along and playing with her emotions all in the name of friendship.
Which is why she had promised herself that she would move on and close that chapter of her life. She wouldn't waste her time, energy or tears on Stephen. Not after he had lied to her and withheld information. They had always been honest with one another, if nothing else, and to know that he had deliberately deceived her had been unsettling. Not that she would've been happy to hear it from him but at least then she wouldn't have felt as manipulated.
Then as luck would have it, just as she was beginning to think that she might really have a chance to get over him once and for all she found out she was going to be going to San Francisco for a day with her boss. She had been excited for the opportunity but also scared at the prospect of going back to the city. After a lot of internal debating she had finally decided that she should call Stephen and tell him that she was coming. He had sounded happy and they agreed to meet up after she had finished her internship responsibilities.
Later, she had spent a few hours the night before trying to convince herself that she had already distanced herself from him and the whole situation. Which had only freed her mind to think about what was really bothering her about going back. So when she saw him she really believed she had all her emotions under control. That was until he had wondered aloud at dinner what would've happened if they had ever actually gotten together.
She hadn't really answered and he had dropped the subject easily enough, noting her reluctance to say anything on the subject. But for the rest of the night her mind had replayed the words over and over and when she had finally said goodbye to him before leaving she felt like she was right back where she had started.
She couldn't believe how selfish he could be sometimes and how stupid he assumed she was. She knew that something had happened or was going on for him to be focusing his attention on her again and it probably had to do with Kristen. He always seemed to seek her out when he felt all-alone and this time she refused to allow herself to fall victim to his charms or manipulations.
During dinner she had made a point to ask him about Kristen and he had surprised her by mentioning that she had come up and telling her about the Valentine's Day dinner, the revelation that had come a little too late. (I know he didn't mention it but in my story he did.)
She wasn't sure exactly what had happened when Kristen had come up to visit him but she could tell by his vagueness when she asked about it that he didn't want to discuss it. So she had let it go, better to avoid the subject completely than have him once again outright lie to her face. Besides it was what he didn't say that revealed the most.
Another thing that had taken her by surprise was when she had found out that he was moving to LA too. And even though she had joked about him following her she had been blind sighted by the knowledge that he would be so close to her. Not to mention by the fact that somehow they had drifted so far apart that she didn't know these things.
There had been a time before all the drama when he had shared everything with her and she with him. Then she had moved home from San Francisco and it seemed like since then they had grown farther apart. Which if she was honest was probably mostly her fault.
He had never really understood why she had moved home and she had never tried to explain it to him, instead choosing to remain vague about her reasons. Reasons that still haunted her and kept her awake some nights, reasons that she still wasn't ready to face, despite all the time that had passed. Then there were the less than platonic feelings and actions that had just further complicated their once simple relationship.
And now it seemed she couldn't sort out her feelings about Stephen, their friendship, or even what she wanted. She had thought she wanted to stay friends with him but she wasn't sure how that was going to work out if he kept turning to her when he didn't have any other options.
Yet at the same time she knew she wasn't strong enough to just walk away from all the years of friendship they had shared. She was absolutely confused and all the time she had spent convincing herself that she had moved on seemed so wasted now.
Because there was still that spark, still that attraction to him even though she knew that it would probably never work out since it seemed she had never been what he really wanted. So now here she was, off balance and unsure, and wouldn't it just figure that Stephen was coming home for the weekend and wanted to see her.
He had called her up earlier in the night and told her his plans and asked if she would be around. When she had told him yes he had seemed happy and had gotten off the phone saying he would call her as soon as he got into town. Once she had hung up she considered kicking her own ass for being so stupid and not making up an excuse so she wouldn't have to see him.
Because if she wasn't going to be seeing him then she wouldn't be laying awake on her bed at three in the morning, candles all aglow in her room remembering the past and everything she thought she had put behind her.
She wouldn't be wishing that time would rewind and they could just go back to normal, back to the time when it was them against the world. A time when everything wasn't so complicated. Because lately she was getting so tired of constantly masquerading that she was who she used to be and that everything was okay.
Since in reality everything was different, more complex than she ever could have imagined and she would never be the girl she used to be.
