Spencer Hastings sat on the big white couch breathing in intimate smell of a mix of timber and coffe. This smell was one of the only things that had kept her alive the last two years when she´d been tortured by A. No matter how terrible she would feel, when she came to this place, she would suddenly feel every bone in her body calm down.

I do know how to make flan!"

Why am I not surprised?"

Spencer sighed and felt a tear escape her eye when she laid her head on the huge comfortable pillow next to her where she could smell his scent as if he´d be standing right next to her. During this tough two years this had always been her safe place to land. HE had been her safe place to land.

She heard a key clattering and a few seconds later Toby opened the door. He was pretty surprised when he found his girlfriend laying rolled on his couch since he thought that she was actually supposed to get ready for tonight´s graduation party.

"Hey you!" He smiled. "Wont we be late for the party?"

Spencer just shock her head and tried to force a smile on her face. She thought about thousand ways how to start this inevitable conversation but suddenly her brain felt so empty and numb. Of course Toby realised immediately that something was wrong. With this insightful look in his eyes he sat next to her and reached out for her hand, not knowing that he was only making things worse for her.

"Is everything alright with you?" He asked in concern."Did something happen."
"No." Spencer whispered. "NOTHING happened the last few weeks. You know after they caught Bethanys murderer and A I thought, that it couldn't be simply... over. And I kept waiting for A to come back again... but it didn't happen."

Now Toby was confused he gently took Spencers head between his hands and looked in in her big chocolate brown eyes. "Spencer, this is a good thing! It means that the nightmare we´d been living in is finally over!"

"Yeah" Specner laughed. "I´m finally free … WE are free."

There was something in her voice that made him tremble but before he could say something she continued talking.

"four month ago I never would have thought that I had the chance to EVER have a normal life again, and now I do. Oxford accepted my application, I´ll be able to live a typical college life and..."

"Spencer!" Toby interrupted. "I know that and I want you to have this life that's why I already told you that a long-distance relationship is not a problem!"

"But it should be!"

"What`?" Toby felt himself getting scared, this wasn't happening...he felt the urge to just grab her face and kiss her until she would forget all the dark thoughts she was having. He tried to speak but his voice was shaky and full of desperation. "Look if that's not what you want any more, then I´ll come with you! We´ll go to London together, just like I once promised you and I..."

"Stop it!" Spencer screamed her voice colder than she intended. This was hard enough for... why did it have to be so hard... it was not fair. She wasn´t capable of looking into his eyes any more. There was to much history in it. THEIR history.

"Look" She said her eyes focused on the blank wall in front of her. "Two days ago I had an appointment with Dr. Sullivan and we talked about Rosewood, a place where everyone knows me as the girl who was in jail two times because of a murder, and as the drug addict, as the girl who´d blinded Jenna Marshall, the girl that made out with both of her sisters boyfriends, the one who was in Readly... twice and I suddenly realised that I CANT be this girl any longer and I cant start my new life with people who know this version of me!"

Now it was Toby who got angry. He stood up and shock his head. Didn't she get that that was the best ´reason for them to stay together? Because they knew everything about each other, the good and the bad stuff, because they loved each other ANYWAY.

"You cant run from the past!" His voice was quiet but haunting. "It wont work to pretend that the old you doesn´´t exist just because you.."

"This isn`t only about me. Did you forget what you´ve been through? You had to go to juvie and you were bullied in school because of US but you still had such a kind soul and you managed to forgave me... all of us! But what happened since then? You broke your arm... your leg... twice, A forced you to fake your own death and you even gave up your dream job and joined the academy for me! But this is not how your life is supposed to be and..."

Spencer suddenly stopped and tears started streaming down her face. She`d repeated this speech in her head all over again the last days but now that she finally said those words out loud it hurt so much more because she wished with all her heart that those words weren´t true. But they were. She knew it. And deep inside his heart, so did he.

"I love you Toby." She whispered her hands shaking. "And I´m thankful for every second we spent together and believe me I wont forget a SINGLE moment of it, but I don´t think that we have a good basis for a healthy relationship."

Toby opened his mouth ready to convince her to stay, wanted to tell her that if there was a world without him and her together, than he didnt´t even want to see it let alone live in it. But nothing came out. All he could do was stand there and look at her. This beautiful eyes he never got tired of looking into, her lips, he could still feel them on his mouth, as if they where meant to be there and those thin long fingers, that never failed to make his skin burn like fire.

He tried it again.

Wanted to say something

anything.

Instead his body just walked to her and hugged her. His fingers just hold her shirt plying with its material while he buried his face in her neck trying to breath in as much of her scent as he could and when their lips finally met again and their tears were mixing they both knew that this wouldn't be one of their thousand passionate kisses.

It was a goodbye kiss.

"I love you so much"

"I wanted to say that first!"