Pinky and the Brain (And Zanna) Chapter 1

The rain came down in shocking torrents, cold and chilled, thanks to the freezing autumn sea breeze coming in from the Atlantic.

Luckily, Zanna was sheltered in her cage, but as the wind occasionally swept the rain about in all directions, a few pelted her fur and made small puddles in her cage, as she was carried along by a scientist, who held the cage like a bag, whistling as he sprinted across the dripping streets.

Zanna was not used to this kind of cage. She was glad that it kept out most of the rain, but the fact that she could only see out from the sides and not above to the sky, made her feel trapped and claustrophobic. Most of the time she could free herself by making some sort of contraption to unlock her cage door, but here she only had a water bottle and food pellets and it was not worth escaping right now just to see the sky.

Earlier, Zanna had overheard that she was being transported to Acme Labs, a very advanced laboratory on the East Coast of the United States. It would make a huge difference from London, where most of the students who tested on her or had helped advance her intelligence were pre- Gap Yah boys and girls, who thought they practically owned the laboratory and that the rest of the world was inferior to the land of the British, or English, at least. Zanna was not sure she had ever met a mouse with an American accent, but she had heard American accents often enough on the computer screen through which the scientists watched the news in the laboratory. Zanna generally thought well of humans who did not work in laboratories and she thought people like Barrack Obama seemed like nice enough men. She loved chatting to men, disguised as a tiny woman. They almost always ending up being seduced by her, although all she did was chat about science and engineering. That seemed to be the way to attract a mate nowadays, making yourself out to be a totally smart geek.

Finally, Acme Labs came into view. Zanna, who had a fair knowledge of architecture, classical and modernist, admired the unusual shape and colour of the building, with its large neon letters spelling out: ACME LABS. She also appreciated the large amount of green space in the surroundings of the building and looked forward to playing there when she escaped out of her cage. There was very little green space outside Peabody's Labs, where she had been born, had grown up and had been made super-intelligent by the use of a machine that a team of scientists at the Laboratory had designed and engineered. To think that she was unique among all mice, as intelligent as a human, indeed, more intelligent than most humans, was an absolutely wonderful thought. Zanna pondered over this pleasant fact as the door to Acme Labs was opened and her welcoming new home environment came into view.

Zanna saw to her pleasure and excitement, once they had gone through the cosy reception area, that the laboratory room itself was much larger, more open and had much more equipment than the laboratory room at Peabody's Lab. The ceiling was very high, possibly too high for anything anyone would want to do in the Lab, but for Zanna it was much more lovely and interesting than the ceiling at Peabody's.

"Welcome to your new home, mousey," one of the Acme Labs scientists smiled cheesily as he took Zanna's cage from the Delivery Scientist. Once details were exchanged, Zanna's enclosure was placed on a work-surface of the lab, the door to her cage was unlocked and she was taken out by hand and carried to another cage. As she reluctantly let herself be taken to her "prison," Zanna glanced at all the equipment close by that she could not look at so closely before. She saw a whole range of different electron microscopes, colorimeters, telescopes and different kinds of metals and spare machine parts, all of which excited her considerably and raised her hopes even more.

Her cage, Zanna was pleased to see, was a little bigger than the one in which she had resided at Peabody's and she had a good view of much of the open space in this Laboratory room. She let her new scientist acquaintance lock her cage door and walk out of the room, shutting the main door behind him.

Once Zanna was sure there were no humans in sight, she examined her close environment for an easy means of escape. She realized, to her pleasure, that within reach, was a spare broken shoelace that must have been dumped there for later repairing. Zanna reached her arm through the bars and drew in the shoelace, pondering and looking around.

With satisfaction and excitement did Zanna then comprehend that, above her cage, a few feet away, was a shelf, on which a pair of scissors lay. They lay in just enough reach so that Zanna could throw up the shoelace through the bars of her cage, so the aglet on the end could catch on the scissors, which meant that the scissors could then be dragged down on to the top of the cage, where Zanna could reach them and slip them down with her paws, where she could use them to break open the lock of the door and run free.

The escape procedure took ten minutes and it was only afterwards that Zanna realized that her actions would have been caught on a tiny CCTV camera, right in the other corner of the room. Ears drooping slightly in dismay, but still hoping that no-one had been watching the film, Zanna slipped ran down from the work-surface onto the floor, ran out of sight of the speed camera, sprinted across the room and was just about to go up onto the work-surface across from her cage, when from behind the corner of the drawers underneath this work-surface, came out another lab mouse.

The whole room stank of mouse, which meant that Zanna had not been able to sniff out this particular mouse as she had approached him. Neither had he, so they both paused and stared in surprise as their eyes met at the same time.

The first thing the two noticed about each other, was that they were both lab mice who had been intelligent enough to escape out of their cages. The next thing they both noticed about each other was that they had two unusually large heads, suggesting a similar level of brain capacity, which they had both assumed were unique for themselves.

The male mouse was the first to speak: "Who are you?" he asked in a confused manner.

Zanna could not help smiling at this mouse's American accent. He had a very attractive deep voice, totally different from the squeaks and NARF's of all the pre-field mice she had had the unfortunate experience of trying to converse with at Peabody's.

"I'm Zanna," the newcomer replied. "I'm new to Acme Labs, just thought I'd try and sort out that CCTV camera so I don't get caught and put back in my cage."

The male mouse's eyebrows raised, then he gave a small smile, which made him look much different than the cynical, grumpy looking mouse he had been before. "Oh don't worry about that, Zanna, I dealt with that a long time ago. For some reason, even though the people who work here installed a CCTV camera, no-one has ever been appointed to look at it, so no-one misses it now that it's disconnected."

Zanna looked in surprise at this Acme Lab mouse. She started to feel a little bit irritated. "Oh, that's reduced my appreciation for this lab considerably. It has a much vaster array of equipment from the Lab I used to live in and it's such a nice building, too. To think that they don't even check the results of a CCTV camera shows the organisation here very slack and it shows the system to be poorly managed. If I ran this place I'd get that sorted out, but seeing as I'm a mouse who'd like to continue escaping, as do you, it seems, I might as well not waste my time. Although I could do, seeing as it's easy enough to pretend to be a human."

The other mouse blinked and paused, not sure what to say. He had not met such an eccentric, random mouse before since his current "room-mate", although that mouse was mad, eccentric and random. "Sorry, I've been very rude, let me introduce myself. My name is the Brain and I'm the mouse who's been here longest at Acme Labs. At the moment I'm thinking up plans to try and take over the world." Realizing he could impress this mouse, the Brain explained how he was planning to insert a hypnotic substance into all the new polio vaccines, which, when injected, would distract enough humans for him to assume control as Overlord.

Quizzically, Zanna responded, "Goodness me, you seem to me to be the most intelligent mouse I have met and the most ambitious. Pray, how is it come about that you have a desire to take over the world and have managed to ruin the CCTV system in this room?"

The Brain gave a small smile. Usually he did not like being interrupted in his plans, but there was something about this mouse that was strangely appealing. "A long time ago, the scientists at Acme Labs built a machine that could make me more intelligent. Since then, I have had a much fuller and knowledgeable understanding of the world and have wished to bring everyone in it under my rule!"

Shocked, Zanna replied: "But that happened to me! I used to live in Peabody's Lab, in London, where they developed a machine that made me intelligent as I am. I can hardly remember a day when I didn't know the Fermi-Dirac Distribution Function or could explain the workings of the Pentagon IT systems."

Zanna was shocked and jealous at the comprehension that she had competition in terms of mouse intelligence, but the Brain was even more shocked and jealous. Angrily, he stepped forward and shoved his face in Zanna's.

"Whatever you do, do not try and stop me from taking over the world! UNDERSTAND?"

Zanna, relieved, laughed genuinely. "Oh, thank goodness, if that's all you're worried about, then you've no need to fret. I haven't the faintest intentions of taking over the world, especially as a genetically altered lab mouse seems to be on his way to accomplishing that feat already. But just out of curiosity, how many times have you tried to take over the world?"

The Brain was relieved at Zanna's indifference for world domination, but his face fell and his ears drooped at her question. "Over a hundred," he sighed, ashamedly.

Concerned, Zanna put a paw on the Brain's shoulder. "Aw, it's OK, the Brain. Just remember that if you do take over the world, you'd probably be a much better ruler than any of the nation leaders in today's world."

The Brain's expression lightened and he smiled. "Why thank you Zanna. But how would you know that I'd be better?"

Zanna replied confidently, "Well, for one thing, you didn't look confused when I mentioned the Fermi-Dirac Distribution Function and most world leaders wouldn't have a clue about quantum statistics and that when I say: for any system of identical fermions in equilibrium, the probability that a quantum state of energy, E, is occupied, it am describing the Fermi-Dirac Distribution Function. Wait… All those spare parts randomly assembled on the work-surface over there…" Zanna pointed. "They're all yours, aren't they? You're planning to build some kind of machine or gadget for taking over the world, not necessarily now, but at some point? I bet you even organize where everything lives in this lab, I couldn't understand how people who don't bother fixing CCTV cameras could sort everything in this lab so well."

The Brain was blushing with a new kind of pride. "Well…" he shuffled his feet like a little child. "I do admit, I do organize some of the equipment in this lab. Some of course, is done by the good scientists here, but…"

Suddenly, the two were interrupted by another escaped lab mouse sliding down and landing behind the Brain. He came out from behind the Brain to look at the newcomer, his smaller head cocking with interest. "NARF, hello, my name's Pinky, what's your name?"

Oh dear, not another narfster, thought Zanna with some irritation, having heard that word perhaps too much when she was forced to stay in the same cage as other lab mice at Peabody's. She politely told the mouse, however,

"Hello, I'm Zanna. I've just arrived from London. Are you a friend of the Brain's?"

"Oh yes, ZORT!" Pinky replied, squeezing the smaller, more grumpy mouse in a brotherly hug. "Brain's my best friend, I help him take over the world every night!"

"Let me go or I shall have to hurt you," murmured the Brain as his skull and cerebellums were squeezed by his happy accomplice. Pinky replied, "Oh right, sorry Brain," and did so accordingly.

Zanna, surprised at what Pinky had just said, asked, "You do, do you? And how exactly do you help in trying to take over the earth?"

Pinky paused, then answered, "Well, I come along and maybe help with preparing his machines and gadgets, then I do something silly and screw up his plans and go back to the Lab, NARF!"

"Why do you have to humiliate me?" the Brain asked angrily, grabbing Pinky from just above the nose.

"That's just what I happen do, Brain," Pinky tried to say embarrassedly, but he did not manage very well seeing as his jaws were being locked in the Brain's paw.

The Brain, sighing, let go of his companion and told Zanna, "Yes, you see, I have no-one else to help me. Not only is Pinky the most willing of mice to help me in my task to dominate the world, but he also can help me. And it's not always his fault that my plans fail, often it's mine, or it's out of our control."

Zanna cocked her head with a curious sadness. "So Pinky doesn't actually want to take over the world himself?"

"Oh no," Pinky answered for Zanna. "Brain wants to take over the world, not me. Besides, I'd be no good, I'm too stupid and silly willy."

The Brain smiled a little and there was a silence, as an idea formed in Zanna's head.

"Three heads are better than one and six paws can get on with handiwork much faster than four. I don't see myself staying in my cage all day, growing old, running on my wheel and eating mouldy cheese all day. If I can ever be of any service, or if you're stuck for ideas, I'd be glad to… You know?"

"Help me take over the world?" the Brain finished for her, slightly irritated by Zanna's long-winded request.

"Y-yes," Zanna replid. "Haha, I guess I'm not used to American bluntness yet, I'll remember to spit it out more quickly in the future. If – if it's not too much trouble, I'd love to help you."

Zanna, becoming less awkward, gave a warm smile, suddenly becoming excited at the thought of the adventures that trying to take over the world would lead to. All the people she would meet, all the places and things she would see. Her life had probably been considerably locked up and solitary compared to the Brain's and Pinky's.

The Brain, though he was normally very untrustworthy of anyone he had only known for less than half an hour, was strangely reassured and pleased by this mouse's willingness, no, request, to help Brain reach his ultimate goal. He saw it was unlikely that Zanna would want to actually rule the world herself, she seemed to be much more of the Follower type, but she was far more intelligent than Pinky and might spot things that the Brain had overlooked, or might realize when he or Pinky were about to botch up a plan. The Brain paused a little before answering, briefly considering all the possibilities, but for all the options he drew up the conclusion stayed the same as it had been when she had first announced her question.

"Yes! You shall help Pinky and I, to take over the world!"

"Ah!" Zanna exclaimed, rushing forward to shake Brain's outstretched paw and then to shake Pinky's, who was jumping up and down and laughing with enthusiasm and excitement.

"Egad Zanna, brilliant!" Pinky shouted gleefully and the new group of three wandered up to the Brain's cage, to discuss his current plan for world domination.