A/N: Sorry this took so long folks but I was busy and lacking in creative inspiration. But I got it out. And I'm hoping you'll find this somewhat amusing. I want this fic to be funny. Hopefully I achieve that. So, I do not own DP. Please read and review: the authoress must me fed! And enjoy my work!


Ghostly Dreams and Living Nightmares

"ERR! ERR! ERR! ERR! ERR! ERR!"

I pulled the pillow over my head and screamed into the sheets. I hate mornings. The worst part of the day is probably getting up. This morning was especially bad since Skulker decided to wake me up at one in the morning. I spent the next half hour fighting him. Luckily I came away with only three seven inch long gashes on my legs, a dislocated shoulder, and a possible concussion. Nothing too bad. The worst part was the exhaustion. I was so tired I could barely see straight. So, it's pretty understandable why I didn't want to get up now.

I reached out and felt around for the blasted alarm clock. Annoyingly enough I couldn't find it. I cursed and kicked the blankets off. Blindly I began stumbling around looking for it. Bizarrely enough, I couldn't even find the night stand it sat on. I frowned and slowly opened my eyes.

What I saw was enough to scare anyone.

I slowly backed away, tripping on something as I did so. I never took my eyes off the figure in front of me. Green eyes bored into me, a confident smirk playing at the ghost's lips. His arms were crossed and his back straight. I stared up at him and crawled backwards. I turned away and came face to face with the same green-eyed boy smirking down at me. I turned to my right and there he was again! I turned to my left and he was still there! I looked down and saw a doll on the floor, what I had tripped over. Green eyes stared up at me. The small mouth turned up into a grin. Then it moved. It waved at me…

"Join us, Danny," its ghostly voice echoed. "The phangirls are waiting."

"NO!!!!" I screamed in terror.

Then I woke up.

I sat up screaming, sweating, and clutching some random plushie I didn't even know I had. The alarm clock was blaring its angry cry. I looked over at it in annoyance. Then I saw the poster.

It was the same poster from my dream, the poster of me. It was life size and rather detailed. It was so detailed that every single hair visible was drawn to perfect scale and shaded. Even the slight wrinkles in my jumpsuit where my arms were folded were drawn. It was spooky.

The continued honking of the alarm clock brought me out of my reverie… and I realized that this was not my room, my house, or even my body. I freaked.

"Ahhhh!!!" I yelled as I jumped out of bed and stood in the middle of the room. I looked around confused and as much as I hate to admit it, scared beyond all belief. Then again, anyone would be scared. I mean, there were eyes all of the walls, green eyes, my eyes staring from every wall and corner of the room at me. All those gazes trained on me as if they were real. They held every emotion from happiness, to sadness, anger, fear, joy, wonder, confusion, love, confidence, depression, contentment, boredom… you name it and at least one picture on one of those walls had it.

I ran out of the room, turned to my right, and fled down the stairs. I slipped on the rug at the foot of the stairs. After righting myself I grabbed a set of keys hanging on a hook by the doorway to the outside world. I unlocked the door and ran outside. The first thing I saw was a cornfield.

"I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore," I muttered then frowned. I coughed and tried again. "I don't think I'm… What the…" My voice wasn't the same anymore. Why was my voice so high and squeaky… like a girl's?

I looked down at myself… and realized that I was one.

"Oh no…" I looked down at my no longer flat chest and pale white skin. My toe nails were painted green as were my finger nails. My hair was brown and shoulder length. I was in a black and green night gown… and did I mention that I was a girl?!

I took deep breaths in a desperate attempt to calm down. After about ten minutes I managed to. I ran my hand through my hair. It didn't feel right.

"Where am I and what is going on?" I asked no on in particular. I didn't get an answer. I sat down on the wooden wrap around porch.

The place, wherever it was, was actually kind of pretty. The house was white with green shutters, a nice wooden porch (the one I was sitting on now), and a long stone pathway that lead up from the road (it was before the corn field) to the house. Rows of flowers of varying colors ran parallel to the stone pathway. The sun glinted off the flowers and the cornfield leaving the world in a golden haze. A lazy fog rolled over the ground. It was like something out off a postcard. It was so beautiful. I wished I had a camera.

I rubbed my back as it started hurting and nearly cried at the sheer beauty of the scene. I wished I was home… either that or holding a camera. Which ever came first really. This was just so amazing!

"Andrea honey, why are you out here? You should be inside getting ready for school," came a concerned voice out of the clear blue.

I continued rubbing my back and turned around. A tall brown haired woman stood in the doorway wearing a business suit. Her dark gray eyes watched me.

"Um…" I stuttered. I grimaced as a bolt of pain ripped through me. Sheesh, what was wrong with this girl's body? Why did I have to land up in a body with back problems?

The woman's eyes softened. "Oh, cramps acting up?"

Cramps? What is she talking about? "I'm fine."

"No, you're not," she said as she reached down and grabbed my wrist. She dragged me up and into the house. "Come one. We'll go upstairs and get you some pills."

Pills? What pills? I don't want any drugs! "No, really! I'm fine!" I pull my hand free and take a step back.

"Andrea? What's wrong?" asked the woman. "Sweety? Are you okay?" she continued to ask. She slowly stepped towards me, one hand reaching for my face. I stood still, shaking. Quite suddenly, I wasn't feeling so well.

"I don't feel good," I answered as I plopped down on the floor. My legs felt like jelly. I was light headed, my back ached, and I couldn't focus. Nor did I want to. Everything seemed so pointless. I was trapped in a girl's body in another world with no way back and there was no one I knew here. And I was tired after waking up from that stupid nightmare and I felt horrible right now! My back was killing me! And now I have this strange woman hovering over me constantly asking questions! I mean, really! Just leave me alone! Give me some space!

"Oh sweety… Your period's due, isn't it?" she asked/stated sympathetically.

Wait… Say what? What's due? What did she just say? Period? But… but that's a girl's thing! I'm a guy!

"You poor thing. Come on. You're staying home today. I'll call you off. We'll get your Danny doll and some pills and you can go back to sleep," she said as she pulled me to my feet again. We walked slowly back up the stairs and into the room… the room with too many pictures of me. The woman bent down and picked up a plushie off the floor. She handed the thing over to me. I looked at it as she lead me into a bathroom.

It was doll version of me in ghost form. It looked exactly like the one from my nightmare, the one that told me that the phangirls were waiting. Evil little thing.

The bathroom was painted green. The sink and the bathtub were marble, black marble with little white veins running through it. The toilet was white as was the shower curtain. I'm beginning to have the sinking suspicion that there's a pattern here.

"Here you go. This'll make the pain go away," said the woman as she handed me two white pills and a black paper cup with water in it. I took the pills and swallowed them. I then watched as the woman knelt down and rummaged around under the sink's cabinet. After a second she pulled out a strange cylindrical package and handed it to me. It was a tampon. "And don't forget, Tragedia! Danny says, wash your hands after you use the restroom!" the woman said with a grin as she left me. "Have a nice day! I hope you feel better!" And with that, she was gone.

I looked at the place where the woman once stood in horror. Did she just quote me?! I looked down at the doll. It was smiling.

"The phangirls are waiting," its voice said with an evil sort of glee. I threw it into the hallway.

"Shut up!" I yelled after it. Evil thing.

I rubbed my face and… noticed the tampon still in my hand. What was I supposed to do with this thing?!

"How should I know how to use it?!" I said angrily, glaring at the girl… thing as if I could somehow make it disappear if I stared at long and hard enough. I wished I could.

I got off the toilet and opened the cabinet under the sink. I looked at the dozens of packages, containers, and other junk that resided there. Eventually, with much resentment, I pulled the tampon package out. I read the instructions and…

"I am so not doing that! I'm not… No way! Nuh uh!" I said, shaking my head. I shoved the package and the tampon back under the sink. "What else do they got?"

And so, after much search, direction reading, and wondering why any of this was necessary I was wearing my very first pad and literally crawling into bed curious to know why I deserved this pain, humiliation, and emotional distress. I hated this world. I hadn't even been here an hour and I hated it here!

I pulled the green bed sheets up and groaned. There was so much pain. And there was a stuffed animal on this bed that looked like one of the ectopusses I fought when I first got my ghost powers staring at me. And there's another one, hand made I think, that vaguely resembles Skulker. And another one in the corner, another hand made I think, that kind of looks like Ember…

"Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" I yelled in surprise and two black and white blurs toppled me and started licking my face. Dogs! "Stop it! Stop it! I promise I'll take my shower soon just stop trying to clean me yourselves!"

They stopped and looked at me with their heads tilted to the side. I felt guilty.

"I'm sorry but I'm not feeling well," I explained. "Oh don't look at me like that. I said I'm sorry! I'll give you extra treats later! I promise!" They seemed happy to hear that. "So what are your names?" I asked.

I looked at the first which was a Dalmatian. I picked up the name tag. It read 'Danny'. I sighed and turned to the black lab. "Let me guess. You're name is Phantom." I picked up the tag. "I was right. Wonder what I win."

I lied back down and rolled onto my side. Green eyes laughed at me. It was the doll.

"I thought I threw you out into the hall," I said to the evil thing. I rolled over and peeked out the door. The doll was still lying out there. Andrea had more than one plushie. I looked back at the one on the bed. "I hate you." And with that I threw that one out to lie next to its brother on the floor. Feeling somewhat satisfied I lied back down on the bed between Danny and Phantom. I stared up at the ceiling and the DP symbol formed out of glowing plastic stars.

"I hate this world."


A/N: So how did you like it? Was it good? Funny? Awful? Do you wish I never wrote it? What? Please tell me in a review! I would love to know what you think!