Spring
They'd only been working together a few months the first time she noticed. After that she noticed it every year. Always around the same time. Spring, when new life should begin. He was somber. Not nearly as much joking. To the average acquaintance, it probably wouldn't be noticed. But she noticed.
The first year, she didn't make the connection. She'd ask how he was, or if something was wrong. He'd always say he was fine. After a few weeks, it passed. She noticed it again the next spring. She thought it odd to be happening the same time of year, but everyone has a blue spell, right? He always said he was fine. When year three came, he once again grew somber during those first few weeks of spring. She finally brought it up.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"No, Sir. You're not. Every spring you grow quieter and somber for a few weeks. And then it passes."
He didn't say anything.
"Jack, please? I see it every year."
He stared at her. Thoughtfully. Considering what to say or if to say anything at all. Finally he decided.
"Tomorrow is the anniversary of Charlie's death."
She touched his arm. "I'm sorry." What else could she say.
When year four came, she knew what to expect and why. She gave him space. She asked him once if he wanted to talk about it. He said, "No." She let it go.
Year five came and the day of the anniversary, he showed up at her doorstep. It was rainy and sad outside.
"Come with me?" he said.
"Um... okay."
He drove in silence. Once at the cemetery, he parked.
"Come."
He took her hand and led her down a hill to a small stone under a large tree. Charlie's grave. Jack didn't say anything. He just stood there. When she looked at his face, she saw tears on his face. Not a lot. But she knew, this man didn't cry.
When they got back in the car, she looked at him and said "Thank-you." She knew what it took for him to let her in. She felt privileged to be allowed into such an intimate moment.
In year six, he did the same thing. He showed up at her door and they went to the cemetery. Once again, they drove in silence. They stood at the grave a long time. He held her hand and finally he spoke.
"It was a beautiful day. Charlie hadn't been home from school long and we were going to go out. Sara and I were outside when the gun went off. I found him." He was silent again for a long time. Sam said nothing. She let him think. Remember.
Jack turned and looked Sam in the eyes."What was he doing? Why? He knew not to mess with my gun, Sam. He knew that I'd take it out and show him if he asked. What made him go in my closet that day? When I found him, he was still conscious. The wound to his stomach was bad. Blood everywhere. Sam he kept saying he was sorry. 'I'm sorry, Daddy. I shouldn't have touched it.'"
She let him speak. She didn't interrupt and when he was silent, she was too.
"I knew when I saw him, Sam. I knew he would die. I've seen enough, I could tell he wouldn't make it. It seemed to take forever for the ambulance to arrive. Later we learned it arrived two minutes after the initial 911 call. Sara rode in the ambulance with him. I drove... He lost consciousness on the way. He never woke up."
As he talked, her heart broke for him. She never knew Charlie, but she cried.
"It was my fault, Sam. I forgot to lock the safe."
His admission hit her like a ton of bricks.
"Jack, you couldn't have known. It was an accident."
"Sara blamed me. Hell, I still blame me. I think she may have finally forgiven me. I haven't. One careless mistake. One day when I was too busy. My son's been dead for eight years now."
She held his hand and leaned into him. She couldn't begin to fathom the pain and the guilt he bore. When she was satisfied that he was finished talking, she looked into his dark eyes. She studied his tear stained face. She leaned up and gently kissed his cheek. "I don't blame you. It was an accident."
