Ford stumbles across the last beings in the universe he wants to see.
Chapter Warnings: near death experiences, violence, threats of torture and murder, referenced past trauma, swearing.
Ford's been travelling for what seems like miles… It's hard to tell anymore, considering this universe measures things quite differently. The sand he walks on is heavy, clinging to his boots and weighing him down. An eerie red glow encompasses the land, streaks of colour spatter the sky in a bizarre kaleidoscope.
After over twenty years in this hellscape, Ford's frankly a little sick of it all. He adjusts his scarf more tightly around his face, affixing his goggles to protect against the lash of the sand, whipped up by the wind.
It isn't long until he stumbles into a town, exhausted and hungry. He tips his canteen upside down to suck out the last remaining drops of water. He needs more… He may need to steal some, considering he has little to no credits left….
He sighs, slumping down onto the side of a nearby statue. He notes the familiar triangle shape with distaste, but decides it's not worth the energy to get annoyed.
It hasn't been long since Pyronica convinced Kryptos to go exploring with her, but all he wants to do is turn around and head back home.
"Hey, Pyronica, can we go back yet?" He sighs. "I'm kinda of not in the mood right now. Plus, I think Hectorgon said he wanted to stop by and share some drinks with us...?"
"Ah, c'mon, Kryp! There's bound to be some things to scavenge for Bill around here!" Pyronica lightly punches the diamond on one of his sides.
Kryptos stumbles several feet, wincing and rubbing his side, but gives a small laugh anyway. He can't say no to Pyronica; she's just too enthusiastic about everything!
Pyronica's attention is caught by the figure slumping on the golden statue. Bill has few rules, but a big one is that no one touches his statues, let alone sits on them!
"Hey! Look over there! Look at that bozo!" She nudges Kryptos excitedly.
Kryptos directs his gaze to the strange little being draped across one of Bill's statutes.
"Oh god...what a fucking dumbass..." he mutters. The last person who did that got vaporized and had their particles used to flavor Bill's infamous Time Margaritas.
Ford raises his head, a haze over his vision. Sleep slowly takes hold of him and starts to drag him down. Whoever it was… It was probably no one… Or a hallucination… It's hard to tell any more.
"Guess we'd better pick it up then. Oh, Bill's gonna love this!" Pyronica's eye gleams with excitement as she skips over the stature.
Kryptos laughs to himself. "Yeah haha...he will..."
Well, it's not what he really wants to be doing right now, but hey, maybe helping her capture whatever this is will make Bill a little happier. Kryptos can always use a little extra help keeping in the powerful but fickle triangle's good graces, especially after the last social blunder he'd had partaken in.
"HEY! YOU! STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" Pyronica hollers.
Ford's eyes snap open, jolting upright.
"Wha— What… Who goes there?" He slurs, blinking rapidly. His eyes sting.
"Woah! Weird looking thing you are!" Pyronica observes loudly as they approach the creature.
"I... could say the same about you." Ford retorts wearily. This wasn't the Police or anything… No need for panic yet…
Kryptos meanders a little closer to get a good look at the foreign creature. He blinks. A lot of strange beings come and go around here, but he has yet to see something like this.
"W-what are you?" He says without thinking. As usual.
"I'm… No one…" Ford murmurs, averting his gaze. Yeah, the only human in this damn place with his face plastered all over the town.
"Ya sure don't look like no one! No one just sits on one of Bill's statues and gets away with it!" Pyronica says, motioning to the golden monument.
"You know… For a guy that hates rules, Bill sure has a lot of them." Ford replies, not missing a beat.
Kryptos laughs, in spite of himself. It's certainly not untrue ...as he is painfully aware...
He stops short after glancing at Pyronica. He turns back to the human, crossing his arms.
"Yeah, well you're still not allowed to break them! You're coming with us...um..." Kryptos squints. "Wait...do we know you from somewhere?"
Ford hurriedly adjusts his goggles and scarf. "N-no… Not at all…" The Wanted posters pictured him about twenty years younger than he was now… Maybe it would save him.
Kryptos squints harder. Then he leans back and shrugs. Most creatures look the same after a while. Even if he did know this being from somewhere, it'd be difficult to recall exactly.
Still, the being seemed awfully suspicious...very nervous...even more than would be expected in this place, under these circumstances...
"Oooh! I think you're trying to hiiiiiide something!" Pyronica crows, leaning over him. "I think you'd better 'fess up before we take ya to Bill."
Ford's heart drops.
Take him to Bill . There was something terrifyingly final about the thought.
It's not going to happen. Fuck that.
He stands up abruptly, a low snarl erupting from him. "There's no need for that." He growls, reaching into his coat for his plasma gun.
Kryptos eyes the creature's movements. His eye widens and he ducks behind the statue. He may have been a lousy criminal in his thieving days, but he knows a person about to pull a weapon when he sees one.
" Nikki! Gun! " he squeaks.
Not that it mattered much to her, likely -most guns have little effect on her, and if she gets hurt, Bill can just patch her up again. Kryptos is still just a Flattie with a little extra kick, and getting healed would include getting an earful from the triangle at very, very least.
Ford whips out the gun, aiming the crosshairs at both of them, darting it erratically from side to side.
"Leave me alone!" He hisses, the gun emitting a thin vweeen sound.
Hectorgon grumbles, running his tie through his fingers, then smoothing it out again. He can't believe they fucking left him, how just...just horrifically rude ...
He grouses as he hovers, muttering about his colleagues under his breath. Honestly, he'd rather be drinking in their house, giggling with Pyronica and playfully insulting Kryptos, instead of wandering the wastes of Flatland...there were times it could strike just the wrong kind of chord and he would be back in his room, drinking alone, a little too fast to enjoy it.
Still, he doesn't like to be cut out of things, especially activities Pyronica has dreamed up. And really, her and Kryptos doing something of this sort without him ? The very nerve.
He sees the two the moment he enters town, and rushes over to them, a scathing remark on the tip of his tongue. He doesn't expect Kryptos to be yelling the word "gun", and immediately his long-forgotten but nonetheless deeply-rooted lawbreaking instincts kick in. He dashes behind a building, trying to plot out either the optimal escape route, or the optimal manner in which to get the drop on their assailant.
Kryptos, meanwhile, is not of much use (but has he ever really been?), cowering behind the statue, unsure of if he can contribute at all to what certainly has become a mission, or even potentially survive it. Still, as terrified - frozen stiff in place really - he is, he knows failing a task such as this would be even less in the interest of survival than taking an energy bolt.
He peeks out from behind the statue base at the aggressor.
Ford is frantically pointing the gun back and forth, his exhaustion overridden by a burst of adrenaline.
"I'm warning you!" He growls.
Pyronica eyes the gun nervously. It doesn't look like a gun she's dealt with before.
"Woah, relax! We're not gonna hurt you or anything!" She says, putting her hands up.
"I don't care! I'm not going to Bill!" Ford snaps, his scarf falling further down his face.
Pyronica tilts her head to the side. "Waaaait a minute…! I know who you are! You're that …. weird creature that Bill's been after! Yeah! That's you, right?"
"N-No! I'm No One, okay? No One! Now unless you want me to blow your head off, I suggest you go away! You and your little friend!" Ford's voice cracks, panic taking hold.
Hectorgon weaves in and out of the alleyways between buildings, making his way quietly around to behind the being with the gun. He draws his switchblade and opens it with a soft click. The statue is, unfortunately, more in the middle of the plaza and therefore will require Hector to make quite a run to the center in order to jump the creature. Damn Bill, damn him and his fucking enormous ego and fucking complete disregard for building places with good cover in mind...he needs a distraction...
He spies Kryptos, hiding behind a statue. Good. Good man. Maybe some of the others would find it weak, but to Hectorgon it's just playing it smart. Looks like Kryptos learned something over the years after all...
He motions, subtly, trying to get Kryptos' attention. It takes several agonizing seconds, but Kryptos finally notices him.
Kryptos' eye widens. He mouths something along the lines of how are you here?
Hector answers that with a rude gesture.
Kryptos rolls his eye.
Hectorgon makes a motion Kryptos would recognize as cutting someone and motions to the being holding a gun on them. Kryptos gives a little nod. They've worked together long enough to know what the other is approximately thinking.
Kryptos scans the ground, likely for something to throw. Hectorgon readies himself to make a break for the creature.
Kryptos' search becomes frantically. Perhaps he can't find anything. Hector tenses. If Kryptos can't find anything, he'll just have to make a break for it anyway-
Kryptos begins hovering and suddenly darts in the opposite direction as Hector's hiding spot.
That isn't anywhere near an approximation of what Hectorgon was thinking. He curses and rushes the being, praying to whatever gods Bill didn't murder that Kryptos doesn't get himself shot full of holes in the next few seconds. The resurrection will certainly be worse than the death.
Ford startles, firing off the gun into the statue. It burns a hole right through the statue's eye.
Pyronica yelps, diving for cover behind the statue, peering cautiously at the creature. She sees Hectorgon and instantly feels relieved. Trust Hector to come at just the right time… Makes her feel a little bad for ditching him though…
Ford doesn't have much time to register what's happening before he feels the sting of metal against his neck.
Ice runs down his spine, his blood chills.
Someone had got the jump on him.
Hectorgon makes sure his hold is firm, not that it's difficult, seeing as the creature is so small and frail. It's a meat-thing, and Hector can tell without even knowing anything about it by the internal structures sticking out from the flesh and the tremor in its body that the creature is weak from hunger and fatigue, and likely whatever the primitive thing has in the way of a physical system of self-preservation. It's a state he certainly recognizes himself. Being on the run isn't all it's cracked up to be.
"Don't move," he hisses. "Or I'll rend you in two."
Ford freezes, letting the gun clatter from his hands.
Hectorgon immediately begins searching the creature for more weapons. He finds many things in the being's pockets - a couple of lovely bound books, bags of powders and herbs, currency of all sorts, vials of things with labels in a language he's not familiar with, a tiny box of fluxing light, no less than 5 puzzle games, a pocket entirely filled with multicolored string, pellets that are likely compact sustenance, tools, unidentifiable gadgets and gizmos - and alongside them he finds several weapons. He pulls out one knife, then another, and another...
Hectorgon gives a little grunt that's some cross between incredulity and admiration. He remembers a time when he was this well-armed, and far more times he wished he was.
"What's all this then? Planning on taking out a small army all on your own?" His tone approaches playful; It's hard not to like someone who's pockets house both pretty books and a small arsenal.
"Don't touch those!" Ford snaps.
Hectorgon merely chuckles in response. He turns his gaze back to Kryptos. "Are you alright?"
Kryptos gives another little nod, shaken but seemingly unharmed. "I'm ok, Hector!"
Hectorgon grunts in acknowledgement, then turns to Pyronica. "Are you alright, Niki?"
Pyronica stands up and dusts herself off. "I'm fine, Hector. Thanks for the backup!" She saunters over to their captive, observing him with a narrowed eye. She crosses her arms.
Hector snorts. "Yes. A good thing I decided to pursue you troublesome pair, even when you decided to leave without me."
Kryptos looks ashamed at that. Some part of Hector feels bad for including him in his accusation. After all, it was hardly out of spite in the first place, and Kryptos likely had little say in the matter, seeing how Pyronica is. No one can really resist her persuasion. Still, perhaps he should learn to be more assertive...
Assertive...Hectorgon suddenly thinks upon what had happened mere minutes before, Kryptos using himself as a distraction. Just because it worked doesn't mean it was any degree of a sound gambit. Anything less than absurd idiocy, really. Hectorgon is divided once again, this time between whether he should praise Kryptos or rage at him.
Before any of these thoughts can be completed, Pyronica is chattering about the creature again.
"Turns out this is the one Bill's wanted for ages."
She quickly runs over to the nearby wall and tears off the wanted poster.
Pyronica holds it up next to the creature's face, yanking off his goggles. He winces at the glare of the red sky.
"See?"
Ford tries to duck his head but finds Pyronica's claws digging into his chin. He curls his lips into a low snarl as she forces him to look directly at her.
Both Kryptos and he squint and look at their captive closer.
The diamond shrugs. "Eh, I don't see it."
Hectorgon murmurs in agreement. "It's not a particularly good rendition."
"Okay, so I think it's aged or something since the photo was taken but see…" Pyronica forces the human's head from side to side. Ford's snarls grow louder, teeth snapping together.
"It's got the same shape of face! It's worth a shot! Bill can always just vaporise it for being on one of his statues anyway!" She chirps, very pleased with their catch.
Ford hisses, glowering at the demon. The sting of the knife at the back of his throat is the only thing stopping him from sinking his teeth into her hands.
Kryptos squints a bit harder and shrugs again. "I dunno, Ronni. That's a pretty long shot."
" Oh yes, that's the long shot of the day... " Hector grumbles.
Kryptos gives him an odd look before recalling himself, replying with yet another shrug. "It worked, didn't it?"
"Yes, a statistical improbability, one I would advise you never to attempt to achieve again. Chance has no masters, Kryptos, it will just as readily destroy you as serve you."
"You know, I really wish you wouldn't talk in riddles when you're telling me off. It makes you sound like a prick."
Pyronica rolls her eye, releasing the human. "Okay, okay. Could you fellas please keep the couple bickering for later. We kinda have a delivery to make." She sighs, indicating to their captive before letting the poster flutter to the floor.
Ford's head drops. They're not going to listen to him… Damn it. He eyes the knife the hexagon is holding. Maybe he could … get his hunting knife… He leans down a little, attempting to appear simply weary as he slips a hand down his boot.
Hector bristles at the comment, but says nothing. Wouldn't want to fuel any rumors. Kryptos says nothing as well, not even to deny it, which Hectorgon finds both strange and a fucking miracle.
The being shifts in Hector's arms, and concern flashes through him. Is it broken now? Or is this a ploy? He glances at Kryptos for a second, whose gaze has already settled down to where where the hand is. His reaction is all the confirmation Hectorgon needs.
He wraps his arm tightly around the creature's airway and pulls it upward. "Don't even think about it."
He reaches down and slips the knife out of the shoe. He eyes the weapon with careful appreciation. "Do you really think I've never tried that trick before?" He chuckles. "Nice piece, by the way."
He slips the knife into his personal pocket dimension before driving his own blade a little bit deeper into the creature's flesh. It's difficult, seeing as he is so much stronger than the being, and isn't exactly sure how it's body works enough to safely injure it or to know how much pressure is too much, but he manages to make the point of contact only a touch stronger than before.
"Listen, since we're operating under the assumption you are who Pyronica thinks you are, I may not being able to kill you. But rest assured, I can still cause you suffering, fleshling." He mutters into what he assumes, based off his encounters with similar beings, to be an audio sensor.
"WOah... Nice catch you two!" Pyronica crosses her arms, tilting her head to the side. "Guess it thought it was clever." She chuckles before leaning towards him.
"Better tread carefully, little one." She purrs, baring her fangs. "I've seen my friend work the most delightful screams out of prisoners with that blade of his."
Ford winces, gritting his teeth. Damn it.
"Tie up his appendages, Kryptos." She orders.
Kryptos gives her a look. "With what ?"
Hectorgon scoffs. "Use your imagination."
Kryptos gives him a bit of a glare, but he sighs and looks around for something. "Hey Hector, still wearing that godawful tie?"
"Number one, it's not awful, number two, yes, but wh-"
Kryptos reaches around and yanks it off of him.
"Hey!" Hectorgon shoots him a perfectly lethal scowl. "I'm rather fond of that tie, Kryptos! And I'd rather not bind this mangy creature with it!"
"Relax, you'll get it back." Kryptos mutters, already absorbed in his task of immobilizing their prisoner.
"It'll be wrinkled! And covered in dirt!"
"I'll wash it."
"Don't you even think about it! Or have you forgotten the last time you attempted such a task?"
"...You're still mad about that?"
" Of course I am!"
"That was like 900 billion years ago!"
" That was my favorite tie! "
Pyronica sighs, watching the two bicker. "We're kinda on a schedule, guys..." She mutters, crossing her arms.
Ford glowers over his shoulder at the comment. He's not mangy ! Maybe he could use a shower… but geez!
"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Kryptos grumbles, finishing tying. "Isn't nagging usually Hector's job?"
"One more smart remark out of you, Kryptos, and I swear... "
Kryptos snorts. He ties off the last knot, giving it a little tug. "There. Nice and secure. Can we go deliver it to Bill, now?"
Hectorgon glances at the knots and moans. "That tie is ruined."
Kryptos groans. "We'll get you a new one, geeze...It wasn't like the best one you ever owned!"
"Yes. You ruined that one too."
"oh my gods..."
"Sweet! Okay! Let's go then!" Pyronica perks up remarkably fast, giving their prisoner a scruff of the hair.
Ford growls, glowering at her. He tests his bonds. Despite the flimsy material, it holds fast. His shoulders slump in defeat. There's no way out of this and he's almost too exhausted to fight back.
Pyronica grins, licking her lips, before turning to Hector. "You okay teleporting with the creature, Hec? We can't afford him getting left behind."
Hectorgon scoffs. "So you care if the creature is left behind..."
" Hector ..." Kryptos says, his voice almost pleading.
Hectorgon grumbles. "Fine. I'll do it."
And with a little blink of red light, they vanish without trace.
