Title: Chronic Condition
Author: Megami
Rating: PG-13 ( T ) – for supposed premarital relations, false (?) teen pregnancy, and lots of other unforseen events in future chapters.
Summary: As Kagome's absences from school grow longer and more frequent, her twentieth-century friends begin to suspect that her grandfathers excuses are merely cover for a single chronic condition. With no more diseases springing to mind, the eldest Higurashi proclaims his granddaughter PREGNANT! With Miroku (in)conveniently around, the situation becomes more complicated...
The long-awaited RR begins...NOW!
Chapter One: Hidden Truths
"Just get off!"
"I do apologize, Kagome-sama. Are you unhurt?"
"No! You're squeezing too hard!"
"Is this better?"
"LET GO!"
"N-now, Kagome-sama, there's no need to get viol – "
There was a small crack as Miroku's head lashed backwards, a heel planted in his chin. Had he not been so confined within the ancient walls of the enchanted well – and firmly attached to his time-traveling companion – the monk would have been catapulted several feet away.
"I can't believe you!" Kagome huffed from beneath him, grinding her loafer into his jaw. "Not only did you grab me, but you sent us tumbling down the well! You're lucky that we didn't both break our necks!"
"An unfortunate oversight on my part," Miroku gulped, a shadow of his charming smile trembling on his face. "I am truly sorry."
Kagome snorted. "You should be."
"Kagome-sama...?"
"What?"
"Is that pattern on your undergarments of butterflies or flowers?"
"PERVERT!"smack, crash, slap. "We never should have let you join our group! 'Pious monk,' my butt!"
"Ah! Kagome-sam – ahh! Don't you think you might be – ouch! – overreacting just a – eep – little?"
"NO!" thwack, bam. "This is exactly why your grandfather got cursed, in case you've forgotten!"
"Augh! Not there, Kagome-sama, I beg you! Have mercy!"
Dust rose up from the depths of the well in an ominous cloud, rising up toward the ceiling of the dilapidated well house. Thin streams of sunlight filtered through the thick mass and shone down on the chaos hidden within the shadow of the parched well. Aside from the squeals of pain and screams of fury, the scene was innocently tranquil.
"You've only been traveling with us for a month – one single month – and you've practically molested me fifty-three times! Fifty-three!" Kagome snarled, pressing her nose against the monks to stare him straight in the eyes. "And I've lost count of how many times I've refused to bear your children!"
Miroku held his hands up in his usual placating gesture, offering peace to the enraged female pinning him to the bare ground and up against the splintering wall of the Bone-Eaters Well. With her knees astride his hips, he should have been enjoying the situation more. "Forgive me, Kagome-sama. I meant you no disrespect. I deeply and sincerely wish to make the future mother of my children very ful – "
"ARGH!" Kagome lowered her head and growled in exasperation. Her white-knuckled fists buried in Miroku's robes trembled with withheld rage. "You don't listen at all, do you? I told you a million times already that giving you offspring is NOT my mission in life!"
"Did you hear something?"
Kagome's ears perked at the sound of another person in the immediate vicinity, instantaneously causing pause in her struggles. She held Miroku by the front of his robes, one hand still raised to strike his cheek another time, and listened as two others responded.
"Yeah, voices. I thought one of them sounded like Kagome-chan."
"Sounded like it was coming from that little hut-thingie over there. Maybe we should check it out."
"Shh!" Kagome held a finger to her lips in a silent signal for the monk to cease speaking, as well.
"Kagome-sama? Is there something wro – ?"
"SHH!"
With one of Kagome's hands clamped over his mouth, Miroku finally resigned himself to silence. The twentieth-century miko strained her hearing and caught the unmistakable sounds of a rickety wooden door shifting on its track. After minimal progress, the noise halted with a final clatter.
"Stupid – thing – it's stuck!"
Kagome released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding in a quiet whoosh.
"Here, let me try."
"No way. You're even weaker than I am."
"I am not!"
"You are so!"
"Am not!"
Kagome covered her own mouth this time as she accidentally allowed a sharp gasp to escape her mouth. 'Not good not good not good...'
"Ish somefing wong, 'gome-sama?" Miroku asked, voice muffled behind her silencing hand.
In a cautious whisper, Kagome replied quickly. "Thanks to you, we're in my time and about to be caught by my friends from school. How am I supposed to explain being at the bottom of an old well with a monk from the feudal era?"
Miroku reached up and gently pulled her hand away from his mouth by the wrist. With his free hand, he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Quite a vexing conundrum, indeed."
With another glare, Kagome hissed, "Thanks. That helped."
"This thing is broken! Where did the old man go?"
"I think he's still talking to himself by that big tree. He probably hasn't noticed that we ditched him yet."
"Dang...if we go get him now, he'll just go on another spiel about demons and mystical jewels. Let's all just pull on the door together, okay?"
"'Kay!"
"Sounds good."
"Alright, on the count of three. One..."
"Oh, no...," Kagome could feel the blood draining from her face as she heard her three friends getting into the position for proper leverage. She leaped to her feet and reached out to the metal rungs attached to the weather-beaten wall of the well, tripping over Miroku as she went.
"...two..."
"Stay here!" Kagome ordered, lifting herself up onto the ladder and climbing as quickly as she could. Her school-sanctioned loafers – which were no good in the past, either – slipped and slid on the rusted metal rungs, but she didn't allow improper shoes to slow her down.
"Be careful, Kagome-sama!"
"SHH!"
The door was rattling with tension as Kagome reached the top, swung a leg over, and shifted her weight to remove herself entirely from the ancient magical structure.
"...THREE!"
The rotting plank of wood preventing uninvited visitors was no match for the combined might of three modern day school girls and, with only a single groan of resistance, it split across the middle and fell to the rickety floor. Coughing and swearing in a cloud of swirling dust, three uniformed schoolgirls were revealed in a burst of sunlight, falling over each other with excess momentum.
"You pulled too hard, Eri!"
"You weren't pulling hard enough!"
"Yes I was!"
"Was not!"
"Was so!"
"Hey, guys!" Kagome interrupted, waving from her seat on the lip of the well. Her cheery smile was a little forced, but the three other girls hardly ever noticed, anyway. "Long time no see."
"Kagome-chan!" Ayumi cried, abandoning the two other squabbling girls in the doorframe and practically leaping down the stairs to greet her long-lost girlfriend. She pounced on Kagome and clung tightly. "Kagome-chan! What are you doing down here in your condition?"
'Another 'condition'...Thanks, Grandpa.'
"Omigod! You're showing already!" she squealed, poking at the flat plain of Kagome's abdomen. "Or are you just retaining water? If your feet are swelling already, Hojou-kun says he has a great homeopathic remedy for that."
"Huh?" Kagome blinked, frozen in confusion. "Why would my feet be swelling up?"
"Oh!" Ayumi blushed and elicited a nervous giggle. She turned to the other two girls, wavy hair flaring about her head, and shared a look with them. "I forgot it was supposed to be a secret."
"Nicely done, 'Yumi-chan," Yuka sighed, holding a troubled hand to her forehead.
A vein was throbbing in Eri's forehead. "Yeah, so much for the subtle approach."
"Sorry..."
Kagome sighed as well. 'I guess Grandpa has given me a real nasty disease this time...I wonder what would make my feet swell up.'
The time-traveling teen jumped as something thumped loudly from within the well behind her.
Ayumi craned her neck to look beyond Kagome for the source of the noise. "Eh? What was that?"
With a hard shove, Kagome forced her friend into an about-face and thrust her in the direction of the dilapidated staircase. "Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Maybe the cat! Hey, let's go get some snacks, okay?"
"Wow, are your cravings starting already, Kagome-chan?"
Kagome stopped dead, palms still pressed firmly into her friend's back, in the middle of the back yard. "'Cravings'?"
Eri thwacked Ayumi upside the head with an open palm. "Stupid! Those don't start until later! Okay, Kagome-chan," the short-haired girl whipped her head around to Kagome, her headband askew. "Spill. Who is it? That two-timing boyfriend of yours? Hojou-kun says he hasn't seen you anymore than we have over the last few months so we know it can't be him."
Kagome blinked at them, bewildered.
"Come on, Kagome-chan!" a visibly frustrated Yuka joined in the interrogation from Kagome's left, blocking her in. "You can tell us! We just wanna know who this punk is so we can kick his cheating ass for you."
Kagome squirmed on the spot, strangely uncomfortable with where this conversation was going. "You mean InuYasha?"
"Yeah, him. The one that keeps running after his ex-girlfriend like a lovesick puppy,"
"Oh...kay. What about him?" Kagome's gaze darted between her three friends who wore expressions of varying degrees of irritation. She had a horrible feeling about where all of this runaround was going...did they know about her trips to the past? "I still have no idea what you're getting at."
"Argh!" Yuka cried, reaching up to tug at her chin-length hair by the roots. "I know this is a big secret and everything, but you can give it up already. Your grandpa already told us what's really been keeping you out of school these last few months."
Kagome slapped a hand to her forehead. 'Yeah, he would slip up and tell someone about me going to the feudal era...I'm just surprised that someone was listening to him ramble long enough to figure it out!'
"Yeah, and we're a little upset that you didn't tell us yourself," Eri agreed, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's like you don't trust us to help you when you need it, or something. We're your friends, Kagome, and we're not gonna abandon you over this, if that's what you were thinking! It happens to a lot of girls these days!"
"Eh?" Kagome stared at Eri, incredulous. "Like who?"
"Well, Yuri from class three had to drop out because of it," Ayumi pointed out, a knowledgeable finger lifted.
"And that third year – Satoshi, or whatever – had to apply to get an after school job to support his girlfriend after she got – " ( 1 )
Kagome held up a silencing hand, cutting Yuka off mid-sentence. "Wait, wait. What does any of this have to do with my feet swelling? I mean, I know I have to walk a lot, but..."
The three girls exchanged looks. Eri turned back to Kagome with a raised eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"
"What are you talking about?" Kagome countered.
"Stop being so damned evasive!" Yuka stomped her foot. "We know you're pregnant, Kagome!"
"Wh-what?" Kagome choked on her disbelief. "Pregnant?"
"After your grandpa told us," Eri continued, ignoring her sputtering friend. "We were, like, 'omigod! That explains so much!' I mean, if your morning sickness is as bad as he says, it's no wonder that you can't make it to school!"
"And all your grandpa's whacked out excuses were a little suspicious," Yuka said, nodding sagely. "Who gets Ebola this time of year, anyway?" ( 2 )
'...only a little?'
"It also explains why you won't go out with Hojou-kun," Ayumi added. "I don't think I'd be interested in dating either if I was having another man's baby."
"I...you...," Kagome couldn't string her thoughts into a coherent sentence. Her tongue was thick and heavy with the words she needed to say, the excuses she needed to make to set her back on the right track.
"If that skeezy boyfriend of yours is out of the picture, this InuYasha," Yuka's nose wrinkled as if simply saying his name left a bad taste in her mouth. "Then don't worry about him anymore. You still have us and your family to support you."
"That's right!" Ayumi agreed, nodding her head vigorously. "We'll always be here for you, no matter what."
Eri wrapped an arm around Kaogme's stiff shoulders. "Yeah, you don't need that loser!"
"Guys," Kagome wriggled free of Eri's comforting grasp and backed away to properly address them all at once. "There's been a mistake. I'm not – "
CRASH!
The three schoolgirls jumped with a start and spun around to face the spectacle behind them, which was falling through the doorway of the well house.
The pain in Kagome's head throbbed again as she set her sights on Miroku, crumpled into a disorderly heap of flesh and fabric on the ground, with Buyo rubbing contentedly against his legs. He was cocking a half-hearted smile at the quartet of females across the yard and waving with his un-cursed hand.
"See?" Ayumi pointed to the sprawled monk. "I told you that I heard two voices!"
"Hmph," Eri crossed her arms beneath her bosom; Kagome glared as a sparkle suddenly twinkled in Miroku's eye. "I guess this explains why we couldn't open the door, then. You were in there bullying Kagome-chan again, weren't you?"
"Ah, ladies, I think there has been a misunderstanding. I am but a humble – "
"Save it, you womanizing pig!" Yuka snapped, stomping over to the felled monk. "We know all about how you treat our friend! On top of the jealousy, the verbal abuse, and chasing after your ex-girlfriend all the time, you've gotten her pregnant, too! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Ah..."
Eri and Ayumi flanked Yuka on either side, glaring forcefully at the cowering Miroku. "Yeah, InuYasha," Eri snarled. "How do you plan to take responsibility for this mess?"
— — —
Footnotes:
( 1 ) In Japan, most students aren't allowed to have after school jobs on the basis that they interfere with schoolwork. Thus, they have to get permission from the school before undertaking any part-time work and, generally, are only given said permission if their financial situations are fairly dire.
( 2 ) Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever – a devastating viral disease discovered in Africa (around the Ebola river) that causes its victims to bleed from every orifice on their body. There haven't been any human cases of Ebola in the United States – and no cases at all in Japan – so I'm sure you can get a sense of irony from Yuka's statement.
For more information on Ebola (and other Hemorrhagic fevers/filoviruses; there are quite a few of them), visit the Center for Disease Control's (CDC) website and/or read The Hot Zone, by Richard Preston.
— — —
Authors Notes: Yay! I finally got it done and posted. Sorry it took so long; I was preparing for my trip 'n whatnot over the last few days. Oh, that and I was procrastinating. There was a lot of that goin on, too...heh.
bBlack Dahlia will be taking control of these chapters for the next couple of weeks and posting them to the group accounts for me. If you have any questions, commentary, or complaints, send them to her until early August.
Anyway, I figured that it wouldn't be completely plausible if her friends suddenly thought she was pregnant halfway through the series so, in order to make Kagome's slight figure still applicable, I set the time line somewhere between manga volume's six and eight, post-Miroku but pre-Sango. I'm sure y'all figured that much out through context clues but, in order to make it clear to absolutely everyone involved, I thought I should say it directly. Who knows if Sango will even appear in this fic...that's totally up to whoever addresses the issue first n.n
Megami
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