Broken

I think this was the first fic I ever wrote, years ago now. I´ll post it here, along with any other H/G OneShots I might come across as I go through my old writings.

Disclaimer. I do not own Harry Potter.

oOo

She is running, vaguely aware of people moving around her. Doors opening, people screaming her name, but the only sound she can hear clearly is the sound her feet is making when they connect with the cold stone floor. "thud thud" as they hit the hard surface, over and over again, faster and faster "thud, thud, thud, thud". She focuses on the sound because it´s the only thing that keeps her moving forward when all her body wants to do is succumb to the dark void of pain screaming inside her to give in.

She doesn't remember how she made it out of the stadium, how she made it to St Mungos and past the reception desk, or how she knows exactly what emergency room he is in, but somehow, she knows.

She´s forcing her way through the door. Healers in white robes flocking around his unmoving body, she pushes and pulls, screaming desperately because she needs to see him, touch him, tell him... before it´s too late. Before the world stops to a definitive end.

They are so much stronger than her, and she hates them, hates their white pristine robes and hard hands. She kicks and screams in rage, but nothing she does is enough to keep her in that room with him. They carry her away, further and further from him and all she can do is watch his bruised body disappear further from her sight. So, she screams, her cracked voice echoing of the walls, hopeless pleads and then words, words that has been carefully kept and guarded for so many years now.

I love you

Her last declaration only a whisper swallowed by the uproar of voices before she´s unmercifully faced with the same white door again. Strong warm arms replace cold hard ones and she finally gives in, collapsing into a soft chest and a familiar scent of freshly baked bread and flower beds. She can´t hold back any longer so she cracks. Three years of unshed tears starts streaming down her face. It´s easy, letting everything that has been so carefully guarded and locked away burst open and resurface for everyone to see. Ginny. Damaged. Marred. Broken. Beyond repair. Just like her heart has been for the last 3 years...

oOo

"You mean he just left?..."

"Yes, we had no idea..."

"But I´m his..."

Except that she isn´t his girlfriend anymore. Not for over a year now. Not since that damn funeral and his stupid reason to break up with her to keep her safe. Only she wasn't safe. The war raged on, and there was pain, and suffering and death eaters at Hogwarts torturing her, Harry Potters girlfriend for information. Except she wasn´t his girlfriend, she wasn't safe and he had been wrong.

Then there´s a battle, and Hagrid carrying a limp body in his arms, and her pain knows no boundaries. Then there´s Fred, and she breaks down for the brother she lost. Then there´s him, the boy who holds her heart, only that boy blames himself for every single death. And she´s lost all over again because he won´t let her help him.

"Do you know where he´s gone?"

"No clue. All his clothes are still here, just a couple of small things missing."

"No note or letter?"

"Nothing, I´m sorry Ginny."

And then there is only pain. Raw, piercing, cold pain in her chest, spreading threw her veins like the deadliest poison, numbing her body, every limb, every single part of her mind. She wonders if they can actually hear it, the sound of her heart breaking.

oOo

There´s no escaping life but death. And ending one´s life is the way of cowards, and even though Ginny Weasley is not much of anything anymore, she is no coward. Days, weeks, months tick by. She´s getting good at it now. Acting. Playing the role of Ginny Weasley. It´s the only thing she can do, because she knows they will never understand. That, she, Ginny Weasley, is beyond repair, beyond saving. Broken.

She smiles, laughs, even jokes. Everyone thinks she doing better, that she´s dealing with the loss of her brother, dealing with the absence of a dear friend, dealing with life.

Except there is no escaping the pain that comes with the loss of a loved one. And he, he was never just a friend. But life still goes on, whatever you accept it or not. She´s living, yet she isn´t. Her world is shadowed by a veil, coloring everything in shades of grey when there should be beautiful colors. Dulling emotions into nothingness where there should be exploding fireworks. She´s forgets what real life can feel like, this is her reality now.

oOo

She eventually accepts a starting position for the Holyhead harpies, because that´s what you do when Quidditch is in your genes.

She moves out of her childhood home and into her own apartment, because that´s what you do when you're an adult with a steady paid job.

She puts all her energy into training, because that´s what you do when you signed a three year contract with a professional quidditch team.

She puts on makeup and follows hear teammates to the pub, because that´s what you do when your young and beautiful and just won the league.

She goes on a date with this guy, because that´s what you do when you´re single and your family is worried about the absence of a man in your life at family dinners.

She accepts a second and third date, because when he kisses her, she pretends it´s his lips caressing hers.

She says "yes" when he falls on one knee and presents her with a diamond ring, because it´s been two years and he won't ever come back.

She was told time can mend a broken heart, but what do you do when you´re no longer in possession of yours, because he took it with him when he left?

oOo

"She was here?"

"Yea... She still cares for you. I don´t think she´s ever stopped to be honest"

"After everything, after I left...I doubt that Ron."

"She hasn´t been herself since you left, and she might think we don't notice, but we´re not blind. Yesterday was the first time in three years I saw any real emotion from her. It was like Hagrid walking out of the forbidden forest with your body all over again"

"It doesn't matter though, she´s getting married. I fucked up my chance with her, and I'll have to live with the consequences of my actions"

"I don´t think so. Yesterday...well she just threw the ring at him and ran."

oOo

She sits on the floor, her legs held up tight to her body, arms clutching tightly around her knees, her tears soaking her trousers. It´s freezing cold but she doesn't feel it. She only feels pain, heart wrenching, aching pain in every single cell of her body, but at least it´s something real. Something you can define, almost touch. Black swirling velvet, eating her from the inside. Not just the grey fading into nothingness that´s been her life for the past three years.

She doesn't know how long she sits there. Her legs are stiff and her back is sore but it doesn't matter. She starts to wonder if maybe she is a coward after all. It would be so very easy.

Everything is pitch black but somewhere, someone is calling her name. The calling gets more and more frantic, when a sharp feeling to her face rips her from the dark world and light is flooding her vision. Her head is pounding and she blinks, trying to focus on something, anything. Spots of green clears into intense pools of emerald gazing down on her with such worry and emotion that she´s completely frozen under his gaze. She can´t move, she can´t breathe. It´s him.

A soothing calm washes over her, spreading like wildfire though her veins, settling in her chest. That is when she knows for certain, that wherever she is, whatever this is, everything will be alright. He is here, and he brought her heart with him.

I love you.