Disclaimer: Believe me, by the time this is over, you'll WISH that I owned Dragonball Z.
Hello. I'm back with another chapter oozing with ridiculous OOC pairings and the most disturbing images you will ever witness. Today's big dose of "you've got to be freaking kidding" is a little gem that started when one blind, retarded child with autism, down's syndrome, and a computer typed out a story. A story with this pairing: Goku/Vegeta.
Oh.
My.
God.
Enjoy.
Goku was sitting down, eating breakfast with Chi-Chi and Gohan. Goku had no earthly idea exactly when this was, but if he had to venture a guess, it would be the three-year period when they were training for the arrival of the androids. Goku was acting odd lately; he was always dizzy, skin burning, his tail was starting to grow back, and Vegeta started doing these weird mating dances every time Goku walked by him. He thought it might be something to do with his saiyan biology, or some nitwit getting Inuyasha confused with Dragonball Z.
Either way, he was acting like some kind of damn animal, and he had starting to develop these strong feelings. I mean, stronger than his urge to eat. He couldn't explain these strong feelings, but they seemed to be ones of... lust. And not for his wife, either, oh hell no. A normal pairing every once in a while is asking far too much. He wanted someone else, but he didn't know who... yet...
"Goku," Chi-Chi began to bitch, as was her specialty, "quit scratching your balls at the table... with your FEET!"
"Oh, sorry, honey." (Preteen: grrr chichis a bitch)
Chi-Chi then turned to her son. "GOHAN!"
"Uh... yeah, mom?"
"Do your homework, go study, and for God's sake, turn that Hawthorne Heights crap off!"
Gohan whimpered, mascara running down his face. "No one understands me!"
"Gohan," Goku began, "we understand you... we just don't GET you."
"WAH! I hate you both." Gohan then runs to his room to plug in a Taking Back Sunday CD or some horrible shit like that.
That afternoon, Goku went out for his daily training (read: pummeling sessions) with Piccolo and Emohan, but he couldn't concentrate. He was thinking about Vegeta, of all people, and as the training went on farther and farther he started putting less and less effort into it.
Finally, Piccolo noticed Goku's distracted state. "Hey, Goku, try not to stare off into another direction while we're training... with your FEET!"
Goku shook his head rapidly, trying to get his head in the metaphorical game. "Oh, okay. Uh... I need to go use the restroom first."
"Hurry back."
Goku decided at this point that it wouldn't end until he got to the bottom of these odd instincts that were taking over his life, so he took off in the direction of Capsule Corp., stopping only to take a piss. As he was almost there, Piccolo caught up with him and angrily demanded some answers.
"Why are you going to Bulma's house, Goku?"
"Uh... I require nourishment?"
"What's going on, Goku? You've been acting insane lately and we can't have you doing a bunch of weird, unnecessary and time-consuming things while we're training for the androids. After all, you know what happened with Nappa and Vegeta.
"...What?"
Piccolo quickly went into damage control mode. "Never mind. Tell me what's going on with you."
Goku put his hands behind his back and looked down at his feet, trying not to make eye contact with his green pal. "I'm having these feelings for... you know..."
"Oh... I see. No, wait, I don't, not at all, I don't have females on my planet."
"No, not a female."
"...What the hell? Wait, you can't possibly mean-"
Goku lifted his head to look directly into Piccolo's eyes and nodded. "Yes. Him."
Piccolo immediately began to choke on his own vomit and he was forced to float into the forest below and expel all of his disgust orally and rectally. Yes, he found Goku/Vegeta so disgusting that it gave him the shits as well as the pukes.
Emohan, at this point just now catching up with Piccolo, pouted at Goku's newfound crush. "Great, now the kids in school have another reason to pick on me."
"You don't go to school."
"NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME! BOO-FRICKITY-HOO!" He then flew off to listen to some Underoath shit.
"My whiny-baby son is RIGHT! I must find Vegeta and tell him about my feelings."
And the sane readers said "Yuck." Goku dashed over to Capsule Corp, but he did begin to worry halfway to the training pod because he knows Vegeta is about to get married to Bulma, and the only thing stronger than Goku is… Bulma, with the possible exception of ChiChi. However, with no incident, Goku made it to the doorway of Vegeta's training pod and shakily knocked on the door.
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Goku!"
Vegeta sneered. "Goku who?"
"Answer the door."
Vegeta opened the door, a disdainful look for the fellow Saiyan on his face.
"What the hell do you want?"
"I've been having these feelings lately."
"You're a worthless excuse for a saiyan, Kakarot. You aren't supposed to have feelings."
Goku balled his fists in frustration at the other man. "I mean physically!"
"What's that smell?"
"Um, this is right about the part where I and the readers find out that saiyans go through heat, because that's the only excuse the author can come up with-"
"My God, Kakarot, you're going through heat… WITH YOUR FEET!"
"TAKE ME NOW, YOU STUD!"
Vegeta tackled Goku, pulled down his pants, leaned in and… you hit the back button.
THE END… OF YOUR FAITH IN HUMANITY
