A/N: Okay, since I actually got positive reviews for Largo al Factotum, I've decided to try another one. It'll be different, because it won't be opera he's singing today. He's going to sing Happy Boys and Girls by Aqua. Yeah. I went there.

"I don't wanna waste my time on simple little things! I'd rather stay here all the night with Lucius who sings!" Lucius sung softly to himself. He twirled his cane happily as he walked down the street in Hogsmeade. He had a good day planned today: he was going to have a drink at the Three Broomsticks, eat some Honeydukes chocolate, and then go visit Draco and Dumbledore, who had called him in for a parent/teacher conference.

Hogsmeade was oddly full today; it was obviously a Hogsmeade weekend for Hogwarts students.

The Three Broomsticks was crowded. Lucius stood by the door and placed his hands on his hips, looking over the crowd. He finally walked haughtily towards the bar.

"What can I get you?" Rosmerta asked him.

"I can see over everyone's head," he said smugly, drawing himself up to his full height.

"...What can I get you?" Rosmerta repeated grumpily.

"Firewhiskey," Lucius said. He sat down at the bar, adjusting his black robes. They were his favorites because they were reversible: if he turned them inside out, they were lurid pink and frilly.

Rosmerta banged a bottle of firewhiskey down in front of him. As he handed her the money, he sang, for her ears only, "I got a feeling you could use a little smile. Hoping you could stay there for just a little while." He grinned at her and downed the firewhiskey before he left. He glanced back at the door. She was goggling at him like a fish.

The firewhiskey hit him as he entered Honeydukes. He began to sing again as he chose his chocolate. "Happy boys and happy girls will be... We are the happy boys and girls! So happy, yeah, so, so happy, yeah!"

He paid for a large slab of chocolate which he then stowed in his robes. Then he decided to Apparate to Hogwarts. In the middle of the street, he spun on pointed toes gracefully.

Suddenly, he found himself slamming into a barrier. When he regained consciousness, he was sitting in the dirt a few feet away from where he had started.

"Oh yeah," he said, giggling. "I should read Hogwarts, a History more often. No Apparating!" He stood up, feeling oddly unbalanced. Craning to look behind him, he discovered that his bum was gone. He shrieked rather loudly and ran back to where he had started. His bum was just lying there in the street. "Omigod, omigod!" he said loudly. He pulled out his wand and waved it, shouting an incantation. It worked, and his bum successfully reattached to his body.

By then he was attracting rather a lot of stares. Swirling around, he stuck his nose in the air and pranced up to the castle.

The castle was almost empty, so Lucius began to sing again. His voice reverberated nicely against the stones.

"Young and old. Be happy... Lucius. Be happy... I'm sure you could. Be happy... 'Cause happy boys and Lucius around the world!!!!!!!" By then he had reached Dumbledore's office. "Making a lot of noise up there, throw your hands up in the AAAIIIIIRRRRRR!!" he sang in an exaggeratedly gruff voice to the gargoyle. It jumped to life, throwing its clawed stone hands up and jumping out of the way to reveal the moving staircase. Lucius giggled and got on the staircase.

When he reached the top, the firewhiskey and spiral staircase had made him very dizzy. He swayed and knocked on Dumbledore's office door.

"Come in!" Lucius obeyed, pushing the door open to stumble into the room. "Ah, Lucius," said Dumbledore. "Please take a seat."

Lucius sat down and looked around. Draco was there in the seat next to him. Lucius leaned over and whispered into his ear, "We're in trouble, aren't we?" Draco sighed and put his head in his hands.

"Lucius, it had come to my attention that Draco has seen fit to antagonize the younger students. He hexes and curses them and, even after getting detentions, he continues to do so. If this continues, he will be expelled."

Silence fell while Lucius tried to think of something to say. Finally, when nothing came to mind, he leapt onto his chair and sang, "Try with an eagle it will make you look so nice. And if you start to warm, you can further break the ice. Come on let's go get it on, everybody let's go have some fun!" Complete with hip gyrations. Draco groaned and hid under Dumbledore's desk.

Suddenly Dumbledore leapt onto his desk and sang loudly, "I don't want to waste my time on simple little things. I'd rather stay here all the night with everyone who sings..."

He and Lucius harmonized on the chorus and then Dumbledore sat down. "Now, to the matter at hand," he said. "Draco, take your seat."

------

Lucius had so endeared himself to Dumbledore that the headmaster had decided to give Draco another chance. Giggling about his victory, Lucius decided to escort Draco to his common room.

By that time, most students had returned from Hogsmeade. The Slytherin common room was full of loud children, but they fell silent when Lucius entered the room. He looked them over and then said softly and evilly, "I've made a decision... I'm going to... BE HAPPY!" He started to sing again, and Draco ran crying up to his room while the other Slytherins joined Lucius.

Somewhere along the way the common room floor got transfigured into a dance floor, with Slytherin boys taking their shirts off and Slytherin girls dirty dancing. A disco ball was conjured and attached to ceiling, spinning and sparkling. His work done, Lucius left smugly.

He wanted to visit Severus. But he also needed to use the little boys' room. He ducked into the nearest one, and when he was done, he removed his robe and turned it inside out. He sighed into the mirror as he adjusted his frills and then walked down to Severus' office, humming to himself.

"What—are—you—wearing?" Severus stuttered when Lucius entered his office.

"You need to work on your greetings," Lucius informed him. "It's called a reversible robe, and it's quite comfortable. What are you doing?"

"Grading papers," Severus said through gritted teeth.

"Ooh, I'll help," Lucius said happily. He conjured a chair next to Severus' and sat down.

"Please go away," Severus growled.

"Ooh, that's wrong," Lucius said, knocking Severus out of his chair in his haste to snatch up a quill and correct the mistake.

Severus got up seething and pointing his wand at Lucius. "Get out!"

"..."

"..."

"Would you teach me to tango? I have this song that would be perfect—"

Severus dropped his wand picked Lucius up bodily, throwing him from the office. Lucius skidded for several corridors before coming to a stop against a rather hard wall.

"Ouch," he grumbled, getting to his feet. "I just wanted a dance lesson." Unhappily, Lucius decided he needed someone to comfort him because Sevums was mean to him. He left Hogwarts and Apparated to Voldy's super secret hiding spot.

"Lucius!" Voldy said happily. "Come here! Give us a hug!" Lucius hugged him and then sat on the floor, reclining on cushions and sniffling.

"My Highest and Esteemed Lord," Lucius said. "Severus is mean."

"I can cheer you up," Voldy said. "Would you like to Crucio someone?"

"No... Not tonight," Lucius said. "I just want to BE HAPPY!" He sang again with Voldy trying and failing to dance, ending on, "Oh, yeah, so HAAAAAAAAAAAA—"

"SHUT IT!" Lucius stopped in mid-word, again, and turned to see Wormtail glaring at him.

"Why do you insist on messing up my endings?" Lucius shrieked. He kicked Wormtail in the shin.

"Ow! My Lard!"

"Did you just call me lard?" Voldy said quietly. "You think I'm fat." He sniffled ominously.

"You called the Dark Lord lard!" Lucius said, horrified. "Wormtail, you make everything worse! Get out of here!" Lucius ran to the Dark Lord.

"I misspoke!" Wormtail protested. Lucius hexed him and hugged Voldy.

"You're not fat," he said.

"Really?" Voldy said. He sniffled again.

"You're beautiful, so... Be happy!"

And so Voldy took his advice and was happy.

A/N: This chappie wasn't as good as the first, but I'm vaguely pleased with it. If you liked it and want Lucius to sing a particular song, let me know and maybe I'll write a chappie for it.