Like a Woman in a Man's Body
Part 2 – Just be yourself
by Ricku
When girls have plans for going to shopping, dating or going out for another reason, they spend hours for choosing the perfect dress and painting their faces all "pretty" and shit. I didn't fully get, since I was quick to choose my outfit and my make-up, if it was the girl side of me going out.
Why use hours for just two things? It didn't make sense! But that's not really what I was going to say.
I had just gotten ready to go to the Black Cat again and I had only used an hour for that. I was really psyched to meet Stork again and I tried to look really pretty just for him. My hair was partly tied up again like last night, since it's the style I liked the best. I was wearing a sleeveless, blue shirt, long blue gloves and a long blue skirt. Blue was really my colour. So was yellow, which is why I had a yellow belt and a yellow collar. I might not be the prettiest diamond of the night, but to me, this was just fine.
But all in all, I think I was now ready to go out and meet that dreamy merb again. First I'd have to pay my mother a visit and show this outfit. After all, she wanted to take pictures of every new look I had gotten for myself.
And to clear up some confusion, I'm really living alone. Not too far away from my mother, though. I was an adult and could take care of myself, but mother wasn't exactly like that. To put it rudely, she was a psycho, who carried a knife everywhere. If she heard that I had been hurt, she'd find the people who did it and... Well, I said she has a knife, you imagine the rest.
She was still a great mother and I loved her very much. I'd do anything to make her happy. Well, almost anything, anyways.
But without further (mindless) blabbering from me, it's time to party!
Finn took in a nervous, long breath as he was allowed to enter the bar, instantly starting to look for the merb he had met the last night. He looked around, spotting him and smiling that he was sitting at the very same place as he had before. He was staring out of the window longingly, as if wishing for that girl to show up, who broke his heart. Finn knew these things quite well, after all, he had a lot of experience and had been taught by his mother.
He slowly and carefully approached the silent and lonely merb, sitting down with a sneaky grin. "Hello there. Something happen with the girl?" He instantly got the man's attention, who gave him a shy smile, which completely surprised Finn. Before, he was all cool and unconcerned, but now he was shy, open and... Happy.
"Hey!" He cheered, giving his full attention to the blonde. "Was wondering when you'd show up." He chuckled, Finn watching him in total confusion. "Got kind of scared I wouldn't see you again..." Finn's eyes widened a little. He was waiting for him?
"R-really...?" He blushed, looking down shyly. "Well... Sorry for making you wait, then." He giggles, covering his mouth with his fist, feeling very touched by the merb's act.
"That's fine." Stork took a deep breath, raising his hand to the bartender. "Let me order you a drink." Finn watched him with pure interest as he talked to the bartender. He didn't really listen to what they were talking; since he was too occupied thinking of the green male's words. He tapped the table with his fingers, slowly dropping his gaze towards it. What a strange person that alien was.
A sigh escaped from the blond as his gaze now drifted towards the window, watching the streets of night in silence. The more he thought about the male, the more strange he felt. Just what was it?
"Fay?" The blonde let out a gasp as he heard the man call his, or Her name, capturing the human's attention right away.
"Yes?" He smiled softly to him while the merb pushed the drink in front of him.
"Here. I hope I choose a good drink." Stork smiled back to him, leaning his head against his arm. Finn looked down on the drink, letting out another, a bit louder, gasp. "What's the matter?" The older male gave him a worried stare. "Is it not to your liking?"
"No, that's not it..." Finn swallowed, grabbing the glass with both of his hands. "This is the Blue Sunset... My favourite drink..." He stared at the blue coloured liquid with surprised expression playing on his face. Stork couldn't possibly know his favourite drink and it could be just coincidence... But still, Finn wondered.
"Really?" Stork let out a quiet, but bright laugh as he followed Finn's every move with his gaze. "I guess I have mind reader powers." He chuckled, caressing his own temple with two of his fingers.
"Heh, probably so..." The blonde nodded, raising the glass up to his mouth, swallowing down a little bit of the drink. What a great night this would be.
It was another painful and tiresome morning for Finn. He had had too much fun last night that he had forgotten to go home earlier, since he had work quite early in the morning. For the entire morning, he had been drinking coffee, tea and different energy drinks to look bright like always, but it didn't work well at all.
"Finn, that's not healthy." Aerrow sighed as he watched his blonde friend drink the third can of energy drink.
"The boss will kill me, if he sees me like this." Finn growled, finishing his drink very quickly.
"Then maybe you shouldn't party so late." The red-head sighed again, holding his forehead. "Seriously Finn, get a hold of yourself."
"Yes, yes..." The older one mumbled, walking over to a small brown box that was laying on the floor behind the counter. He tiredly took it in his arms, opening it with a couple of growls. "Just can't help it... He's just so great..." He whispered, watching the new books inside the box lovingly.
"He?" Aerrow blinked, smiling widely to his friend as he sneaked behind him. "Aw, did my little Finn meet the right one~?"
"W-what?" The blonde blushed at the boy, pushing away. "Don't call me little, I'm older and more mature than you. And he's not the right one..." He mumbled, pouting at the box. "Probably..."
"Come on, tell me about the guy~" Aerrow grinned, leaning against the counter and watching his friend with great interest.
"W-well, h-he's..." Finn swallowed, placing the box on the counter with a desperate sigh. "He's nice, friendly and comfortable to talk with... He's just really... Dreamy..." His gaze wondered towards the bookshelves, while letting out another sigh. "He's a merb too, which really adds the excitement to it all." He smiled longingly to the bookshelves, Aerrow giving him a supportive pat on the shoulder.
"Aw, sounds like you found yourself a good one." He grinned, flinching a bit as Finn's expression slowly turned into a very sad one. "Finn?"
"What if I... If I'm in love with him...?" The blonde looked up to the slightly confused red-head. "I've only known him for two days, but..."
"Love at first sight?" Aerrow smiled softly, gently rubbing the older one's shoulder.
"Yeah..." Finn looked back down, biting his lip. "But if it really is love... What am I going to do...?" He whimpered, holding his head with both of his hands desperately. "He thinks I'm a girl... What will happen if he finds out I'm not...? I can't stand the thought of him hating me..."
"Oh, Finn..." Aerrow whispered, feeling very bad for his confused friend. If only there was something he could do. "I'm sure everything will turn out well." He smiled happily, petting the blonde's hair lovingly. "For you, things will always smile." He chuckled, walking over to the cash register.
"If you say so..." Older one smiled and took the box in his arms again, walking over to the shelves in slight boredom. He didn't feel like working at all at the moment. Instead of that, he just wanted to crawl into his bed and cry. Or maybe not cry, but think about things, at least.
He sighed once more, holding onto the box tightly. If only it had been certain someone in his arms instead of a boring box full of books...
A week had already passed and Finn had gotten more aware of his feelings towards the green male; he was definitely in love. He wasn't sure what to do anymore. The feelings just kept growing and so did the sorrow inside him. He was only going to have some fun, he was only going to make another friend, he was... He was only trying to find the right one.
Just be yourself and everything will be fine.
Be yourself, they say. That was the most complex thing to him. He always told that to the new people he met, who felt really nervous and out of place; yet, he was the one who wasn't being himself. He used most of his personality on 'Fay', though. He was quite talkative in general, good with people, bright and happy. But that was all there was to it.
Fay was just merely a puppet or a mask that cowered Finn's other feelings; sorrow, hate, fear... Things like that. Fay always smiled and that was how she was supposed to be, nothing more. Just a cover, whose purpose was to hide Finn from the world; after all, Finn didn't matter anymore. Only Fay. Only her.
Finn watched inside the bakery story with a small smile. Or rather, Fay did. He watched the customers and the bakers and a few times he ended up staring at his own reflection. Whenever he did, his head was filled with questions and doubts. Was this really and truly what he wanted? Was this how he wanted to look for the rest of his life? Was Fay really the one he wanted to be?
He felt utterly confused as he decided to close his eyes, not wanting to even look at himself anymore. The habit he had had for many years... That he had loved, enjoyed, adored... Just didn't feel right anymore. All of this 'dressing like a woman'-thing just seemed so pointless.
A sigh escaped from the boy as he slowly opened his eyes. He tried to watch what was happening inside the store, but for some reason, all he could see, was his reflection. He tried hard to see through it, but no matter how he tried, he didn't success. After a while, he understood why.
His shield was broken.
"Fay!" He gasped silently as he heard his crush's voice, instantly making him look for him. He noticed the man running towards him, looking quite worried. Finn smiled brightly to the boy, half of the smile being fake and forced.
"Ah, Stork. You made it." He giggled girly, raising his fist over his mouth in a feminine way. He had done it many times, he was good at it. But it didn't feel natural. It was just plain uncomfortable.
"Yes..." Stork breathed heavily, stopping right in front of the 'girl' in blue. "I'm not late, am I? I'd hate to leave a lady waiting." He chuckled shyly as his cheeks turned slightly red. He held out his hand to Finn and smiled sweeter than ever. "You ready?"
"Sure am." Finn grabbed the man's hand carefully, shivering at the warm, tight grip he received from him. He hummed in satisfaction, quiet enough for the merb not to hear. This was nice.
"So... Where do you wanna go?" The older male asked from the blonde, who was staring at the hand that was holding onto to him so fiercely with a blush of his own.
"I'll just follow you anywhere you'll take me..." Finn spoke in delight. He was enjoying himself so much that he forgot to use Fay's voice.
"Hmm?" Stork blinked at him in confusion, noticing the change in his date's voice. "You alright?" The concern in the man's voice woke Finn up from his dream land and instantly he realized what mistake he had just done.
"Oh, yes!" Finn laughed nervously, tapping his throat with a weak smile. "Just got something in my throat." He convinced, the merb nodding to him with a soft smile.
"Okay then, if you say so." He kept leading the blonde somewhere, but Finn didn't watch where they were going at all. He just looked down to their bonded hands, a sad smile placed on his lips. He tightened his grip, wishing that their day together would last very, very long.
Sadly, the day passed by quicker than he had even dared to expect. The sun disappeared too soon, the time moved forward too soon... Why was life torturing him so?
The moon was shining on the sky as Finn walked in the park with his date, who was talking about his family and Finn listened to him with great interest. Some parts of his story didn't reach his ears though, since he got too busy watching the merb's eyes. The moonlight really gave an attractive spark in them.
"—which is why my parents wouldn't let me play out in the yard, before we got that fence built. I tell ya, it was one crazy dog." The merb chuckled, shaking his head. "That's why dogs frighten the hell out of me."
"Wow." Finn giggled, holding onto Stork's hand like he was too scared to let go. "That's one crazy tale." He shook his head, smiling longingly to the ground.
"Heh, yeah." Stork agreed, slowly looking at the boy, smiling as well. "You know what else is crazy?" He chuckled once more as Finn looked up to him curiously.
"What?" The blonde blinked, tilting his head as Stork stopped and stood in front of Finn, grabbing his free hand.
"Me." The merb narrowed his eyes and licked his lips, making the human blush slightly. He leaned closer and placed a careful kiss on the 'lady's' lips, pulling away just a little bit as if he had given the younger one a test kiss to see, if it was alright to do so.
Finn narrowed his eyes also and kissed the merb back quickly, wrapping his arms around the alien's neck. Stork returned both the hug and the kiss, letting out a rather satisfied mumble. He ran his fingers through the blonde hair of the human, who slightly started to shiver again, enjoying the moment to the fullest.
He was actually sharing a kiss with a merb he had only known for a week and who he truly and deeply loved. The moment really took away his thoughts and worries, but not for very long. As the two broke their connection, Finn blinked at the merb with wide eyes. He had gone over the line.
"Fay...? Is everything alright...?" Stork asked in pure worry as he watched his date slowly back away from him. "Fay?"
"I-I'm sorry..." Finn's voice was shaking and tears rolled down his cheeks, receiving a gasp from the older male. "Y-you're really great, Stork... You really are!" He whimpered, Fay's voice starting to fade away. "Which is why I can't do this anymore... I'm not good enough..." He sobbed, Stork trying to reach out to grab his hand.
"Fay, what are you—"
"Farewell, Stork..." The blonde whispered and started running like the wind, Stork screaming after him, but his thoughts were too blurred to hear what exactly he said. Everything in his head was too mixed up right now.
But one thing was for sure; his shield had been destroyed.
Fay was gone.
For good.
To be continued
