Update. Thanks for the reviews and all the follows and favourites. I hope you like this chapter.
Warning: This chapter deals with murder, attempted murder and a hate crime.
"Quinn wants me to meet her family," Rachel exclaimed as she plopped down onto the piano bench, Blaine looking at her quizzically from his position sitting on the stool next to the piano, tuning his guitar. When the brunette finally looked up at him from staring blankly at the far wall, Blaine rested his arms across the top of the wooden instrument. "And that's a bad thing?" he asked. Rachel shifted through the unfinished sheet music in front of her, thinking hard about the question her best friend posed.
"Yes, no, ughhh, I don't know," she huffed dropping the sheets onto her lap and lifting her hands to rub her temples. Blaine stood from his stool and walked over to the guitar stand, placing his instrument down, then walking back over to Rachel and sitting down next to her on the bench, wrapping his hands around tiny wrists and pulling Rachel's hands away from her head and turning her so that she was facing him. Brown eyes connected with hazel and they reminded Rachel of Quinn. Shaking her head, she pushed her girlfriend to the back of her mind and focused on Blaine, needing him to straighten out the thoughts in her head.
"Look, you and Quinn have been together now for going on six months, don't you think it's time you took this step? I mean, she wouldn't have asked you if she thought you were just some short term thing," Blaine reasoned. Having been friends with Rachel for close to two decades, the musician was well aware of the inner workings of her mind and how complicated she could be. He understood her better than anyone they were family to each other having both come from incredibly difficult upbringing's, they got each other, which was why Blaine could understand why Rachel was so conflicted and why Rachel knew he could help her to un-complicate things.
"It's not that simple," Rachel sighed, rubbing her brow. Glancing down at her lap she focused on silencing the rollercoaster of thoughts steam rolling through her brain worsening her already growing headache. A nudge to her shoulder forced her to just give up and lay it all bare, it was Blaine she was talking to, he knew everything about her, it wasn't like what she was about to say would shock him, in fact he would probably understand the reasoning behind Rachel's thoughts and actions. Inhaling a long deep breath and releasing it, Rachel lifted her head and gazed off into the distance.
"I haven't…. Quinn and I…. we haven't, s-slept together," Rachel stammered out, her hands fidgeting in her lap as she said the words. Blaine looked confused for a moment until his brain finally kicked into gear and he realised what Rachel actually meant. His mouth formed an O shape as he processed his thoughts, trying to figure out how to approach the subject with as much sensitivity as he possibly could. "Have…you….thought about, you know, sleeping, with Quinn?" he drawled, threading carefully in what he knew were choppy waters. Rachel scoffed, what sort of a question was that? Blaine may have been gay but he had two eyes, how could he not see how hot her girlfriend was?
"Of course I've thought about it, it's all I've thought about since, like, our third date, Quinn's gorgeous, who wouldn't want to sleep with her," she said, releasing a defeated sigh, turning to face Blaine with a look of anguish. Her best friend furrowed his brows as he glanced down at the piano keys, gently tapping on a couple as he sat there. "So if you want to sleep with her so bad why haven't you then? Does Quinn not want to?" he asked, dropping his hands from the piano keys to his lap. Rachel shook her head at his question.
"No, Quinn wants to, I know she wants to. Every time we make out I can practically feel the sexual frustration radiating off of her. I'm surprised she hasn't spontaneously combusted yet." Blaine chuckled lightly at the statement, cutting himself off when he received a glare from the young woman. Clearing his throat he swallowed and then continued with his questioning. "So what's the problem then? You've never had this much trouble sleeping with other girls, or guys even," he stated with a matter of fact tone. It was true, Rachel had slept with a number of men and women previously, but it was different with Quinn, much different.
"It's not the same. With them it never meant anything, it was just sex. But now, now…" Rachel trailed off, eyes falling to her lap. Suddenly Blaine understood what was going on and why Rachel was freaking out as he finished her train of thought for her. "Now there are deeper emotions attached and you're afraid that if she sees you, really sees who you are that she'll run away," Blaine said, leaning his shoulder against Rachel's, watching as she ever so slightly nodded her head. A tear trailed down the brunette girls' tanned cheek and she quickly lifted a hand to wipe it away. Blaine wrapped his arm around her and gave her shoulders a squeeze, lowering his voice a little as he spoke softly.
"Maybe it's time that you opened up to Quinn. She has been completely honest with you about everything you've wanted to know about her, maybe it's time you started letting her in," he reasoned. Rachel looked up ready to argue her point but Blaine raised a finger to silence her. "Rachel, if you like Quinn, love her even, and from the way you're so freaked out about the thought of her leaving, I'm pretty sure you do, then it's time you stopped keeping her separate from your past and let her in. Otherwise, you will lose her."
Rachel looked at Blaine, her mouth hanging open slightly as if wanting to say something, but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to brush off Blaine's comments because she knew he was right. If she wanted to keep Quinn she needed to be honest with her and open up. No more running away when things got too intimate or dodging and skirting around questions about her life before the blonde came along. Quinn had been so patient for so long, but everyone had a breaking point and if Rachel didn't find the courage to step up and be brave, she knew Quinn would soon reach hers. Rachel just hoped that Quinn loved her as much as she thought she did and that revealing herself to the blonde didn't drive her away.
Quinn pulled up outside of Rachel's apartment and inhaled deeply. Since her girlfriend had called asking her to come over, Quinn had been a bag of nerves. She was able to tell from Rachel's voice that whatever the brunette wanted to talk about was serious and Quinn was slightly scared that she was walking towards the end of a relationship. In the past, Quinn would have been fine with it, she probably would have even said thank you for cutting her loose, but things had changed. She didn't want to let go of Rachel. Maybe she shouldn't have brought up meeting her family. Stupid slow moving relationship conflicting with her own rapidly growing feelings, she thought as she turned off the ignition and climbed out of the car.
After pressing the lock button on the car keys, Quinn slipped them into the back of her suit jacket and then bounded up the steps to the door. Luckily someone was leaving at the same time so Quinn just slipped inside and stepped into the elevator, pressing the button for the tenth floor. The closer she got to Rachel's apartment the more intense her nerves became. She was pretty sure she could feel her heart beating from every fibre of her being. When she heard the ding, indicating that she had arrived on the floor, Quinn puffed out her cheeks as she blew out a breath to calm herself and then walked down the corridor, stopping right outside the white door. Once she knocked she stood there and patiently awaited her fate.
Hearing the sound of a knock from her bedroom, Rachel glanced in the mirror at herself, inhaling and exhaling through her nose. "You can do this," she told herself and then she exited the bedroom and walked down the hall to answer the door. Placing her hand on the doorknob, she twisted and pulled it open to reveal an anxious looking Quinn standing on the other side, dressed in her usual fitted black suit and white blouse. Rachel always wondered why Quinn and Santana dressed so smartly when they weren't required to wear suits and the blonde explained that it helped to keep things formal when conducting interviews with victims or eyewitnesses, as it could be difficult at times trying not to get emotionally involved in cases, the suits helped remind them they were on a job.
"Hey," Quinn said, breaking the silence. Rachel's lips quirked up at the corners as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Hi," she replied, "come in," Rachel stepped aside allowing the blonde to enter the apartment, neither of them missing how awkward things were compared to how it usually went when they visited one another's apartments. "Make yourself comfortable, I have a bottle of red wine in the kitchen, I'm just gonna grab some glasses," Rachel said as she pointed towards the kitchen. Quinn nodded and watched as the brunette walked out of sight.
Shrugging off her coat, she hung it on the back of a dining chair and then unbuttoned her cuffs, rolling up her sleeves to the elbow. Making her way over to the couch she sat down and placed her elbows on her knees, rubbing her face with her hands trying to expel the exhaustion from her body, she needed to be focused for this conversation. As she pulled her hands away from her face, her gaze fell upon a pill box sitting on the coffee table. Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to read the name but it was upside down.
Quinn silently debated with herself as to whether or not she should be trying to read the box but her curiosity won out. Picking it up she turned it the right way around and read the label, Lexapro, wait, wasn't that an anti-depressant? As questions started formulating in Quinn's mind the sound of footsteps coming towards her and then stopping abruptly caught her attention. Glancing up, she looked like a deer caught in headlights when she saw Rachel staring at the box the blonde was still holding in her hands. From Rachel's expression Quinn could tell that she wasn't meant to have seen the pill box and that the brunette clearly hadn't meant to leave it out in the open.
"Rach, it's not… they were just," Quinn tried explaining herself but stopped when Rachel shook her head and moved forward, placing the two glasses of wine down on the coffee table and then removing the corked bottle from under her arm and placing it down beside them. Reaching out her hand, she took the box from Quinn and glanced at it for a second before putting it on the table as well. Sitting down she scratched her forehead and then looked to Quinn who was caught between apologising and asking a question.
"You weren't supposed to see those but, since you have, I might as well tell you now that they're part of the reason I called you over," Rachel said. Quinn sat forward a little, moving so she was closer to her girlfriend, placing a comforting hand on the brunettes' knee. "Look whatever it is, you can talk to me okay, no judgement. I want to support you, a-and, I know that you probably feel like you can't trust me yet to talk about your past, but I want you to know that you can Rach. You can trust me because I want to be with you, really want to be with you and I want you to feel like you can confide in me and, and feel comfortable around me. I just, I need you to know that," Quinn rambled, feeling like if this was her last chance, she needed to at least feel like she did something to try save their romance.
Rachel's eyes watered as she listened to Quinn speak, her brain thinking three different things. One, that it was cute to see the usually confident, charming savvy FBI agent rambling nervously, two, that she couldn't help the warm feeling that rested in her chest at how sincere and genuine Quinn was being and three, she couldn't believe how selfish she had been in keeping herself completely closed off when Quinn was so open and patient. When the blonde had stopped talking and was sitting there looking at Rachel with this look that was so soft and so full of concern, Rachel swallowed thickly and nodded her head to say that yes, she understood completely, and she sealed that by lacing her fingers with Quinn's and squeezing her hand.
"I know. That's why I called you," Rachel replied, her voice strained as she tried to speak around the lump that had formed in her throat. Quinn looked confused for a moment and when Rachel pulled on her hand, they both reclined back against the back of the couch, sitting sideways so they were facing one another, Quinn grabbing a hold of her girlfriends other hand so that she was holding onto both, so that she could remind Rachel that she was there for her and that she was prepared to listen. The brunette gazed down at their joined hands, basking in the feeling of comfort being offered to her even though her stomach was twisting in knots. But she needed to be honest and now was the time.
"I've been on and off anti-depressants most of my life, or at least since my early teens anyways, it's… they make it easier to cope with, well, life really," Rachel said and Quinn just bobbed her head, that answered her question about how long her girlfriend had been suffering from depression, that at least extinguished the idea that it wasn't a recent thing and she wasn't to blame, irrational yes but Quinn couldn't help thinking it. Her inner musings were cut short when the sight of a tear trailing down her girlfriends' cheek caught her attention. She knew better than to interrupt someone when they were in the middle of baring their soul, so she settled for shifting up the couch so that she was closer to Rachel, releasing a hold of one of her hands and placing her arm across the back of the couch almost cocooning the brunette in a safety zone.
"On our first date, I told you that my parents died," Rachel said and Quinn nodded her head to tell her she remembered. "That wasn't strictly true. They are dead, but they didn't just die, they were murdered." At this, Quinn's breathing seemed to stifle and catch in her chest, she was about to say something when Rachel beat her to it. "I was adopted. My birth mother didn't want me so I was adopted, by my two gay dads. Needless to say in a small conservative town like Lima this was deeply frowned upon. They were harassed and verbally assaulted regularly and when I was old enough they would direct their comments at me too." Quinn listened intently, disgusted that people would say mean and hurtful things to a small child.
"Some people wanted our family to move but my parents refused to give in to them. Anyways one night, when I was six, a group of men from an 'underground Christian supremacist' group pulled up at our house, doused it in petrol and set it on fire," Rachel recalled, her voice cracking and wavering as the memories pushed to the forefront of her mind, bringing back the heartbreak and pain. Quinn's eyes began to fill up with tears, she could feel herself getting angry just listening to what her girlfriend was telling her, she could literally feel the rage bubbling below the surface.
"By the time my dad's woke the house was already in flames. They tried to get me out of the house but they couldn't get to me and it was so hard to breathe. I got scared and tried to climb out of the window in my bedroom but the curtain rail caught fire and fell on me. I c-couldn't…. I couldn't get out," Rachel forced out as her tears started coming thick and fast, her anxiety growing as she felt herself being pulled right back to that time. "I-I called out to my dad's but they couldn't hear me, the curtain just seemed to wrap itself around me and I couldn't push it off. It burned so bad."
Quinn had to try so hard to force the bile from rising in her throat. She felt physically sick to the stomach. Under any other circumstances she probably would have asked how anyone could do such a thing, but working for the FBI brought her into direct contact with such heinous acts and far worse. But, to hear it coming from Rachel, a woman who was so sweet, who would literally give you the shirt off her own back if you asked for it, it hurt Quinn a great deal. That something so evil happened to someone she cared for so deeply. It literally pierced at Quinn's heart.
"Eventually I passed out from the pain and the next thing I know, I'm waking up alone in the hospital hooked up to all these machines," Rachel continued, her voice hoarse. "I learned later that I was rescued by one of the men from the group who figured that I was young enough to be "saved". They pulled me out and then watched as my dad's perished in the fire," Rachel spit bitterly. Ever since that day she had suffered from a bad case of survivor's remorse. "We had no other family to take care of me, so, when I was well enough to leave the hospital, I was put into the system and eventually I was fostered out."
A tear fell from Quinn's eye and she quickly wiped it away, now was not the time to cry because of how bad she was feeling, now was a time to comfort Rachel, to let her know that her past didn't change anything. Reaching forward Quinn cupped her girlfriends face in the palm of her hands and pressed their lips together, kissing her passionately, lovingly, and when she felt the brunette reciprocate, she continued, needing to feel the closeness, to feel like she was helping Rachel in some way. Before she knew what was going on, Rachel stood up and tugged on the blonde's hand.
Quinn, taking the hint, stood from the couch and followed behind as her girlfriend led her down the hall to the main bedroom. When they entered the room, Quinn closed the door behind her before she was pushed to sit on the edge of the bed. Rachel leaned down and kissed her, deepening it until Quinn pulled back and placed her hands on Rachel's arms. "Wait, Rachel we don't have to do this, not tonight. We can just talk or cuddle or whatever, I just, I don't want you to feel like you have to do this now after…," Quinn trailed off. Rachel gazed into her eyes and then ducked her head, catching her breath before straightening up and looking down at Quinn, their hands laced together.
"I'm not doing this because I feel like I have to after explaining everything. I'm doing this because I want to, because I've wanted to do it for so long, I've just…. I've been….afraid," Rachel explained, her voice dipping to a whisper as she ducked her head her cheeks flushed. Quinn leaned forward and raised her hand to lift her girlfriends chin so they were facing each other. "Afraid of what?" she asked softly, soothingly. Rachel gazed into hazel eyes and saw a warmth there that seemed to transfer into her and settled itself in her chest.
"Scared of you seeing me…. the real me," Rachel responded, her voice wavering as she tried not to break down in tears again. Quinn cupped a flush cheek in her hand and stroked her thumb across it, wiping away the remaining tear residue. "Rach, there's something I need you to know, it's actually something I've been wanting to say for a while but I've been putting it off cause the timing never felt right. But now, now feels like the right time," Quinn said, her voice slightly shaky as she spoke, nerves trying to get the better of her.
"I love you, I'm in love with you and it scares me because I've never felt this strongly about someone before," she spoke honestly, Rachel gazing down at her in awe. Quinn grasped both of her girlfriends' hands in her own, gazing down at them before looking back up into watery brown eyes. "Nothing you say or do is going to scare me away. I want this Rachel, I want us and I need you to know that." Rachel's throat bobbed as she swallowed down her emotions a tear escaping because, wow, she wasn't expecting that from the blonde.
Taking a step back, Rachel placed her hands on the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing and hesitated for a moment, glancing at Quinn who was sitting on the bed watching her with a look that told her there was no pressure. Bunching the material in her hands, she slowly lifted the shirt up over her head and tossed it to the side. Without looking at her girlfriend, Rachel unbuttoned her jeans and shucked them off kicking them away until she was standing in nothing but a black bra and panty set.
Quinn's eyes roamed Rachel's body, settling on the extensive burn scars the littered Rachel's tummy area and her upper thighs. The skin on those areas ranged from a pinkish colour and even to a slightly red in some areas, contrasting greatly from the natural tan of Rachel's skin tone. There was a lot of scar tissue and Quinn could see the areas that had been healed with the help of skin-graphs. A whirlwind of emotions suddenly came over Quinn, anger at the men who had done this, pain at the thought of what the body standing in front of her had been through, pride at the thought that Rachel had survived this, and love for the woman standing in front of her opening up to her and trusting her.
Reaching out her hand Quinn grabbed a hold of Rachel's and tugged on it, pulling the brunette to her until she was nestled between her legs, and when she was close enough, Quinn leaned forward and pressed her lips to her girlfriends stomach, tracing them over the scarred skin, dropping delicate kisses. Something wet hit the back of her neck causing the blonde to break away, looking up she saw brown eyes staring down at her and Quinn couldn't help but wrap her arms around her girlfriend, pulling Rachel down onto her lap and holding her close.
"I love you too," Rachel whispered as she pressed her face into the crook of Quinn's neck, allowing her tears to fall, relief washing over her because Quinn hadn't rejected her. No, instead Quinn professed her love and held her in her arms. It overwhelmed Rachel in such a good way. For the first time ever, she felt safe and secure with another person who wasn't Blaine. When she felt lips pressing against the side of her head, she threw her arms around the blonde's neck and hugged her tight. Rachel knew there was still more to her story she needed to tell Quinn, but for now she was content just to be held and loved. The rest could wait.
So what did you think? Please review, I'd love to hear your thoughts and reviews encourage and motivate me to update as quickly as possible. Thanks for reading.
