Disclaimer: I do not own the clone wars.
Owner's guide to Anakin Skywalker
Jedi Council productions ™thanks you for purchasing Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker ™ . Please note that this ownership does not entitle you to a seat in the Jedi council.
Your Jedi is a highly trained politician, as well as well versed in any kind of combat and war tactics. Air strikes against your garden rodents and annoying neighbor pets are not advised.
Delivery and first steps:
1)
Your Anakin will come with a space ship directly to your landing platform. If you do not own said platform please send us a holo-message with a list of suitable docking places. Non-public areas are preferred.
2)
Close supervision for your Anakin will not be necessary, as he is well versed in less technologically advanced surroundings. Should your personal hygiene
demand it feel free to demonstrate the usage of the local washing facilities. This might be enforced after his afternoon activities. (See under possible uses.)
3)
Your Anakin is delivered with:
- One (1) standard light saber (keep away from rouge traders and Sith)
- One (1) R-2-D2 unit (You could make a fortune should you decide to dismantle him and sell the patents, but due to your Anakin`s reaction this is not recommended.)
- One (1) standard repair kit for said droid
- Two (2) stets of Jedi robes; you might want to have additional clothing tailor made. Your Anakin does not accept style changes easily and his tinkering with technology makes his use of clothing immense. (Except if you don't mind oil stains and ripped clothing.)
Possible uses:
4)
Your Anakin is a highly talented driver of any kind of vehicle land, water or air based. See that you use your chauffeur as necessary, but be advised that anything than state of the art equipment will be met with snippy remarks and sarcasm. (Your Anakin prefers the republic`s state of the art technology, of course. See our catalogue for possible acquirements. An additional fee allows you to purchase the ship he will arrive in. Should you wish to travel to planets of the republic, please note paragraph eighty-one, subsection twenty two for your necessary vaccinations. Not meeting these requirement will end in a fine. ( For the calculation of these fines see subsection twenty, same paragraph as above.))
5)
If you simply wish to learn the art of meditation you Anakin is a good teacher, although we might suggest a Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan model instead.
6)
Your Anakin will be delighted to work on anything technological in your household (or elsewere). It is advised that until he has acclimated to your planets technological standards you let your Anakin practice on your household items.
In this time please be careful of your oven, your car and that your microwave doesn't bring you to different planets. You know what? Until he is finished, ask your Anakin if he has done something to you lights before you switch them on.
7)
Seeing that your Anakin is a Jedi you might want to let him plan your dinner parties or dissolve neighbor conflicts. This is not advised, as he prefers aggressive negotiations. He is capable of holding delightful dinner conversation and will handle any disagreements, but not blowing something up in the process might annoy him. Be prepared to go shopping for technical nick-nack afterwards.
Modal compatibility:
8)
Your Anakin is compatible with any type of Jedi and Clone trooper. (Slick exempt.) Your Anakin might also have trouble with the models out of the Jedi Council line.
9)
The Obi-wan model will be regarded as a close friend. To let the last of the teacher-student relationship fade, we recommend sepperate schedules. (To activate the slash setting see our user department.)
10)
The purchase of an Ahsoka model will first be met with skepticism, but time will lead to a solid master-student relationship. To speed the process up you might wish to purchase a Captain Rex model from Kamino Production ™.
11)
Purchasing an Amidala model together with you Anakin model is not recommended, as he will stop listening to you and possibly go to the dark side.
12)
Any model of the Separatist Company (not only including Ventress, Grevious, Count Docu and last but not least Darth Sidious) is not compatible with your Anakin. If you can`t figure out out why not you should not purchase any models at all.
13)
Keeping a Palpatine model with your Anakin is not advised. Just don`t.
F.A.Q.:
Q: I have purchased a regular Anakin, but he has taken to wearing to dark robes and suddenly has a red lightsaber. He is extremely scaring. How do I fix this?
A: Your Anakin has gone to the dark side. Did you keep a Darth Sidious or Palpatine model? We told you not to do that! The only way to fix this is to reset to factory settings. Should that not be possible and most likely it is not, feel free to run like hell and collect insurance on your house later; if he hasn't taken over your planet by order of his master.
Q: After me purchasing an Obi-Wan model as a meditation instructor both Jedi tend to be…surprisingly close.
A: You must have activated the slash setting. Please contact our user department for further help.
Q: After hosting a dinner party my Anakin has moved into the garden shed, what should I do?
A: See under possible uses for the answer. Bribe him with technology to tinker with or a few races to ride. (Although that should at least be nascar.) Just for the slow ones: For a great dinner host purchase another model, if necessary an Amidala model. (As much as we hate referring to the competition, you find her in the catalogue of the Senate of the Republic™.)
Q: After purchasing an Amidala model my Anakin has stopped listening to me, but after a good conversation with the Senator he has resumed his work. As he has yet to go to the dark side just one thing: In your face! You were wrong!
A: Just wait sugar cube, just wait.
P.S.: Regarding the impressive amounts of law suits for property damage that are flooding our rights department from now on we will check if you already purchased a model from the Separatists™ and vice versa before you may purchase any of our models. Feel free to be proud as you are the reason for the first lasting contract between our two companies.
A.N.:
Unfortunately I could not find the original author of the owner`s guide.
If you do know him/her, so I can give the author the credit he/she deserves so much!
