Hellloooo, I'm back! I'm so sorry for the unreasonably long wait. #bows deeply. It took me more than THREE freaking years to update a single chapter...So in retrospect, Iwish my writing will get better. English is not my mother language, btw :p
Without a further delay, here is the continuation of the story, please enjoy. :)
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Chapter 2 : Confession
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"Yeah, yeah, Yama, I'm back here, I am going to do interning in Odaiba Public Hospital for a while. So, wanna meet up?"
As soon as I emerged from the bathroom with the cordless phone in my ears, I found myself eye to eye with a frowning Hikari. My sister had her arms on her hip and blocking my path to the hallway.
"What did I always say to you about not using any electronic devices inside the bathroom? You could get yourself electrocuted, nii-chan!"
I grinned at her sheepishly and scratched the back of my head which wasn't itching at all. It was a nervous habit I picked up at an early age and although it seemed clumsy, I thought it was already too late to get rid of it.
"Hold on." I talked to phone before covering the speaker so that the other person wouldn't hear about our banter, although I was sure that it would be rather amusing than worrying. "But it's just Yama, Hikari."
I almost whined, which was a little inappropriate, since now I'm twenty five years old adult after all.
"It doesn't matter if it's Yama-nii or even if it's me." Hikari scolded and crossed her arms. "Don't do that again, promise?"
"Alright, alright, Hikari. I promise not to do that again, okay?" I threw up my hand that wasn't holding the phone as a sign of surrender. Hikari was turning to be a protective type like my mother and I really could see why it was so befitting that she aspired to be a teacher.
Hikari frowned, almost pouted, as probably she thought that I didn't take her seriously but then walked away with an indignant huff. I felt bad for making her worry about me in the first week of my homecoming and I made a mental note to properly apologize to her.
I heard a snicker from the end line and quickly put the phone to my ears again.
"Don't you dare laughing, Yamato Ishida," I growled and the roll of his eyes could be heard over the phone rather than to be seen. I listened Yamato talking again as I rampaging around my closet to get something I could change into.
"You've got a tight schedule? Alright, I think the get-together could wait, there's a plenty of time. Just, man, don't get yourself so overworked or I'll end up taking care of you." My smile widened as the prospect of seeing my old friends again. It's been a while since I'd seen any of them when I was away at different city to study at medical school. "I know, Yama. Sure, you're super busy, now that you've become a handsome man every teenager girls are ogling at."
I laughed as he stuttered over the phone and he countered with a question if I was committed to a relationship right now.
"Nope," I replied simply, struggling with a brush to tame my wild hair and giving up shortly, "I am not with anyone right now. Been with some around, but you see, short period only."
I never told anyone, not even Yamato, which had been my best-buddy since, like, forever, about a certain person in this city that would not let my heart rest.
We continued our conversation for a while longer before Yamato ended it because he had a scheduled practice for his band. I bid him goodbye and after confirming that I would go to one of his concert next month, clicked the phone shut.
I was lying on my bed and stared absently on the ceiling. The conversation with Yamato had brought up a subject I had yet to confront head-on, and now I couldn't get it over my head.
If I were to tell anyone, I wasn't sure what they'd be saying about an eighteen-years old me kissing a kid eight years my junior.
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Monday would be my first day interning at Odaiba Public Hospital and as a fresh doctor, the more senior doctors assigned me for some trivial task like checking up the patient's condition in certain interval of time. Of course, I couldn't be hoping to be put under some more critical tasks, no matter how much I was itching for it.
One day, just roughly two weeks after I began working there, I was walking down the hall with some senior doctors doing rounds in my department when I spotted someone I could never be mistaken. A teenager boy, with dark brown hair jutting out to every direction, was leaning on the wall beside a closed door. His hands were folded neatly on his chest, his head bowed down to the ground. It reminded me of a defeated pose.
Surely, I could be mistaken him for some other ordinary teenagers but the goggles on his head was a dead giveaway. I know that goggles from heart, the very one used to be in my possession and I gave it away to a certain kid.
Motomiya Daisuke.
As soon as that name echoed in my head, I couldn't get my legs to move. In result I almost tripped with my own feet and bumped to a professor who was for a miraculous reason decided to halt to discuss something with a fellow nurse. I muttered a distracted apology as I fixed my eyes into Daisuke's direction.
Then as if on cue, Daisuke lift his head slowly and turned his head to my direction.
Our gazes met, there was a flash of recognition in his eyes, of which color I remembered as light brown with a hint of golden mixture.
I just stood there, trapped in his eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Unable to lift even a muscle, let alone to speak, my heart was pounding loudly against my ribcage for a reason I didn't even recognize.
But whatever trance we were in was broken when the door beside him slammed open. A skinny girl with a wild pink hair emerged from it, looking pissed. She looped an arm around Daisuke's small shoulders and stirred him away to the exit, her lips moving rapidly in seemingly colorful rude words while he was saying nothing.
He casted a quick glance towards me before turning at the corner and just like that, he was gone.
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"Onii-chan, are you ready yet?" Hikari asked, idly fiddling with her cell phone.
I shouted back that I'd be ready in a minute. This Saturday I got a day off and I had planned to go to a football match at my high school as I promised with Hikari. Usually she wasn't big on sports, only occasionally watching them when there was anything that peaked her interest or for special occasions like the Olympics or World Cup. But Hikari said this time she was accompanying a friend whose brother was playing, so he dragged me along, figuring that I used to be in the football team in high school so just consider this a nostalgic experience.
We went to the football field just outside town that I've never known about since it was build after I went away to other city. It was near a streamside just outskirt of the town. Up to seven years ago, this place was an abandoned field with an equally neglected school building that left to rot away by itself. There were so many rumors about the ghostly school, none of them had been proved true. But now that rotten building was nowhere in sight and the abandoned field was cleaned up and made a football field.
My breath hitched as I realized that this was the secret place I and Daisuke had gone together. The place I lied to him about the paper boats, the place where I kissed him as a kid, and the very place I left him seven years ago.
There wasn't that much of a crowd and I fixed my eyes at the game before hand. It seemed that the game had yet to begin. I smirked when I found Kitagawa-sensei, my PE teacher, as well as the supervisor of the football club when I was the captain in the football club myself. I made a mental note to greet him later.
Hikari casted a quick look around before dragging me to a certain seat. Probably her friend was there.
"Jun!" Hikari exclaimed, waving.
I actually had to stop when I saw her friend. She was the exact pink haired girl who I saw in hospital with Daisuke. Come to think of it, this had to be the sister he had once told me about.
Wait, but then..it meant that his brother who was playing was—
"Jun, meet my brother. Nii-chan, meet Jun. She is a good friend in college." Hikari's voice pulled me back into reality and I forced myself to do a proper introduction to her although right now my mind wandered somewhere else.
"Konnichiwa, Hikari always told me so much about you." She smiled brightly and pointed ambiguously to the field below us, "My brother's gonna play for the match, so I am here to look after him."
"But his heart- I mean—" I almost couldn't restrain from blurting out questions before I caught myself and covered my sudden outburst with a cough. I assumed that if I played a role as a doctor, the question could come out more naturally. It seemed that both girls didn't have a clue if I knew Daisuke and I didn't know why I was afraid if they did.
I started out more calmly. "Wow, you two must be really close?"
Jun's gaze softened as she looked back at the field. The match should start very soon. "Yes. We are, and I could never afford losing him."
For anyone who didn't know that Daisuke had a heart condition, Jun's words might be strange. But I know, and I barely could restrain myself from asking about it. How was he doing? Was he getting better now that he could even play in a match?
It seemed like Jun realized my silence and quickly added, "Eh, sorry that must sound creepy. It's not like he could die from playing football, yes?"
No, if his heart wasn't getting better, he might be.
The referee blowing his whistle as a signal that the game had been started. I searched the players for a familiar figure and there I found him. Wearing a uniform with number 14 on his back, the goggles on his head was an unmistakable mark. He looked a bit smaller than the other players but it made him somewhat more agile. I wouldn't have had any idea if he had a heart condition when I saw him playing very well.
The game went on and at the 13-minutes mark, Daisuke managed to give a goal. I cheered loudly, as well as Jun and Hikari, and the three of us gave a high five to each other.
We continued watching the game, but when I turned to Jun to comment about a kick Daisuke narrowly missed, I saw Jun fist her hands and her skin was as pale as a sheet. I frowned and reflexively trying to locate where Daisuke was. He was still standing by at the center of the field.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.
"It's almost forty minutes." Jun said, as if that could explain anything. When she realized Hikari and my confused stares, she swallowed thickly and continued. "The doctor only gave him permission to play for twenty five minutes, thirty at most! Did Kitagawa-sensei forget?"
I was surprised hearing that and warily turned my attention to Daisuke. The ball was passed to his direction and he began running to catch up. I was almost so proud watching him run so fast. He caught up with the ball and in no time, gave a powerful kick towards the goal.
"Goalll!"
I nearly jumped with excitement and even Jun seemed to forget her worry for a minute.
"That's my brother!" Jun cried gleefully.
I watched the rest of the team surrounding Daisuke and even one of them hauled him on his shoulder. Daisuke looked happy and something inside my chest warmed at the thought.
The referee blew his to continue the game. Daisuke went back to where I assumed was his assigned position. Another pass was given to him, but it almost seemed as if Daisuke didn't even see it. The ball bounced further and another player took it.
I huffed at the missed chance, and turned my eyes back on Daisuke.
Only to find him kneeling on the ground.
My eyes widened and without a second thought, I rushed down to the field. I had only half of a mind when I shouted for Jun to call an ambulance. I hauled myself over the fence just right when Daisuke almost collapsed.
There was a general shock and the other team members began surrounding Daisuke. I gritted my teeth, and forcefully trying to break into the crowds.
"Everybody move, he needs space!" I shouted and when they looked at me funny, I told them, "I am a doctor. Please, allow me-"
Murmuring lowly to each other, the crowd parted and I went into my way to Daisuke. He was on his knees, one hand on his chest, every breath labored. Cold sweat rolling down the side of his face and his skin was almost white. I crouched beside him and trying to get him into concentrating on his breathing.
"Yagami-kun?"
I looked up and saw my PE teacher, Kitagawa-sensei, with Jun and a team of paramedics following him close. I gave him a curt nod, pleasantries could wait for later.
I let the paramedics take over and stayed close until Daisuke was getting into the ambulance.
"I am coming." I said, and it was more of a statement than a request.
I wasn't going to leave him behind again.
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"Jun was furious, it was like she was going to strangle Kitagawa-sensei. You should see it for yourself, it was rather amusing."
It was not until hours later that Daisuke finally woke up from his semi-comatose state. It was in the dead of the night and I was just lucky that I was assigned to do round this night so I had a chance to visit him when my shift was over. Daisuke was on his bed, propped up by several pillows to help him into a sitting position.
Daisuke grimaced at the news, although I was sure that it wasn't the first time he knew that his sister had flipped at anyone. Shaking his head, there was no actual remorse in his voice, "Sorry you had to see that."
"Haha, no problem." I waved my hand casually and continued staring at the window.
There was a long stretch of awkward silence that hung in the room and I wasn't sure of what to say, or if I wanted to say anything at all.
"How are you?" I began first and Daisuke was broken from whatever staring contest he was initiating with the unanimated ceiling.
"Fine, I think. The doctor said that I collapsed from exhaustion and it was nothing of mortal danger, but he gave me a strict instruction not to get myself overworked again. Football is clearly out of question. For now."
"That's great," I commented and smiled at his distaste of being prohibited from playing football, "but that's not what I meant. I mean, how you've been doing, in seven years since… since I last saw you."
I swear that I saw Daisuke flinched at the last sentence and fresh guilt suddenly washed me over.
Daisuke cocked his head and smiled lightly, "Well, lotta things, you know. Which one do you want to know?"
There was a long pause when I contemplated my answer. "For starter," I began carefully, "your condition."
Daisuke sighed and looked up at the ceiling. When he spoke, his voice was monotone, as if reciting from a book he'd read over and over. "Cardiomyopathy is, to make it short, the abnormality of the heart muscle. It deteriorates over times and there would be one day that it wouldn't be able to sufficiently pump blood again. It's a common heart disease, however, countless many die of it. The only effective treatment is heart-transplant." he stared hard at the back of his hand, which had many bluish mark due to multi times of the insertion of needle and I almost winced at the sight.
"As for myself," he continued, "at the last examination several weeks ago, about 15% of the cells in my heart have ceased functioning. There's an operation for temporary relief to remove the damaged part, but as I said it, its effect only temporary since my heart for unknown reason will still deteriorate. It'll only prolong my life six months to a year, two if I'm extremely lucky, before I'll have to undergo another operation. So, I don't consider that really much of an option."
I tried to keep my expression as neutral as possible. This surely was a very heavy burden for him and his family, and I could see why Jun got so protective around him. But it seemed that Daisuke took all that with a terrifying calmness a seventeen-years-old shouldn't have.
"When will the operation due?" I asked, and to my surprise he cocked his head to side and smiled. His next words were a punch straight to the gut.
"Six months from now. But I don't think that I'll live through it."
"Pardon me?"I hated how my voice had taken an unnaturally high pitched. I swallowed thickly, "Why?"
"I don't really understand it either, but to put it simply, even my heart is already at its limit. Before this, I've undergone two surgery," and as if to prove his words, Daisuke unbuttoned his hospital pajamas to show two surgery scar on the left side of his chest, "it's pure luck I survived the second surgery, but three is pushing it."
He buttoned back his clothing, "The only effective cure to it is a heart transplant, but.. I've been waiting for far too long."
The room was so quiet I could hear the clock ticking on the wall. I looked at Daisuke, his eyes casted downwards and he was wringing his hands together. Then I remember his eyes, I'd seen his expression for far too many in the past.
The feeling of helplessness. A quiet surrender to death.
"You know Hikari." I said and his head jerked slowly at the sudden change of topic.
"Yes, she's one of Jun's few friends at school. Remember how I told you Jun is a big fan of Ishida Yamato of Teenager Wolves? Apparently Hikari-san's close friend, Takeru-san, is Yamato's little brother. So you could guess the rest."
"You know I am Hikari's brother?" I asked again and he only gave a short nod. "You didn't seek for me?"
"Well, should I? True that I heard a lot about you from Hikari-san, but it would be weird if suddenly I inquiry a question about you." Then he stared at me before forcefully willing himself to look away. "Besides, I didn't know if you really wanted to see me."
His words stung.
I clenched my fist so hard it began to hurt.
Oblivious to the inner turmoil inside my head, Daisuke continued. "About seven years ago, I gave it a lot of thought. I actually went and do some research. I came into a conclusion that perhaps, you didn't mean that. Well, either you didn't mean what you did or it is that you enjoyed doing harassment to young child. So I didn't see any reason why you would be so hung up with me—"
"I won't do that!" I cut suddenly and he seemed a bit surprised. Somehow, it hurt that he thought of me that way, that I had only toyed with him, assaulting him sexually. I didn't even why I was getting so disappointed, so angry at his words.
If only he knew how he meant a lot to me.
"I won't do such a thing." I repeated more calmly, unclenching my fist altogether.
Daisuke was silent for a while, before he began again. "Then why, why did you do that?"
"I don't know."
It was the truth. I didn't even know why I kissed him in the first time. I wanted to say that it was just an impulse, a thoughtless action I made up on the spot. But the thought of him thinking that I had enjoyed toying with him made me sick to the stomach.
It was like Daisuke was expecting me to elaborate. But when it didn't come, he leaned back on the bed and sighed. Turning his head softly to me, his eyes were the colors of jaded brown and golden and just a slash of hurt, he said, "Even so, Taichi-san. I think I like you. You may think that its some kind of joke but even now, after seven years, my feeling for you hasn't changed. I do like you."
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please do tell me of what you think. Thank you so much for reading :D
