The sensation of warm light being shined in my eyes causes me to wince as I realize it's just the nurse,meaning she's checking my pupils. "Easy Jim, your ok, can you open your eyes for me honey"she asks as I do as she asks,looking at her with bleary brown eyes. "How long have I been out"I ask quietly, almost afraid to ask, I'm already in a gown, and there's another Iv in my arm, "only about an hour, we got you checked out, x rayed, and your now in a room in the ICU,the doctor will be back in a few to finish checking everything, then tell you about what's going on with you health wise, can you get on your side for me for a minute"she asks gently, and I do as she asks with her help. "OK"I murmur, too tired to say much else, I see her lift my gown from the front, and I flinch, which I know is normal after what happened with Richter, and what he almost did to me. It's happened to me before,what he tried to do to me,when I was undercover, by one of his guys, but no one knows that,but me and Brian, it was too embarrassing, he drugged me, I should've kept better eye on my drink, he took me into his apartment before surveillance could do anything about it, Brian was in surveillance, he broke into the apartment to rescue me, but by then it was too late, the guy had done what he wanted, he pulled a gun,which got him shot,and killed. I feel her hand on my inner thigh,which is when I realize I feel tape against my skin,meaning I have a catheter in,and she needs to check urine output. "Why do I have a catheter"I ask quietly, "we put one in to keep track of urine output, a big issue with this kind of injury is kidney failure, so we need to make sure your kidneys stay in good shape"she says as she puts the gown down then helps me onto my back again.
"OK,am I in kidney failure now"I ask,dreading the answer, "your not as of the moment Jim honey, I'm going to go track down the doctor so we can look at your arm,would you like Chris to come in here for awhile"she asks pulling the sheet up over me,"yeah that would be good"I say quietly. She leaves at this point,closing the door behind her, then a few moments later the door opens again and Chris comes in,coming over and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Hey there, how are you feeling"she asks running a hand through my hair gently, "been better, just want to know what's going on, the nurse didn't tell me anything"I murmur,knowing she might tell me what's happened since I first got here. "I hear ya, it's been alot, they got you here,and you were in so much pain they gave you some pain meds, you've been in and out of it for awhile, they got your arm X rayed and they came to talk to us, they told us that your kidneys could fail, due to the injury, they also said they needed to cut into your arm to relieve pressure,I gave them permission to do so,they did it awhile ago, then moved you up here"she murmurs as I realize the gauze on my arm for the first time.
"Ok,I'm sorry for scaring you, where is everyone"I ask as she squeezes my hand, "most everyone went home for the night,to get some rest,they'll be here tomorrow,Hondo is still here,he's downstairs getting some coffee,and you have nothing to be sorry about, it's not your fault"she murmurs . We sit in quiet for awhile,then the door opens,and it's the doctor, it's a woman,which makes me feel a bit more comfortable. She introduces herself as as she puts on her gloves,then comes over to the bed as Chris gets up to give her room. "how are you feeling Jim"she asks as I watch her grab the thermometer,to get my temperature, "Ok,been better, just tired,and sore"I murmur as she places it against my temple, then a few minutes later it beeps. "That's understandable, your not running a fever,so that's good, the nurse told me she checked the catheter,and your urine output looks good, I want to keep you for at least 48 hours, make sure your out of the woods,and your kidney function contiunes to be good,I'm going to check your arm alright"she says as she puts the thermometer back where it belongs.
"Ok,how bad is my arm"I ask quietly,sorta afraid to know, but knowing I need to know at the same time, "not too bad, we relieved some of the pressure, we made a cut, and cut out some fascia,we closed it up with some Dermaclose,but we will need to watch for swelling"she says as I feel Chris grab my hand as she unwraps the gauze,I get a quick glimpse of it, it's bloody, and nasty looking,oh god. "Easy,look at me Jim,don't look at it"she murmurs as I look at her, trying to not focus on the pain, the discomfort,the grossness of it. Before I know it,it's over,and she's wrapping some new guaze around my arm. "It looks good considering everything, it'll heal up well, you may be in pain for a few days, so you have a button to push for morphine as you need it alright, and if you need anything please don't hesitate to push the call button OK"she asks as she throws away her old gloves,then puts a new pair on. "OK,what time is it"I ask quietly, "It's around 9:00, do you mind getting onto your side for me for a minute"she asks, "no,not at all"I say as I feel her and Chris help me onto my side gently.
I let her do her thing,she's checking the catheter again, then she's done and I'm rolled back onto my back,pillow placed underneath my hip,another placed behind my head more comfortably. "Well we're all done for now, call if you need anything, the nurse should be back by to check on you at 10:30,and I'll be by again in the morning"she says as she throws out her old gloves. "Ok"I say as Chris sits back down beside me as she leaves,then I feel her place a hand on my shoulder. "Are you doing ok with pain right now,are you uncomfortable"she asks gently, "I'm ok, I'm not in too much pain right now, but I will let you know, does my mom know anything yet"I ask, finally hitting me in the midst of all of this that she deserves to know what's happening. "Yeah she does, she should be calling any time now to talk to you, they are working on getting her out so she can come visit"she says as she squeezes my hand, "sounds good, I feel bad that everyone has had to be here all night so far,I never thought everything would get that far in there tonight,I'm just glad Richter didn't get very far, it's happened before,with one of his other guys about two years ago,and backup didn't get to me in time, Brian tried to save me,he shot the guy,killed him"I say,finally letting the truth come out.
"It's ok Jim, we're your team, we got your back,we don't ever leave anyone behind, I'm so sorry that happened to you,did you get help at all after that"she asks gently,trying to get me to open up little by little. "Yeah I did, I got counseling,and it helped alot,I got medical care too, it's gotten better, I don't have nightmares as much anymore,it mainly gets bad right around the anniversary of when it happend,the first year was nightmares and panic attacks, last year I had one panic attack,then mostly nightmares, the anniversary is coming up, it'll be in Febuary"I say as I feel tears sting my eyes,and I feel her brush them away gently, "shh, I'll be here for you when that time comes alright, you won't have to be alone this time,now how about you try to get some sleep alright, I know it's been a hard trying day and your tired"she says rubbing my tense shoulders gently. "Yeah,wake me up if the nurse comes or my mom calls alright"I murmur as I feel the exhaustion hit me all at once. "Will do"she murmurs,then the room goes quiet,and my eyes start to close and I'm out like a light.
