Tuesday – By Runespoor Oracle
I'm only a poor little girl with no money! Suing me would be bad for publicity! I don't own Palpatine, I wouldn't want to, because we haven't got a spare bed I also don't think he would like to sleep on the floor (and I'm certain he's the type who snores!).
The first period dance class was excited. High spirits bubbled up and overflowed in the form of teasing, squabbling and hair pulling. Marie, the only one in the gym who had a vague idea of their new teacher, was desperately trying not to laugh at their ignorance. What would happen?
Just then, a figure appeared in the doorway. Effortlessly, he commanded the attention of all the girls. Chatter ceased and fled.
Miss Trimp had done mind meddling proud. Mr. Pine was wearing loose black cotton culottes and a long-sleeved black shirt that reminded Marie of his robes from the other day. This loose clothing only served to emphasize the old man's skinny form and highlight his pale features even more. Intense blue eyes stared fixedly at the little girls in red leotards.
"Sit down," he hissed at the class. There were a few collisions in the rush to sit down. One pasty hand slithered over to the cabinet containing the role-book.
"Nancy Aford,"
"Present," Nancy's usually boisterous voice was slightly squeaky.
As the misplaced emperor continued down the list, the red-haired Yvonne Summers desperately attempted to signal to her friend Marie without moving a muscle. Eventually realizing the futility of this she progressed into eyebrow wiggling and eventually into mouthing "hey" as quietly as she could at Marie.
Marie raised a hand. "Yes?" said Mr. Pine, testily. "Um… me and Yvonne were wondering if we could go toilet?"
"Together?" Mr. Pine narrowed his eyes. "Yeah!" said Marie desperately, with a slow wink.
"Very well, but be quick."
In the corridor Yvonne was waving her arms around excitedly. "He looks so much like Palpatine!" she said, laughing. "That's what I'm gonna call him!" Marie considered this nervously. "Erm… Yvonne?"
"Yes?"
"Well… heistheemperor."
"What did you say?" said Yvonne, confused. "I said that he'stheemperor!"
"Still can't hear you, sorry."
"Grrr… HE IS THE EMPEROR!"
Yvonne giggled. "O-kay, someone's been reading too many 'Star Wars' books!"
"I'm serious, Yvonne!" Marie did her best "serious" expression. It wasn't very effective. "You're so funny, Marie! That was good!"
"Yvonne. I am dead serious. He did a force choke on me and did mind tricks on Mr. Groul and Miss Trimp."
"So that's why Miss Trimp couldn't pick up a spoon at breakfast! Wait… what am I saying?! Have you finally gone over the edge, Marie?!
"He is the emperor and no I haven't."
Yvonne's face turned white. "Shit!"
"It's not that bad!"
Yvonne shook her head. "Oh no!"
Marie raised he eyebrows.
"I've got my plastic lightsaber in my bag!"
"Huh? What's wrong with that?"
"He'd think I was a juvenile little girl!" Yvonne gulped. Marie sighed. "He won't know if you keep it in your pack! Sheesh!"
"He might sense it!"
"Oh, come on!"
Yvonne shook her head. "No, I'll get rid of it." she said firmly. So saying, Yvonne pulled out her red plastic, slide-out, lightsaber. "I'll miss you!" she said lovingly. "Remember when…"
Marie saw a figure hurrying towards them. "Wait," she said, "was Sophia on office help, today?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Because, she's headed this way!"
Sophia Wren was the third girl who Marie had mentioned standing a chance of recognizing Palpatine. She liked Luke. Need I say more?
"Hey guys!" trilled the brunette. "Um… hi." said Yvonne and Marie, disciples of the Sith.
"You skiving off? Hey, you got your lightsaber, Yvonne! Same!" and Sophia produced a green and slightly more worn one. "Sophia, this really isn't the time…" Marie hissed.
But Sophia, caught up in the excitement of imitating her beloved Jedi Masters, brought her plastic stick crashing down over Yvonne's, making a little bbrizz sound as it went.
"What is going on here?!" came a familiar baritone.
All three girls turned to face a perplexed Mr. Pine, who waited for an explanation. Sophia, unfortunately, tended to believe that all teachers liked her and also liked 'Star Wars.'
"Well," she said brightly, stepping in front of the horrified Yvonne and Marie. "We were just playing Jedi versus Sith!"
Mr. Pine's facial muscles didn't seem to know what to do. They hovered somewhere between anger and horrified stupefaction. Eventually anger won, but not without Mr. Pine's mouth opening and closing a few times.
"You…"
"Yeah, isn't it cool!" and she showed Mr. Pine her battered green lightsaber. Mr. Pine looked at Marie as if seeking confirmation that Sophia was a figment of his imagination. No such luck. Marie closed her eyes and hoped there'd be enough of Sophia left for her funeral. Yvonne looked down at the lino and wished there was a sarlacc pit underneath her feet; being slowly digested over thousands of years had to be better than Mr. Pine's expression.
"So… I come looking for you and I find that you're…" Mr. Pine cast around for an appropriate verb "You're pretending to…" here he just gave up articulation as settled for simply glaring at the three girls. He cast Marie a reproving glance and Marie held up her hands to show that she certainly wasn't the one caught with a plastic lightsaber!
"Follow me," their new teacher growled, before grandly about facing and stalking back down the corridor.
Marie and Yvonne were just about to follow when Sophia found her voice. "Doesn't he like 'Star Wars'?" she whined. "What a grouch! I'll bet he…" But here Yvonne cut in, "You are mistaken, my friend…" she said laughingly. Marie giggled, "…About a great many things!"
Then both girls hurried after their Master, leaving Sophia feeling rather lost.
When Marie and Yvonne got back to the gym they were greeted by a very strange sight. Every single girl was seated in the Lotus position and appeared to be under some kind of Sith training programme.
"Reach out…feel your anger…" hissed Mr. Pine from one side of the room. "Wow." mouthed Yvonne. They approached their Dance Master. Yvonne spoke first. "Erm… sir, I'd like to apologize for my display in the hall. It was embarrassing and…"
"Was entirely due to Sophia and her stupid worship of the disgusting Jedi," said Marie, who had never liked Sophia.
"Oh, really…?"
"Yes, my master."
"Hmm, she will be dealt with. In the meantime, rejoin your peers."
Under the steady gaze of those unsettling eyes Yvonne and Marie did as they were told
"Hey Marie…?"
"Yes Yvonne?" Marie whispered back.
"You just condemned Sophia! I know she was annoying but…"
"Sshhh!"
They contemplated their anger for a while and then…
"Marie…?"
"What?!"
"Do you think we can ask him what happens in Episode III?"
"Yvonne, shuttup!"
"So how do you enjoy Waterford, Mr. Pine?" said Miss Valley, the highly attractive English teacher, later in the Staffroom. "Well…" said Mr. Pine, rolling the word around on his tongue. "Yes?"
"I feel it's girls have great potential."
"Oh yes!" Miss Valley gushed, "They're terribly talented!"
Mr. Pine just looked at her blankly. "'Terribly talented,' well… yes… you could put it like that." He said, taking a long slurp from his tea.
Miss Valley didn't quite understand his reasoning. "Aha… well they're all great girls," she tried again.
"Indeed."
AN: Comments anyone? Please review, it all goes to the greater good… oops! I mean evil.
