GRAPHIC WARNING: These outtakes contain emotionally graphic material. Involves, but not limited to drug use, suicide, sex, violence, mature language, rape, and emotional turmoil. Also there is a section that involves the death of a child, it does not go into detail and is not graphic.
January 2003
As I entered into my dorm room for the second semester of school I was shocked to see that my stuff was moved back to my side and the left side was now occupied. The walls were lined with gothic/emo art; the comforter on the bed was jet black with red pillows. Every other accessory was either red or black, no other colors. I glanced at my side that was all over the place and every color you could imagine. I was suddenly worried about who my new roommate was. There was a bunch of skull and cross bone designs on stuff. I felt a shiver run through me as I took in her side. I had a feeling it was going to be a long semester. I just hoped that she wasn't a devil worshiper of something. My family wasn't overly religious, but we did believe in God. I unpacked my things and straightened up my side of the room as I waited for my roommate to return so I could meet her and pray that she wasn't some psycho. About thirty minutes later a short girl with long blonde hair, small eyes, black cloths, and red nail polish entered the room. She looked completely innocent and her cloths did not match her child like face. She smiled at me and it was oddly sadistic.
"Huh." Was all she said as she walked over to her bed and plopped down. She then proceeds to pull out some pills and down them.
"Hi." I said shyly and she chuckled."No need to be afraid I won't bite." Her smirk didn't match her face, it was way to evil. I had a bad feeling about my new roomy.
"My name is Jane, you must be Isabella?"
"Bella." I corrected her rolling my eyes, I hated the name Isabella.
"Right. Well don't mind me I am just going to let these pills take effect and chillax." I nodded and stared for a moment before turning back and continuing unpacking.
The rest of the week I rarely saw Jane and when I did she looked high. I hadn't really encountered many drugs or people that used them, but I knew the signs. I watched TV. It was the second Friday of the semester when Jane decided I needed a lesson in cool.
"So do you do anything other then school work Isabella?" Jane asked sketching on a large sketch pad.
"Ehh. Making friends has been a little slow, plus I have a lot of classes to keep up with."
"Well you are taking the night off, because there is a bitchin party tonight and you are going with me."
"I don't know if that is my scene." She laughed a high pitched laugh.
"I don't think you have a scene babe, so let me school your pretty little face."
I should have known then that it was a horrible idea, but I was naïve and followed her into this so called party I stood out like a sore thumb. I was wearing jeans, a t shirt, and my converse, which usually helped me blind in, but not here. Everyone was dressed in goth and there I was wearing a white t shirt. Opps.
"Janie what do you have here?" A tall guy with dark hair and decent features asked. He had more piercings than I could count. "
My roomy Isabella."
"Bella." I threw in quickly not wanting these people to be calling me by my formal name.
"Bella, I am Felix." The guy purred and then he leaned in and groped Jane. I realized then that it was her boyfriend, she had mentioned him a few times, but never said his name.
"Oh hot damn who is this fine piece of ass?" I heard a deep voice ask and turned to see the definition of a bad boy. He had dark hair and he was built and had a tattoo on his shoulder. He oozed trouble, but the bad boy look captivated me and pulled all my innocence in. Like I said, I was stupid.
"Dem this Bella." That is the moment that changed my life, his eyes locked with mine and he was obsessed.
I had never had someone other then Jacob pays so much attention to me. He followed me everywhere from that day on; he called me at least once everyday. It was crazy how persistent he was.
March 2003
After two months of Demetri perusing me I finally gave in and accepted a date with him. I was absolutely smitten with him and I had only put him off for so long, because I thought he just wanted me, because I was a virgin. But his persistence made me think that it was more, that he really liked me. For our first date he took me to a Dark Arts concert and it was the coolest thing. Everything was all dark and mysterious like him; he was attentive and caring the whole night. When he took me home afterwards he kissed me and my knees got a little weak, he was so sweet that I agreed to be his girl.
April 2003
Dating Dem was easy, because he was so sweet and loving to me, but he had a jealous streak and didn't want me around any other guys. Which was a problem since I talked to Jake almost every night, he didn't like that. He made me take down all my pictures of Jake in my room and told me to end the night time calls. So I rarely called Jake and when I did it was in secret. I had to lie to Jake and tell him I was just really busy. Dem was isolating me from everything and everyone, but him. Dem, Jane, and Felix were the only people I hung out with, it was always us four. Though I was always a little out of place and anxious, because they drank and used drugs constantly. All three of them offered their ways onto me, but I always declined. Dem would always smile knowingly at me as if he knew a day would come when I would no longer object to their ways. It is too bad that he wasn't wrong, but indeed right.
June 2003
When Dem and I hit the four month mark we had made it to third base and he was getting impatient with me. He told me he loved me daily and I really thought I loved him and wanted to prove it. Everyone was having sex and I was nineteen, it was about time. So I told Dem I was ready and he was so excited and showered me with kisses and love. I just knew my first time would be amazing. Dem and Felix shared a house with two other guys and I had a small dorm room with Jane so Dem got us a hotel room for our first time. He didn't do anything romantic like candles and rose pedals, but he did buy me a really nice bracelet that said "Dem's girl" on it. I thought it was the sweetest thing ever, except then I didn't realize that he was marking me; because he was about to completely claim me as his. I knew the first time would hurt, everyone warned me that it would, but I had no idea it would hurt like this. I was spread eagle on the bed feeling scared and insecure. He didn't reassure me or whisper sweet nothings to me. He did lustfully smile down at me and put his penis at my entrance, I closed my eyes tight waiting for the pain.
"Open your eyes." He ordered and I looked at him, he smirked. "This might hurt just a little." He warned and slammed into me. He didn't ease in like I expected him to and he didn't do it sensually. I cried out loudly in pain, but he didn't stop. He continued to go in and out of me grunting. "Wait, please it hurts." I cried grabbing at his arms feeling tears prick my eyes.
"I know baby, but it will feel good in a minute." He said through his teeth as he went in and out of me. Tears rolled down my cheeks as he continued. It didn't feel good, it hurt the whole time. After a few minutes that felt like hours he suddenly tensed up and with one last grunt finished into the condom inside of me. I closed my eyes tight and swallowed hard. "That was amazing, you are so fucking tight." I didn't say anything I just laid there waiting for him to get off of me.
The whole next day I stayed in bed, I felt like my insides had been ripped and tore. Dem stopped by and forced a pain pill down my throat saying that next time he would make me feel good. I cringed at the thought of a next time, but I loved him so I knew I would do it for him.
July 2003
Dem asked me to stay with him for the summer and not go home, I figured it was because of Jacob so I fought him on it. I learned my lesson real fast.
"I am going home for at least this month, I stayed last month, but I have to go see my family." I argued looking for cheap tickets on the internet in my room.
"Your family my ass, you just want see that fucking red skinned kid." Dem's voice was mean and loud. I turned to see him standing behind me with his hands clenched into fist.
"Jacob is my friend, nothing more. I am going home to see my mother and my father. Put your jealousy aside and get over it." I pushed past him towards my bed, but was yanked back by my hair. He then slammed me into the wall towering over me. I stood shocked; no one had ever laid a hand on me like that.
"You are mine and you will do as I say." He yelled into my face and my eyes widened in shock.
"Dem calm down." I figured he was high or something, but as the words left my mouth he seethed. He brought his hand back and it landed across my face, I fell to the floor from the force. I could taste blood in my mouth from biting my tongue.
"Call your family and tell them you won't be making it home." He ordered throwing my cell phone at me, I stared at him defiant.
I was always a stubborn person and had never really listened to anyone before, I was afraid of him, but I wasn't going to let him get me down at least not until his foot connected with my leg. My knee twisted at an impossible angle causing me to cry out in pain. Once my crying was under control I made the phone call. My mother could tell something was wrong and I explained that I was just upset, because I wouldn't make it home. She volunteered to make a visit, but I told her I was going to be so busy we wouldn't get any time together. With a promise to visit for Thanksgiving we hung up. I stared up at Dem wanting him to leave, hating him and not understanding what the hell happened.
"Speak a fucking word of this and I will not hesitate to beat the daylights out of you." He warned leaving my room. I cried myself to sleep. He had nailed the coffin shut and now had me fully isolated, he was all I had left and he knew it. The next morning I woke up to breakfast in bed and Dem sitting next to me. He apologized and since I was stupid, naïve, and thought I was in love I forgave him. He promised to never do it again, but he would break that promise at least a dozen more times.
August 2003
School started back up, but my grades were suffering already. Dem watched me like a hawk and was always making me do things for him so I had no time to study. I had moved in with him, Jane, and Felix because he said things would be better, but they weren't. On a really bad night I decided to have a beer, and then I had another, and another. That night when Demetri took me to bed things weren't so bad. I couldn't feel so much and it didn't hurt so bad when he slammed carelessly into me. He never made it feel good; he always found a way for it be empty and painful. The alcohol made it bearable. I loved him more then myself and thought I didn't deserve better so I started drinking more so I wouldn't feel when he hurt me. I didn't want to be without him. No matter how terrible he was, because there was times when he was sweet and loving. Usually after he was horrible and scary. I had allowed him to isolate me complete and I felt like I had no one to turn to. I had made my bed and now I had to lay in it.
