Finding Out
"Wow Renji, starting the night off strong," Rangiku commented as Renji downed some more sake.
"I've had a bad day," he moped.
"You just need to learn to be like me and let whatever your captain says just roll off of your back," Rangiku suggested.
"Well, you know there's been rumors about sending me to the world of the living, so I thought that I should talk to Rukia while I still had time," Renji said.
Rangiku silently mouthed the word "oh".
"I'm sorry, Renji," Kira said. "She shot you down?"
"No…well, yes. It was more than that though," Renji tried to explain. "I mean, I was sitting there about to tell her that I loved her and she just looked at me and I just absolutely knew that she didn't think of me as any more than a friend. I wound up just leaving and not saying anything. As I thought about it though, I realized that while I really missed her, and it's been nice having her around, she's more like my sister or someone. I do love her, but when I think about having a romantic evening with her, I realize that it seems wrong somehow."
Neither of his friends said anything for awhile.
"So…you're here why?" Rangiku finally said.
"What do you mean 'why'? To get drunk of course," Renji said.
"Don't you think that maybe you should talk to Shuuhei?" Kira suggested.
"Well yeah, I'm sure he'll find the whole thing pretty funny, considering he's been telling me for years that I don't love her but if he's not here I imagine he's someplace else having a good time," Renji said, taking another swig.
"Kira, please tell me all men aren't as clueless as Renji," Rangiku said.
"I hope I'm not," Kira answered honestly.
Renji just looked at them.
"On the one hand it's none of my business, which is why I've never said anything, but there are definitely times when friends are given leeway to be bossy and nosey and I'm taking full advantage of that now," Rangiku said. She paused. "Renji…Shuuhei loves you."
"What?" Renji said softly. How could he not know something like that? "How long?" he asked.
"Probably for about as long as I've known him," Kira answered.
So, from the very beginning, Renji thought. Shuuhei, why didn't you say something?
"Um, sorry to cut this night short guys but…" Renji didn't need to finish, his friends just waved him on as he got up and began to leave.
"Good luck!" called out Rangiku.
"I think he's hanging around his squad someplace!" offered Kira.
"You know, I have often played against your former captain, but I had no idea that you were interested in the game. I thought you just enjoyed watching," Head Captain Yamamoto said to Shuuhei over the shogi board.
"I do enjoy watching more, having some tea and trying to follow your moves are more entertaining than actually attempting to fend you off," Shuuhei admitted, looking at the game with slight consternation.
"I am surprised that you are not out with your friends on a weekend like this," Yamamoto said.
Renji had told Shuuhei about his plans to talk to Rukia, and he absolutely wasn't prepared to see a glowing new couple on top of all of the other emotional stress he'd been going through with the defection of his captain and having to temporarily take over his squad.
Yamamoto saw the thin lines of stress around Shuuhei's eyes and didn't inquire further. Out of the three squads now left without a captain, Squad 9 was the one that he felt would do the best. Lieutenant Izuru was a good lieutenant, but the combination of the defection of his captain as well as his own role in the confusion, in addition to attacking several friends of his, had made him unstable. Lieutenant Hinamori was completely out of commission, but he was in no rush to replace her even temporarily. He didn't want to the other Squad 5 members to realize that some of them were still under suspicion of collusion with the traitors. He'd rather them just think that they weren't getting many missions because of the inactive duty status of their superior.
Shuuhei suddenly tensed as he felt Renji's spiritual pressure nearby. What in the world was Renji doing, and why wasn't he controlling himself better? He knew that the old man across from him could feel Renji as well, but Yamamoto didn't look up, just continued to study their game. Shuuhei tried to ignore him as well, playing his next move easily, in what he hoped looked like a calm manner.
He has to know I'm out here, Renji thought. Is he avoiding me? The more Renji thought about it the more possible it seemed. Hadn't he just told Shuuhei earlier today that he was going to profess his love to Rukia? If Renji thought he'd had a bad day, then Shuuhei must have had a much worse one. Renji concentrated for a moment, surprised to find that Head Captain Yamamoto was nearby as well. Oh well, Renji thought. It's not like this matter concerns him anyways.
"Shuuhei!" Renji yelled as he stopped in the main courtyard of the Squad 9 barracks. He didn't hear a reply. "SHUUHEI!" he yelled even louder. If I'm annoying enough he'll have to come out and talk to me.
"It seems as though someone wants your attention," Yamamoto pointed out gently, hiding his amusement.
"It seems so," Shuuhei said coldly. Renji, you don't get to just come and bother me whenever the hell you want, he thought angrily. He made another move on the shogi board and sipped his tea.
"SHUUHEI, I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW!" Renji was roaring outside. Oh well, here goes nothing, he thought. "SHUUHEI, I LOVE YOU!"
Shuuhei's hand had paused for a moment, trembling, before setting down his piece. Renji…you don't mean that, Shuuhei thought. Why would you say something like that after so long? Why are you out there yelling at me in front of my whole squad and the head captain?
Years ago, just after Shuuhei's injury
Shuuhei had been pacing frantically. He was fine, why were they keeping him here? Sure his face was still messed up and there was the problem of his eye, but couldn't he just go to his quarters at the academy and then come in to Squad 4 whenever they wanted to check up on him? Why keep him cooped up here? They think, he thought to himself, they think I'm not emotionally stable. They think that I might be messed up more than just my face. Why won't they just believe me and let me sleep in my own bed away from all of the damn sterile…he was broken out of his thoughts by someone bursting in through the door.
"Hey," Renji said.
"Um, hi," Shuuhei answered. "How did you even get here?" he wondered.
"Oh, I lied and told them we were roommates at the academy and that you had given me some things from your quarters that you wanted here," Renji said easily.
"It seems like it shouldn't be that easy to sneak in," Shuuhei said. He looked at the man in front of him. "Thanks though, I'm going crazy in here."
"Yeah, you didn't really ask me to come, but I figured I'd be annoying and come anyways," Renji smiled. He was so full of energy and life and so antithetical to the Squad 4 environment of "peace and tranquility" that Shuuhei was starting to feel a little better already.
"So you're feeling the walls close in on you, huh?" Renji asked. Shuuhei nodded. "How far are you allowed to wander around?"
"Around Squad 4 at least, I assume," Shuuhei answered.
"Well then, show me around, I've only been to the academy. It's really exciting to be here with all of these shinigami," Renji admitted.
"Sure, let's go for a walk then and I can tell you about the different squads," Shuuhei said.
"The captains too, that's what I really want to know about," Renji said with a wide grin.
Renji came back every day for as long as they kept Shuuhei. Kira and Mom managed to visit once too, but it was Renji's visits that Shuuhei always looked forward too. In fact, he looked forward to them so much that when he was told that he was ready to be released he felt a moment of panic knowing that he wouldn't be seeing Renji again. It doesn't have to be that way though, Shuuhei told himself. I have a day. Between today and tomorrow surely I can convince him…convince him of what Shuuhei had no idea. He just knew that he felt himself change slightly in the presence of the large redhead, and it was always for the better. He felt himself to be more in control, and yet more relaxed, and always happier. Shuuhei sighed and then admitted to himself that he liked Renji more than he'd ever liked someone before. It wasn't unusual for him to like men, he liked both sexes. If it ever came down to a choice where he could only choose one, he'd choose men, especially a man like Renji.
Of course, did Renji like men sexually? He seemed pretty open with Shuuhei, but was that just his personality? No, he had to like Shuuhei, no one could give that smile and not feel something behind it. Now that Shuuhei had admitted to himself, he settled into a happy reverie about all the things he'd really like to do to Renji. He wondered to himself if Renji had any more tattoos hidden around his body other than just those on his face.
When Renji did come for the day, Shuuhei felt his presence immediately and stood next to his door, hidden from immediate view.
"Shuuhei?" Renji asked, looking in and seeing no one, but feeling his friend nearby.
Shuuhei grabbed the collar of Renji's academy uniform and pulled him inside, closing the door behind them. He wasted no time at all, using his body to pin Renji against the closed door, pulling his mouth down into a fiery kiss. Renji seemed shocked at first, but responded quickly to Shuuhei's passion. It was a whirlwind of hormones and clothes and Shuuhei almost couldn't keep up with what was happening. They fell onto Shuuhei's hospital bed, which groaned under their combined weight.
The next day, Shuuhei had wished that they had gotten a long chance to be together. They had heard footsteps coming up the hall and had to quickly dress. Then Shuuhei had to have some final tests done and when he had come back, Renji had already left so he wouldn't be late for class.
Two of the more attractive nurses, hearing that it was Shuuhei's last day, had come to wish him a happy homecoming. Shuuhei was used to that sort of attention, and talked with them easily, making them laugh with his stupid jokes as he killed time waiting for Renji to come. They definitely needed to talk after yesterday. Shuuhei almost wished he hadn't been so…needy…but the sex had been mind blowing and the feel of Renji moving against his skin was so amazing that he had had trouble sleeping all that night thinking about it.
"Shuuhei," Renji said from his doorway.
"Excuse me girls," Shuuhei said by way of a dismissal. They took their cue and left.
"Heh, I wish I could get girls like that," Renji said. "I've always heard you're quite the playboy, guess I can see why. If girls like that were always hanging on me, I'd probably never get enough studying done to graduate."
Shuuhei froze. Shit, this was not what was supposed to be happening. He looked into Renji's eyes. There wasn't hurt, just a look of…camaraderie. The look of warm friendship after yesterday was so below what he wanted to see in Renji's eyes that something clamped up inside of him. No matter what though, he needed Renji to still be around, even if he had to lie through his teeth to make him stay.
"Haha, yeah," Shuuhei said with a grin.
Shuuhei, I can explain, Renji was thinking, as he waited outside alone. Please at least let me try. Why didn't you tell me sooner, I wouldn't have hurt you so often talking about Rukia if I had known.
"SHUUHEI!" he yelled again.
"You're probably going to have to answer him," suggested Head Captain Yamamoto.
I had to wait fifty years, he can wait a couple of minutes, thought Shuuhei.
