hello! finally, I'm back with the first real chapter! everyone who reviewed and read the prologue-THANK YOU SO MUCH. believe me, I was so nervous to post this because I so want to do justice to this pairing.
extra love goes out to lovelyMESS, xXBleedingRosesXx, IronishRose, little. miss. awesome, SkiCan, 11konstantine11, Rosalie Dark Moore for reviewing. thank you all from the bottom of my head.
here's the first chapter! it's a series of letters, text messages, instant messages... etc. here's hoping that it makes sense!
(lyrics lovingly borrowed from Chicago by Sufjan Stevens for the chapter title)
Chapter One
"If you knew my secret, you'd call the police!"
June 27th,
Dearest Carly Taylor Shay,
I'm in Berkeley! A little birdie told Mama that someone (you!) would be attending some snazzy Californian University in the fall, and being the thoughtful, loving, and completely wholesome best friend that I am (please, hold back your laughter), I decided to take a look at the place. You're welcome. Also, I approve and am very, very proud of you.
But perhaps first, you'd like a little back story on my summer sabbatical. If you haven't already figured it out, my apartment is no longer, well… my apartment. My mom eloped with her crazy boyfriend (seriously Carls, his name is Ace) just before we graduated and instead of me sticking around in Seattle and trying to be responsible; I decided I'd take a little break from everything.
But here's the thing, kid. I'm all right, 100% A-OK. You, more than anyone, know how crazy my mom is, and she's happy with her weirdo boyfriend, so whatever, right? On a more serious note, you know I wasn't happy there, and it's better that I'm finally getting some space.
As for when I'll be back… I'm not entirely sure. I've only been on the road for like… a week? Ten days or something? And let me tell you—it's pretty damn fantastic. Sure, I've been complaining about the price of gas like most Americans (and I shudder at that fact!), but I'm finally doing something for myself. I know you'll all argue that I already do a lot for myself, but this is different. This is… cathartic or whatever. I think the term I'm looking for is cathartic. So I honestly can't say when I'll be back. I won't be gone forever, that I can promise you, but I don't think I'll be back soon.
Anyway—your campus looks awesome. The dorms look pretty nice (totally jimmied the lock on one of them) and I've definitely seen like a handful of smokin' hot guys, so you're in luck. I'd buy some merch and send it to you, but I'm cheap as hell (surprise? no.) and besides, that's something you should be doing for me in the fall. I want a sweatshirt. Possibly an overpriced water bottle. Yeah, definitely a water bottle.
I know this letter's probably not the greatest way for me to break the news to you of my excursion, but who doesn't like getting mail? I sold my laptop (you know that really cool custom one I saved up for?) so I could pay for gas and so forth, so e-mailing is out of the question until I can acquire a new one. Since I don't exactly have a permanent address, you can't write me back just yet, and my phone probably won't work in a month or so when they realize I'm not paying the bill, but once I finally do settle down somewhere, I'll find a way for us both to stay in better contact. Because we will—I'm not falling off the face of the earth, don't worry about that.
I'm sorry I won't be around to watch you and the nub head off to school, but know that I'll be thinking of you two collegiate individuals in late August while I travel the countryside. And don't worry, I'll be sending a letter to Fredweird as well; you can tell him to wait vigilantly by his mailbox or whatever. Sounds like something he'd enjoy.
And you can tell Spencer… well, you can tell him whatever you want. Tell him that I'm awesome. And charming. But yeah, I'll send him a letter too, you can tell him that. Like I said, everyone loves mail.
All right kiddo, well I'm running out of room on the back of this flyer for spaying and neutering pets. Stole it from a notice board by some veterinarian's office. Some lady in paw print scrubs chased after me. Wish I had taken a picture.
Stay brune.
-Sam
June 29th,
The Incredible Fredible Benson,
Greetings from Los Angeles!
I'm sure that both you and Carly have salivated over the letter I sent to her the other day. I'm assuming you've heard the gist of it all.
Did you feel abandoned by me? Well, if you did, it honestly wasn't my intent. Just trying to keep it real, Benson. (Just in case you weren't sure, that's Sam-speak for 'I'm sorry if I worried you over my sudden disappearance'.)
Anyway, like you probably already know, I took quite the jaunt down the west coast and found myself, in all places, at USC. After stopping at Carly's school of course—I know my geography. Once again, I must repeat, nice digs, nerd. I almost want you or Carly to kidnap me and store me in your dorm room with you when you move in. Almost, except I'm currently addicted to this 'open road, born to be wild' crap that I keep hearing about. Or… it could be because the truck stop that I'm writing this letter outside of is blasting some serious Steppenwolf. HEAVY METAL THUNDER!
Soooo, as you know from Carly's letter (and if you haven't read it, you should—it's a great piece of modern literature) I'm doing well, despite my reasons for leaving. I didn't want to tell you all when this was happening because things were so stressful with graduation and whatnot. Nice valedictorian speech, by the way. I did actually pay attention. You did good, Freddie. I'm a proud Mama.
Now, now, don't get all emotional on me you two (I bet Carly's busy reading over your shoulder), because everything is cool. Besides, you guys won't really be missing me too much because you wouldn't see me while you were at school anyway, right? Because as tempting as it sounds, I don't think any of you can let me hide out in your dorms.
Also, Freditorial—Los Angeles? Does your mother know about the smog? I bet she's making you pack all sorts of air purifiers and face masks. Please, send me pictures. I'd love to see you on your first day, all spiffed up with your new shoes and a gas mask. Just like old times.
Well, I've got to get going. I have to find a place to stay before nightfall; otherwise I'll have to sleep in my car like a homeless person. Which I did the other day, but I wasn't in the middle of some sketchy city like I am now. Sorry, that wasn't reassuring, was it? I'm fine, no worries.
Also, in case you haven't cracked it yet, the password I changed your SplashFace account to is 'samiscoolerthanyou'. Maybe you shouldn't make your passwords so obvious, 'techboybenson'.
-Sam
July 2nd
Spence,
I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that Carly and Freddie have already let you read the letters I sent them, or they at least paraphrased it for you. Which is good, they should have done so. But you don't have to share this with them if you don't want to.
I know I sort of blew you off after graduation when you asked about my mom, but you know… I was just so glad to finally be done with school and not have to worry about her anymore that, I don't know, I just didn't want to rehash all of that, especially with the children around—you know how I feel about Carlotta and Fredhead overhearing all that crap. So I'm sorry if I made everyone worry needlessly, especially you, when I left.
Ah, I know Carly and Freddie's letters were more cheerful than this one, but I think you'd agree that we have a mutual understanding of sorts when it comes to… well, everything pertaining to the illustrious Cheyenne. So here's what happened: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I swear on the world's fattest priest.
A few days before graduation, I came home to find my mom gone. She'd been seeing this tattoo artist for a few months, and she was better, you know? But anyway, she left me a note saying that they were eloping or something to Las Vegas, where they planned on settling down. All her stuff was gone; well the worthwhile stuff, at least.
Whatever, right? I clearly didn't mean enough to her to make her stay, so just… whatever. But what the bigger issue was that the apartment lease was up in a month, so she left me a little over half a grand and told me I could either re-lease, or find someplace else.
So… that's what I'm doing. I'm finding someplace else. Right now, I'm obviously in California—see the postmark?—but I don't think I'm staying here. It's too hot here, definitely not my kind of scene.
I think I'll probably be heading towards Chicago. I was born there, did you know that? Always liked it there too; Lake Michigan… and deep dish pizza. So don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I need this time to finally do something on my own.
You know that I spent all that time in high school cleaning up the mess that my mom had made. I think I just need to get away from Seattle for a while. You get it, don't you? The compulsion to throw caution to the wind? Well even if you don't, that's what I'm doing.
I promise I'll keep in touch with you all.
-Sam
p.s.
I wanted to thank you for being there for me when I needed someone. Even if I never really took you up on it.
August 11th
"Sam Puckett!"
Recoiling from the scream that erupted from the receiver in her hand, Sam rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile a little as well.
"At your service, Ms. Shay. What can I assist you with this evening?"
Another irritated noise sounded, and this time Sam grinned.
"Why haven't you called? We've all been so worried about you."
"Ugh, you sound like my sister," Sam lamented, leaning lazily against the payphone, "and that is never a compliment, Carls. I haven't called because I've been doing some hardcore traveling. I'm essentially a gypsy, I'll have you know. Minus the tambourine. And the loyal goat sidekick."
Carly gave a soft laugh.
"Yeah, that's what I hear. Where are you now?"
"Eh, somewhere between a rock and a hard place, according to my calcula—"
"Sam!"
"All right, all right, I just got to Peoria. Illinois, by the way. And if you're looking to whip out your atlas, it's north of Springfield. I told you I did some hardcore traveling."
"Peoria… oh, right there, I see it…" Carly murmured, and Sam knew she was looking at a map, "so, any idea how long you'll be there?"
"What can I say, Shay? Mama is a rolling stone. But I probably won't be here long. Peoria is lame. Well, not really, it's pretty decent as far as cities go, but I'm not planning on sticking around long enough to like it."
"Oh. Well, Spencer said you're probably going to head to Chicago. Are you? Because settling down there, forever how long… Chicago's really far, Sam—like… completely different time zone far."
Sam distracted herself for a moment by reading some of the etched graffiti on the payphone booth.
"Yeah well, change is good. All things must pass. All that good stuff, right? Chicago's a blast, just so you know. But your brother is correct, that's my goal. At least for now."
A sad sigh reached her ears, and she frowned.
"Sam, I know you had a lot going on in your life, and you wanted to get away from it all for a while, but don't you think it's time for you to come home?"
"Home? Carly, the apartment is gone, I don't have a home in Seattle."
"You have the loft! You've always had the loft!" Carly insisted.
Although her best friend couldn't see the action, Sam shook her head vehemently.
"No, I'm not going to lurk around Bushwell just because it's the easy way out—you know that, Carly. You know I can't just give up and come crawling back to you and Spencer, begging for a place to stay. Just… let me see the world a little, okay? Let me get this out of my system, and I'll come back."
"You promise?"
"Yes, yes, of course I promise. Like any of you can function properly without me for long, anyway. Sheesh."
"But when, Sam? When are you coming home?" Carly continued, worry still laced into her tone.
"Don't know. Honestly Carls, I don't know. When I'm ready, I guess. I'll come back when I'm ready. It won't be forever."
"All right," Carly sighed, "go wander, do whatever it is that you need to do. Just come back in one piece, okay?"
Sam smiled once more, and she knew that it reached her voice.
"Sure thing, dollface. Now, I've got to find me a place to stay for the night. I'll call tomorrow around…hmm, six-ish. Invite the nerd over, and then you can put my dulcet tones on speakerphone."
This made Carly laugh, which helped lighten the mood of the phone call.
"I'll be sure to inform Freddie. Goodnight, Sam."
"Night, Carly."
September 9th
invisible_ninja is online
techjunkie: SAM! YOU'RE ONLINE
invisible_ninja: way to state the obvious, fredwardo. so what's shakin' bacon? mmm… bacon…
techjunkie: No, seriously Sam, how are you online? Carly said you sold your laptop.
invisible_ninja: mama has her ways ;)
techjunkie: Sam…
invisible_ninja: fine. i got a job & bought a cheap laptop.
techjunkie: Whoa, a job? Didn't you just rent an apartment the other day? How did you do that?
invisible_ninja: oh fredalupe, how the seattle public school system has failed you… okay, so money is used in exchange for goods & services
techjunkie: SAM!
invisible_ninja: LOL keep your panties on, princess. what did you mean with your shock & awe then?
techjunkie: I was just surprised that you were able to do this all so fast, that's all. But yes, I know you need the job to pay for the flat and the laptop, I'm not completely stupid, you know :)
invisible_ninja: good to hear. so yes, mama's finally making her way in the world. i hear you are as well—didn't your classes start the other day or something?
techjunkie: Yeah, and things are going really, really well so far. I'm almost surprised.
invisible_ninja: you're just glad that your crazy mom isn't there to pinch your cheeks & take your picture in front of all the pretty college buildings.
techjunkie: That… is very true. So, tell me about your job! Is there a chain of Chili-My-Bowl out there in Chi-Town?
invisible_ninja: #1- don't ever say chi-town unless you're kanye west. #2- there are no chili-my-bowl places. but i work at this coffee shop. the nice part is that i get free java whenever the hell i want, but the downside is that i have to put up with all these stupid hipsters. they're worse than in seattle!
techjunkie: Hahahaha! Well, minus the hipsters, it sounds like your kind of place of business.
invisible_ninja: damn right it is
techjunkie: Sam, are you happy? Because Carly worries about you a lot, and I do too. Right after you left, Spencer spent a lot of time trying to convince us that this… expedition of yours would be good for you, but we do worry.
invisible_ninja: i know you guys worry, but i promise that i'm perfectly fine. this has been really good for me. plus now i have my own place & a job that i can actually stand. i'm happy, freddie. of course i miss you two crazy kids, but i'm happy.
techjunkie: Well good. Say, I've got to get to class, but I'll message you later, all right?
invisible _ninja: sounds good. ttyl fredbag
techjunkie: Bye Sam! :)
October 16th
To: shaysculptures at gmail. com
From: invisibleninja at icarly. com
S-
I might be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure that this article that I found on the Seattle Time's website is about YOU!
Spencer! Congratulations on getting your Christmas light sculpture into that gallery! Carly was telling me how hard you had been working on that over the summer, and I just wanted to say that I'm happy for you, Spence. We're all glad that you're finally getting the recognition you deserve.
Send me some pictures, will you?
-S
October 17th
To: invisibleninja at icarly. com
From: shaysculptures at gmail. com
Attached Files: gallery1. png, gallery2. png , gallery3. png
SAM!
I didn't know you read newspaper articles—even if they are online! I'm impressed! But anyway, thanks for the e-mail. I almost think that Carly was more excited about the gallery piece than I was. Well, probably not, but it at least seemed like it. I've attached some pictures of the place so you can see how snazzy my 'light-cicles' piece looked in the gallery.
So, how's Chicago? I've only been hearing secondhand stories from Carly and Freddie's e-mails, but it seems like you're doing just fine. That's good to hear, Sam.
Not to start sounding like a serious adult or anything, but I just wanted you to know that I understand why you left, and I support your decisions. But I wasn't kidding when I said that I'm here for you if you ever need anything.
Don't be a stranger.
-Spencer
November 14th
iCarlotta: Saaaaaaaaam! I know you're there!
invisible_ninja is now visible
invisible_ninja: dammit shay, you're always blowing my cover!
iCarlotta: Yeah well, it's my job. But anyway, I have an important question. Are you coming home for Christmas?
iCarlotta: Sam?
invisible_ninja: err… about that…
iCarlotta: SAM! Are you?
invisible_ninja: …no. melanie is coming out here to chicago to spend x-mas with me. i don't have the cash to fly back to seattle, & i definitely don't have the time off from work to drive there. plus… i don't want to drive there. it's a long-ass drive.
iCarlotta: But Sam! We haven't seen you in like 6 months!
invisible_ninja: i know doll, it's been way too long. but i'll try & visit sometime soon, okay? my schedule is kinda crazy right now, i'm working a shit-ton of hours right now because my boss has me coming in early in the mornings to bake muffins & whatnot. damn coffee shop.
iCarlotta: I thought you liked working there?
invisible_ninja: i do & i actually like baking, it just makes for a long work week. in fact, i'm pretty damn excellent at baking. OH. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
iCarlotta: What?
invisible_ninja: mama's got a date for this friday ;)
iCarlotta: Oooh, with who?
invisible_ninja: some goddamn hipster who plays acoustic guitar all the time at the shop on open-mic nights. he's not my type but he's hot & he sings & he thinks i'm funny. which i am, so he's also smart. his name is elliot.
iCarlotta: I'm so happy for you! Aww, have lots of fun and don't forget to tell me all about it, promise?
invisible_ninja: ugh, promise. i'll call you when it's over, sound good?
iCarlotta: YAY! All right, future Mrs. Elliot Hipster, I've got finals to study for. Call me tomorrow when you're free.
invisible_ninja: will do. night-y night, shay.
iCarlotta: goodnight, Sam!
December 20th
To: icarlotta at icarly. com, techjunkie at icarly. com , shaysculptures at gmail. com
From: invisibleninja at icarly. com
Happy Holidays!
This is Melanie and Sam! Sam's annoyed that I'm sending this from her e-mail account, but she said, and I quote, "No one in their right mind would open a message if it said it's from your e-mail address, Mel", so that's why this is a joint affair. But it's mostly from me, Melanie. :)
We're here to just let you know that everything out here in Chicago is fine, despite the fact that there have already been several feet of lake-effect snow since my arrival! Sam thinks it's hilarious to make large amounts of snowballs and stuff them in the freezer just in case the "opportunity presents itself". Oh Sam.
Anyway, things are just fine. I flew in a few days ago from Boston after I finished my finals and Sam and I are working especially hard to make sure we're having a proper Christmas dinner. You know how she gets about her holiday meals! Actually, Sam's doing a lot more baking than ever before. Did she tell you that her boss has her making up new recipes at work? She's amazing at it! I'm very proud of her—perhaps she's found her passion!
Also, Elliot's coming over for Christmas dinner as well. He and Sam have been together for over a month now, and don't tell her I said this, but I think they're pretty serious about each other. He's very sweet to her, so mild-mannered. It's funny how well they get along, what with them being complete opposites! Clearly, he's very fond of her, and he makes her happy, so I approve (as a good sister should!).
Well, I just wanted to send this quick e-mail to let you know how things are, and that Sam's doing really well out here in Chicago. We haven't heard anything from Mom yet, but then again, we don't expect to, even if it is the holidays. No matter though, we're happy.
Have a lovely Christmas in Seattle!
Love,
Melanie (and Sam, sort of!)
February 9th
To: Carly
From: Sam
txt: carly? you awake?
To: Sam
From: Carly
txt: Sam? What's wrong? It's almost two in the morning, which means it's even later your time! Are you all right?
To: Carly
From: Sam
txt: i don't know, carls. how… how do you know when you love someone? like really love someone?
To: Sam
From: Carly
txt:What? Love? OMG are you in love with Elliot?
To: Carly
From: Sam
txt: pssh no. well i don't think i am. but he told me tonight that he loved me. i've known him for like 3 months. how the hell can he love me?
To: Sam
From: Carly
txt: I guess some people just fall fast, and they just know when they're in love. Like my parents for instance—they dated for only a month before they got married. Shocked both of their families, but they really meant what they felt for each other.
To: Carly
From: Sam
txt: whoa there shay, i'm not talking marriage. it's love that i'm concerned with. i haven't exactly had the best role models for happiness, you know?
To: Sam
From: Carly
txt: Yeah, I know. :( But all that matters is that you're happy with Elliot. You're happy with him, aren't you?
To: Carly
From: Sam
txt: yeah, i like him a lot & he's fun to be with. he told me he loved me & all i could do was stare. he just laughed it off & said that he'll wait until i'm ready. but i don't know if i will be.
To: Sam
From: Carly
txt: Aww, Sam, I wish I was there to hug you! Just give yourself time to adjust, okay? If you find out that you do love him, then great! But if you don't, that's all right too. Just allow yourself some time to take it all in. You deserve that.
To: Carly
From: Sam
txt: thanx doll. i needed to hear that. sorry i woke you up. tomorrow i'll give you a call. night carls. ily.
To: Sam
From: Carly
txt: Anytime. Goodnight, Sam! Love you too!
March 29th
To: techjunkie at icarly. com
From: invisibleninja at icarly. com
Fredward-
I normally wouldn't ask a nub like you for advice on this kind of stuff… but Elliot's birthday is coming up and need some help on what to get him. Boys are tricky to shop for.
I've narrowed it down to a handful of different MP3 players, but I know that 'Nub Knows Best' when it comes to this sort of thing and that you've definitely got the latest scoop on what to buy.
I don't mind getting him a cheap-ish one either because the birthday festivities will also be including sexytimes, and believe me, that is a perfect gift on its own.
His birthday's in two weeks, so get crackin', nerd.
-Sam
p.s. please and thank you ;)
April 30th
"Hi, you've reached Carly! Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll call you back as soon as I can! *beep!*"
"Hola! You've reached Freddie's cell! Leave a message and I'll get back to you soon! *beep!*"
"Hello, you've reached Melanie Puckett. I'm sorry I can't take your call right—"
"Sam? Is that you?" Spencer's familiar voice reached her ears.
She gave a shaky exhale.
"Spence?"
"Sam? Are you okay? Is something wrong? You sound upset."
"I'm… okay. I'm okay, I'm just… I need to talk to Carly and s-she's not, she's not answering her phone. No one is answering their goddamn phone!" Her voice sounded more hysterical than he had heard in a long time, and Spencer felt panic flood this system.
"I'm pretty sure they're all taking their finals right now, Sam. Yeah, it's two o'clock now… she's not out until at least four. What's going on? Are you hurt? Are you in trouble?"
"No, I'm… I'm not hurt. It's just… I'm… Oh God. Elliot proposed to me." She managed before she promptly burst into tears.
Spencer was at a loss. Dealing with Carly crying in front of him was tricky enough—but having Sam cry to him over the phone… over a proposal? He had no idea how to handle this, and definitely no idea how to feel.
Sam. Elliot. Proposal.
"Did… did you say yes? Are you engaged?" He managed, once his shock lessened enough to allow his vocal cords to work.
"Y-yeah," she gave a watery sigh, "but that's not even… I haven't even said that I love him, Spence."
Spencer ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the sofa. This was a conversation that was best had sitting down.
"Well, do you love him?"
"I don't know. I've been with him for months and I don't even know if I love him… and now I'm engaged!"
"Sam…" he murmured, "if you're not even sure that you love him, why did you agree to marry him?"
The line went quiet, and if it wasn't for the barely audible sound of her sniffling, Spencer would've thought she had hung up on him.
"I-I only said yes because I think… I think that I'm pregnant."
He knew now that if he had been standing, he would've fallen over. If hearing about her engagement wasn't shock enough, this… a pregnancy? Sam had just turned twenty a week or so ago. And now…
"Spence? Spencer? Are you still there?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm here," he answered softly, still unable to believe her words.
"I mean, I like him well enough, I've been with him since November, b-but… if I am… and I just… I couldn't be a deadbeat parent, y-you know? Not when Mel and I had to deal with all that. So he asked me and I… I said yes. But he doesn't even know about… about the…"
"Are you sure that you're… I mean, that you're… did you take a test?"
"No, not yet. I've been too terrified to buy one. Because… oh Spence, what if it makes it real? What if it proves that I'm—"
"Sam," Spencer tried to soothe, "you've got to take a pregnancy test. You need to know, you deserve to know. I know you're scared, but you need to find out if it's true or not."
She gave another sigh, one that tugged painfully at his heartstrings.
"All right, I'll go get one. But can I… can I call when I'm waiting for the result? I mean, Carly's taking a final and I don't want to be alone w-when I find out…"
"Of course Sam," He assured her, "I'll pick up as soon as you call."
"Thanks Spencer." She murmured, trying once more to hold back tears.
The line went dead, and for the next forty minutes, Spencer sat in the loft, worrying himself sick. Still, he knew that his anxiety was a thousand times less than what she was feeling, but that fact didn't console him very much.
When she finally called again, his heart practically leapt into his throat.
"Spencer?" Came Sam's voice, timid and so unlike her.
"Did you take the test?"
There was heavy silence.
"Yeah… and it's, um… it's negative."
"So you're not pregnant?"
"No… I'm not."
More silence followed.
"Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not."
and that's the first chapter! it seems sorta weird at first, I know, but it'll get better. that much I can promise. hopefully Sam doesn't seem too out of character. one of the important themes in this story is that Sam is growing up and taking responsibility for things, so that's why she might seem a little more... polite than usual ;)
hopefully the story makes as much sense written down as it does in my head.
thanks for reading, and drop me a line to let me know what you think! questions, comments, anything! it means the world to me.
x
fandrastic
OH. also, since it clearly takes me forever and a day to update this... and you're interested in reading more Spam stories, I do have a series of 100 Spam drabbles called 'scream at the sky'. so... if you haven't already read that... well chop-chop! feel free to do so. ;)
