Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit, or any of the associated characters, nor do I accept blame for convulsive laughter, lost study time, or ruined keyboards as a result of eating or drinking while reading this or any other fic.
Summary: See Previous Chapter
A/N: BlueInked and Swytla, I'm blaming you for this…
PART TWO
Previously In Mirkwood…
Legolas Thranduilion, Captain of Archers and youngest Prince of Greenwood, loved his father, but there were times that he really wondered about his illustrious sire.
Now was one of those times, as the King of the Woodland Realm had asked him to try to capture a Spider, in quiet revenge for Lord Celeborn of Lothlorien sending an Eru-damned ELK as a war-mount, which had apparently been the other Silvan's idea of a gift.
The Patrol was a little late in setting out, largely because Legolas knew better than to take his warriors on a journey that required stealth when they were still bursting into spontaneous – though mercifully brief – fits of giggling.
Oh, the mischievous, often hidden, side of him was inwardly dancing with glee at the idea, but the larger part that had earned him the reputation of being King Thranduil's most serious son was not looking forward to capturing – and possibly training – one of the huge Spiders that plagued the forest which had once been called Greenwood the Great.
His warriors shared the attitude, if the quiet arguments about the trouble of the King's request vs. the look on the faces of the haughty Lothlorien elves were any indication.
Most of them were falling on the side of the Galadhrim's expressions being worth any amount of trouble, and the possibility of sending a gifted sketch-artist with the party who would deliver the return gift.
His father wasn't the only one that Legolas occasionally worried about.
Most thought of Giant Spiders as dumb beasts, separated from their cousins only by size and the ability to speak.
The Elves of Mirkwood knew better, fully aware that the while Giant Spiders might not be AS intelligent as Elves or Men, they were by no means stupid, and it was a fool who underestimated them. Their ability to rationalize and think made them dangerous foes, but it also gave rise to the occasional oddities.
This particular oddity, dwelling in the last of the infestations that the patrol had gone to exterminate, had been caught by surprise, but tried to escape rather than attack. The Prince's arrow severed the thread it had used to attempt to escape into the trees, causing it to tumble back onto the forest floor, and he made sure that the Spider was surrounded by his archers before he made it an offer.
This Spider was what Men would call a 'dreamer' – or possibly a 'village idiot' – who truly believed in the possibility of co-existence between Elves and Spiders, despite ample evidence to the contrary, and that was exactly what Legolas needed.
The Spider was male, so there would be no chance of it laying eggs and spreading the plague of Spiders to Lothlorien upon its arrival. In Lothlorien, it would not have to hunt for its food – indeed, the Elves would go out of their way to make sure it was well-fed – nor fear attacks from Elves, thanks to its status as a 'gift'.
Strangely for a Spider, it also had a sense of humour, and once Legolas explained the situation concerning gifts, it dissolved into a strange sort of hissing that the Elves presumed was the Spider version of laughter, rolling onto its back with its legs twitching in the air.
Legolas reminded himself to apologize to his oldest brother for not believing his story about going swimming and being caught naked in a Spider-web while walking to fetch his clothes, escaping because the Spider was laughing too hard to notice him working his way free – and then tease the older prince mercilessly for the next century or so.
He patiently waited for the hissing to die down, before continuing to explain that the Spider would have to at least act the part of a War Mount for a little, if only to achieve proper dramatic effect in Lothlorien and prevent it from being shot on sight in Mirkwood. Happily, the Spider found this agreeable enough, as part of what it viewed as a huge joke.
Wondering if the world had gone insane and he just hadn't noticed, Legolas turned his patrol, with its new accomplice, back to the King's Hall.
Thranduil had a quick temper, could be whimsical, and was currently offended by Lord Celeborn, but he wasn't cruel or totally irresponsible. The Lothlorien elves getting a swift taste of exactly what their Mirkwood cousins dealt with on a daily basis was well-deserved, in his opinion, but he didn't want the Necromancer to get a foothold in the Golden Wood, either.
Listening to his son's report on the attack on the spider nests and the capture of one, Thranduil swiftly devised a plan. If the Spider viewed the impending visit to Lothlorien as a huge joke, perhaps it would be willing to play another, larger joke by making a nuisance of itself in Lothlorien for a month or so, then taking itself off to the Misty Mountains after 'escaping' and make an even bigger nuisance of itself to the Orcs and Goblins who might see it as an ally.
This Spider was the first to encounter King Thranduil and survive to tell the tale, and the Elvenking was an intimidating personage even in a good mood. It didn't need Man-level intellect to figure out that if it returned to Mirkwood after its journey to Lothlorien, all bets were off and the Mirkwood archers wouldn't hesitate to turn it into a giant pincushion.
Spiders were not picky about exactly what fell into their nets, however, and Orcs would make as good eating as Elves. More, even, since they came in larger numbers.
Yes, this would be a good arrangement for all concerned.
Later In Lothlorien
A month later, Celeborn watched the Galadhrim attempt to force a hissing, struggling Spider roughly the size of a draft horse into a newly built stable and wondered if the potential loss of his best robes was worth writing to Mirkwood for advice on how to get Shelob-strength webbing out of fine silk.
He decided that it wasn't, though perhaps it would be best if the Royals of Mirkwood stayed away for a few decades, until the border-guards (and Celeborn himself) had a chance to cool off after the little fiasco.
Meanwhile, he hoped that Thranduil – and his sons, who were doubtless involved and obviously gleeful about the trouble they expected the spider to cause – fell into their own enchanted river.
.
.
.
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A/N: Yes, I did a follow up, thanks to requests and comments about wanting to see how the spider was caught.
I made the spider a willing participant, because I honestly don't see how anyone could train a giant spider without the kinds of methods that Elves wouldn't touch with a ten-meter pole. As intelligent beings, there will have to be some consent - and making it worth their while - involved here.
Thanks,
Nat
