Joker had come in, Dr. Chakwas trailing him quietly. While the good doctor merely raised an eyebrow, the pilot freaked out for a minute before allowing the situation to be explained to him, which made him fidget in a way that meant he was struggling to keep an emotional outburst under wraps.
He'd told Shepard she was insane in more colorful language, ascertained they had every intention of finding EDI, and limped away, grumbling about how AI just served to make life ten times more difficult wherever he turned. Dr. Chakwas had barely said a word but pulled Shepard in for a tight hug, and then left too.
Kaidan hadn't left. Neither of them seemed to be in the mood to get separated any time soon.
They arrived quickly on Eden Prime, and it was too late to change much already. But it wasn't too late for Kaidan to shove Jenkins out of the drones' fire, nor to hurry and go shoot in Saren's general direction until he was scared off Nihlus – who lived.
"What," Nihlus said quietly, knuckles white around his weapon, "just happened?"
Shepard gave the horizon one last glance, where Saren was a long-gone spectre in the wind. "Almost happened," she corrected.
Nihlus strapped the pistol to its holster without another word, which would be his preferred conversational state for the rest of the mission. With one last lingering, contemptuous glare at the scorched spot against a rock – the result of Nihlus' head miraculously not standing between it and Saren's aim – he swung his head away violently and that was the end of that.
"Absolutely nothing fucked up about any of this," Ashley noted disgustedly, wandering around the area and kicking the shredded remains of a husk. "A Council Spectre almost murdering another one is par for the course. Doesn't even up the ante."
Shepard chose not to offer an opinion. "C'mon."
Kaidan avoided putting himself in danger and Shepard avoided passing out. Additionally, she pretended to understand a lot from the vision she had that she actually remembered from learning it a lot later on, for the benefit of her clueless companions. It seemed like a smart thing to do to avoid having to weave further complicated lies as time went on.
"Is it just me, or did the mind-melding prothean stuff affect you way less this time around?" Kaidan whispered to her, later, apparently hit by a sudden worrisome thought. "You weren't as clear-headed about it last time. I still wish you hadn't activated that beacon again-"
Shepard interrupted him because those were empty words devoid of the reason she knew he had. "Not just you," she whispered back, mindful of Ashley, Nihlus and Jenkins ahead. "But I mean – last time the thing kinda exploded in my face. Plus, how bad can it be if it's already in my head?"
He shook his head bemusedly and they pressed forward.
She returned to the Normandy with promises of Spectre status, a green (literal and figuratively) corporal instead of a cold corpse, a witness for Saren's actions and a powerful ally in her debt. Plus - Ashley, who predictably knew nothing about any reapers or any time-travel, finally boarded.
"Good to have you here, Chief," Kaidan greeted as she walked into the armory.
"Welcome aboard," Shepard added, leaning against a table. She'd looked bemused at the two of them, but saluted with raised eyebrows.
Kaidan grinned so hard the moment he could get away with it that Shepard would have been jealous if she weren't doing the same.
The Citadel was the place Shepard was most looking forward to visiting. The unanimous decision was to cruise for the night, which gave her and Kaidan a few hours to begin strategizing with occasional input from Joker before he retired to rest, but she was restless to get there. For one, she intended to find out where she might access the Crucible, the sooner the better, and she also wanted to gauge the Council's disposition to possibly bringing up a galaxy-wide threat to their existence.
And then there was Tali, Garrus and Wrex, all of whom she'd decided against contacting. Kaidan had pointed out that they couldn't know for sure they'd gotten their memories back, and the fact that they hadn't tried to reach her on their end supported the possibility.
"How weird would it be for some Alliance Commander to call up a quarian on her pilgrimage, a mercenary doing a not-so-honest job and a C-SEC officer she's never met out of the blue to – what? Invite them on her ship?" Kaidan argued dubiously.
"Tali said some of Saren's people had tagged her just before we met, she got an infection," she retorted stubbornly.
"And we can look out for that as soon as we get there, but why would she even believe us if we just called her right now and she had no idea who you were?"
She deflated. "Point taken. We wait until we meet them at the Citadel, then." She chewed on her lip. "I still want to figure out what to do about the others. Miranda, Jack – Jack must either be in prison by now or in need of help to evade it," she realized.
"First, we see to Garrus, Tali and Wrex," he suggested. "If they don't remember anything, there's little chance the rest of them do. And everything should work out just as well as last time, there's no reason not to." She thought 'well' was a strong word. He gave her a sideways glance. "We can discuss helping a convict escape imprisonment, uh, later."
She ignored that. "I suppose you're right. I keep forgetting every one of my friends are somehow in life or death situations whenever I meet them."
"One problem at a time," Kaidan reminded, bumping shoulders with her. Her gaze instantly shifted to the locked door briefly, pondering consequences and witnesses, and he rolled his eyes. "We're so taking a few hours off when we're at the Citadel," he grumbled. She fought a smile.
"Are you propositioning me, Lieutenant? You know how irregular that is?"
"Tell it to the reapers, I stopped giving a fuck around the time they showed up."
Shepard put down her datapad, because it had all felt like one very long day ever since she'd woken up in his arms and her worry was so petty all of a sudden. She gently removed the one he was holding too. He seemed to sense the mood shift, and linked his fingers through hers as soon as it dropped to her desk.
"I didn't even know if the Normandy made it to safety," she whispered with the tone of someone confessing something terrible, and pressed her forehead against his.
"Course it did," he murmured. The dark circles under his eyes added to the sudden gravity of the moment. "Between Joker, EDI and the downstairs crack team, it was basically intact even after the crash-landing." His hands tightened on hers. "You, on the other hand-" His breathing became a little labored. "For a minute, I was in denial. But I knew."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You're here." He opened his eyes and brushed a strand out of hers. "You wouldn't be the woman I love if you'd made any other choice. I'm just really glad you don't have to make it again."
She kissed him slowly. "I'm really glad I haven't done that for the last time," she sighed, pulling away.
Kaidan pressed his lips to her forehead and lingered for a bit, because if Shepard was getting emotional, he was definitely not going to last.
"Can we just take a very long vacation after we do all this again?"
"Sure you wouldn't get bored?"
"I could think of a few things to pass the time, if that's really a concern."
She'd almost managed to drag him somewhere dark and cozy by the lips when Joker startled them both apart through the intercom.
"ETA to the Citadel, thirty minutes."
"A little time off on the Citadel," he requested earnestly as she pulled away disappointedly, and well.
"Promise," she replied automatically, pressing her lips to his in chaste, once, twice, a few times. Then something occurred to her and she pulled back abruptly. "The Citadel? Did we stay up all night?"
Kaidan sighed as he realized there was little chance they were going to finish that right then. "Apparently."
"I'm not going to enjoy the consequences of you leaving my quarters in the morning wearing yesterdays' clothes," Shepard grumbled, peering outside warily.
"I miss the days when the stakes were so low, people actually cared about Alliance regs."
"Yeah, well, as far as the galaxy is concerned, that time is now, so step up, Major."
"Lieutenant," he corrected, and she could swear she saw the shadow of a petulant pout on his face.
"For a couple more years, I suppose," she tried, eyeing his reaction from the corner of her eye.
"Oh? So my commanding officer, who can testify to my prowess and fearlessness on the field, won't hasten that process?"
"Lieutenant Alenko, if you're suggesting I would ever use my influence to unduly benefit you, I'm very disappointed," she mock scolded.
His expression turned thoughtful. "It's probably better to not try anything like that, though. And not just that either, other small things that don't involve – y'know, galaxy-destroying threats. Otherwise we'll eventually change so much, anything we might know will become worthless. Nothing will happen the same."
She hummed in acknowledgement as they made it to the bridge. "Joker, I might need to call you up while I'm down there, stay sharp."
"Aye aye," he answered distractedly. "Hey, Commander, I was thinking, and don't get me wrong, this ship is my baby, but, y'know, I got a little pampered by the SR2. You think we could start looking into some upgrades? She really deserves it too, you weren't the only one to come back from the dead."
Shepard rolled her eyes but nodded. "I'll see what we can do. I gotta tell you, though, don't hold your breath. A lot of that stuff came from some intensive Cerberus research and a couple more years."
"Yeah, I know. But can't hurt to keep an eye out, right? Maybe get someone somewhere to look into something?"
She agreed and strapped her weapons to their places. For such a civilian hub, the Citadel sure saw its unfair share of trouble. Experience taught her it tended to see some more as soon as she arrived.
It gave Shepard more of a pause than it should have, how the heart of the galaxy looked before being used for target practice by the geth and Cerberus, and also for targeting by – well, herself. Old businesses made new, life carrying on, marching along straight for the cliff edge. Would-be debris, would-be dead soldiers and civilians alike, one or the other, switched as needed. And Shepard had needed a lot of soldiers.
Kaidan chose the wrong time to notice her distress and try and be supportive, because no sooner than he'd placed a hand on her arm than Anderson showed up, gaze laser-focused on that hand. Which was unfortunate, because laying eyes on the man made her really need it. The memory of his dead body somewhere on the station they were boarding was far too fresh.
Kaidan removed his hand immediately and her superior pretended not to have noticed anything. She pulled herself together and adjusted.
Anderson had so far showed no signs of knowing anything out of the ordinary, and Shepard was almost disappointed. Still, it was the same person and she'd seen what he was capable of. So she smiled at him a little too warmly, but he smiled back and it was okay.
"Udina," Kaidan muttered into her ear a few seconds later as he caught sight of the ambassador in the distance, from which he was best viewed.
"Yeah, and absolutely nothing we can do about it," she muttered back. "It's not like anyone really trusts him anyway. Anyone that matters, at least. We bide our time." Kaidan was left looking like someone had made him swallow a lemon while his puppy was being kicked, but indignation wasn't proof that Udina was corrupt.
Their would-be councilor was too clever for them to be able to afford a misstep, so feigned obliviousness it was. They dealt with him through gritted teeth and then were told they had an audience with the Council - Nihlus got furious that Saren hadn't been straight up arrested, and Shepard realized Nihlus was being set up to be discredited. It should have felt better to switch those particular places with someone. Right. She had experience with this. She could handle it.
"Excuse me," a smooth voice called behind her before she had the chance to give the other Spectre much-needed advice, and she recognized Garrus with a pang of shock. Tali trailed behind him. His expression was guarded but urgent. Right away she knew these people were the friends who'd had her back through the other side of hell and back.
Nihlus made an impatient click with his tongue. They should hurry to the Council.
Her eyes met Garrus'. "Yeah, Garrus, I'll meet you after my audience," she said quickly. "I'll head to C-SEC, alright?" She almost told them to board the Normandy, but she figured that might not go down very well in front of Nihlus.
He nodded slowly, and Tali's gaze jumped anxiously between all of them. "Don't be long, Shepard. It's, uh – good to see you." Her voice shook slightly.
Shepard tried for a reassuring smile as it occurred to her that last they knew, she was very dead. Again. "Not going anywhere," she promised.
Garrus' eyes shifted to Kaidan, who nodded imperceptibly, and seemingly satisfied, her friends left for the C-SEC offices.
"Had time to schedule personal business too, I see. Friends of yours?" Nihlus asked, bad mood unimproved.
"Yes. They'll be useful allies against Saren and I intend to ask them to join me on the Normandy, in fact."
The turian actually stopped in his tracks to turn to her incredulously. "A quarian and some C-SEC officer?"
Shepard shrugged. "Those are rather reductive and open-ended descriptions."
"Uh-huh." Ah, well. Converting cynics was half of her job anyway.
The meeting with the Council went exactly as she remembered. She hadn't quite expected that, because she'd half hoped Nihlus' report would at least shift the tone of the conversation. Saren straight out denied ever brandishing a gun in either of their directions, and it became a question of 'he said, everyone else said', which was apparently a quandary that left the Council in the awkward position of having to firmly decide not to do anything about it.
"I'd please request the Spectres and prospective Spectre present to act their rank and status, and not resolve this misunderstanding like hot-headed krogan children," the salarian councilor said acidly.
"Misunders– he tried to kill me!"
"Kryik, cool it," Shepard hissed in his ear. "They're not going to be any more sympathetic if you keep jumping at their throats."
"Unfortunate – and untrue – allegations," Saren interjected acidly. His eyes, however, were on Shepard instead of his former mentee. Kryik gave him a look of pure venom. "I'm frankly astonished, Nihlus. I don't recognize you."
"Go fuc-"
"Perhaps Commander Shepard would like to explain her version of events. She seems like the more reasonable voice in the room at the moment," the asari councilor said loudly, roaming a critical eye over everyone else.
Shepard said very little beyond explaining her 'vision', or a much more detailed version of it, because Nihlus took up a lot of speaking time in his shouting match with everyone else. When they left the room, she just calmly trailed after his murder-seeking disposition.
"How are you so level-headed?" He rounded on her, suddenly, apparently making a poor choice as to where to vent his frustration.
She pondered him for a moment. She needed a better handle on him before she started pushing buttons. "Yoga," she said lightly.
That seemed like the wrong thing to say, because she could almost tangibly see his irritation pile up. "He's going to get away with it and you think this is funny?"
She frowned. "I have no intention of letting him get away with it. Why would you think so?"
He looked bemused. "The Council just basically told us to drop it."
"Yeah, but you know. We could not do that."
"Your solution to deal with a rogue Spectre is to become one?" Nihlus was now glowering.
"This is much bigger than a rogue Spectre," she retorted. "He's putting us all in danger with the shit he's mixed up with. I don't intend to ignore that threat, whatever you want to call my methods." Besides, it wouldn't take long for evidence to turn up, but she had a feeling Nihlus needed to get his head on straight before the real war began.
He scoffed but cut the argument short, and then off she went traipsing around the Citadel for the day, intervening in things she frankly had no business intervening in, ostensibly with the ultimate goal of arriving at C-SEC. She ascertained that Garrus had already swooped in to solve Tali's problems like a guy who wanted to win points with his girlfriend, which saved her a lot of trouble. Additionally, Kaidan was becoming restless and she remembered she'd promised him a few hours off eventually.
Having Nihlus around proved to be detrimental to all those plans. Ashley too.
For a start, she had no chance to look for anything regarding the Catalyst – but it wasn't like she'd put much faith in that idea anyway. She had no clue what part of the Citadel she'd ended up in with Anderson and the Illusive Man. Then, she had to 'accidentally' shut down the self-aware VI syphoning credits off the quasar machine, which earned such weird stares from Ashley and Nihlus, she wondered why she'd bothered. Really, like Artificial Intelligence white collar crime was part of her responsibilities too. Hell, one of her superiors probably thought so.
They met up with Garrus and Tali and had to go through the motions of an investigation they only half remembered, and which they'd since concluded. And then Wrex had enthusiastically nearly lifted her right off the ground when they met up, and the way Nihlus glared daggers into her back was a stark reminder that she hadn't made the krogan and the turians kiss and make up yet. In fact, even the turians and the humans were still figuring out if they wanted to not exterminate each other at this point. The lack of a looming doomsday left a lot of room for grumbling about old wars. Not that the doomsday had made too much progress in that direction, but if there was one thing the entire galaxy agreed on, it was not to allow anyone but itself to bring about its destruction. Entitled outrage had a way of bringing people together.
They shot some people, found some hard evidence, and met with the Council a second time, putting the councilors in the awkward position of being unable to ignore their eyes and ears. She was made Spectre when Nihlus remembered to advise as much through his fury, which didn't lend itself to the historical theatrics of the moment. Saren made his dramatic exit without even being present and Nihlus' instability became so pronounced that even the Council had to take note of it when Shepard had to physically hold him back from – she supposed she could grammatically use the word approaching - his own representative.
"I think," the asari councilor said frostily, as Shepard was still slightly wrestling to keep the other Spectre in his place, the murderous look in his eyes supremely unhelpful to the situation, "that you have forgotten yourself, Spectre Kryik. Perhaps how we go from here requires careful consideration."
Shepard did not clamp a hand over his mouth quickly enough to stop the string of untranslatable and somehow crystal-clear language that spewed forth. Considering that that resulted in Shepard being put in charge of the Saren investigation again, the solution made the problem worse, and at that point she was pretty sure he might burn a hole through the chamber – and more importantly, her - through hostility alone.
She remembered him as a fairly cool and detached guy, but clearly, she hadn't known him long enough. Frankly, she was starting to question the way she'd conducted herself the first time around, because if this was the reaction this situation evoked from someone who'd had much more extended interaction with the Council, she'd been the picture of professional patience in comparison. No one had told her she'd had a right to a diplomatically insensitive temper tantrum or two.
She took charge of the meeting and managed to end it without further incident. The ultimate decision that she barely managed to squeeze out of what meager influence she had was that Nihlus would accompany her on the Normandy and assist with the investigation, reporting directly to her. Shepard took that to mean that they'd decided to let her handle that particular problem, along with every other one ever.
Well, she reasoned as she dragged him out, at least the contrast between her attitude and Nihlus' had surely won her a few extra points with them.
"Williams, why don't you accompany Spectre Kryik back to the Normandy so he can cool off?" she ordered as soon as she was out of sight of the councilors. "Alenko and I will finish off some business and then we'll board. Keep an eye on him, I'm pretty sure he's in a mood to break something indiscriminate," she added just for Ashley under her breath.
"Yes, ma-am," she said, warily glancing between Kaidan, Nihlus and Shepard herself. Clearly, she didn't really want to ask any questions, because she just strode off after the Spectre, who'd barely bothered to slow down.
"Joker, turian out for blood headed for you, let him in and don't shoot," she muttered into her earpiece, and Joker made a noise she refrained from identifying in response.
Anderson and Udina gave her their two cents just like before. Liara, Noveria, Feros. Hurry up and solve everything. Anderson had a few further fatherly words to share, and Shepard even managed to not burst into tears.
And then, finally, they could find somewhere private to properly speak to Garrus, Tali and Wrex. She used her Spectre status to requisition a few secure hours of a random office at the embassies. As soon as the five of them stepped inside, she could tell Tali was torn between hugging or punching her, even if the quarian's suit completely blocked the view of her expression.
"I know, and I'm sorry, but we all need to be careful, and I'm pretty sure Ashley is already very aware something's off," she said quickly, and Tali sighed. Shepard pulled her to her chest and she seemed sufficiently mollified after that.
"We've been losing our minds for days, you know," Garrus said, crossing his arms. "Contacting us to explain why we're all three years younger might have been nice."
"No one's any more insane than they were pre-Crucible," was Kaidan's unhelpful interjection, and Tali gave him a deadpan look recognizable even through her mask that reminded Shepard she was the only one keeping the peace at any time wherever she went.
"We could also have contacted her, but I think we all know why no one did anything," Wrex pointed out.
She remembered why she kind of liked Wrex sometimes.
"No one wanted to sound insane."
"Right. So?" Tali said expectantly.
She told them what she'd told Kaidan, Joker and Chakwas, feeling like she was going to be repeating herself very often if the plan was collecting the rest of her squad mates in hiccups like this. By the time she was finished, she'd gotten twice hugged again by Tali, and even Garrus was twitching so much, she suspected he wanted to too. Wrex got very worked up and bellowed when she finished as a way of releasing pent-up energy, which she appreciated. She'd had to bear witness to his other methods, and the most breakable thing around were the humans in the room.
"So we're going to have to go through the last three years all over again," was Garrus' conclusion.
"Maybe with an accelerated timeframe."
"Yes, I'm very comfortable with you not being dead for two years."
"Bring it on. I'll rip half of them into little pieces myself if I have to," Wrex was really worked up.
"I'm not sure you were listening, but the point is less ripping anyone in half and more making nice with literally everyone in this galaxy."
"Shepard, part of your charm is that you do that by shooting things, so I don't see the problem."
She didn't even know how to react to the fact that Wrex had used the word charm unironically, let alone to his (troublingly not immediately inaccurate) logic, but Garrus saved her.
"How about Cerberus? They're ripe for shooting, right?"
Wrex cheered. "There you go. Some real action to entertain ourselves while we pretend we care about some politician's stupid concerns."
"To be fair, their concerns tend to keep the peace," Shepard defended.
"If you go diplomat on me, Shepard, I'll still respect you, but I won't name my firstborn after you."
"Let's – uh – try to keep that from happening, then," she said drily.
"Look at it this way, when she takes over the galaxy, she'll be the only diplomat you'll ever have to deal with. Can you picture her giving the time of day to actual nonsense, even if she goes autocratic?"
Wrex looked way too interested in Kaidan's joke, his dismissive stance on autocracy inconsequential. "I changed my mind. Hey Shepard, what do you think you could do with a krogan army and a few guns?"
"Shoot you and your army."
He grinned. "Worth a try."
"Uh-huh. Right, all of you, time to get on board the ship."
She felt more than she saw or heard the question emanating from Kaidan beside her, so she answered it in a manner she saw as inconspicuous. "Lieutenant Alenko and I need to wrap up some Alliance business."
Tali snorted audibly and Garrus coughed to cover up a laugh. Wrex stared at them blankly. "Humans," he muttered, shaking his head and disappearing out the door.
"Have fun," Tali said suggestively, leaving with Garrus, who was the only one with the decency not to comment.
"I hate your friends."
"They're your friends too."
"They're definitely your friends."
"Let's go eat something." She figured wasting time pre-flirting was a terrible way to spend the short hours they had left. "Was Apollo's even open this year?"
"I have no idea, but I'm starting to get a real sense of the extremely off-putting conversational grammar I'm going to have to deal with for a long while."
Apollo's was in fact open already, but only as a blooming little business on an overlooked corner of the Citadel. If Shepard were a romantic person, she'd make some sort of far-fetched analogy to her relationship with the man leading her to it by the hand, even wax poetic about fortunes and the audacity of hope and such, or how the view from the tables shifted so inexplicably with disaster. Instead, she wondered what kind of business managed to thrive on the same steady tenacity that kept pace with the conflict and despair in the galaxy.
They sat down and her fingers found their way to entwining with his. Just like that, Shepard forgot anything she didn't want to remember for a couple of hours.
They took their time – long after their plates were cleared and their drinks refilled too many times, they kept talking. For a while, they kept it lighthearted, flirting and teasing a little like cheesy teenagers – things had felt heavy so long, it was good that there was something solid to fall back on between them for once. But then Kaidan's fingers brushed a tiny scar on one of her fingers - an old one from some stupid childhood stunt she'd all but forgotten – and she felt the direction of his thoughts drift.
He pressed over it again, a pensive crinkle in his eyebrows. "When Cerberus did – uh, well, whatever they did to you, I noticed this was gone."
Surprised, she looked down at it. She hadn't even noticed it herself. People didn't really get scars anymore unless they wanted to, but the availability of that technology hadn't included her back when she'd gotten it, and she'd never really bothered to do anything about it when she could. She supposed her hands would have to have been severely reconstructed, because extremities would have been the first thing to go in the cold nothing of space. She glanced at Kaidan's face and decided against saying that out of courtesy.
He brushed over the scar a third time, and she moved her fingers slightly so she could entwine them with his instead. The wound's ghost disappeared under his tanned skin.
"I was a reckless kid," she replied airily. "You end up collecting a fair share of these."
"It's only reckless if it's not deliberate."
"I knew there was a reason I kept you around."
The look in his eyes expressed fondness for a second, but it was brief - he seemed to be struggling with something else.
"I keep getting chances."
She pondered whether she should question what he meant even though she knew it perfectly. "Me too," she said instead, maybe letting her voice carry a little amusement. "I officially have more resurrections under my belt than that guy from Ashley's religion. Jesus," she added, as the name came to her.
"Yeah, I – that's definitely part of it." He laughed. "But also chances to make up for my own – short-sightedness."
"Kaidan-"
He shook his head. "It's okay. That's not – it's not really what's chewing at me. I- Shepard, I'm-" He didn't look like he himself knew what he wanted to say, so she took his other hand. His eyes met hers and he must have read something in them that gave him the steel to get it out. "Marry me."
Whatever she'd been expecting, it was not that. She froze but he wasn't done.
"I'm not an idiot. Mostly. I know I don't deserve all this." She was opening her mouth to protest but he cut her off. "No, it's true. You're-" he broke off, as though at a loss for words, and shook his head, pressing forward without elaborating. "And I was lucky enough to find you once, let alone time after time after time. Even if – if it was hard some of those times. I wasted chances."
"You didn't," she said softly.
"I did. But it's okay. And I – right now, we're good. We're – this feels permanent. Steady. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yes." Some part of her wondered which question she was answering.
"I know I don't have anything to prove. Neither do you. Us. That's not what this is about."
"I know." Did she? The memory of Kaidan running for her, always running, always the first one there, after Saren, before the SR-1 tore in half, every step of the way on Earth – all the thoughts that reminded her why she wanted to stop running with increasing urgency. Proof she did know. She was tired of doubt.
"I love you. So – marry me?"
"Yes."
He beamed at her and all the issues that suddenly occurred to her regarding this plan were worth it.
"I know what you're thinking. Don't. I just – I wanted to get that out of my chest. You don't need to – we don't need to just get up and elope right now. We have time. One of these days the Alliance might even not take issue with it."
Shepard snorted. "Okay." She dragged him forward for a kiss because he'd neglected to. When she pulled away, they were both smiling like idiots. Her previous critical analysis of their surroundings was now stupidly cynical, really.
"Hey, Lola!"
Shepard turned around, looking for the source of the noise, and spotted a noticeably younger James Vega striding confidently in her direction with a large smirk on his face.
Kaidan rolled his eyes and they both stood from the table, coming to the obvious conclusion that their time off was decidedly over. "You know too many people."
"Oh, come on, you've known him about as long as I have!"
"Put it this way, when he's bragging, he won't say he knows me, but he will most assuredly say he knows Commander Shepard."
She didn't actually have a response to that, so she clamped her mouth shut. Kaidan grinned, gave her hand a surreptitious squeeze, and saluted James as he walked away. "I'll go on ahead to the ship, don't be long. Tell Vega I said hi and that he can't collect on future debts."
James reached her and gave her an enthusiastic bear hug, which was so uncharacteristic that she used it as an excuse to affectionally hug back.
"Well, you're not even a little bit concerned you've gone insane, there's a change."
James barked out a laugh as he let go of her. "You joking? There's only so much locura you can witness until you start taking it in stride, and I served in your ship for a while, Commander."
"It was only a few months," she muttered, almost offended.
"Like I said, a while."
She punched his arm and changed the subject for his sake. "You just walked up and assumed I knew what's up. How come?"
"Again, your ship. Locura. You're always in the middle of it." He craned his neck after Kaidan. "Where'd the pretty boy go? He tax-avoiding? Or - I didn't interrupt a romantic getaway, did I?" he asked, smirking.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Inflation's a bitch anyway, I'd hold off if I were you." He barked out a laugh. "So - what are you even doing here, Vega?"
Shrugging, he gestured to the table she and Kaidan had just vacated, and she sat down again. "Believe it or not, coincidence. After my brain caught your crazy some days ago, I was here visiting a friend yesterday, and then there was buzz-buzz that the Normandy was docking soon. So I stuck around."
"Hmm."
He leaned forward. "Alright, then, your turn, time to spill it – get me caught up on the latest episode of things-that-only-happen-to-you?"
She made a face and for the fourth time that day – or what her sleep deprivation was still straining to tally as a day – relayed what had happened after the Normandy had escaped Earth. James did not say a word as she spoke, just listened carefully with a deepening frown, and when she was done, he looked a little green around the edges as he shook his head. "Por el amor de Dios."
"You know, all that Spanish is weird on my translator," she said in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"Just 'cause every human speaks English now doesn't mean I don't get to troll all this generalizing alien technology."
Shepard couldn't help the snort that escaped her. "Course not."
He turned serious again. "But seriously. Damn, Lola."
She brushed him off. "It's over now. And apparently we get to do it again."
"Yeah, well, let's keep you alive this time around, shall we? Otherwise eventually no one's gonna know if it's safe to officially declare you dead for, what's this, the twenty-third time?"
"I've only died twice, you know."
"Not even gonna bother with that." He shook his head. "The 'only' was a nice touch, though."
She didn't bother with subtlety when she changed the subject again. "So, in the past two days, didn't occur to you to try and contact me?"
"Wouldn't know how even if I weren't some grunt trying to reach Commander Shepard."
"That name doesn't make quite the same impact these days."
James smirked at her again. "Aw, don't feel too bad, Lola. All you have to do is save the galaxy a couple more times and it'll come back to ya."
She found an opening for both changing the subject and asking him a question she was sure to be asking a great many people. "Care to help out with that?"
Instantly, his expression shifted guiltily. "I-" James swallowed nervously. "I really want to, Shepard. Believe me. And one day I'll take you up on it for sure. You're not gonna get to have all the fun when the war breaks proper. But right now, there's a lot of crap that needs to be cleaned up differently on my end. Gonna keep some people breathing for one."
Shepard hummed easily and nodded. "Yell if you need anything, Lieutenant."
He stood at attention and saluted with a cheesy grin. "Aye aye, ma-am. See you around, Lola."
They went their separate ways and she hastened to arrive at the ship, figuring certain people on it might be impatient to get moving.
As soon as the dock was in sight, Nihlus proved her right by greeting her with a glare.
"Finished up meeting with every single person currently on the Citadel?"
"Impatience isn't going to get us anywhere, Nihlus," she told him patiently. "We need allies if we have any hope of resolving this and the bigger conflicts that are sure to come up as soon as we do. You don't make friends by hitting everyone in sight."
"That doesn't make any sense, and Saren's now got a few hours head start."
"Head start to what?" she questioned, letting a little derision seep into her tone. "We don't know where he might have gone. We have no idea who his allies are, beyond the obvious. We don't know where he might be operating out of, and we don't know how to fight him. We're in the information-gathering stage. Recklessness is only an asset when there's nothing else to lose, and we haven't lost anything yet. So let's do this smart and not desperate." Now, those may have been a bunch of blatant lies mixed with truthful sentiments, but he didn't need to know that.
Nihlus gave her the turian equivalent of a dirty look and boarded. She sighed and followed him.
"Hey, Commander, you've got Cortez on the line, wanting to speak to you," Joker said immediately as soon as she entered, his tone implying something for her ears only, and Nihlus looked incredulous.
"Are there this many people wanting to talk to you on any given day? Just how many friends do you have?"
She didn't dignify that with a response, waving him off, and hurried to the comm. room, where Steve's grinning face greeted her happily.
"Shepard, goddamn, what have you gotten yourself into now?"
"I don't get myself into things, they just happen to me."
He cracked up, and his good mood was infectious enough that she couldn't help but smile back at him. "Yeah, that seems about right. Do I wanna know?"
And so she retold her story one more time – she was sure she could bully someone into writing her a script and distributing it, the more she thought about it – and both his smile and the color of his face drained steadily as she did.
"Well," he asserted in a brave attempt at optimism, "at least you're not dead, that's something."
"Yeah, I agree with that."
His lips twitched. "Honestly."
She smirked at him. "I'm okay, Steve, don't worry. Just focused on planning for this mess. Again. Speaking of which," she added, changing her tone, "I could use your driving skills. They think they're subtle, but I hear my whole squad complaining about mine."
"Yeah, I've heard stories," he replied, smirking. "James around? He said he tracked you down."
She shook her head. "He had a life before this ship, and I think he wants to fix it."
Steve nodded. "Ah. A familiar sentiment."
"Robert," she realized, lighting up. It wasn't often that the unforeseen consequences of her actions were good.
His answering smile was wider. "Yeah. You know all that crap about moving on? Doesn't mean shit when I lay eyes on him. I'm sorry for what you went through, sister, but hell if I'm not glad to be here right now."
"Damn straight. Enjoy it."
"I will. Thank you," he said fervently.
She brushed his gratitude aside. "It wasn't me-"
He shook his head. "Just – thank you. For everything."
"You're welcome." She hesitated, suspecting she was fighting a losing battle. "You know, I'm sure there's room for the both of you on my ship."
He started, and considered her in silence for a long time. She began to think there might be a chance after all. "I think-" He paused. "That if I say no to you, and he finds out I turned down his opportunity to serve on Commander Shepard's ship, he might actually divorce me."
She laughed. "Tell you what: have a heart to heart with him. Does he know about this little situation?"
Steve snorted. "Oh god no. I just got him back, I don't want him to throw me in a mental institution yet. But," he added, "I do want to tell him. Just – with veritable backup."
"Do I count?"
"Definitely. But there's a lot to talk about before that, so – gimme some time?"
"Just say when. And keep him safe."
"I will. Frankly, despite historical evidence, the Normandy might still be the best place for that. So – I'll keep in touch."
"You better."
He smiled as the connection cut. Shepard turned around and there was Kaidan, dark circles under his eyes as pronounced as hers, and she thought she might finally declare an official end to a very long and strange day.
He raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head. "Sleep. Please. You too."
He left her with a kiss on her temple that lingered and a promise to sneak into her quarters as soon as possible. The memory of their date still sent warm tingly feelings right down to her fingertips and she stared at them, wondering what the weight of a ring might feel like.
She shook her head. He was destroying her cynicism. And Apollo's seemed like an inspirational metaphor after all.
It took him thirteen minutes to join her in her bed, and they fell asleep on a promise, hands tightly tangled.
