I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin. Nor do I own Legally Blonde songs.

Note: I highly recommend listening to the song before reading. Just look up Jean Kirschtein: Gay or European on Youtube.

P.S. If you are against homosexuality, or hate it to a fault, I suggest you not read this chapter.

P.S.S. This is for all you JeanxMarco fans out there!


Is Jean Gay or European?

It was their day off, and those in the 104th trainee squad were just talking and hanging about in the mess hall. Jean had decided to be a horseface at a different table with Marco, due to another argument with Eren, this subject being that Jean smells to girly to outshine Eren. Once he was gone, Sasha suddenly slammed her hands on the table, catching the attention of those around her.

"Okay guys, there is one very important matter we have yet to discuss," she announced. The others just stared at her in confusion.

Eventually, Connie spoke up, "Which is…?"

Sasha's eyes sparked with either mischief, or excitement, no one could really tell, "Is Jean gay?" she asked pointing at him, "I mean, just look at him!"

Sasha: There! Right there!

Look at that tan well tended skin.

Look at the killer shape he's in.

Look at that slightly stubbly chin.

Oh please he's gay, totally gay!

The rest just stared at her. Then, Reiner spoke up.

Reiner: I'm not about to celebrate

Every trait could indicate,

a totally straight expatriate.

This guy's not gay, I say not gay.

Now everyone wanted to pitch in with their opinions. They all looked at Jean, who was completely oblivious to their conversation.

All: That is the elephant in the room.

Well is it relevant to assume

that a man who wears perfume

is automatically, radically fey?

Then, they started taking his appearance into account.

Bertholdt: But look at his croft and crispy locks.

Annie: Look at his silk, translucent socks.

Reiner cleared his throat, catching everyone's attention.

Reiner: There's the eternal paradox.

Look what we're seeing.

(Sasha: What are we seeing?)

Reiner: Is he gay…

(Sasha: Of course he's gay!)

Reiner: …Or European?

Everyone froze and stared at Reiner. No one had ever even thought of that option.

All: Ohhh…

They all stared at Jean again who was still unaware.

All: Gay, or European?

It's hard to guarantee.

Is he Gay, or European?

They all looked to Connie, to which he just shrugged and shook his head.

Connie: Well, hey don't look at me.

Mikasa spoke, much to everyone's surprise.

Mikasa: You see they bring their boys up different

in those charming, foreign ports.

They play peculiar sports…

Everyone joined in.

All: In shiny shoes and tiny shorts.

Gay or foreign fella?

The answer could take weeks.

They will say things like 'Ciao bella'

while they kiss you on both cheeks.

Sasha: Oh please, gay-

All: Or European?

So many shades of gray!

Bertholdt quickly pointed out something.

Bertholdt: Depending on the time of day,

the French go either way.

All: Is he gay or European?

Or-

Suddenly, Annie noticed Jean smirking and laughing at something Marco said, so she stood up and pointed to him.

Annie: There! Right there!

Look at that condescending smirk,

seen it on every guy at work.

That is a metro hetero jerk.

That guy's not gay, I say no way!

She sat back down and everyone continued to voice their opinion.

All: That is the elephant in the room.

Well is it relevant to presume

That a hottie in that costume-

Suddenly, they all saw Jean with his arm slung around Marco's shoulder, while leaning on him. They assumed that their suspicions were confirmed.

Krista: Is automatically-radically…

Eren: Ironically chronically…

Sasha: Certainly pertin'tly…

Connie: Genetically medically…

All: GAY!

OFFICIALLY GAY!

OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY-

Then, Jean caught Mikasa's eye, and blushed.

All: D****T!

Gay or European?

(Reiner: So stylish and relaxed.)

Is he gay or European?

(Connie: I think his chest is waxed)

Mikasa: But they bring their boys up different there

it's culturally diverse.

It's not a fashion curse…

All: If he wears a kilt or bears a purse!

Gay or just exotic?

I still can't crack the code.

Ymir: Yet his accent is hypnotic,

but his shoes are pointy-toed.

All: Huh.

Gay or European?

So many shades of gray…

Mina randomly spoke up from somewhere in the room.

Mina: But if he turns out straight,

I'm free at eight,

on Saturday!

By now, everyone was getting frustrated.

All: Is he gay or European?

Gay or European?

Gay or Euro-

Suddenly, Armin spoke up.

Armin:Wait a minute!Give me a chance to crack this guy.

I have an idea I'd like to try.

Reiner: The floor is yours.

Armin made sure everyone was watching, then, he walked up to Jean and started talking to him.

Armin: So, Jean… this alleged affair for Mikasa has been going on for…?

Jean: Two months.

Armin: And your last name again is…?

Jean: Kirschtein.

Armin: And your boyfriend's name is…?

Jean: Marco.

Everybody made an audible gasp.

Jean: I-I'm sorry! I misunderstood! You said boyfriend, I thought you said best friend! Marco is my… Best Friend.

Then, Marco abruptly stood up, and surprised everyone with what he said next to Jean.

Marco: You b*****d!

You lying b*****d!

That's it! I won't cover for you anymore!

He faced the crowd.

Everyone! I have a BIG announcement!

This man is Gay AND European!

All: Woah!

Marco: And neither is his place.

You've got to stop you're being

A completely closet case!

It's me, not her, he's seeing.

No matter what he say.

I swear he never ever ever swing the other way.

He turned to Jean.

Marco: You are so gay!

You big parfait.

You flaming boy band cabaret-

Jean: I'm straight!

Marco: You were not yesterday.

Marco faced the crown once more and called out with his loudest voice.

Marco: So if I may, I'm proud to say:

He's GAY!

Everyone joined in and shouted along with him.

All: And European!

Marco: He's Gay!

All: And European!

Marco: He's Gay!

All: And European and GAY!

Jean: Fine okay I'm gay!

All: HOORAY!

Then, Shadis burst through the door and commanded why it was so loud in there. To which Mikasa responded by saying Sasha farted. Again.


Wooh! That was a long one! If you have listened to the song/ have heard it before, you might have noticed I made a few changes. I did that because, Well, I figured Armin asking for his last name would make more sense because he already knows his first, and the fact that Jean had a crush on Mikasa and not a relationship. And I didn't really know who to put for the whole "I'm free on Saturday" part so I just put Mina since she's generally a minor character. Also, the font that is in italics and bold means their singing, bold means the dialogue is part of the song, and normal lettering is just part of the story, sorry if you got confused it just ended up that way. R&R please!