well, I decided to add a few more chapters to this story since it's gotten a lot of positive feedback for which I am very grateful and happy (this fandom is pretty damn awesome, so thanks to all you lovely reviewers, anonymous or not), but I should warn you, I don't have the time to update this on a weekly basis so I will probably and most likely not keep up with the episodes. The story will veer off course at some point either way.

We'll see how it goes.

This chapter follows through the first episode of season four. A couple of lines are taken directly from the transcript.

Hope you enjoy and please review :)


"I'm gonna go to the hospital," Damon told her in a bleak voice.

His face was ashen and his lips were curled up in a powerless sneer. He wanted to wreak havoc, wanted revenge, wanted to take it out on the whole world, but he was almost too dejected to even try. It was as if he was fighting off an exhausting rage.

Bonnie got out of the car shakily, pressing the call button for the umpteenth time. Stefan just wouldn't answer. He was probably too devastated.

"I'm coming with you," she said, looking up from the phone, dry tears on her cheeks.

"No, you're not," Damon countered immediately. "You're not coming anywhere with me."

He had said it in a very cold and spiteful tone. If the circumstances had been different, she would have given him a piece of her mind, but the girl he was in love with and her very own best friend had just died. This kind of reaction was to be expected.

"Go home. Cry it out. Just don't stand in my way," he added, not sparing her a look.

"Stefan's still not answering," Bonnie continued defiantly, ignoring his words, "don't you think that's important? We have to find him, we have to find out what happened, maybe she's not dead yet-"

"I don't need to call him. I know Stefan is the one who let Elena die," he replied in the same eerie voice.

She wanted to contradict him, but something made her choke up; maybe it was the certainty in his eyes, the certainty that Elena was dead, or maybe it was the feeling that any moment now he would leave her and never come back -

But he was already gone.

And would never come back.


"She's going to become what she always dreaded she would. What I always dreaded she would."

Jeremy nodded his head, his eyes engulfed in tears. They were holding hands and she could feel the warmth through her skin, a warmth she would never feel from Elena again, unless she prevented her transition.

"It's the worst state there is; being stuck between the dead and the living. You don't belong anywhere," Bonnie muttered, thinking back to the events of the previous night.

"Bonnie? Are you okay?" Jeremy asked concerned.

"Me? I'm fine. We shouldn't be worrying about me. We have to get your sister back," she said, forcing a determined look on her face.

"Let's get to work. We still have some hours left. And I don't want to waste them."


"She's cheated death too many times, Stefan. It's either now or never. No magic is going to change that, do you hear me? She needs to feed on human blood and move on, it's as simple as that," Damon told him, chugging back the glass of bourbon.

"It's never been as simple as that, Damon. How can you move on from death?"

"Easy. You don't die. Or in your case, you don't let her die. But I guess it's too late for that so you're just going to have to suck it up."

Stefan's entire face closed in on itself in pain.

"Or, you know, go for option number three: let the witch handle it. Glad it's not too late for that."

"Damon - "

"Oh, speaking of which, maybe you'll manage to kill her off too. I mean you're on a roll, brother. Why stop now?"


He almost wanted to call her as he left Elena's house. He didn't know why. Maybe to check if she hadn't really died. It was silly and absurd of course, but everyone he cared about seemed to be dying. And he knew he wasn't far from the truth. Bonnie might just do some stupid noble thing to save Elena. The same stupid noble thing he would do. He'd just have to trust that she was powerful enough to survive.

Although, if it came down to who would live, between Bonnie or Elena, he wasn't exactly concerned for the former's life. He knew that if there was any possibility for Bonnie to give Elena what she wanted, at the expense of her life, he would gladly let her -

But would he?

Yes.

Well, maybe he wouldn't have to.

But if he did, then -

No.

No. Maybe not yet.

The previous night hadn't faded from memory and it was that damnable kiss that made this hypothetical situation seem more difficult than before.

It wasn't going to happen, though. Why think about it now? This wasn't about Bonnie. Nobody had to die. It was only Elena that had to feed. And surely, someone as selfless as her would see the benefit of doing that instead of letting others suffer the consequences.


Bonnie fell into Jeremy's arms like dead weight. She didn't like this feeling of complete imponderability. There was no earth beneath her feet. The spirits were not going to let her land. Her grandmother had pulled her back through the gates, but for one glorious moment, she had walked among the undead, she had sunk her soul into those dark edges and she had come back, free.

And Elena?

She is not your problem, her grandmother had said.

But maybe she didn't just want to save Elena for herself. Maybe she wanted to save her for everybody else. There were so many who needed her. It wasn't just Jeremy. She needed her too. Stefan needed her. Damon needed her.

Elena was their pillar. Elena couldn't become a vampire, because then it would mean that it had all been in vain, it would mean that she had been kissing Damon while-

She extricated herself from Jeremy's arms.

"I need to be alone."


"It didn't work, Damon. Bonnie tried, but she couldn't get Elena to the other side. Something wouldn't let her. It almost killed her," Jeremy was telling him on the phone.

Damon was standing in front of the pastor's ranch, sizing it up in interest.

"Why run to me with the news? I knew from the start your little plan would fail. That's why I'm going to get it done for you," he replied, listening carefully for any sign of Bonnie on the other line.

"Is the witch with you?" he asked nonchalantly.

"She's resting. She had a pretty rough session...Damon what are you going to do?"

"Tell Bonnie to stop wasting her powers. We need her in top shape," he said, his mind suddenly flashing to one of her famous aneurysms. He almost winced.

"As for me, I'm going to bash some religious brains in. And maybe quarterback too," he added, glaring at Matt standing next to him.

There was an urge to kill that boy and he almost wanted to give in.


"You were gonna kill him," Elena said in a reproachful tone as she sped up to him. It didn't feel any different between them now that she was a vampire.

"Yup. Guy just won't die."

"It was my choice to save him. Why aren't you seeing that?"

"It's a little hard to keep track of all your choices lately, Elena."

He was about to walk away, but she told him what he had been expecting to hear all night.

"I remember everything."

He paused.

"One of the highlights of my transition; remembering everything that you compelled me to forget. Like how you and I met first. You're the stranger that told me you wanted me to get everything I wanted from life. Damon, why didn't you tell me?"

"Would it've made a difference?" he asked dryly.

Her expression didn't change.

"Didn't think so."

"You asked me to make a choice, Damon, so I did. If you're gonna be mad, then take it out on me. Not on Stefan or Matt or anyone else. Me."

"Are we done here?"

Elena felt like she had been slapped.

"No, we're not, because you still don't get it, Damon! You don't get that sometimes you have to let go. That sometimes you have to save the other person! That sometimes you can't-"

"I kissed Bonnie."

There, he had said it. He'd finally freed himself of that indiscretion.

He hadn't meant to say it right there and then, but Elena had pushed him.

"Wh-what?"

She was in shock. "What do you mean you -"

"Kissed Bonnie. Yes."

"But she -"

"Kissed me back."

Elena shook her head. Everything was spinning around her at an alarming speed.

"No. She wouldn't do that -"

"But she did. Against all odds. We kissed. Actually, we made out for a little while."

"When-"

"It happened while you were dying."

Each word felt like a bullet, ricocheting off her skin. It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, but - remember what Stefan said - everything was heightened.

"What did you do to her?"

"Didn't you hear? We kissed, as in I kissed her and she kissed me. It's a two-way street."

Elena opened and shut her mouth several times.

"You're lying."

"Why would I do that?"

Elena faltered, looking down, angry with herself.

To make me jealous, was the unspoken answer that hung between them.

Elena almost wanted to cry and she had no idea why. Maybe it was the fact that she kept replaying that scene in her bedroom - the freshly remembered one - where Damon had told her he loved her. It didn't make sense that he would love her so deeply in the past and then do something as reckless as kissing her best friend in the future.

She felt awful, awful for even thinking about it.

"I have to go," she murmured and ran out of his sight back towards the barn.


Damon felt awful too. He had never been that petty or that desperate before.

Safe to say he would have never resorted to this a couple of years ago. Well, he wouldn't have bothered much a couple of years ago.

Now he was calling Bonnie. And was hoping she would answer too.

It rang for a couple of times but she didn't pick it up.

He cursed under his breath. He could leave her a message.


Bonnie was curled up on her sofa, blankets over her shaking body. She was crying quietly. It was just like the first time, only it stung deeper.

And she wondered how many more times Gran would die, how many more times she would lie like this and sob until she lost all consciousness.

Her phone was beeping and lighting up on the coffee table next to her feet.

She almost wanted to throw it against the wall.

But she didn't. She shut it off completely.


Bonnie. I did something...something stupid. Call me back. I told Elena. Just call me back.