Disclaimer: see part 1
Chain of Command
Part 2
Rewind
By Random1377
"Capture complete,"
Asuka awoke with a start, blinking in confusion. "What the hell…" she whispered, "I haven't dreamed about the eighth angel in… geez, a year and a half…"
She smiled as Shinji stirred beside her, mumbling something about crab cakes and pulling her closer to him.
She let him hold her, resting her head on his stomach as she recalled the last angel battle… if it could even really be called that.
"Capture complete," Asuka reported, "I've got it."
"We're bringing you back in," Misato's voice came back to her, "if that thing moves… dump it and drop your ballast…"
And Misato had been… wrong. The angel had not so much as twitched as they retrieved her, and the embryo-like creature had been whisked away before Asuka had even been let out of Unit 02.
She tilted her head to regard Shinji's sleeping face. "That's when it all started to go downhill, isn't it?" she whispered softly, "We all waited for the next angel, staying on our toes for over a year… but nothing happened."
She took his hand and kissed it gently, "Then Misato decided she couldn't take it… it was too much for her." She smiled as she thought of Kaji's reaction to seeing the purple-haired major drop to one knee in front of him.
"I can't wait anymore, Kaji…" Misato said, looking up at the dumbfounded agent with a soft smile, "I WON'T wait anymore. Will you marry me?"
"I was so mad," Asuka whispered ruefully, "I didn't talk to anyone for weeks… but you never got mad at me. You just cooked, and cleaned, and kept smiling at me… you were so quiet and sweet… I couldn't stay mad."
She sighed, "Three more years…" she said gently, "we lived together for three more years, going to school, getting into fights, dating other people… before I could finally admit to you – no, before I could finally admit to myself – how much you meant to me…"
She grinned in the darkness, -Three years…- she thought, -of course, once we got pleasantries like feelings out of the way, we skipped straight to the bedroom…-
"I wish you had been my first," she said wistfully, "I wish I had been yours…"
She found it ironic that each of them had been there when the other had returned home from the date that ended their virginity… and that it had been so easy for them to talk about it.
And all the while, they had both wished that it could have been a shared experience.
"But you're mine now…" she whispered, "after all the meaningless dates… all the awkward silences and secret glances… all the denials…"
She found that her voice was becoming thick with emotion. "Damnit," she whispered, "only you can make me cry…"
Forcing down the tears, she smiled. –Two years on Thursday…- she thought, kissing his side, -why are you so scared of being close to me, honey?-
She closed her eyes, remembering the phone call of a month prior.
"I need to tell you something, Asuka…"
"What is it, honey?"
"I… I'm sorry… I… slept with someone else…"
It had hurt… a lot. And had she been with him when he told her, she might have ended it on the spot. Instead, she had hung up the phone (after some choice comments on his lineage and mental aptitude) and cried herself to sleep. The following morning, she sat and thought about why he would do it.
Simple loneliness? No… that wasn't it – he had no problem being alone. He often stayed in the apartment while she was gone and just sat still. She would come home and find him in the same place he had been when she left… a soft smile on his face.
Falling for another girl? That didn't make sense either. He was as in love with her as she was with him, she knew this by the way he practically gushed to everyone he talked to about their relationship.
Finally she had come to the conclusion that it was fear. He was afraid of giving himself to her fully, so he tried to find a way out before he was forced to surrender.
It had been hard for her not to go with her initial reaction and just dump him. After all – no one made a fool of Asuka Langley Souryu! After she had calmed down, she decided that the best thing to do was forgive him… and to make sure he knew that doing it again wouldn't get her to leave. Actually, it would – she wasn't so love-struck that she would waste her life on an unfaithful man… but he didn't need to know that.
"Shinji…" she whispered, gently shaking the brown-haired man, "wake up…"
"Hmmmm…?" he yawned, running a hand absently over her back, "what is it?"
Instead of replying, she pressed her body up against his, kissing him deeply. –I won't give up on us…- she thought, running her fingers through his hair, -I know you love me… I won't let you run away…-
As the kiss progressed into something more, a final, brutal thought flitted through her mind, -And for her sake… you'd better not ever tell me who it was…-
**
Rei walked calmly through the halls of NERV headquarters, listening to her second in command (a man named Fredrich Hines, transferred from the Germany branch after the SEELE purge), outline the day's schedule.
"Then at four, there will be sync tests on Units 03, 07, and 12…" the man finished, "that's it for today."
"When is pilot Souryu scheduled to test in Unit 02?" Rei inquired as they neared her office, "I would like to be present for that…"
"Ummm, not until day after tomorrow," Hines said, leafing through his papers, "I thought she should have a chance to relax after her trip."
"Reschedule for tomorrow," Rei said quietly as they reached her office, "she has been away from her Unit for six months… I want her re-familiarized with it as soon as possible."
Hines paused, "Well, there are twelve other operational Units, Commander…" he said after the hesitation, "shouldn't Miss Souryu be allowed-"
"Ten of the other Units have never seen real combat," she cut him off quietly, "Souryu, Ikari, and myself are the only experienced pilots."
"Well," he said reluctantly, "that's true… but the last angel attack was almost six years-"
"You are questioning my decision…" she replied, her red eyes narrowing very slightly, "I have given orders…"
Hines bowed, "Begging your pardon, Commander. I will reschedule immediately."
Rei inclined her head, "Thank you. Are there any other orders of business?" Since there were none, she bade him farewell and entered her office alone.
She took her seat with a soft sigh, leaning back and admiring the Tree of Sephiroth that graced the ceiling.
"This should be your place, Commander…" she whispered, "your ambitions proved to be more than you could handle…"
She closed her eyes, picturing the former Commander's elusive smile… and unbidden, his final words came rushing back to her.
"You're the key, Rei…" Gendou whispered, coughing as the bullet lodged in his lung reminded him of its presence, "you must be strong when the time comes… and you must…" he closed his eyes, shocking the girl who knelt by his side by starting to weep, "you must protect Shinji… I've told you your beginning, Rei… your future is up to you… now…"
That had been three years ago. And now here she was, sitting in his chair… still trying to make sense of the puzzle he had left behind.
"The time you bought us has almost expired, Commander…" she said thoughtfully, "that's what Souryu will tell me, I am certain of it." She frowned slightly as she thought of the redhead.
"You stay away from him, do you understand me? Shinji is MINE!"
"Ikari is not a possession, I believe that he should be allo-"
"Shut up, you fucking doll! I'll kill you if you come near him again!"
It had been a rough time for everyone when that brief, almost violent interaction had taken place. The Commander had not been in his grave for two weeks… Rei had been designated Commander (much to the shock of everyone at NERV – herself included)… and Fuyutsuki had announced his retirement.
It was only natural that the blue-haired girl should seek comfort. She was, after all, a seventeen-year-old recluse who had just been told that the fate of the world was now in her hands.
Souryu's reaction had shocked the First Child. Why should Asuka care if Ikari spent time with her? It wasn't as if they were intimate, and she treated him very badly whenever Rei was around… almost as if she was daring the blue-haired girl to try and take him – but then when she actually started showing interest, the Second had all but lost her mind.
"It should have been apparent then," Rei mused, "all the classic signs of jealousy and denial… and no one ever noticed."
That wasn't quite true, though… Misato had known.
"You told Shinji what?"
"I… revealed my feelings, Major…"
"Are you nuts? Don't you know that Asuka will freak out if she finds out?"
"She is not my concern, I-"
"Rei… haven't you seen the way he looks at her…?"
She hadn't… not until the Major had pointed it out that afternoon, shaking her head as she watched her daughter tear through the house she and mister Kaji called home.
"You haven't got a chance with him, Rei…"
"I… will still try, Major…"
Her thoughts turned to the day a few weeks later… the day she had finally gathered the courage to ask Shinji what he thought of her… and the other thing she had longed to ask…
"Yes… I love you, Rei… but not like that. You're my sister."
"I am not. I am genetically similar to your mother, but there were other factors in my creation…"
She sighed, leaning back in her chair. It was five minutes after that that Shinji had answered her second question.
As she had said in the bar, it was the only time he had refused her anything.
"I understand why," she said quietly, "but it does not please me…"
A faint smile played around the corner of her lips. Souryu knew now that she wasn't emotionless… though she still considered her a doll (old animosities die hard). Rei wondered what the redhead's reaction would be if she ever found out what she had asked Shinji that day.
"I do believe you might try to kill me," Rei said softly, "regardless of the fact that you are the one that he chose, I am certain that the mere thought of how close we were would enrage you…"
She closed her eyes… remembering the emotions that had flashed across his face. Shock… fear… uncertainty… desire… hunger…
Ultimately he had had to turn away, pulling his eyes away from her bare skin with some difficulty.
"No… I… I can't. I'm sorry…"
She frowned slightly… recalling what had happened that night. She had been hurt and confused, and ill equipped to handle the emotions that she had been so long taught to shove deep inside… so she had sought comfort elsewhere.
She regretted nothing in her life so much as that night.
"It cannot be undone," she whispered, shaking her head and pulling her chair closer to the desk, "and now… I know what it is like…"
She picked up a pen and placed it on a pad of paper, determined to push away the memories of that horrible night… but the pen refused to move.
Rei Ayanami – designated First Child… pilot of Evangelion Unit 00… Commander in Chief of NERV… woman… human…
Alone…
"Commander?"
She looked up, blinking hard as she realized she was on the verge of tears. "Mister Aida," she said softly, discretely rubbing her eyes with her thumb and forefinger, "what can I do for you?"
Kensuke regarded her in silence for a moment before replying. "Commander," he began quietly, "I just got off the phone with Shinji… he'd like to know if you could join us tonight to celebrate Asuka's return."
"I have other duties," Rei replied immediately, "I would not be able to-"
"Rei…" Kensuke cut her off gently.
Her eyes widened – Aida never used her first name… ever. "Yes…?"
"Please?" he asked softly, "As a personal favor? I would… very much like to see you there…"
She blinked. "Mister Aida, I-"
"We've known each other for six years… and worked together for two…" he said quietly, "please call me by my first name when we're in private…"
A faint blush appeared on her cheeks, and she looked down at her desk. "Your… boldness is unnerving…" she said softly, "you have changed much in those six years…"
"I'm sorry…" he said, bowing, "forgive me if I am behaving inappropriately… Commander…"
He turned and started for the door.
"Kensuke…" she said quietly.
He froze as he neared the exit, trembling slightly. –Get a grip,- he thought, -she's just doing what you asked her to do…- "Yes?"
"I will be there tonight…"
He nodded, thankful that his back was to her so she couldn't see the foolish grin on his face. "I look forward to seeing you there… Rei…"
As the young man left, Rei leaned back in her chair once more. –I did not expect that…- she thought, smiling faintly, "'People are not always as they seem,'" she quoted thoughtfully, "Indeed they are not… Kensuke…"
After another moment of contemplation, she put the pen to the paper once more and began writing her orders for the next few days.
Though she kept the smile…
**
"Mommieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" Reiko Kaji moaned, "Pleeeeeeease?"
Misato sighed, straightening her daughter's skirt, "Honey, I've told you already… it's a big-person party tonight."
"Daddy said I could go…" the little girl pouted, "daddy said…"
"Daddy said you could have a car," Misato said dryly, "Daddy says a lot of things." She smiled, "Go brush your teeth… Nozomi will be here any minute."
"We're gonna have pizza!" Reiko said happily, her mood changing instantly, "And Aunt Nozomi said we're gonna watch giirrrrly movies."
Misato laughed, "Sounds like fun, now brush your teeth."
She shook her head as the girl headed towards the bathroom, thinking how big she seemed. –Wasn't it just yesterday I was changing her diapers?- she thought, -Look at her now… four years and two months – can't forget the two months…- She smiled as she stood.
"Aunt Nozomi?" Misato turned to find Shinji leaning against the living room doorway, a faint smile on his lips, "I don't see the resemblance."
"I don't know where she got that," the purple-haired woman said with a shrug, "just… one day she decided that Nozomi was family."
"Well," Shinji replied, folding his arms, "she sees enough of her…"
"Don't start…" Misato said, looking towards the door her little girl had disappeared through, "you know I spend as much time as I can with her." She turned to face him, lowering her voice, "And it wouldn't hurt for you to spend a little more time with her – you know she worships you."
"She worships me because she doesn't see me that much," he replied sullenly, "if I was around all the time, she would-"
"Love you all the more," Misato cut in gently, walking over and putting her arms around him, "you belong to this family now… Reiko would love you no matter what you did because you're her brother."
"She doesn't know me," he said softly, "if she did she wouldn't want to have anything to do-"
"Charming, isn't he?" Asuka said, embracing him from behind and smiling at Misato over his shoulder, "He's always like this… even in bed."
Misato grimaced, "Too much information, Asuka…"
The redhead stuck her tongue out, "Oh come on, Misato…" she said teasingly, "you lived with him for a year… don't tell me you never wondered what it would be like to-"
"Oh, God, shut up!" Misato said, "Eww! Eeww! Eeeewwww!!! I think I need a shower now."
Shinji (who was still between the two) sighed. It wasn't the first time he had been openly insulted by the two… and he doubted it would be the last.
"Besides," the purple-haired woman went on, "how do you know that I didn't while you were in…" she trailed off as Asuka and Shinji both tensed.
"Not funny…" Asuka said quietly, averting her eyes.
"Just a joke," Misato said defensively, releasing Shinji… and noticing how much tighter Asuka held him.
"It's… ok…" Asuka said, forcing a smile. But she didn't let the brown-haired boy go.
Misato was denied the chance to investigate the couple's odd behavior as the doorbell rang. "That'll be Nozomi," she said, then raised her voice, "Reiko… hurry up!"
The young girl stuck her head out of the bathroom, her mouth ringed in toothpaste, "I'm huwwying," she said, her voice sounding rather pasty, "teww huw I-"
"SPIT!" all three of the adults shouted in unison.
Reiko blinked, then scrunched up her nose and ducked back into the bathroom.
Misato grinned and walked over to the door. "Well hello," she said, her voice betraying her surprise.
Instead of Nozomi Horaki, she found Angelica Bennett, the designated Ninth Child, looking slightly embarrassed. "Sorry I'm so early, Major," the American said awkwardly, "I didn't think the train would get here so fast…"
Misato suppressed a laugh. "No problem, Angelica, come right in," she said, stepping out of the tall brunette's way. –I should have guessed she'd get here early,- she thought, -that girl cannot stand to be late…-
"Hey, Angie," Asuka said, leaning her head on Shinji's shoulder and smiling at the newcomer, "how's it going?"
The Ninth shrugged. "About the same as always," she said with a smile, "would it be too much to ask for a hug, or have you had yourself surgically grafted to Ikari?"
"Stay close to me, ok?" Asuka whispered, finally letting Shinji go.
As the friends hugged, Misato smiled and began closing the door.
"Misses Kaji!" a voice squeaked.
"Oh! Nozomi!" Misato exclaimed, reopening the door, "I didn't even see you walk up."
The gangly girl pushed her glasses up on her nose. "It's ok," she said, quietly, "it happens a lot…"
Misato contained her sigh. –Maybe if you spoke up instead of just wandering around staring at your feet…- she thought. Reiko was one of the few people that Nozomi would initiate a conversation with… and Misato was sure that it was because the youngest of the Horaki sisters felt like Reiko was the only person not making fun of her behind her back.
"Aunt Nozomi!!" the little girl squealed, rushing out of the bathroom and throwing her arms around her babysitter.
"You got toothpaste on your face, munchkin," Nozomi said, wiping her with the sleeve of her shirt, "guys won't go for that."
"Boys are yuck!" Reiko exclaimed, sticking her tongue out as Nozomi straightened the girl's shoulder-length purple hair (an inheritance from her mother… from her father she had received her impish smile and stubbornness), "Shinji's the best one…"
"Got that right," Asuka piped in, putting her arms around the man in question, "and he's all mine."
Misato frowned slightly, -What is up with her?- she thought, -I've never seen her this possessive – even when they were first dating…- She decided that it must be the aftereffects of being apart for so long, but made a mental note to corner Shinji later, -He'll talk…- she thought with a grin, -I am his mother, after all…-
As the youngest members of the Kaji and Horaki families made their departure, debating what movie they should watch, Angelica turned to Shinji. "Well…" she said softly, looking him up and down, "you're looking better than last time I saw you."
Shinji flinched, "Yeah… well…" he said, avoiding the brunette's eyes, "I guess that's to be expected…"
The Ninth Child shrugged, "Like I said then," she whispered, gazing at him steadily, "it was just that night… no need keep thinking about it…"
"What, exactly?" Asuka inquired, trying not to let herself get upset.
"I found your boyfriend puking in an ally about two weeks ago," the girl replied after a brief pause, "I couldn't just leave him, so I drove him home." She regarded the Third for a moment, then added (almost as an afterthought), "He threw up on me…"
As Shinji mumbled an apology, Asuka relaxed. –I've got to get a grip,- she thought, -I'm jumping at shadows…-
Other guests arrived one by one. First Kensuke, bearing a small, hand-wrapped gift… next Touji and Hikari (arm in arm, of course)… then Maya Ibuki, looking vaguely uncomfortable… and finally Rei, looking more uncomfortable than Maya had (or as uncomfortable as Rei ever looked – which is to say, she refused to make eye-contact and spoke quieter than usual).
When they had assembled in the living room, Misato spoke up. "Everyone here is a friend…" she began solemnly, "and I thank you all for coming." She turned, meeting everyone's eyes individually, "I know you're all close to Asuka…" she said quietly, "but before the party started I wanted to be the first to say welcome back." Her brown eyes settled on Asuka's blue ones, and she smiled gently, "You and Shinji are like my children," she said softly, "and it's hard when either of you leave." She raised her glass, "So before I get all sappy and start crying, here's to you, honey… welcome home…"
The small group echoed her, raising their glasses high in the air.
Asuka blushed and hid behind Shinji, "Misato!" she said, trying to sound angry, "You're such a bitch…"
"Damn right," Misato said proudly, "and now everyone knows where you get it!"
Everyone laughed at this, and the party began. Since it was such a small group, it consisted mostly of everyone sitting around on the living room furniture, reminiscing about the good times they'd had.
After an hour and a half, Shinji excused himself to the bathroom.
Once he was finished, he slipped quietly out into the back yard and gazed up at the stars. "I knew you would sneak away," Asuka said softly, coming up behind him and slipping her arms around his waist, "I said I'm not mad… what's wrong?"
"It's not that," he said quietly, resting his hands over hers, "you know I don't like crowds…"
"Shinji…" she whispered, "we can leave if you want…"
He laughed softly, "You know… when we first met, I couldn't have imagined you offering that for anyone… let alone me."
"People change, honey," she replied, turning him to face her. She studied him in the moonlight for a minute, "Did you change while I was gone?" she whispered, caressing his cheek, "did I lose you when I got on that plane?"
He closed his eyes, flushing faintly. "No…" he answered after a moment, "but I think I lost myself…" he drew her into his arms, "when you were gone, I just kept thinking of how different it was that we were so close after the way we got started…"
"Different… bad?" she asked gently.
"No," he said thoughtfully, "just different. I thought about you every day… and the more I thought about it, the more I thought that someday you would get tired of me…"
"So that's why you…" she let the thought trial off.
"I don't know…" he sighed miserably, "I just… I don't know…"
"I'm only different for you," she whispered, holding him tightly, "you know that… don't you?"
He put his hand on the top of her head, "Yeah, I know… with everyone else, you're the same. It's kinda scary sometimes to admit that I have enough influence to change you so much…"
"I could be mean to you if you'd like," she offered with a grin, "would that make it easier?"
He laughed softly, "Though it sounds like a tempting offer…" he kissed her, letting her lips hold all of his fear and confusion at bay, "I think I prefer you like this."
She sighed sadly, "I won't ask you to promise me that it won't happen again," she said quietly, holding his eyes with hers, "because I don't want to keep thinking about 'what if.'" She took a deep breath, "But I will ask this: if you ever doubt again… if you're ever scared again… if you ever feel like you can't be with me again… talk to me. That's all I ask… just… talk to me. Can you do that, honey?"
He considered this for a moment, opening his mouth to tell her exactly what had happened… then closing it again and simply nodding. "Ok… and I'm sor-"
"Don't say it again," she whispered, "the more you say it, the more I think about why you're saying it…"
He averted his eyes, but said nothing.
"Hey…" she said softly, "I love you, Shinji…"
"I love you, Asuka…" he replied, his voice breaking.
"Shhh…" she whispered, "it's ok now… we're ok now…"
They stood in silence for a few minutes, studying each other in the moonlight.
Finally, Shinji said, "We should probably get back to the-"
His thought went unfinished as, for the first time in five and a half years, the angel alarm began to sound…
Continued…
Author's notes: None that I can think of. ^_^
Thanks to Ryoma for pre-reading once again… not getting tired yet, are ya? Hehe
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com
