Goofy The Vampire Slayer

presents

Everybody Loves Goofy!

Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: These characters are the legal property of Disney Interactive and Square-Enix. The fanfiction is mine, I'm flat broke and besides it's only a joke (I could have made it a really filthy and obnoxious story if I was that kind of person but chose not to, so be grateful for that! ;-) What I'm doing here is only meant in fun and done with the biggest amount of love and respect imaginable for these characters as I'm a huge KH fan) so what would the point of suing me be? It's not meant to harm anybody or your properties, but if it bothers you companies that much then just have it taken down. Okay? Okay. 8-DX

So here I am with my very first fanfic! Actually I got the idea from the story on here called "Blue Night" by Pocky King Windy, which I liked. I was originally going to make it a completely seriousminded fanfic, but then I couldn't resist adding humor to it, I was originally just adding an extra thing or two for comic relief, but one thing led to another and soon it was turning into a complete farce. I mean, I got a real kick out of what I was writing and kept laughing out loud at the stuff I was adding, so I decided to go ahead and simply upload it as it is! I have ideas for adding on to it already, and I'm sure I'll probably get around to writing a serious one, but this one was simply too, well, goofy to pass up the opportunity to upload it.

What can I say, I get a kick out of the Goofy and Sora pairing, deal with it. ;-)

Pairing: Goofy x Sora... and a mysterious third party... someone whom I know of, but all of you know yet not.

This story is pure shounen-ai. Nothing explicit happens in it or anything like that, just a suggestion or two, but due to the nature of things I figured when I was split between a "T" and an "M" rating that I'd better go with an "M" just to be on the safe side. Flame if you absolutely have to, but the real criticisms that I truly listen to would only be ones correcting grammar, creative suggestions or anything else of that sort of constructive nature. There is a lot of over-the-top and cartoonish reactionary styles here which are deliberate as well, so if there's quite a bit of voice-raising and multiple exclamation points added for exaggeration it should be obvious why in the story's context. Heck, I must admit I'd even enjoy reading truly silly flames just to laugh at them and see how much my fanfic freaked such flamers out! But if it makes the flamers feel any better, just think of me Goofy The Vampire Slayer as one of those Elvira-type Halloweenish hostesses who present cheesy and scary old monster movies on late night television while making sarcastic and (so to speak) goofy wisecracks along the way, since that in a way is sort of like what I'm doing here. Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

Be forewarned that after this you may never look at or think about these characters the same way again! (Insert echoing evil laughter here)

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Riku ran across the sand as quickly as possible, never taking his eyes off of Goofy for a second.

Somewhere in-between them though, Donald suddenly came rushing up angrily from out of nowhere and held his hands up to Riku screaming, "RIKU, STO--MMMF", and that was as much as the duck had managed to say, for Riku was so lovestruck that he hadn't even noticed Donald, not even when while rushing in his singlemindedness his foot had immediately in one swift move stepped on Donald's head, resultingly leaving it buried like an ostrich's. He simply kept running towards Goofy at full speed.

Donald's body pulled and tugged at the surrounding sand, but he was unable to free his head as he rapidly struggled.

--

Riku, panting and sweaty, finally managed to get up to where Goofy and Sora were busy sucking face.

"Goofy!" Riku gasped. He had always had a secret crush on that loveable dog, and had always adored everything about him from afar, but everything would have gone so smoothly between the two of them long ago if not for the fact that Goofy kept thinking that he was a...

"Heya!" Goofy said with a smile. "It's the girlieboy girlie!"

Riku sighed in his frustration. Why didn't he just give up trying to correct him and just let the Goof believe whatever he wanted to believe, he asked himself. Probably because he knew that Goofy wouldn't have him if he didn't realize Riku's masculinity.

"Goofy," Riku explained as patiently as he could, "I don't mean to sound redundant... but I keep trying to tell you: honestly, I'm not..."

"A girlie!" Goofy finished cheerfully. "A blue-haired, girl-eyed, girl-boy girlie! And ain'tcha just as cute as a button, ahyuck!"

"Goofy, I'm a boy!"

Goofy smiled and laughed, "Oh SURE yuh are, yuh girliegirliegirliegirliegirlie-boy girlie! Yer just teasin' me again!"

Riku moaned. It irritated him like crazy whenever Goofy said that, it was just so... annoying, like fingernails on a blackboard. He tried again.

"Goofy..." he restarted, feeling like he was talking to a small child on Romper Room, "...listen, I'm a boy. I really am. And for the longest time now, I've been hopelessly in love with you. But we never get anywhere because you absolutely refuse to believe I'm a boy."

Goofy chuckled. "Ah shucks, ahm all flattered Riku, but'cha know I only date guys."

"I am a 'guy', Goofy! That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

"Uh huh." Goofy grinned.

"Look, I'll PROVE it to you!"

"Oh, really?" Goofy looked interested. "And just how would'ja go about doin' that?"

"Well, I'd..." but Riku stopped. He knew all too well what he would do and precisely what he desired to do, but he wasn't about to say so in front of Sora.

Sora grinned and folded his arms. "Go on. I'm curious to hear this, too."

Riku glared at Sora, his own face bright flushed with embarassment. "Sora, you keep out of this!"

Goofy smiled and stood up. "Listen, I'm gonna go get us all some grub. Why dont'cha both just wait here until I bring some food back and then we can all settle this all like civil folk? Ahyuck!"

Riku and Sora stared and Goofy for a moment. Then at each other.

"Sure, Goof," they both said in perfect unison through clenched teeth as their glared at each other out of the corners of their eyes. "You do juuuust that."

"Okie-doke! Be right back!"

Goofy cheerfully trotted over towards a food stand near an area of surrounding forest, not noticing the huge clouded scuffle that was occuring directly behind him as Sora and Riku immediately went at each other's throats.

--

Down the beach, the limp figure of Roxas happened to wash ashore like a worn out rag.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." he moaned with his face in the sand. "My head..."

"You haven't felt ANYTHING yet! Take THAT!" yelled a shrill, pissed voice as a large plastic toilet seat was bounced violently off of the back of Roxa's head.

"OW!" screamed Roxas as he immediately rolled over clutching his head and stared up at a thoroughly enraged Kairi, who was standing over him looking touseled with a large beach towel wrapped around herself.

"KAIRI!" Roxas squeaked in a panic. "I can explain...!"

"I don't want to hear it, you CREEP! You're TOAST!" Kairi yelled again as she kicked his side. Scrambling to his feet, Roxas took off running for dear life with Kairi hot on his heels. "COME BACK HERE, YOU COWARD!"

--

Meanwhile, Goofy was completely and cheerfully oblivious to all of this as he walked up to a food stand when he suddenly heard a "Psst!"

Looking around, Goofy realized that the psst was coming from the surrounding trees. He approached them, and then cautiously began to step through them.

"Hullo? Anybody here?" he called as he made his way deeper and deeper into the foilage.

Soon he was a lot further away from the main areas of Twilight Town than he realized.

"Hulloooo?" he called again.

"Hello, Goofy," said a deep and all too familiar voice.

Goofy looked around, and saw Ansem standing under a large tree. Not Ansem The Wise, but the Ansem heartless he had originally fought alongside Sora the first time.

"You!" Goofy was shocked. "I thought we defeated you!"

"Oh, no. Not I," replied Ansem, still as shirtless as the last moment that Goofy had remembered seeing him just before dealing with closing The Great White Door. "I simply reinstated myself here, as I have been keep a secret eye on you."

"Me?" Goofy gulped, not at all understanding what Ansem was talking about.

"Oh, yes." Ansem seemed to fix Goofy to the spot with his strong golden eyes. "I've been meaning to have a word with you."

"But... but you tried to trap and kill us!"

"Well, some men send flowers. Others set a mere trap." Ansem shrugged. "I go one step better, I believe. I try to trap and kill."

"So what is it yuh want with me?"

"What do I want with you?" Ansem repeated quietly as he calmly approached Goofy. "Ah, if you only knew the things I desire to share with you, things you would truly appreciate and understand if only you opened your heart to such darkness."

Goofy's eyes widened, as he and Ansem were now standing only a foot apart. All he could manage to say was, "Me?"

"You," Ansem whispered as he gently slid his arms around Goofy's waist and pulled him close. "I want you. I desire you. Give in to the darkness of my desire, and I will pleasure you beyond the lot of mortals."

By this point, Ansem's left hand had managed to slide down to gently caress and stroke Goofy's buttocks as his right hand gently but firmly braced the back of Goofy's head.

"Come. Open your heart."

Goofy felt Ansem's breath ever so slightly upon his lips as Ansem leaned in to kiss him.

The two were locked in a powerful heart-to-heart battle as their tounges dueled, Ansem's out of agressive command, Goofy's out of self-defense. Their eyes both closed, they writhed and seethed against each other's bodies as both felt a wild sensation burning their loins.

Goofy finally managed to break Ansem's agressive kiss long enough to gasp, "No... please, lemme go... I'm already engaged..."

Ansem merely snarled in a fierce whisper "Submit" before he immediately forced his tounge into Goofy's mouth again...

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To be continued... and how!

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And so this continues to get sillier and sillier, not to mention weirder and weirder! It would seem I may have created The Weird Yaoi Fanfic to end all Weird Yaoi Fanfics! Or have I? You be the judge! In the meantime, this is your hostess with the mostess, cackling evilly at her own fiendish sense of humor while signing out for now! Muuuh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...