Damon poured himself another scotch, and tried to shut his humanity back out. He muttered, "I don't care about Anna. I never cared about Anna. I don't care about anyone in this town. If they all died tomorrow, I would feel nothing."
With a sigh, he sank down onto the couch. He stared into the fireplace, trying to make those lies become true.
He heard the front door open, and called out, "Home so soon, Stefan? I thought you'd be helping Elena with… Jeremy?"
Jeremy stopped at the threshold between the living room and the entranceway. "Hey."
Knowing Jeremy wouldn't show up on their doorstep at this hour unless something was wrong, Damon stood and said, "What happened?"
Stefan showed up behind Jeremy, and nudged him towards the living room. Stefan pointed to the couch, and said to Jeremy, "Sit down, and start talking."
The run had invigorated Jeremy, and his thoughts had turned to his stomach. The ache was much worse than regular human hunger. He needed more blood, and he needed it soon. But for now, he complied with Stefan's request.
Damon moved to stand next to Stefan. Jeremy looked up at the two men, and then turned his eyes to the floor. He said quietly, "Anna gave me a vile of her blood this morning."
When Jeremy didn't continue, Stefan said, "And?"
Thinking about what had happened to Anna, Jeremy got angry all over again and glared up at Stefan. "And they killed her! She wasn't hurting anyone, but it didn't matter. They came into the bathroom, yanked her out of my arms, and I couldn't do a God Damn thing to stop them!"
"Look Jeremy, I know you're angry," Stefan said. "I'm angry about it too, and we can talk about what happened to Anna later. But now I want to know what you did with her blood."
Damon started feeling something he hadn't felt in a long time. He wasn't exactly sick to his stomach, but he didn't feel well either. With apprehension he said, "What did you do, Jeremy?"
Standing so he could be at eye level with the brothers, Jeremy glared and said, "I drank it, and took all of Elena's sleeping pills."
Stefan put a hand on his forehead, and sighed.
Damon shouted, "You what!" Without waiting for a response, he rushed to the kid, and felt his neck for a pulse.
Jeremy pushed the arm away. "Back off!"
With a glare, Damon grabbed Jeremy's upper arm to hold him in place, and again felt for a pulse.
"I said back off!" Jeremy tried pulling his arm away, and shoving the hand away from his neck, but it didn't work.
Finding no pulse, Damon muttered, "Damn it!" He let his hands drop and said, "Was this before, or after we talked?"
"After."
Damon's stomach twisted, and he realized the feeling that had been building was guilt. This was his fault, and Elena would never forgive him. He'd turned Vicki into a vampire in the first place. He'd compelled Jeremy to forget Vicki. He'd told Jeremy about Anna's death, and then left him alone to deal with his pain, because he'd been too involved with his own issues. He groaned when he thought about the last thing he'd said to Jeremy.
Putting a hand on his stomach, Jeremy said with a wince, "I need more blood."
"More?" Damon asked. "You mean you've already had some?"
Mumbling to the ground, Jeremy said, "Yeah."
"We have some blood in the basement." Stefan said. "I'll get you some."
When Stefan was out of the room, Damon grabbed both of Jeremy's upper arms, and shook him hard. "How could you do this to Elena!"
Trying, and failing, to push the older vampire away, Jeremy yelled, "This has noting to do with Elena! This is about me! Not her, me!"
Damon shoved him back with disgust. Jeremy fell onto the couch, and stayed where he was, too nervous to do much else.
Running a hand through his hair, Damon shook his head. "That's the kind of garbage I've been trying to tell myself for the past hundred years, and you know what? I can't hide behind those lies anymore. You don't live in your own little universe, Jeremy. The things you do affect other people. Elena's the only family you have left. It may have been about you when you did it, but you know this will change Elena's life too."
Stefan came back, carrying a handful of blood bags. He set them on the couch, and handed one to Jeremy. Jeremy examined the bag, trying to figure out the best way to drink the blood without making a mess. Damon handed him a straw, grabbed a bag for himself, and demonstrated the best way to drink it.
Jeremy gulped it down in seconds, and reached for another bag. After draining all five of the bags Stefan had brought him, he said, "I'm still hungry."
Damon looked at Stefan pointedly, and Stefan said, "No."
"He won't be satisfied until he gets it," Damon said.
"No!" Stefan turned to Jeremy and said, "Later tonight after we talk to Elena, I'll take you to the woods, and we can find you a deer to eat."
Jeremy saw Damon roll his eyes and said, "What do you mean I won't be satisfied until I get it? Get what?"
"Fresh human blood."
Stefan yelled, "Don't you think this is going to be hard enough for Elena as it is? Now you want him to go find some unsuspecting human to kill!"
Damon yelled back, "You don't have to kill someone to drink from them, and Elena wouldn't want her brother to suffer! Don't tell me you don't remember the intense hunger from when you were first turned. After tonight he won't be so hungry, and he can switch to bagged blood. Then maybe in a few months if he wants to, he can try animal blood. But for now he needs fresh."
Taken off guard, Stefan shook his head. "You don't have any say in this. If you think helping Jeremy is going to get you closer to Elena…"
Having heard enough, Damon got in Stefan's personal space. He tried to keep his voice level, but even he could hear the barely contained anger in his voice. "No Stefan. You don't get any say in this. Jeremy is my responsibility. He turned himself a few seconds after talking to me. It's my fault, and I'm going to do my best to make up for it."
"I'm not anyone's responsibility!" Jeremy yelled. "I can take care of myself."
Both brothers ignored him. Stefan's hands balled into fists. "Don't pretend to care about this, Damon."
"I wish I didn't have to care! Believe me, I've tried not to!"
Not sure if he should believe his brother or not, Stefan shook his head and opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Damon said, "I'm doing this for the right reasons, Stefan."
Stefan searched his brother's face, and found he believed him, even though he had every reason not to, given their past history. He stepped back and said, "Okay, but if Jeremy ends up killing someone, you'll have to answer to Elena."
Pleased at the trust Stefan was showing him, Damon said, "He won't." Turning to Jeremy, Damon snapped his fingers and said, "You. Come."
Standing, Jeremy crossed his arms and said, "I'm not a dog, and I don't need your help!"
Glaring, Damon took a step towards Jeremy, but Stefan stopped him with a hand to his chest. Stefan went to Jeremy, put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Are you hungry?"
"You know I am, but that doesn't mean…"
Stefan cut him off, "I can't help you with this, because I don't feed from humans anymore. If you try to do it yourself, you will end up killing someone. It's almost impossible to stop while the blood is still pumping. I know Damon isn't your favorite person, but he can help you."
Jeremy pursed his lips thinking about it. After a second he sighed. "Fine."
Stefan patted Jeremy's shoulder, and turned to Damon. "Elena will be here in a couple of hours, and she'll want to see him."
"We'll be back by then." Damon beckoned Jeremy with a crooked finger. "Come on. Time to learn how to compel people. It'll be fun."
With tired exasperation, Stefan said, "Damon."
Damon walked towards the door and called back over his shoulder, "What? It is fun."
Stefan didn't answer, but nudged Jeremy towards Damon. Jeremy followed the older vampire outside, and had to agree with Damon on this one. After feeling completely helpless for the past year, being able to compel people did sound like a lot of fun.
# # #
Fifteen minutes later, Damon and Jeremy arrived at the gas station on the outskirts of town. Damon led the way, and soon they were standing in the back, close to the door to the public restrooms.
Damon leaned up against the wall, and said, "Okay, for the first three, you let me compel them. You just concentrate on stopping when I tell you to, because it won't be easy. Then you should be full enough to try and compel someone yourself."
Nodding, Jeremy leaned up against the wall next to him, and held his stomach. "It's really hurting now," he muttered.
"It'll get better in a couple of days."
"Does it really get better, or do you just get used to it?"
"It gets better."
"Thank God."
A semi truck pulled into the gas station, and a few minutes later, a large middle aged man with a beard came around the corner of the building. Jeremy groaned. "Gross."
Patting the kid's shoulder, Damon said, "He'll taste plenty good."
Damon got to the man before he got to the bathroom door. "Excuse me sir?"
When the guy looked in his eyes, Damon compelled him. "You're going to stand still and let my friend drink some of your blood."
The man muttered, "I'm gonna stand still, and let your friend drink my blood."
Damon turned back to Jeremy and said, "The dumber they are, the quicker they listen."
He beckoned Jeremy to him. As Jeremy got closer, he felt his eyes changing. When he could see all the veins under the guy's skin, his teeth came out too. He was about to lean in to bite the guys neck, but Damon stopped him with a hand to his arm. "Bite him on the wrist. It's easier for him to explain away later. And remember to stop when I tell you."
With a nod, Jeremy yanked the man's wrist to his mouth, and bit. As the warm blood ran down his throat, the pain in his stomach receded. After a few seconds he heard Damon's voice in the distance, but had no idea what he was saying, and certainly couldn't be bothered to pay attention, when there was blood to be had. He felt a hand on his arm, pulling. He dug his teeth in deeper, and tried to shrug the hand off.
Irritated that Jeremy didn't even seem to be trying, Damon cuffed him on the side of the head, hard enough to dislodge him.
Jeremy stumbled and then snarled at Damon. Damon grabbed him by the throat in one hand, squeezed to keep him quiet, and turned back to the trucker. He said, "You're going to go to the bathroom. When you come out, you'll notice that you accidentally cut yourself on the edge of the metal sink."
The man recited those instructions, and then headed to the bathroom. Once he was gone, Damon let Jeremy go.
Jeremy had come to his senses while Damon was talking, and realized with fear that he'd completely lost control of himself while he fed. When he was let go, he rubbed the sore spot on his head and muttered, "Sorry."
"Try harder next time," Damon said with irritation.
Jeremy nodded and followed him to lean against the wall again.
After the trucker left the bathroom, Damon said, "How's your stomach?"
"Still hurts a little, but nothing like before."
"Good."
After a few minutes of silence, Jeremy tentatively asked, "Did you mean what you said back at the house?"
"What part?"
"That you're partially to blame."
Damon scowled. "Yes."
"So you're going to help me figure things out?"
Gesturing to the gas station, Damon said, "Well I'm not out here for my benefit."
"Right, thanks." Jeremy had heard the irritation, in Damon's voice, but still pressed on, "Will you show me how to shut out my humanity?"
Damon glared off into the distance, and quietly said, "No."
"What? Why not? You know that's why I did it!"
Damon rounded on him. "I know you made a huge mistake, and I'm here to make sure you don't make another. Shutting out your humanity won't fix the problem. It would do about as much good as compelling you to forget about Vicki. You might be able to get through the day better, but somewhere down the line all those feelings you wanted to shut out, will come back to bite you in the ass. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience. You're better off facing your problems now." Damon lost his glare and said more gently, "Give yourself some time to mourn for Vicki and Anna."
Swallowing once, Jeremy whispered, "You said life would be easier if I shut it out."
"I also said life sucks either way."
"I don't want to hurt anymore."
Damon leaned back against the wall. "Neither do I, but we're both stuck with it."
They fell into silence for a few minutes until the next customer came around the corner. Two young women dressed in high heals, short skirts, and tight tops headed towards the bathroom. Both were blondes, but one of them had hot pink highlights in her hair. The one with highlights was staggering a bit, obviously drunk, and the other was helping her walk.
"Now that's more like it," Damon said. He pushed off from the wall, put on a charming smile, and said, "Good evening ladies." Once he had eye contact, he gave them the same instructions as the trucker, and they stood still.
Damon turned to Jeremy and said, "Same as before. Do it on the wrist, and listen for my voice telling you when to stop."
Jeremy nodded and reached for a wrist. This time as he was drinking, he heard Damon tell him to stop, and he understood what Damon was saying, but still clamped down harder on the wrist he was drinking from, not wanting to let go. He felt Damon's hand on his arm, and paused in his swallowing, but didn't let go. Damon said, "Let go and try the other girl."
Remembering there was another, Jeremy let go of the wrist, but before he could grab the next girl's arm, Damon stopped him with a hand on his chest. A noise of frustration came from Jeremy's throat.
Damon said, "Now change back to normal for a few seconds, and then you can drink from the next one."
"Why?" Jeremy snarled.
"Because you need to learn control."
It took a few seconds, but eventually Jeremy was able to make himself look human.
Damon nodded and said, "Okay, go ahead, but bite this one on the other arm, and make it a little higher up. We'll compel them to believe a raccoon was in the bathroom, and bit them both."
Jeremy did as he was told, and almost felt full when he heard Damon tell him to stop. He was able to stop at the first request. Damon patted his shoulder and said, "Looks like you're ready to try compelling someone."
Jeremy grinned. "Awesome."
Damon nodded his head towards the sober girl and said, "You can try it with her."
"Okay." Jeremy moved to stand in front of the woman and said, "What do I do?"
"Let's try something easy. Tell her to put her hand on her head."
"Sure, but how do I compel her?"
"You have to say it with conviction, and you have to believe she's going to do it."
"That's it?" Jeremy didn't think it would be that easy.
"You have to force your words and your thoughts into her head through your stare."
"But…"
Damon cut him off. "Just try it. Your body will take care of the rest."
Jeremy stared at the woman and said, "Put your hand on your head."
The woman did as he'd asked. Jeremy wasn't sure if he'd actually compelled her or not, and turned to see Damon's reaction.
"Good start, but next time make it an order, not a request. If you don't have confidence in yourself, the person you're compelling will sense that hesitation. Then if you're telling them to do something they don't want to do, they may not do it."
Jeremy nodded in understanding, and turned back to the woman. He put more force behind his words and said, "Sit on the ground."
The woman sat. Damon nodded. "Better. Time to try a hard one. Compel her to believe a raccoon attacked her and her friend in the bathroom."
A few seconds later, both women were running back to the front, and yelling for the manager. Damon clapped Jeremy on the shoulder, and said, "Looks like you've got it. Let's head for home before the manager gets here."
# # #
Damon was the first through the door when they arrived home. He winced when he heard Elena's crying before he could see her. He turned the corner, and saw her sitting on the couch with Stefan's arms wrapped around her in comfort. Damon heard Jeremy come in behind him, and turned to glare at the kid, but Jeremy wasn't looking in his direction.
Jeremy couldn't move. He hadn't heard his sister cry like that since the day of their parents' funeral. He'd been so angry with her earlier that day, but now that seemed petty. He was startled out of his thoughts when Damon grabbed his arm in a crushing grip.
"Hey!" Jeremy tried to pull his arm away.
Damon pointed towards Elena and hissed, "You'd better do something to fix this," before letting him go.
Having heard the exclamation of pain, Elena pulled her head away from Stefan's chest to see what was going on. When she saw Jeremy, she stood and said, "Jer?"
Seeing her tear streaked face made him feel even worse. He walked up to her, and pulled her into a hug. He whispered, "Don't cry."
She hugged him tight and said through her tears, "How could you leave me all alone?"
Stefan wanted to comfort her, and prove she wasn't alone, but didn't interrupt, knowing he wasn't the one she needed comfort from right now. But he couldn't stop himself from standing up and hovering nearby.
Damon felt her words stabbing him in the guts, and took a few involuntary steps closer to her, needing to convince her that it wasn't true. He opened his mouth, but Stefan motioned for him to be quiet. Damon found it nearly impossible, but understood why Stefan wouldn't want him to interfere in this moment. He crossed his arms tightly, and held himself stiff.
Jeremy's throat tightened, and his eyes filled. "I… I wasn't thinking about you."
She pushed away from him to look in his face. "What were you thinking about?"
"Anna." A couple of tears slipped down his face. "She's dead. They killed her, and I just… didn't want to feel anything anymore."
Elena pulled him back into a hug, and said softly, "I'm sorry."
His throat tightened up, and he hugged her even tighter for a second. Well aware of their audience, Jeremy let her go quickly, before he broke down into tears of grief.
She pushed the bangs out of his eyes and said gently, "Why didn't you call me if you were feeling that bad? I've been trying to talk to you all day."
Jeremy shook his head, and let the bitterness show in his voice. "Why would I call you? I haven't called you to talk things out for months. You've just been too busy hiding things from me to notice."
Elena gasped at the harsh words, and put a hand over her mouth.
Reacting to the look of misery on Elena's face, Damon slapped the back of Jeremy's head hard enough to make him stumble to the side. He ignored the yelp of pain that came from Jeremy, and the shout from Elena for him to stop. He grabbed the kid's upper arm, and forced Jeremy to look him in the eye. Damon hissed dangerously, "I told you not to talk to your sister like that."
"Sorry," came out of Jeremy's mouth without forethought. He wasn't usually afraid of Damon, but there had been a couple of times in the past few months, when he could see Damon struggle not to lose his control. Jeremy's self-preservation had always kicked in during those moments, before he could push Damon over the edge.
"Tell her," Damon ordered, and gave him a push towards Elena.
"Sorry, Elena," Jeremy said, and then made eye contact with her.
"It's okay." She pulled him back into a hug, and glared at Damon reproachfully.
After having a few seconds to think about it, Jeremy hugged her back and said honestly, "I know you were trying to protect me by keeping me in the dark, and by having Damon take my memories away. But it wasn't your call to make."
She shook her head and let him go. "But you were…"
He interrupted gently, "You're not Mom, Elena. I want you to stop protecting me, and start treating me the way you did when they were alive."
Her eyebrows crinkled in confusion.
"Like a sister, not a parent." The corner of his mouth twitched up when he remembered something their mother had often said, "My partner in crime."
She snorted a laugh in spite of the fresh tears on her face. Trying to sound like their mother, she said, "Go get your partner in crime, and clean up this mess together."
He nodded and smiled, but it faded as he said, "When you try to mother me, it makes things worse for me. It makes me push you further away, instead of confiding in you."
After a short pause to think that over, she put a hand on the side of his face and said with sincerity, "I promise that I'll try to stop."
"Thanks." He wasn't sure he really wanted to know, but felt compelled to ask, "How's Uncle John?"
"Still in surgery. Jenna's at the hospital. She'll call as soon as the doctors tell her anything." Feeling more like herself, Elena wiped the tears off her face, and got back to the matter at hand. "Stefan told me you drank Anna's blood, and then killed yourself with sleeping pills."
"Yeah." His face flushed with embarrassment, having her say it so bluntly.
"When did she give you her blood?" Elena asked.
"This morning, before the parade."
"But you didn't drink it when she gave it to you?"
Jeremy shook his head. "She wanted me to. She said we could run away together. But I just couldn't."
"But after you saw them take her, you decided to do it?"
Jeremy nodded.
Damon interrupted their conversation, "That's not exactly true." He couldn't believe he was about to confess something that could make Elena hate him, but after their conversation on the porch, he felt the need to be honest with her. "Jeremy probably wouldn't have done it if I'd handled things better when I came to see him."
"When did you come to see him?" Elena asked.
"He's the one I was trying to help."
"What?"
"When we talked on the porch. You asked me why I was there, and I said it was a feeble attempt to help."
Elena shook her head. "I have no idea what you're talking about. When was this?"
Frowning, Damon said, "A couple of hours ago on the porch…"
Jeremy said, "It was Katherine."
Damon and Stefan both said, "What!"
"You didn't talk to Elena, you talked to Katherine."
Damon shook his head not wanting to believe it, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. After a few seconds he ground out, "That bitch!"
Elena moved over to Stefan's side. The thought of Katherine being in town terrified her, and she always felt safer when Stefan's arm was around her.
Shaken by this news, Stefan automatically wrapped an arm around Elena and said to Jeremy, "Maybe you should tell us everything from beginning to end."
"When I got home, I thought about taking Anna's blood, but… I didn't really see the point since she was gone. Then Damon showed up, and offered to help me forget again, and then I realized I didn't want to forget. I just didn't want it to be painful to remember. Anna told me if I turned, I wouldn't have to feel any emotions. So as soon as Damon left I drank the blood and took the sleeping pills."
Before Jeremy could continue, Damon looked him in the eye and said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just left you there."
Jeremy shrugged. "Don't be. You didn't know I had Anna's blood, and I don't think this is a bad thing."
Damon turned to Elena and said, "I'm so sorry."
Not ready to forgive him, Elena said, "You left him there alone after telling him Anna had died?"
Swallowing hard, Damon nodded. "I was trying to help. I just… didn't do a very good job of it."
Not ready to forgive him, or to yell at him, Elena turned to Jeremy and said, "Then what?"
"I woke up and heard Katherine and John talking in the kitchen, but I thought it was you. Then I heard him scream, and say Katherine's name. So I ran down to see what was going on. It's shocking how much she looks like Elena. She came after me with a knife too, but then Elena came in the front door calling for me, and Katherine ran out the back. Then when Elena called for help, I… I…"
"You drank from him." Damon finished the sentence for him, knowing without being told what would have happened.
Stefan put a hand on Jeremy's shoulder and said, "It's almost impossible not to drink blood that's in front of you, especially when you're new. It's not your fault."
Jeremy muttered, "You know the rest."
Stefan turned to Damon and said, "What did you and Katherine talk about?"
That conversation was much too embarrassing for Damon to repeat. He shook his head and said, "I thought it was Elena."
"I know. What did you talk about?" Stefan asked again.
"The weather," Damon sneered.
"Hey," Elena said, "You thought it was me. If you were going to tell me then, there's no reason not to tell me now."
Damon darted his eyes to Stefan and then back to Elena. He was never able to hide his true feelings from her. Something about the way she looked at him forced his humanity to sit up and take notice. He mumbled, "I'll tell you alone."
Elena nodded and said, "Okay. Let's talk on the porch."
Stefan's face was grim, as he watched the two of them head to the porch.
Elena shut the door behind them, and turned to Damon expectantly. Damon swallowed, and said, "I… I'm not a hero, Elena. I don't do good."
Elena put a hand on her hip. "That's what you said?"
Her expression wasn't very promising. "Well, I mostly wanted to say thank you."
"For what?" She glared at him suspiciously.
"Bonnie saved me tonight, but she did it for you. That means that you think I'm worth saving. Nobody has thought that about me in a very long time."
"You left Jeremy in misery to say that to me?"
"No… I left Jeremy in misery, because I didn't know what else to do for him. I didn't think I'd run into you… or Katherine as I was leaving."
Elena slapped him.
His eyes widened in surprise for a moment, but gave no other outward reaction.
She poked a finger into his chest and hissed, "If you hadn't left him there, you could have stopped him!"
"I'm sorry. If I'd known…" he whispered, despair evident in his voice. He reached out to touch her hand, but she backed up a step.
He put his hands back at his sides, and said with sincerity, "If I could go back and do it again, I would, but I can't. All I can do now is help him adjust, and hope you'll forgive me someday."
Elena turned without another word and went into the house, leaving the door open behind her. He rubbed his face, and then followed her in.
When they were all back in the living room, Stefan said, "And?"
Elena said, "Katherine doesn't know anything too damaging."
Stefan didn't like not knowing more than that, but forced himself to leave it. He said, "What do we do now?"
Damon said, "We don't know where Katherine is, or what she wants. We know she doesn't want Elena dead, or she would have stayed and finished the job while John was incapacitated. We'll have to wait for her to make the next move."
Elena said, "What about Jeremy?"
"What about me?" Jeremy asked with annoyance.
Damon rolled his eyes. "You can't go out in the sun anymore. Going to school is going to be a problem tomorrow."
Jeremy shrugged. "School sucks anyway. Perfect excuse not to go."
"So you want to be uneducated as well as undead?" Damon said with a glare. "Your chances of making it through your first week are going down as we speak."
"First week?" Jeremy asked.
Stefan said, "Eighty percent of new vampires die within the first week. That's a rough estimate from what I've seen over the years. Make it past that, and you're relatively safe."
Damon turned to Elena and said, "Talk to Bonnie. She can make Jeremy a ring to protect him from the sun tomorrow after school. Tonight, we'll all go to the hospital to check on John, and then I'll compel Jenna to let Jeremy stay here for a week."
"What!" Jeremy shouted. "I'm not staying here!"
"Then you'll be dead before the week is up!" Damon shouted back.
Stefan let go of Elena, and went to put a hand on Jeremy's shoulder. "Look Jeremy, it's just temporary. Stay with us for a few days, until you learn to control your urges. You don't want to lose control, and accidentally kill someone you love. We have a lot of blood stored, and you're going to need more than usual for the first few days. It's better for everyone if you stay here. Damon and I can help you adjust."
While Jeremy was thinking it over, Elena said, "We could tell Jenna that Anna left town, and you're upset about it. Make her believe that you don't want to be around any women for the next few days, and that Stefan invited you to do some male bonding with him and his brother for a week. As long as you're going to school, she should be fine with it."
Jeremy didn't like the idea, but he couldn't overlook the fact that he needed blood, and there was a large supply here in this house. Reluctantly he nodded. "Okay. I guess I'll stay for a few days."
