To me, the word "shit" has become a synonym for everything. There's nothing good around anymore. Even worse, if you looked up the term "shitty life" in the encyclopedia, you'd find my picture. That's me: Stan Marsh.
I thought my 10th birthday would be a blessing, but it's become a curse. Things I once found enjoyable literally turned into shit. I can't explain how it all changed so dramatically and so suddenly. It just happened.
It all began when I snuck out my iPod Touch after my mom tucked me into bed one night. She had taken away the new tween wave CD I got from Kyle at my party, but that didn't stop me from listening to the music I already had on there. The plan seemed brilliant. At least it did until I realized every track sounded like shit and thus, my interest in the genre was gone.
I went to see a doctor to get an explanation, but after he diagnosed me as a "cynical asshole", everything he said sounded like shit. It didn't stop there. The latest Xbox game was shit, so was ice cream, the mall and everything on restaurant menus. Get the picture?
I've never been one to hold back my opinions of things. I always tell things like they are. If something is good, I'll say it's good. If it's shit, I'll say it's shit.
My friends got fed up with me sharing my opinions and lied about feeling under the weather when they were really going to see the new X-Men movie together. I caught them in the act when they walked past the restaurant I was at. I begged to come along and they let me on the condition that I not complain about anything during the time at the theater. I said I wouldn't, but once we took our seats, I knew I wasn't going to last.
I saw three movie trailers that all looked like they had shit and other nonsensical things. The trailer announcer even appeared to call out the general viewing public for their tastes and the fact that they would throw their money away at the box office on these films. I just had to point out how shitty it all was because all the shit I saw was too much to bear. My friends all walked out, sending a message that I had my chance and blew it.
They said they didn't want to hang out with me anymore. Even my super best friend Kyle told me I had changed, to which I replied that the world had changed instead. Then suddenly, a bunch of crap came spewing out of Kyle's mouth and he appeared to turn into that himself. I was crushed to the point where I could just walk away without saying anything to retort.
I kept on seeing shit everywhere, including nature. There was shit on flowers, insects, even the sun. Instead of kids at school, there were living pieces of shit. Sitting at Stark's Pond used to help me forget my troubles, but with all the shit I'm surrounded by now, doing that has proved impossible.
As if to pour a whole silo of salt on an open wound, my dad dropped a bombshell when he sat down on my bed and said he and my mom couldn't and wouldn't be together anymore. Our house, the only home I'd known my whole life, soon had a "For Sale" sign on the front lawn. Dad packed up his belongings into a truck and left, leaving Mom with Shelly and myself. The three of us moved to a different house in town, presumably to get away from the painful memories this separation would surely cause.
The change in scenery has done nothing for my new view of the world. The fact that I no longer have my whole family living under one roof may or may not have something to do with it. It may take awhile for me to figure that out. That and a whole lot of other things.
Regardless, my life is clearly at its all-time low. My parents split up, probably permanently this time, and I have no friends to help me through this difficult time. On the other hand, how can I go to anyone for help if they all seem like shit? If Chef was still alive, I have a bad feeling that he would become shit too.
I have no idea who I am or what I've become anymore. I don't see a whole lot of hope for the future. The world is shitty and my own life is in ruins. How can one pick up the pieces when it all comes crashing down so suddenly?
I do know this: entering double digits took away all that innocence I once had. There was a time when I had dreams and yearnings for when I became old enough to pursue them. Physically, I'm 10 years old, still a child, but in my mind, I feel like I'm now 40. Where the hell do I go from here?
