Thanks for those of you who reviewed, and those of you who added this story to your favorite or alerts. It really means a lot.
So Ponyboy is gonna be portrayed a little more gritty than most stories have probably portrayed him as. Some of you might think it's to much, but I'm writing him in a real manner. He's lost, and is still trying to find his way home. Metaphorically speaking of course.
I love hearing your guy's thoughts, and I would really love to know how you felt about this chapter.
I hope you guys enjoy it, I love you all, even my silent readers. ;D Who are almost like story lurkers. *waves to all the lurkers* I kid.
I don't own the rights to the outsiders, though I do own the book and movie. Does that count for anything?
On with the story. Sorry this one is a little shorter, next one will be longer, promise. Depending on how many reviews I get. Muhahahaha. Kidding. It will be no matter what.
Happy reading.
I stared out the window as the scenery rushed past. There was a few houses, some trees maybe, I couldn't tell you for sure though. I've been doing that a lot lately, looking at something, but not really seeing it.
Two-Bit had some song on the radio and was singing along, yelling might be a better word for it. I cringed slightly hearing his voice go up a few octaves. He actually had a pretty decent singing voice, when he was drunk; I guess sober isn't as good to him.
I slid down in the seat, when we came to a stop at a red light. There was a car on my side of the door.
Two-Bit shut off the radio.
"You can't hide from the world forever, kid."
"I'm not hiding," I mumbled, unbuckling my seat belt, attempting to slide further down.
I crossed my arms over my chest. I was in a pretty uncomfortable position, but it was better than very uncomfortable stares
"Ponyboy..."
"Drop it," I snapped. "You just don't understand."
"Yeah, because you won't let me understand. You won't let any of us. It's killing Soda that you shut him out."
I inwardly winced. That wasn't fair, that was below the belt. I was just trying to protect Soda from my pain. Why couldn't anyone see that? It was actually one of my few selfless acts this past few months.
I stayed silent, not moving from my spot even when the car started moving again. I wanted to kick myself for agreeing to come with him in the first place. My room was the safest place for me. I slowly slid back up the seat, and resumed staring out of the window.
"We can't help you if you don't let us."
Two-Bits voice was soft. He was afraid of upsetting me more. He was afraid of how I would act. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hit something. Nobody could help me. The only thing that could help me now was a bullet right through the fuckin' brain.
Do it then. What exactly are you waiting for? A gun to fall out of the sky?
I froze. My breathing stopped. I'm not crazy. I do not hear voices, not anymore. I was on the edge, the ground was teetering under me. I was going to lose control. I couldn't. Not in the car with Two-Bit, he'd think I was crazier than he already does. He'd never look at me the same.
I could see a gas station up ahead. "Pull in there," I gasped out, pointing. "I-I have to pee. Hurry up."
I desperately tried holding onto the little bit of sanity I had left.
Two-Bit thankfully obeyed and I was out of the car, before it was all the way stopped. I ran into the bathroom, not caring who saw me.
Once I was securely locked in the bathroom, I let loose. I broke everything I could get my hands on, getting more upset when I couldn't break something. Finally I stood in front of the mirror, breathing heavily, before sending my fist into it. I didn't feel the pain. I would have welcomed that pain with open arms. Anything would be better than the pain I constantly felt. I stared down at my hands. One was bleeding.
Great. Explaining this to Two-Bit is gonna be a blast. I grabbed a paper towel and wet it, cleaning up my fist the best I could. At least it kind of matched it's brother. It was kind of fucked up now too.
I walked to the car with my head low, and my hand stuffed into my pocket.
"Everything okay?" Two-Bit asked when I was back in the car.
"Just dandy," I replied, the bitter sarcasm evident in my voice.
He clenched the steering wheel. I'm guessing he was angry. I didn't care though. What did he expect? That I was suppose to love life, and everything in it, despite what it has done to me?
I'm still breathing. My hearts still beating. I didn't take the easy way out like some people. They should be grateful about that.
I was barely happy before. The few things that made me happy were gone. Sodapop had a new girlfriend, who was amazing in his eyes. She wouldn't even look at me though. It didn't matter, I didn't need him. He could marry her, have some perfect baby's, and never speak to me again for all I cared.
I used to be a better liar, especially to myself.
"Take me home, Two-Bit. Just take me home."
He stayed silent, but made a U-turn, so I was pretty sure he was listening.
Switching the radio back on, I laid my head back on the seat, trying to ignore my arm that was itching. I couldn't scratch it. If I did than Two-Bit would notice my hand, and barred me with questions, or tell Darry who would barred me with questions.
Shit.
I forgot I had a doctors appointment. He's going to notice my hand and I had no way of answering how it happened.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Two-Bit hadn't uttered a word, since we pulled away from the gas station. This must be a record for him.
I sighed, knowing I was going to have to apologize even if I didn't mean it.
"I'm sorry," I said, the two words coming out like they were combined.
I'm pretty sure it sounded more like I-morry.
Real sincere.
He turned the dial on the radio, and the music filled the car louder, making it impossible to talk.
Fine by me.
It wasn't fine though. Something inside of my was breaking more and more. I didn't understand how, considering I was already broken beyond repair.
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