"Got any pets? You look like a varren person."
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A/N: Huh, I start to like writing stupid stuff like that...
This one's actually kinda LeeneSR2's fault... You're right, Miranda wasn't amused about a pet varren... :)
On another sidenote: is it just me or turn those One-Shots kinda into a sitcom? Just imagine the applause whenever a new crew member appears... know what I mean now? :) This one's actually pretty stupid and I wouldn't upload it if I weren't so tired, and I definitely wouldn't upload it tomorrow anymore (ugh, I should stop writing at night), so... You've been warned...
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"Shepard, what is that?" Miranda had raised her eyes from the datapad she'd been reading while she accusingly nodded in Shepard's direction.
"This, my dear, is a varren, also known as a batarian war beast!" Shepard announced proudly while patting the varren's head.
Miranda's eyebrow slowly rose. "I can see that... But what's it doing in our apartment?"
"It's our new pet! Since my space hamster tragically died during our fight against the Reapers, and yes, I still blame Joker's flight skills for that, and the Alliance decided that, after I refused to take on any new missions from them, my fish collection was suddenly Alliance property... I found us a new pet!"
As if it had already realised whose decision it would be in the end if it could stay or not, the varren plodded towards Miranda's chair. The former Cerberus operative's expression didn't change as she watched the pet-on-trial approaching her. The varren's nose lightly touched Miranda's knee, still not provoking any sign of approval from her.
"Aw, he likes you," Shepard exclaimed, Miranda's narrowed eyes on her only seconds later.
Sighing, Miranda put the datapad containing the first version of "Journeys with the Prothean" on the nearby table, crossed her legs ("accidentally" hitting the varren in the process) and started rubbing her temples.
"You do realize that he eats pyjaks, right?"
"What? No! Well, mine doesn't! Isn't that right? You'd never eat a pyjak, would you? No, you wouldn't..." Shepard had knelt down and was caressing the back of the varren's head now. "You could still get a pyjak, if you wanted..." she offered.
Miranda groaned at the memory of Shepard's "offer" a couple of weeks ago and, just like then, she declared, "Shepard, this isn't a zoo!" Besides, I still remember the stories about you running over pyjaks with the Mako, not to mention your pyjak shooting on Tuchanka... Or the lonesome one you just knocked off the table... That poor creature...
"So...?"
Miranda sighed. "We'll see..."
A moan escaped her lips while she tightened her grip on the bedsheet, almost ripping it apart. That was until she felt something cold touch her hand, and considering that Shepard was occupied at the moment, that only left one other option...
"Shepard, it's in our bedroom!"
Shepard's head rose, a puzzled expression on her face. Miranda let out a cry, this time definitley not of the sort from before, and pointed at the side of their bed.
"Get it out!" she demanded, her eyes already dangerously narrowing again.
"Shoo." Shepard's hand dismissively waved towards the varren, her head comfortably resting on Miranda's belly. The varren simply tilted his head while his dark eyes curiously followed the movement of Shepard's hand.
"Get. It. Out!"
Shepard sighed heavily once and then finally crawled out of the bed, the varren happily following her out of their bedroom.
When she was sure the varren had left the room, Miranda sank back into the pillows, covering her face with her hands to steady her racing heart (although now it was almost impossible to tell whether that was because of Shepard's talents or her sudden anger about their intruder) while listening to Shepard's voice coming out of their living room.
"Sit. Good boy. Now stay. No, stay there! Ugh... Sit. Good... and now stay... Stay! Oh, for the love of..."
A smile appeared on Miranda's face until she heard fast, heavy footsteps, followed by Shepard storming into their bedroom and immediately locking the door behind her.
"Done," she announced, running a hand through her tousled hair before climbing back into the bed.
"I wouldn't call that- mmmmh..."
Shepard obviously didn't want to waste any more time talking about their new pet as she'd already started trailing kisses down the valley between Miranda's breasts, stopping only momentarily at her belly to raise her head. "Hm? What was that?"
Goddamn it, you're lucky you're so talented...
"I swear, if that bloody creature has trashed anything of value in our living room, I'll throw it out of the window like my father!" Miranda announced as she pulled the robe closer around her body before opening the bedroom door. Shepard shuddered at the memory and quickly followed her out of the room.
They were greeted by a sleeping varren, sprawled out on the living room carpet, one leg twitching from time to time. Miranda felt Shepard wrap her arms around her from behind.
"Aww..." Shepard had rested her chin on Miranda's shoulder while Miranda, still not convinced, scanned the room for any signs of damage.
As she could find none, Miranda simply shook her head in dismissal and turned towards the kitchen, while announcing, "This doesn't mean anything..."
"Admit it, you're starting to like him..."
Miranda's head shot up from the bowl of cereals in front of her. She carefully chewed on the mouthful of her breakfast she'd just taken while expressionlessly looking at Shepard (who was nodding encouragingly) and then, very slowly, shook her head. Shepard smirked. "I know you are..."
A ringing noise made them both turn their heads towards the door and obviously woke up the sleeping varren as well, who was speeding past the kitchen door only seconds later.
"I'll get it." Shepard put the cup of coffee back on the table and left the kitchen.
"Shepard."
Oh god, no. Miranda inwardly groaned.
"Wrex."
"Eve sends her regards, she couldn't make it what with all the repopulation..." Wrex's deep booming laugher reverberated around their entire apartment. And judging by the heavy footsteps, Shepard was leading their guest right towards the kitchen.
Miranda hastily started shoveling the rest of her cereals into her mouth, almost choking in the process, to make sure she could leave the kitchen before...
"Ms. Lawson."
"Wrex." Miranda winced at her poor choice of words, shooting an angry glare at Shepard who was standing behind Wrex, nodding approvingly at her greeting.
"Don't mind me," Wrex told her while he sat down on the chair on the opposite side of the table. "Just wanted to see how Urz's offspring is doing..."
I should have known... "So she got it from you?"
"Grunt, actually... Sends his regards, too," he added, addressing Shepard over his shoulder. "At least some of us still understand how important their work to ensure the safety of the galaxy is, now that our great hero has retired..." He elbowed Shepard, who almost lost her balance in the process, rubbing her aching side as soon as he'd turned his head again.
"Ha! Don't worry Shepard, can't really blame you. Humans have always been and always will be nothing but soft, fleshy, whiny-"
"-Do I need to remember you who took down that Thresher Maw during Grunt's Rite of Passage?" Shepard crossed her arms over her chest.
Wrex gave another booming laugh. "That's right. Even got you a breeding request..."
Before she could hear anything more she wouldn't get out of her mind for days, Miranda got up from her chair, cleared away her (now empty) bowl and turned to leave the room, touching Shepard's arm lightly as she passed her by. "I'll, um... I think I'll go check on Oriana. She hasn't replied to my messages in a while and I'm getting a bit worried..."
"You mean you're going to spy on her again..." Shepard corrected as Miranda crossed the hallway leading to the living room. "What if she's just having a good time with that guy, what's his name? Daniel?"
"Danner Gossimah!" came Miranda's voice from her terminal in the living room.
Shepard nodded. "Right. So, what if it's him? Let her have her fun, what's wrong with that? I'm sure he's a good catch..."
"Not since the Citadel got destroyed and his parents lost all their restaurants..."
Shepard rolled her eyes. "Women..." she muttered.
"Tell me about it..." Wrex nodded understandingly.
"So, are you sure you don't want a couple more? You know they are pack hunters..."
"And he definitely won't hunt anything around here, so there's no need for even more of those creatures!" Miranda's voice rang out of the living room.
Shepard nodded apologetically. "I think one's fine... For now..."
"Forever!"
Wrex gave a short laugh at Miranda's outcry. "And you're happy with the color of his markings? Not too blue? You could get a brown one if you wanted... He's also pretty small..." Although neither Shepard nor Wrex could see it, Miranda's eyebrow immediately shot up at that statement. "But that's how you wanted him, right?"
"He's perfect," Shepard declared while patting the varren's head.
"Well, if you change your mind..." Wrex offered one last time before their goodbyes began.
"Shepard."
"Wrex."
"Ms. Lawson."
"Wrex."
"Miri, have you seen my dress?"
"Which dress?"
"Funny... I only have one dress, remember? Kasumi's gift?"
"Why?"
"Because I was thinking about visiting Aria's new nightclub and I can't go there dressed like a soldier. They'd recognise me!"
"You would have gone there without me?"
"No, but I thought if I had everything prepared already, including a skycar waiting for us outside, you wouldn't get a chance to back out..."
Miranda appeared in the door frame leading to their bedroom where Shepard was just about to crawl under their bed.
"You could have just asked..." Miranda stated, trying hard not to pout.
"I know how you feel about nightclubs... Aria's especially..." Shepard's muffled voice came from under their bed.
Miranda sighed. "Well, we can't stay indoors all the time, can we? It actually might be a good idea..." she mused while turning towards the living room to close her terminal she'd left before. As she passed the kitchen door, a sudden movement made her turn her head.
"Erm, Shepard... Maybe you should look for it in the kitchen..." she started.
"In the kitchen? Why should I look there for my dress? I know, I might not be the most experienced woman when it comes to dresses, but I certainly wouldn't keep them in... the... what the...?" Shepard was standing behind Miranda now, both staring at its occupant. "Bad varren! How'd he even get that out of my wardrobe?"
Miranda couldn't hold back her laughter any longer. She lovingly wrapped an arm around Shepard who was still staring wide-eyed at the varren chewing happily on her dress. "Okay, it can stay." Miranda offered. And warningly, she added, "But I swear, if that... thing wakes me up in the morning just once with his cold nose..."
