A/N: You're back! Wow, thanks for reading! Thanks to my lovely beta and all of those who reviewed/alerted this story. You guys really make me happy! Let's continue the happiness, okay? *wink* Hit the little review button at the end and tell me if I'm either screwing this up or making it awesome. Enjoy!
Yeah, I guess you could consider me a new-found loner. I mean, I naturally don't have friends these days; and if I do, I'm lucky if they don't try to eat my flesh while I sleep. I'm only joking. Not about the flesh thing; no, that's real. I mean the whole "I sleep with zombies" thing. That's a joke. I'm not entirely helpless in the brain department. I actually once considered myself quite smart; a third year College student at the esteemed University of Washington, conveniently located near my home in Seattle, working towards a degree in Mathematics. I guess you could say I had a lot going for me. That is until some jackass forgot to herd in a few straggling cows one night and let's just say lightening striking cows that happen to be standing in manure isn't the best meat to package.
I wasn't the most popular kid in school, but I was definitely a people person; attending college parties every weekend, football games, bar hopping, you name it. That all came to a halting stop when I had to start chopping off my fellow student body's heads with a golf club. Hey, at least I know my Physics Professor would have given me a good grade according to the angle his head oh-so kindly dislocated.
That's another thing. You see, I don't have a lot of remorse these days for the dead. I shouldn't say that, what I mean is, I don't have a lot of respect for those who try to eat my organs. I'd rather be the next host of The Price is Right then turn into one of those flesh-eating freaks. And no, not those "Vampire" Kids that hang out in the forest behind Fourth Quad, I'm talking Zombies.
Ah, Fourth Quad. I miss the days when I could walk out of my dorm - McCulley Hall - at any hour of the day and see a group of friends sitting in the freshly cut grass in Fourth Quad. I sigh as I look out at the reminisce of the beloved Fourth Quad. I can almost see my dorm window from the view of the tree I'm perched in; the blacked in windows that attempted to lessen those pesky hangovers that always seemed to ruin a good viewing of Sunday Morning. You know, Sunday Morning. That CBS TV show where we all first learned of the impending Zombie Apocalypse. Unfortunate for me, I assumed it was just one of those weird segments. You know, like The Moth Man or some lame guy that claims to be a Superhero. I guess I couldn't tell from the flashing Breaking News banner that slid across the screen that this shit was real.
My TV should still be scrolling through the same CBS announcement as we speak. I wonder if there is anyone else still alive, hoping to tap into some strange TV signal, or even if the phone lines are still working… If only I could get to my room.
A strange, familiar scent swims through my nostrils as my body tenses into attack mode. I turn my body slightly, allowing my senses to take over: Thumping of uncontrolled limbs, the stench of rotting flesh, and the chalkboard scratching noise of the moans heading towards the tree I occupy. Zombies. But how many? I can hear what seem to be two sets of feet, unless this poor fucker's arms are dragging behind him. I'll go with the second. I wait until the bastard is close enough and that's when I see her. It's the lunch lady, Ms. Kathy. Well shit, if there's ever a time to serve pay back for that shitty meatloaf that got me sick for two weeks, now is the time.
"Sorry, but that shit was nuclear!" I battle cry as I swing down from the tree, golf club in hand 300 Spartan Style. I deliver one nice blow to Mrs. Kathy's neck and that's all I need for the gargling noise to cease. I give my body one nice twist, cracking my back, and sucking in one clean breath before I cover my noseand slink towards her. I hit her once more in the face. Double Tap.
Yeah, yeah. Yell at me. But what can I do? Hope that she's really dead? No way in hell. I tried that once and almost ended up as dessert. If there's one thing I'm thankful of from my child hood, it's The Cullen Family Annual Zombie-luscious Halloween Movie Extravaganza. No, I didn't make up that name. Dawn of the Dead, 30 Days of Night, 28 Days Later, Zombieland. You name it, we've watched it. Sure, they made it look a lot easier than it is but hell, without them I'd probably end up like Mrs. Nuclear Meatloaf over here.
As I head towards my dorm, I pull out my pocket-sized notebook and scribble down: 34- Mrs. Kathy. Morbid? Maybe. Fucking smart? Yes. Mrs. Kathy here is my 34th Zombie kill. You see, keeping track helps me not only know who is living or a human leech, but it gives me a confident boost. Whenever I'm feeling down in the shitter, all I have to do is pull out my handy-dandy notebook and viola. 34. Instant Confidence Boost. It's like the little number comes to life and gives me a mini pep talk: "Listen up you prick, you've got 34 down. Thirty-fucking-four. Do you think now is the time to give up? Fuck no! Now get off your sorry ass and go kick some Zombie Ass!" He's got a bit of a mouth on him, I'll give him that.
I'm tugging on the massive two story doors before it hits me that this could be a bad idea. I press my ear against the door in effort to hear through to the other side.
"Nothing," I murmur as I take a step back, pursing my lips as I scan the door. I'm about to push through when I hear it; the sound of glass breaking. The positive thing about zombies? They're fucking stupid. They're like a fat kid trying to play Hide and Seek. Always breaking things. Always making noise wherever they walk or, I should say, limp.
"Time to go." And with that, I'm turning around, making my way down the McCully Hall steps without even looking ahead. Mistake number one, ass wipe. I quickly glance up, noticing my mistake as I see what's in front of me. Five, hungry zombies. All waiting to get their grimy hands on me. "Thanks Mrs. Kathy," I nod once, acknowledging that she's the reason to why these pesky bitches stand before me.
Fucking perfect. I have five closing in on me, and God knows what's behind these doors. Think quickly, Cullen. "Better in than out!" I shrug as I quickly turn, hauling open the large wooden doors and slamming it closed behind me as I secure it shut with a few closed located desks. Just in time. Just like the movies. But then I remember, this is not a movie and as I hear more glass break I know it's time. "'Nut up or shut up,'" I channel my inner Tallahassee from Zombieland, tighten my grip around my golf club, baseball style, and continue the voyage inside towards the source of the zombie.
"I'll show you how to play Hide and Seek!"
Oh yeah, one more thing: I tend to have lame battle cries.
A/N: Love it? Hate it? Let me know by leaving me a review!
