A/N: Some of this also came from a RP my friend and I started, but never finished, so I decided to take bits and pieces of it and turn it into another silly little one shot. Enjoy! Also, I don't watch Soaps, so I'm making it up as I go along, obviously.
"Oh bloody hell!" The blonde vampire shouted, tossing a dark red slipper at the curved screen of the television, striking the image of a dark haired man on the screen before falling to the floor. In front of the television, sitting Indian-style at the foot of the bed was a lithe figure clad in black pants. "I can't believe this…" He muttered, running a hand through his spiked platinum blonde hair. "Phyllis is so much hotter than Sharon, why can't David realize that…"
As soon as the words left his lips, the door of the mausoleum flew open. The vampire jumped off the bed in surprise, grabbing the axe that was propped up against the headboard.
The axe made a loud clattering sound on the hard floor as he tossed it aside, realizing who the intruder was. "Would it kill you once in a while to knock?" Spike grumbled, sitting back in his place at the foot of the bed.
The irritated looking blonde woman stepped further inside, pulling along a younger brunette who didn't seem too pleased to be there, either. "I'm fine at home, you know. I'm not a little kid anymore, I don't need a babysitter," The girl said, crossing her arms across her chest.
"I second that," Spike muttered, glaring at the television.
"Dawn, quit whining. It's only for a couple of hours," She turned to Spike. "I'm going patrolling. There's a new baddie in town, nothing that I can't handle, of course, and I can't get anyone to watch Dawn, so-"
"So you dump her off on me, eh? Lovely. Well, go on then," He said, waving a pale hand towards the door. "If she breaks anything though, I swear-"
"I know, I know. Grr, bugger, blah blah blah. Very intimidating. I'll be back in a while." She rolled her eyes and then left.
"Well, sit down," Spike said to Dawn, gesturing towards a small armchair next to the bed. "Don't touch the telly, and be quiet. My soap's on."
Ten minutes later.
"You see, David is shagging Sharron, but the sodding bloke is too bloody stupid to realize that she's just using him for his money and good looks. Not to mention, he's the heir to the Cheesecake Factory."
"Uh-huh."
"And Phyllis, well she's in love with him, but she won't admit her feelings," he explained nonchalantly, taking a sip of blood from his "Life's a Beach" mug.
"And who's that?" Dawn said, pointing a finger towards a tall blonde woman wearing too much makeup and a very revealing top, on the television screen.
"That's Gloria, nasty little bint, she is. Poisoned her own sister. But that's okay, because Jeffrey is on his way to the police to turn her in."
"Ah. And who's Jeffrey again?"
Spike threw up his hands up in exasperation. "For crying out loud! I told you, he's David's brother."
"Oh right. Spike?"
"What, lil' bit?"
"Can we watch something else?"
"Not bloody likely."
