SilverWolfLove back again and ready to write! And to clear up some confusion, I do not think that I'm a Saint, and the way I described Jordyn physically in the last chapter is nothing like me, except I do have big boobs, too small ears, blond hair and blue eyes. The only reason I said Jordyn was a Saint and that I was similar to her personality because I, well, am. But I'm not that nice! I only enjoy being nice, and try to be it all the time. I also feel bad when I'm mean to someone. I multiplied my personality by, like, ten and got Jordyn's. I thought that it would make it easier on me to write. I'm not a Saint. I don't think I'm beautiful, I don't have very good self-esteem, I'm popular, I listen to my friends problems and give them my honest opinion, I've never been cheated on by one of my boyfriends, I'm rich. I'm not gonna lie, I rock at swimming. No one can question that. And last but not least, I have such as small ego that it can barely be seen under a microscope, so I get a little offended when someone says that I have a big ego. Normal, I don't care what bad things are said about me or my writing, because I've learned to tune it out. But my ego is something I get mad about. And, once again, I'm not, nor do I think I am, a Saint.

"I wish you could hear all the things I'm too afraid to say"

JPOV

I've always thought of myself as normal. Nothing special, not a unique piece of work. Just . . . ordinary. To tell you the truth, I've never really figured out why a lot of guys in school drool over me. It makes me feel a little self-consious when they flex their muscles for me in the Common Room. I just smile whole-heartedly, feel their muscles, and, because they were always really hard, I would be amazed, and they'd leave happy. I never meant to lead them on, but apparently that's exactly what I did.

I've always secretly had a crush on my best friend Sirius Black. Every since, maybe, Second or Third Year. He was really sweet, funny, hot, loyal, brave, a little arrogant but not around me, mischievous, somewhat immature but ever since the beginning of Sixth Year he has been growing up more and more, impulsive, (much like the other Marauders, minus Peter, who was always very careful and timid, but I could see that he had a good heart), kind, selfless, at times he could have a nasty temper, he's persistant, and the list could go on for hours. To tell you the truth, I really didn't care what he looked like—I cared about what was on the inside. I'm more substance over style. If a there was a man with Sirius's personality, but what as ugly as a Flobberworn, I would still date him because I care more about his substance.

His nickname was Padfoot. The Marauders had started to call each other by their nicknames in Fifth Year, and I never quite knew why. I could kind of decipher that it had something to do with a dog, but I didn't know what Sirius would have to do with a dog. But then they came to me while in the library. They told me that the Animagus spell worked perfectly. I was excited, and congradulated them on their acheivement. I then asked them to show me. They did, and found out that James was a stag (hence the name Prongs), Peter was a rat, (hence "Wormtail"), and Sirius was a dog. I laughed, and then went over to pet Sirius. I had finally gotten why his nicknam was Padfoot.

I can remember one time during the first few days of Christmas Break in Sixth Year (our family usually waits five or six days after I get home from Hogwarts to go on our trips), he came to my house in Betws-y-Coed. When I saw him, my heart fluttered in my chest and a wide grin spread across my house. When my mum saw him, she hugged him tightly and asked if he was alright. He smiled and said that he was doing just fine. Dad shoke his hand, my brothers fist pounded him, and Sebastian hugged him, mostly because he was too small to do anything else. Mum asked him to stay until we left for our trip. He anitially said no, but Mum persued him for an hour or two, and he finally agreed. For three days, Sirius and I explored Betws-y-Coed, hung out with my Muggle friends, drove my ski-doo (a Yamaha Exciter), and had snow ball fights. When the time came for my family and me to go to Barcelona, I really didn't want to. But Sirius promised to see me at Hogwarts on January 6th, so I left.

When I saw Sirius with all those other girls, snogging them, my heart hurt. I would glance at them, my heart would break, and then I'd look away and try to act normal. By the end of Fifth Year (when he started to shag girls), I was pretty sure I was depressed, because my heart had been ripped from my chest so many times. But, luckily, I wasn't. Good thing for that, too.

I had only ever had one boyfriend. His name was Andrew Hartman, a Half-Blood Ravenclaw who cheated on me with another Half-Blood Ravenclaw named Akita Pierce. I was doing my Prefect Patrols ay night, when I heard moaning and panting coming from the History of Magic classroom. With the intention of telling the student or students to get back to their Common Rooms and go to bed, I barged into the door. Andrew was bending over a desk, stark naked, Akita under him, also stark naked. Both of them were sweating. Andrew was humping her and both were moaning loudly. I gasped, and both of them stopped what they were doing and stoood up. In their rush to get their clothes, they both tripped over each other. With tears streaming down my face, I ran out of the classroom and started running. I got half way down the hall when I heard Andrew yelling my name and heavy footsteps on the stone floor. He chased me all the way up to Gryffindor Tower, all the while calling my name. He was at a different platform, still waiting for a staircase by the time I reached the portrait hole. I said the password, ran inside, passed the Marauders (who were the only ones in the Common Room), and straight up to my room. I've wanted to change the way I am ever since.

About two weeks after that, I was mooping around the Common Room at around midnight. My eyes were bloodshot from crying for so long, my hair was in a messy ponytail, and I had apsalutely no make-up on. I was wearing baggy plaid pajama pants, a white tank-top, fluffy slippers, and a black and white stripped house coat. I heard footsteps come down the stairs, but I didn't listen. Someone sat beside me on the couch and touched my shoulder. I looked up into the eyes of my long time crush, Sirius Black. I smiled, but it was more like a grimace. He sighed sadly, and pulled me onto his lap. I burried my head in his neck and curled up against him. His arms went around my waist. He held me even closer. I really hoped that he couldn't feel my heartbeat quicken, but I could definely hear his quicken. I wouldn't be able to tell you how long we sytayed tbere. Mostly because I lost track of how long after three hours, and also because I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was laying on my side on the couch in the Common Room, with Sirius under me, his arms around my waist, snoring lightly. I was cuddled up to Sirius, my arms stretched up to his shoulders, my legs on either side of his waist, his red t-shirt still stained with salty tears.

Sirius had shaggy hair, smoky grey eyes, pale skin, oval eyes, a thin line for a mouth, tall, about 6'3", well-built, and always has an air of casual elegance that I always loved. After seeing his brother Regulus (who looked so amazingly like Sirius that they could have been twins), and his cousins Andromeda, Bellatrix d Narcissa, I could see that every Black had those same feathers, except the Black Sisters's features were a little more feminine.

The part that breaks my heart is that I've sworn off boys while at Hogwarts. If he asked me out right this second, I'd have to say no. Partly because of my pledge, but the other part is because I'm a little afraid he'd cheat on me or dump me as soon as he's finished with me, similar to what he did to a Pure-Blood Hufflepuff girl named Aadila Hamilton. He persued her for a month until she agreed to go to Hogsmeade with him, went to Madame Puddifold's, had a great time, came back, shagged in a broom cupboard, and the next day, Sirius dumped her in front of everyone. Aadila was devestated. He did it eight times! With two Ravenclaws, four Gryffindors, and two Hufflepuffs, including Aadila. I knew six of them: Kiden, Shaunee, Melody, Demitria, Kennedy, and Tarsen. Shaunee, Kennedy, Demitria and Kiden were in Gryffindor, and they mooped around the Common Room for weeks and refused to go to classes, so Professor McGonagall brought them down to the Hospital Wing, where Madame Pomphrey gave them some kind of Sleeping Potion, and when they woke up, gave them some chocolate. Each of them stayed in the Hospital Wing for various periods, but the longest was Shaunee, who stayed there for two months. But her friends brought her her homework, so she didn't fall behind. Sirius had also cheated on a Gryffindor girl named Leslie Zarkota with a Ravenclaw girl named Lucy Rowlands. You wanna know what the worst part was? Sirius actually went up to Leslie and said, "Les, I cheated on you with Rowlands, that girl from Ravenclaw. I'm sorry, but I'm breaking up with you." I don't even know what happened to Leslie. I saw her running from the Common Room that day, three hours later I saw her coming back, tears streaming down her face. I was about to get up and comfort her, but she raced up the stairs too fast, then I heard a door slam loudly. That was the last time I saw her. Rumors were soon spread around that she had gotten pregnant, or that she had left to go home and never well return. Me? I didn't know what to think. Every rumor I heard got crazier and crazier. Lucy, on the other hand, took the break up from Sirius very well, and kissed him on the cheek before calmly walking back to her Common Room. She didn't even act remotely sad. She was the only girl who had dated Sirius, and came out happy. Well, the only one that I know of.

At first, I refused to acknowledge that I fancied Sirius Orion Black. He was a prankster, a prat, a player. But, being me, I tried to find the best in him. Surprising everyone, I found something bright and pure inside Sirius. Something that I wanted to know. So I decided to try and be his friend. Around Christmas of Second Year, I started to feel weird in his presense. By January.30th of that same year, I started to sort out my feelings about him. And by March 7th, I found out that I had a crush on him. It was a "normal" stereotypical crush, where the girl tries to act perfect and make herself prettier, it was more—how can I phrase it?—casual, I guess you could call it. I just acted like I always did, not trying to make myself look flawless, not letting myself get all jumpy when he was around me. But when I acted a little stupid in public and he was around, I would show my embarresment at night while I was in bed. My cheeks would go as red as an apple, my palms would sweat, I would get this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, and I wouldn't want to show my face again.

I would be strong this year, and not give into my desire to be Sirius's girlfriend. Be strong. But as Seventh Year grew closer and closer, I could feel my resolve getting weaker and weaker. And when Sepetember 1st finally rolled around, I just wanted to jump into Sirius's strong, warm arms and snog him senseless. And as my family and I drove to King's Cross Station, I kept repeating Stay strong, stay strong in my head. But when we pulled into the parking lot and Dad put my lugage on a trolley, I couldn't remember why I didn't want to go out with him.

We got to the doors of the train station, walked in, and after five minutes of walking, came to Platform 9 ¾. I kissed my parents, hugged my brothers (Luke gave me a nuggy), and pick up Sebastian and spun him around before running through the platform and coming out on the other side. The Hogwarts Express sounded and steam erupted from around it. Students carrying trucksand owl cages on their trollies, their parents standing behind them, crying. I smiled and said excuse as I weaved in and out of witches and wizards, all smiling and moving aside when I asked them. But I did get a sour look from a Slytherin who mumbled "Mudblood." I continued on walking, until I came to a door to enter the train. I heaved my heavy trunk into a storage compartment, picked up my Great-Horned Owl Melody and my Nimbus 1700, trotted up the stairs.

I saw and passed no one. Not a single soul. It was like the train was completely deserted. I settled for a compartment about half way down the train, and went in, placing my broom on the rack above my head and wedging Melody between me and the wall of the tiny compartment. My eyes scanned the platform throught the window.

Four Slytherins carrying their brooms and wearing their Quidditch practice uniform. A Hufflepuff Prefect was beckoning kids onto the train. Parents were giving their children final goodbyes before sending them away for another year at Hogwarts. A boy who looked in First Year had just slipped and fell, a few Slytherin girls started to laugh at him, he turned a shade of bright red and got up. But my eyes found Mr. and Mrs. Potter, who were standing there, waving towards the left. The two looked my way, and waved enthusiastically, smiling happily. I smiled and I waved back. Last Summer, I had went to James's house because my parents were gone on business trips and couldn't pick me up, and I had met them there. They were so nice, and seemed to take a liking to me. Mrs. Potter blew me a kiss back and winked. I laughed.

Smiling, I turned back to looking straight forwards, tapping my foot on the floor. Mellie—which is what I nicknamed Melody—hooted inside her cage. I slipped my finger inside the bars, and gently rubbed her head. She nipped my finger affectionatly.

"Hey, Cunningham!" said a familiar voice from the doorway.

Smiling, I looked towards him. My entire resolve left and I was left with a very bad want for the black haired boy standing in front of me.

Yeah! I hope you like it! And I'm sorry if you don't. I'm gonna go to sleep now cuz it's, like, 10:30pm and my little sister Allison is right beside me, sleeping and it's making me jealous! But I have one question. Have any of you ever seen any one of the Jeepers Creepers movies? I watched it just then, and it scared my older brother Brandon shitless. I watched Jeepers Creepers 1, and couldn't help thinking that I would do what Trish (or Trisha, I think) did to try and get the Creeper to take her instead of Darry. "Take me. You don't want him. You don't want him. Whatever you want you can take it from me. You don't want Darry. You don't him. We have everything the same inside! You take me! You hear me! You take me, you fucking let him go! Please. Just let him. Just think for a second. I won't fight you. You can take me. I'm stronger you want me! Drop him. Let him go and take me." I would do that for Allison and Brandon in a effing heartbeat. If one of them—especially Allison cause she's the baby of the family and the purest soul ever made—was about to be lifted off to be killed by the Creeper, I'd run right up to him and beg for him to take me instead of them. I'd cry, yell, beg, curse, plead, everything and anything to get the Creeper to take me. I mean, who wouldn't do that for their siblings? You'd have to seriously hate your sibling's guts to not do it.

~Cameryn