I kinda rushed this chapter. Sweat drops. I apologize for the late update! I've been busy with college. ;; After some time not making any updates, my writing is really rusty. I'm sorry for that!
For the remainder of that day, Hinata's thoughts mainly revolved about the topic enclosing on his newfound discovery— the paper crane. It gnawed at the back of his mind; each and every word engraved on the paper, albeit one of eloquence, was purely an enigma as they haunted him. Due to curiosity, it wasn't long until Hinata neglected his necessity for a rest on that same night. He turned, and turned, the blanket soon pooled by the torso as light from a nearby lamp continued to glisten upon the letter in his steady grip.
It was quite obvious that Hinata was busying himself in contemplating upon the mystery that hid beneath the note for quite a while now. At first, the orange head thought that it may be a case that could be easily resolved. He certainly underestimated the case. With the hand of time reaching out further than before, it proved to be more complicated than he thought.
How exactly does one read in between the lines? For once, the boy was starting to regret for not spending much time on studying his native language, Japanese. If he had, maybe he could have figured out a thing or two regarding the letter. But he didn't, and therefore, he couldn't.
"Ugh, this is so hard!" With the proclamation said aloud, Hinata gave up. A groan resonated from the back of his throat as he plops back against the mattress, forgetting about the small fact that he shouldn't be loud at this time. Right now, a rest seemed to be a plausible option unlike before, and suddenly, there was a heavy weigh atop of his lids, then bit by bit did his grip on the paper began to falter. The last thing that crossed Hinata's mind before he fell into a peaceful slumber was naught but the pleasant thought of Kageyama's return.
By the next morning, Hinata no longer waited for Kageyama at their usual spot as he was already past the school gates— no, it had nothing to do with him giving in or such the like, though he doubted that he would consider it even if given the chance. Hinata merely reckoned that if Kageyama would be present for today's practice, he'd turn up at the gym later. Indeed, there was no denying that the continuous absence was suspicious, but Hinata refuses to think that there's a possibility that Kageyama might not turn up at all.
Or at least, he's desperately not trying to think about by engulfing himself in small mannerisms as a distraction, like kicking a small rock or—
"Good morning, Hinata."
Perking up at the sound of a welcome, Hinata momentarily paused in his walk towards the school to throw a glance to the side. Signs of fatigue by then was swept from his face at once after capturing the sight of Asahi trudging towards him. Instantly, a smile graced the former's complexion, the greeting about to be returned only to release a rather loud yawn instead.
He must have came off seemingly tired ( even if he is, due to lack of sleep ) because it wasn't until later when Asahi questioned him. "Did you not sleep well?"
"Eh?"
"A-ah, I'm sorry if that came rude! It's just that you... don't look like you got enough rest?"
Blinking once, or perhaps, twice, Hinata could only gawk in slight confusion by the time Asahi caught up to him.
"Oh." The question came rather too sudden after all, then that's when memories from last night flooded into his mind. Hinata remembered staying awake; he remembered perching over on the bed, and had his gaze completely transfixed on a sheet fill of words in which he happened to find. There was a slight urge to find another reasoning, for Hinata couldn't find the heart to tell Asahi about the recent events. He can't tell anyone about that yet. There was still a chance that this might just be a hoax and therefore, he tried to come up with a different reason that was akin to the incident last night.
"I-it's okay! I kinda stayed up late last night. Just got distracted with um... Studying! Yeah, I was late up studying! So really, it's my fault."
Okay, maybe not so alike. In fact, it was close to almost unbelievable; even he thinks that he sounded like he was desperately trying to convince himself. That asides, examinations had long come to a completion, and everyone certainly acknowledges the fact that Hinata wasn't the type of person whom would study without tests coming up. When Asahi had his face scrunched up in confusion upon hearing this, Hinata felt a glint of hope flickering within his chest, wishing to himself that the ace would accept his answer despite how ridiculous it sounded.
"I see." Fortunately, Asahi did and no longer pressed on the matter, much to his relief. With a smile sent at his way, Hinata took off immediately, an enthusiastic front put on once more before barging into the gym. There was a slight disappointment when no one of his expecting was there.
"Sugawara-san! Please send me some tosses!"
...
"The king didn't show up today either, huh." Tsukishima commented on yet again one of another today's oddities.
Like any other day, practice has ended. It was time to go home. Except this one, once again, had ended with something ( or rather someone ) that remained absent. Hinata turned, finding himself in a huddle of a circle with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, brooms in their hands which indicated they were going to do their duties.
"It's really unlike of him." Yamaguchi knitted his brows together before continuing, "He doesn't seem like that type of person to skip practices. It's been almost a week, right? Aren't you worried, Tsukki?"
Tsukishima shrugged, and if Hinata didn't know any better, he would say that Tsukishima wasn't as concerned as the team. But there's no denying the fact that whilst the tall lanky boy seemed quite disinterested in volleyball, he paid attention to his surroundings and went as far as to take note of Kageyama's lack of presence since he's usually the one to make the first remark. Well, at least, he assumed. Hinata doesn't blame him, of course.
Lately, everyone's been taking note of this a bit too much.
"What about you, Hinata?"
His attention then fell to the brunet before him who awaited for his response. No doubt, there was genuinity in the concerned tone of his voice, but knowing that this was Yamaguchi, his facial expressions had always said a lot more than how he puts his words together. Hinata came to know that even though the first year was not a regular, he still held determination to improve and honestly, that was something to be accounted for. Benchwarmers or not, Hinata learned, that doesn't mean they're useless.
"But isn't everyone?" Hinata started, reluctantly, and faintly remembering Daichi's words. "I mean, Kageyama's going to be the one who's tossing to me, so of course, I am!" And Kageyama will be the one to set a ball for him to spike. There was no doubting that.
"Huh... You're right." Yamaguchi slackened his back, looking elsewhere. "But... If Kageyama still hasn't come back by then, we'll have no choice but to leave for the away games without him. Worst case scenario is that he still isn't back by the time the official matches begin."
He had to frown at the last statement being said. That was definitely the worst case scenario. How is he going to improve without the said setter there? "Tokyo, huh..." Hinata thought aloud. "Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if we'll be able to make through the games without him..."
"Mm, which goes with the saying. Hypothetically, won't you become useless without Kageyama by your side?"
"Tsukki! That's too harsh." Yamaguchi scolded the other.
"What? I'm speaking the truth." Tsukishima shrugged, replying as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Without Kageyama, he won't be able to do that freak quick. It's basically the only thing he's useful at."
The realization hits him home hard like a brick. It's true, he supposed, it was actually quite a valid reason. Had Kageyama not gone to Karasuno in the first place, he vaguely wondered where he would have been.
He's in deep of thought now, failing to take note of how Tsukishima wandered off in attempt of briskly completing his duty, and he failed to realize it himself that he was getting lost in his own mind. However it didn't take long until he was disrupted from his train of thoughts when Yamaguchi approached him a bit closer.
"Sorry about that, Hinata." He apologized, making sure to bow a bit. "Please don't mind him. Tsukki can be... brash sometimes, but trust me when I say that he's actually a nice person when you get to know him."
Right.
"I guess so. But..." His fist clenched at the resounding words in his head. "He's right, you know."
Uncertainty was the main sentiment he felt by know. There were many things that needed to be consideration, and truthfully, he doesn't know what to feel towards them all. Should he be sad? Anxious? Worried? "To be only useful for one thing... Take that one thing away, won't that make me basically weak?"
But more and foremost, wasn't that the reason why he wanted to be strong enough to stand on his own when he's on the court?
"Hinata..." Yamaguchi must have wanted to say something, but when Tsukishima's voice rang from the other side of the court, he was forced to comply. Eventually though, but not before shooting Hinata a look.
Hinata huffed inwardly, mostly at himself. For the brunet to must have taken pity on him to even try counsel him, how more pathetic could he get? Nonetheless, he tried to remain optimistic regarding the whole matter and he may or may not have the idea on how. He rushed off soon enough, going about in a frantic search of a particular person before leaving the campus.
Upon finding the person, he wasted no time in calling for them out.
"Yachi-san!" Hinata shouted out, flailing about an arm to grasp her attention. There, Yachi stands, almost a step outside the gate before turning to meet his eyes and Hinata considered himself lucky since things went his way for once.
"Eh? Hinata? Y-yes, what is it?"
"Would you like to join me for lunch?" He gave a broad smile.
"... L-lunch? Later?"
"Kageyama and I normally go for lunch together before or after our practice during the weekdays, but he isn't here! So, I thought you maybe wanted to come with me in his stead?"
"Oh, sure! I don't mind... Wait! I forgot to bring my money!"
"It's okay. Take it as my offer!"
"Are you sure?"
Hinata vigorously gave a nod at that. "Very. I'll go get my bag first!"
True to his words, the redhead instantly sprang off in order to retrieve his bag within the gymnasium. But it wasn't long until he found another paper crane nestling beneath one of the benches.
"I'm really sorry for having you to pay for me." Yachi clasped her hands together, her head bowed lower a bit more than she should have.
"No, no, I told you, it's fine! Like I said earlier, take it as my offer. Besides, I should be the one to apologize since this is kinda sudden, ehe."
"I still feel bad though... I'll pay you back tomorrow, I promise!"
They were having a rest in a miniature cafe down by the shops by now, seated close to each other with their bags on the ground. Mayhaps their lunch couldn't be called lunch, consisting no more than a slice of cake and milkshakes, but they both figured it should be enough to sedate their hunger.
They talked, immersed in endless pile of topics to be conversed as laughter shared among them. Hinata's mood had proven to improve dramatically unlike earlier, and he assumed that this might have been what he needed all along to feel more up.
He was smiling, bright as ever, and it didn't occur to him that he had been absentmindedly pulling out his discovered item and fondled around with it. Not until Yachi brought it to his question.
"What's that? A paper crane?"
Hinata froze, and the sense of dreadfulness was slowly crawling in. "This— um—" He shouldn't be panicking, he knows, and this was Yachi, she could be trusted, he tried to reason but even then, that wasn't enough to prevent him from hiding the crane quickly along with the words to spill out from his mouth like a jet of ink. "I-it's nothing! Really!" He flushed. "— Just something that I found."
"Eh? O-okay then..."
Great, he must have interrupted the flow of their mood somehow because now, Yachi was giving him one of the looks that he's been receiving for the past few days.
"Um, Hinata. I was just wondering..." Yachi slowly started, and Hinata could already guess what was about to come next.
"Are you fine?"
"Me? Why would I not be fine?" He countered, his gaze averted as he picked up a fork to jab at the remaining pieces of the cake.
"W-well, since Kageyama-kun isn't back yet, I thought that you'd be... um..."
"I'm fine." Somewhere from the back of his mind, there was a faint voice. He couldn't help but to ponder on why the others were worried about him when it should be Kageyama to be concerned for. He's there, he's still there, and sure, he might be a bit off of his game lately, but he's still fine.
"Really? Because you've been awfully quiet lately, so..."
Oh. Hinata didn't even noticed it himself at all. "Sugawara is here to throw me tosses until Kageyama comes back." He says, sounding optimistic, shooting a smile at his close friend, "So, I'm fine!"
"Yes, but what if..." Yachi stumbled around with her words.
"Hm? What is it?" He blinked at the next words that came out shortly afterwards.
"What if Kageyama-kun doesn't come back?"
A bucket of silence meets the two after the question was shot. Hinata, pausing only a little in his actions as his brain busied comprehending the said words and tried to make a sense out of it. Unfortunately, it didn't do much.
"He'll be back." Hinata replied, his expression akin to the ones he makes whenever he puts his full concentration into a game. By the time he looked up, his eyes meeting the other's gaze, he pretends to not notice the evident confusion on her face. "I'm sure of it. He was gone only for a few days. That guy won't give up volleyball for anything else."
"I see..." They stared at each other for a while, Yachi being the first to break their contact when she moved to shift around in her seat. "I'm sorry. That was quite inane of me."
"It's fine! Believe it or not..." Hinata laughed sheepishly, a hand flew to rub at the back of his head. "It happens to me too."
#35
It was that day again; the day when I had my first taste of abandonment. I could not count the days for how long since it left a dent on my self confidence. I tried, many times, to discard the thought, to shrug it off as if it was nothing important- but when something scarred a person so deep to the point it ingrained fear inside them, it's not easy. I wanted to believe, I wanted to have faith that things will be okay by then, but whenever the memory tugs on me from the back of my mind, I'm back to where I was.
It didn't take long to realize where or what I had been doing; I had been going in circles.
Tobenai.
Hinata was seated at his desk around the time he opened the crane. He knows that he should be doing his homework, but instead, he went strayed when he goes to tend to a completely different task. It can't be helped, he thinks, he blames the letter for being too damn captivating. Much to his surprise, or not so really, there was also words engraved on this paper but compared to the last letter, this one was less lengthy.
But the content? Much more complicated.
So, it wasn't a fluke. These paper cranes that he found, it was the doing of this 'Tobenai' person. Along with the number written at the top, Hinata was ascertained that it had to do with amount of cranes done, and therefore, he was confident that there were more of these to be found.
But for now, he's not sure what to do with the content of these letters. As much as they pull him in like a magnet, he falters to understand anything in them. He tried to connect the newly discovered letter with the previous one, but even then, it didn't seem to relate in any way.
What if... He mused, what if he collected more of these, then somehow, he'll be able to join the pieces together? That's it, a bright idea hung over him like a light bulb. He should, and suddenly, he feels like one of those detectives in the movies that are setting out to solve a mystery.
Except, this time, it really was a mystery.
Truth be told, he doesn't know about what was the purpose, he doesn't know why he should even go bother to keep up with this little... discovery of his. But such as a bee in search of a honey, he figured that hey, this might as well lead him to something that might be a worth of time. He can feel it.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, he's going to search for more paper cranes.
"Right! Let's do this! YEAH!"
"Shoyo! Keep your voice down!"
The next morning, Hinata was trudging along the same path that he usually takes. Compared to yesterday, it could be easily seen that today, the redhead seemed better in more ways than one; it was all thanks to his determination and a small motivation dedicated to himself last night.
Should he search around the whole school? Where should he start first? Where exactly would Tobenai put his letters? So many thoughts were occurring to him all at once, but the moment he spotted a familiar figure from the distance, they ceased to a halt.
"Isn't that?" His eyes bulged out slightly at the sight.
Then he's running with his bike, and suddenly, he's buzzing with excitement like a dead toy that fully came back to life. "Kageyama!" He shouted to the figure from the top of his tongue, a hand waving in the air almost a tad too harshly.
The said person halted in his tracks. He turns, and Hinata's smile widens when he saw how Kageyama looked exactly how he saw him the last time. Tall, cranky and as scary-looking as ever.
"Hinata?" Kageyama muttered in disbelief.
"Kageyama!" Hinata rushed and all to his side, momentarily forgetting about his bike that fell to the side when he starts to gush about and well, basically, pulling a string of words in all one go. "I can't believe it, you're here— you're actually here— I was worried that I wouldn't be able to spike those tosses anymore— I nearly thought you were abducted—"
"C-calm down, dumbass! I can't even understand a single word you're saying!"
"I don't know what I'm saying either but just know that I'm relieved to know that you're fine, okay?!" It's true, all that heavy weigh from back then was replaced by a huge sense of relief. His chest feels lighter than ever now, and he's smiling, broader than ever, up at the taller boy who only continued to stare at him confusedly.
"You were worried about me?" Kageyama blinked.
"H-huh? What? You gonna mock me or something if I do?"
"No, it's just... I'm surprised." He said, as if this was like a whole new thing to him.
"Surprised?" Anger flared within Hinata when he heard of this. Seriously? Surprised? Caught up in his relief, Hinata had in fact momentarily forgotten about the whole anger he kept restrained towards the setter during the period of him gone. Kageyama's stupid, as stupid as him perhaps, but he didn't think he'd be this much of an idiot.
"Stupid Kageyama!" Hinata practically shouted into the other's ears, "You missed six days of practice! Sure, I guess that you did miss practice at some days, but six days in the same row? Sheesh." Arms crossed, he gives the other a glare to which it was gladly returned. Kageyama was about to say something, but he didn't give him a chance as he had cut him off first by continuing. "You were gone without any explanation too. What did you expect, huh? You thought no one would be worried?!"
"Oh." He grunted, not saying anything which leaves them in silence. Hinata was still bustling with anger, on the other hand.
"... Sorry."
"Yeah, yeah, go ahead and— wait. What?"
"I said." Kageyama grunted, averting his gaze to a place elsewhere. "— sorry. I didn't mean to make you worried."
Well, that was new. Certainly not what he had expected from him. Had it been any other situation, he would have looked at him stupefied, but given the current state and from the way he sees how Kageyama contorted his face, he decided not to push it.
"... It's fine." He feels guilty, also reminded by what could be the possible valid reason for Kageyama absence. He didn't even give the other chance to explain himself. At that moment though, he's no longer angry at him, and so, he was left to deal with the tension between them.
Only after did Hinata pick his bicycle up had they started walking again towards the school. The walk along the way was relatively quiet, and Hinata's not sure on what to say. "So." He began, not looking at the other. "Why? I mean, why were you gone?"
"We tried to text and call you by phone, but there was no response. Then I guess we wanted to pay you a visit but none of us really knew where you live." For a while, he thought he'd done something to piss Kageyama off because he wasn't replying. He was about to question him again until Kageyama answered.
"My parents had to go out of town for a few days. I had to come with them."
At this, he couldn't help but throw a glance at Kageyama. "Huh? Why?"
"... There was an emergency."
"Oh." He fidget a bit as he walked. Emergency? What did he mean by that? What kind of emergency? He wanted to question him some more, but deciding to not push it, he left it at where it was. "Well, you could have told us before you went or something..."
"It was on a spur of the moment, I wasn't able to. And this place we went to has no service there, dumbass."
"Hey, it's not like I know!"
"If you don't know then keep your mouth shut!"
"How can I keep my mouth shut about when you're gone for like a week?!"
"I already told you that I'm sorry, dumbass!"
"Sorry really doesn't make up for anything!"
"Then what else you want me to say, huh?!"
"I don't know?!"
They both turned away and huffed at each other. It's funny, Hinata thinks, that they're still like this even after not seeing each other for some time. But... The redhead isn't going to deny. He feels a spark within him had come back to life, and at that moment, everything felt fine okay. Maybe it had something to do with Kageyama not being there, but he isn't too sure. One thing he can be certain about is that he feels elated upon knowing that they were about to fall back into their usual routine.
"Race you to the gym!" Hinata suddenly exclaimed, getting on his bike to race his way.
"Hinata, you dumbass! That was cheating!"
The atmosphere at practice later was as once as it was used to be. Lively, and today, everyone's mood seemed to be brightened, including the jackass known as Tsukishima, and Tanaka, who no longer showed signs of over-worrying.
( "Kageyama! Where have you been?! I've been crying ever since you left us to deal with our own... I missed you so much, my kohai! I could kiss your face right here, and right now!"
"Didn't you say the other thing, Tanaka..." )
Kageyama and Hinata bickered as the per usual. On that same day however, he finally gets to have another taste of the satisfying toss that he hits against the other side of the court and he gets to experience the familiar sensation of which kindled a warmth within him.
Yes, everything seemed to be fine as it was going. Kageyama was back, everyone's moods noticeably improved, and there is now a great reassurance that they'll be able to play in the nationals without worrying.
So, then why does he feel like there's something out of place?
Hinata frowned, the last bead of sweat rolling down his cheeks swept away with his shirt as he frantically glanced around, in search of what it could be that's missing. No, it's not the paper cranes that he was forgetting, he still remembered his secondary goals; his primary being volleyball.
This was entirely something else that he's feeling. Like something— or someone— was going to die.
By the end of the day, Hinata couldn't manage to find another paper crane. He's searched in almost every corner of the clubroom but so far, there isn't any. He didn't get any more time to spare to check in the other places so, he was forced to go back home, feeling a little bit exasperated.
For a moment, he tried to consider, and his thoughts soon fleeted to the person who was responsible for writing all those letters; Tobenai.
Sure, Hinata hasn't a slightest clue of who he was but for him to put that in their clubroom, he could only assume that he might have been a member of the volleyball club., considering that it was found in the clubroom and all. However the problem comes as Hinata does not recognize anyone within their team with that name. Unless it was someone who was a graduated student from their school, then that might have explained it. What he did not get, however, was the purpose this 'Tobenai' have by hiding the paper crane away at the dark place of a shelf.
Perhaps he should question Sugawara if he knew anything about 'Tobenai'. Hinata knows that his chances of finding this person was slim. For all he'd know, 'Tobenai' moved away to a further place, or in the worst case scenario, passed away. Still, that did not keep him from giving up. The content of the letter was all he could think about; the choice of words, the emotions perfectly captured by the letter alone, and he wanted— no, he needed to know who this 'Tobenai' is.
Maybe that's why he was feeling a little bit out of place earlier. It might have something to do with this matter.
His phone being drawn out, he lies against his chair then texted the first person who came into his mind when he wanted to question something.
[ TO: SUGAWARA. ] Sugawara-san?
[ FROM: SUGAWARA. ] Yes, Hinata?
[ TO: SUGAWARA. ] Do you happen to know anyone by the name of Tobenai in the volleyball club before? Like maybe a third year from when you were a first year?
[ FROM: SUGAWARA. ] Tobenai? Weird name. Doesn't that mean 'Flightless'?
"E-eh?" Hinata blinked at this, realization slowly sinking in that, indeed, 'Tobenai' is the word for 'Flightless'. What kind of parents would even name their child after something like that? Unless it was some kind of form a joke? Or... a pen name like he once figured, mayhaps?
[ TO: SUGAWARA. ] I guess so.. Do you know anyone?
[ FROM: SUGAWARA. ] : Nope. I don't think we ever had someone in the club with the name 'Tobenai'. Well, not during my time. Why? You looking for this person?
[ TO: SUGAWARA. ] No, it's nothing! I was just curious. Sorry for disturbing you. See you tomorrow! :D
[ FROM: SUGAWARA. ] I see. It's fine. See you tomorrow. :)
Somehow, he still feels odd about the whole thing.
