A/N: This story, like all my other Gintama stories is GinHijiGin or can also be considered GinHiji/HijiGin because this is simply how I see them and in my opinion realistic relationships don't set definitive roles for the people. If you are for the HijiGin exclusively I suggest you read other stories because that is not what I write.

. . .


When Messing With The Universe Remember You Have To Face The Consequences


It was a lazy morning, as usual, at the Yorozuya's household. The sky was blue, the clouds fluffy, the birds were chirping and the people inside were... snoring.

Definitely a lazy morning. Someone opened the front door and entered inside the apartment.

'They're still not awake, it's already half past eleven, how much do they plan on sleeping?' With a sigh he dragged his feet along the floor and went to open first the door of his Boss' room. There was a lump on the futon, presumably his employer. He sidestepped him and went to the other side of the room.

"Gin-san, it's time to wake up please, we have work and we can't allow to lose any of our clients anymore." Shinpachi said out loud as he opened the curtains to let the light seep into the room. All the boy heard as an answer was a groan.

"Come on Gin-San you have to wake up, it's already late. Do you really want to let Kagura-Chan go to the bathroom first, again? Remember what happened last time?"

There was a shudder beneath the futon, another groan and some grunts, and finally Gintoki rose from the covers. His hair was disheveled, his pajamas rumpled from sleep and his eyes were barely open.

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time Patsuan. Now thanks to you I'm going to have horrible mental images that will last all day."

"It's your fault for not waking up on time." Shinpachi retorted as he strolled out of the bedroom.

Was it just Gintoki's imagination or was Shinpachi starting to sound meaner?

'Is it even possible to inherit sadism even if you're not related? Well Kagura did, or maybe she was this way before we met her.' With these thoughts Gintoki glanced to his right and read the clock, he thought it was still pretty early for him but got up anyway and went to the bathroom to attend to his business.

Something didn't feel quite right today.


In the meantime Shinpachi went to the closet closest to the bedroom and knocked on it twice. When there was no response from the other side he slid open the door. Inside there was a girl with messy, auburn hair splayed around the covers, sleeping with a pillow hugged to her head and drool running from the side of her mouth.

"Kagura-Chan, wake up. It's late and we have work to do."

No response.

"I'm going to make dorayaki for breakfast, the ones Doraemon eats." He said as he lightly shook her shoulder, still she didn't give a sign of having even heard him.

"Kagura we can go and take Sadaharu for a walk and buy some sukonbu, alright?" Shinpachi slightly raised his voice, he was starting to lose his patience.

No answer.

"Kagura, wake up." He shook her shoulder with more force and raised his voice higher but the only thing he got this time was the little girl hugging her pillow tighter.

"KAGURA WAKE UP NOW!" Screamed Shinpachi at the top of his lungs, but still got no response whatsoever.

Deciding he had much more productive ways to spend his morning than wake up his colleague, Shinpachi went to the kitchen and started cooking for everyone. The money they earned yesterday were still lasting today, which was a miracle considering who they were, so he was going to make a good breakfast this morning.

Shinpachi had already had breakfast but he was starting to feel a little hungry since he had woken up early that day to help his sister, he supposed he would consider this as an early lunch then.

After Gintoki finished what he had to do he emerged from the bathroom and sidestepping Sadaharu, who was still sleeping comfortably, went to the kitchen allured by a nice smell.

"What are you doing?" He asked as his mouth started to water at the sight of food.

"Ah Gin-san, I'm making dorayaki for breakfast, can you pass me that spoon?" Shinpachi answered absentmindedly as he was focused on the task at hand.

"Sure." Gintoki grabbed the object and handed it to his employee, mentally singing the theme song of Doraemon.

The smell was really delicious, it was known that Shinpachi was a good cook, he was the only one who prepared the meals at the YHQ (Yorozuya headquartes), when he wasn't there Gintoki and Kagura would either eat prepackaged meals or go down to Otose's bar. Gintoki rarely cooked, even if he knew how to, he was a lazy.

From somewhere near there was a crash and the sound of something falling, after a moment Kagura came running in the kitchen, almost knocking them off their feet.

"Finally! It's been 3 hours since I last ate, my stomach was starting to eat itself!" The little girl exclaimed with an adorable pout on her face.

"I should have known that only the smell of food would wake you up." Shinpachi muttered, accompained by a sigh. "Go wash your face and get ready, breakfast is almost done."

"I'm not going because you said it, but only because I want to, Patsuan!" Then she hurried to the bathroom. Shinpachi rolled his eyes, as if her doing what he had asked was an insult somehow.

Gintoki was leaning on the counter observing Shinpachi, obviously not doing anything to help, and out of the corner of his eye saw that the clock above the fridge read 11:40 a.m. It shouldn't have had any effect on him, but there was something gnawing at the back of his mind.

Suddenly another loud noise was heard, it sounded like somebody coughing. Gin and Shin looked at each other, it wasn't them, maybe it was Kagura. But it couldn't be, because she was in the bathroom and it was almost sound proof (that's how Kagura and Gintoki had survived all this time while Shinpachi took a shower and started singing all his favourite songs from Otsuu's album, Gintoki would either become deaf or his ears would bleed and fall off someday from his employee's voice, he was sure of that).

Becoming suspicious the light haired samurai started looking around for the source of the noise and went into the living room. After a thorough inspection he saw that the doors of the wooden cupboard on the wall were slightly ajar. It was strange, they always remembered to close everything because they were poor and couldn't really allow to let a burglar take what little they had. When he started approaching the cabinet he heard other noises, like muffled screaming or something along those lines, and with all the courage he had-

'It can't be a g-ghost... right? It's daytime and they only c-c-come out during the night.'

-he threw open the doors and...froze.

Inside there was the one and only most annoying ninja in the entire universe, Sarutobi Ayame. She was crouching in the small space with one of Gintoki's yukata's between her hands and covering her mouth with it, she had her eyes closed and was breathing rather heavily.

A vein appeared on Gintoki's forehead. "Are you kidding me?!"

Sarutobi was startled by the voice, letting the piece of clothing slip from her hands. She hadn't noticed anything from being too caught up in her fantasies, and when she saw who it was she squealed so loudly she could have won against Shinpachi during one of his karaoke battles.

"Gin-san, I've been such a naughty girl hiding in here, please pun-" Unfortunately she didn't get to finish her sentence (or fortunately in his case, no one would like to hear what came out of that psycho's mouth) because Gintoki lifted her from her collar and in a few strides across the room he dropped her unceremoniously out of the window, just above the garbage bin collection behind their apartment.

"And you call yourself a ninja?! What would the Hokage even think of you now!? You're a disappointment to all the ninja in the world, and manga's, and anime's that exist! Don't come back!"

With that final yell he went to retrieve a lighter, took the piece of clothing that idiot had in her hands and lit it on fire, annoyed for having to waste such a good yukata, and dumped it out of the window too. He then closed it and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, behaving like the last few minutes had never occurred.

Shinpachi, having witnessed everything, watched him with an expression between irritation, disappointment, disbelief and patience, a lot of it. "Did you just throw Sa-Chan-San out of-"

"It didn't count since she's not a woman, just a pest, I have never hit or treated badly any woman in my life." Shinpachi was about to retort but Gintoki beat him to it. "Don't you smell something burning?"

"Oh no, the breakfast!" Shinpachi, like lightning, went to tend to the poor food that had been left alone.

As the seconds turned to minutes Gintoki sighed. He didn't understand, it was like there was something he was forgetting here, but what exactly? At first he thought this feeling of unease came from that perverted ninja, but even after getting rid of her he didn't feel the same satisfaction he always felt. After a few more moments breakfast was ready and the four occupants of the house sat at the table to eat their meal, Sadaharu had woken up too. Kagura was devouring the food.

"Slow down or you're going to eat the table too." Gintoki drawled in his careless voice. Kagura ignored him.

He didn't get it, everything seemed normal. He looked around, the room was clean, Sadaharu was eating quietly, Kagura was inhaling everything in sight, Shinpachi was trying to make her stop before she ate his portion too, the television was still broken and on the coffee table his Jump was- wait a second.

He froze for the second time that morning.

Then he let out an high-pitched scream that sounded a lot like that of a girl (he would later deny it 'till the end of his days). His Jump was really on the coffee table, but it was the old one and today came out the new one, with a special chapter of Love Ru, and he absolutely had to get it!

"My Jump! My poor, poor, Jump! Don't worry Jump-San, your owner is coming to get you!"

In a frenzy he grabbed his bokuto and boots and bolted out of the room, ignoring the calls of the kids, Shinpachi that told him they had work to do and Kagura that asked him if she could have his food, even if she was already eating it. He descended the stairs quickly and went to his scooter, started it and finally went in search of his precious Jump.

'This is going to be a long day.'


After going to five comic stores, three libraries and seven supermarkets he finally found what he was looking for. He stared fondly at the copy of Jump in his hands, not daring to open it or he might spend the whole day here and he'd rather be at home in his comfy sofa and eating a good, sweet snack. After paying for it - because if there was something he paid (occasionally) for it was Jump, sweets, sukonbu and Otsuu cds, these were the things he considered really important in their makeshift family - he went out of the supermarket feeling happy.

But as soon as he stepped foot outside something wet dropped on his forehead. It was raining.

"Ooh come on, are you trying to screw with my life today or something?! First the idiotic ninja, then the Jump and now the rain?" Gintoki asked the universe.

The universe didn't respond.

'Fine!' He thought. 'Since I can't go back like this or my Jump will get all wet, I'll just wait it out. Besides, how much can a spring rain last? In ten minutes it will finish, right?'

Wrong. The rain continued for more than ten minutes but Gintoki was too preoccupied by that point with what was happening to Luffy after Ace got arrested, so much that he didn't notice voices around him, or a shadow, until something, or rather someone, collided with him.

'Okay, I must have really pissed you off somehow today.' Gintoki said to the universe in his head.

The universe answered with more rain.

He groaned more out of frustration than real pain and got up. The one who had hit him now laid bloody unconscious on the ground. It was a man who had spiky, red hair and was covered in tattoos, probably someone from a gang. When Gintoki looked up he saw who was the cause of the poor idiot's fate. The Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi was standing a few feet away from them with a fist still raised.

Then as he lowered it he took a cigarette from his pocket, lit it, took a long drag and spoke. "That's what you get for disturbing the peace of this town."

"Oi, ooi, ooooi, are you fucking kidding me? This day couldn't get worse! What the hell do you think you're doing throwing around thugs like that? Aren't you a police officer, shouldn't you be concerned with the safety of poor, innocent civilians?" Gintoki asked the Vice Commander as he pointed at him irritated.

"Poor, yeah. Innocent, I don't think so. You should be arrested for all the crimes you committed, including insulting the police, multiple times! And I'm keeping the streets and citizens safe, this was a criminal we have been tracking for over a week now and we finally caught him before he could do any more damage." Hijikata defended his position, letting out a puff of smoke nonchalantly.

"The damage was done! Gin-san was shot down like a domino hit by a gigantic red, spiked rock! I have a concussion, oi! Now I have to go to the hospital and drink a lot of strawberry milk, and during the convalescence I'm going to need a lot of chocolate! You're going to pay for all of that!" Gintoki demanded as he took his head in hands for good measure.

"What are you even blabbing about, you stupid perm-head? You don't even have a scratch on you and like hell I'm going to pay for all of it! You were the one who was standing like a moron in the wrong place!" The Vice Commander exclaimed loudly.

"That's because my pain is internal. I keep it inside to make myself stronger and fight better against my enemies Ogushi-kun. Don't call me a hero, just call me a human being." And when Gintoki said that he had such a straight face that Hijikata wanted to punch the living daylights out of him and give the jerk a concussion for real.

'Calm down Toshiro, remember what Kondo-San said... murder is an escape not a solution.'

After that calming (disturbing) thought he answered the moron. "There sure is damage, but it's in your brain. Is the perm to make up for your lack of intelligence? And my name's Hijikata, who the hell is Ogushi?!"

"My brain is perfectly fine. In fact I was born with a superior intelligence, and the one who wears a wig is Zura, not me." Gintoki retorted. "At least my perm is attractive, your stupid hair is all over your face, what do you use to wash it, mayonnaise? Ew! Stay away from me, the smell is going to make me throw up!" Then he started making gagging noises.

Hijikata was at his limit, he was just going to unleash his sword when suddenly there was beeping from his receiver. He hastily took it out of his pocket and answered.

"What?"

"Sir, we were informed that you caught the criminal, good job. The Commander ordered to take the him to the headquarters for the interrogation and then proceed from there." One of his subordinates informed him, the voice cracking a little through the speaker.

"Right, tell Kondo-San I'm on my way." Hijikata replied.

"Another thing sir, you have to take a witness with you considering this is a special case."

"Yeah, all right." With that Hijikata finished the conversation and turned around to find someone to take back at the barracks.

Only to see that the place was deserted, except for him, idiot n.1 and idiot n.2. He crunched the cigarette in his mouth with his teeth and started massaging his temple to conquer the migraine that was taking place.

'You're joking right?! This is not possible!' Not only had he seen the bastard for three consecutive days, but he had to spend more time with him too now?! What was wrong with the universe?!

During his internal monologue Gintoki was dusting himself off and finding a secure place where to put his Jump, which had survived the rough treatment they had received and was definitely in a better shape than him. Just when he was about to slip his hand out of the safe spot for his comic he felt a cold sensation on his wrist. When he glanced down his eyebrow twitched.

"...why the fuck are you handcuffing me? Did you finally go insane!? The criminal you have to arrest is the one passed out, not me! Do I need to tell Shinpachi to lend you his glasses? Of course that's going to cost you!" Gintoki yelled, with his irritation levels spiking through the roof.

"I know who I have to arrest idiot, but you're also coming since you're the only witness." Hijikata replied calmly as he carried idiot n.2 to his car.

"What are you talking about? I didn't see anything- I was reading when you hit me! There are plenty of people here-" Except for the fact that when he turned around there was no one. Apparently everyone had gotten scared from the scene that had happened a few moments earlier and they had fled as fast as they could. And there hadn't been a lot of citizens to begin with roaming the streets in this weather. So that only left Gintoki, moron n.1 and moron n. 2.

'Great! Just awesome!' He thought sarcastically. But then something else came to his mind.

"Wait, if I'm just a witness then why do I have to be handcuffed?" Gintoki asked confused.

"Like that you won't cause any troubles." Hijikata answered.

"I never cause any trouble! They all just know where I live!" Gintoki told him as if the answer was obvious.

"Just get inside the car before I kill you for verbal abuse against a police officer." Hijikata grumbled. "And don't touch anything!"

"You can't kill me for that, idiot! You can't even arrest me for that!"

"Of course I can! Wanna find out imbecile?"

It was official, the day had just gotten worse.

After arguing for another good ten minutes, Gintoki finally got inside the car. On the passenger seat, because moron n. 2 occupied all the backseat, he was big. Hijikata turned on the engine and started driving, looking ready to explode at any moment from anger.

This was definitely going to be a long day.