"Tobias, are you okay? Oh God, Tobias!" Someone is shouting at me. I slowly open my eyes and see that there is no table, no Tris.

"Where's Tris?" I ask angrily and sit up. There are important looking people sitting all around me, watching screens.

"This may be hard to understand, Four, but…"

"My name is Tobias," I say, confused.

"You said to call you Four after your first test, since you have four main fears," the man says. "Four, Tris doesn't exist."

Doesn't exist? What is he talking about? She just died and my world was stripped from me. "She's so real. What do you mean when you say that she doesn't exist?" I ask.

"You were under the final initiation test, these are all Dauntless leaders," the man says.

"Dauntless was destroyed," I say, puzzled.

"No, you've been in a very intricate simulation for almost a day now. We had to wake you up," the man says.

"So Tris isn't real? She isn't dead," I ask, a sense or eerie calm washing over me.

"There's no Tris, Christina, Will, Al, or Uriah. You are afraid of loosing the people close to you. That's your fourth fear," the man states. "You're the top of the class. Welcome to Dauntless, Four"

I start to get back into the motion of Dauntless as the days slowly pass by. Tris was not real, I have to keep telling myself this. Why did she seem so real? I'm at the top of the class right now, but I turned down leadership. I just want to help the fellow initiates, coming in a month. What if Tris is with them? I feel so much older than I did a few days ago. I lived for a year in a world that I created, without even knowing it. I miss Christina too. She was something like the comic relief there, and I need comic relief here. I slide into bed again and remember how Tris's hand felt on my own, warm and soft. I have to keep her from dying, no matter what the cost.

I stand by the net at the beginning of Dauntless. "If she is real somehow, she'll be the first jumper." I say to myself. I watch as the first shape lands in the net. I quickly pull the net down, almost hoping to see Tris. Instead, I see a Dauntless-born has jumped first. I ask and then shout their name as the first jumper. Some relief comes over me, a sense that it was just a serum, and that's all it ever will be.

I have to say, these are the worst initiates ever to wander into Dauntless. How they survived the train ride, I have no idea. Well, a few didn't. A few as usual, missed the jump. The Candor annoy me the most. "I don't want to touch knives because I could get hurt," one of them says. Their honesty disgusts me sometimes. Suck it up, you're in Dauntless, the brave! There's no Abnegation this year, as usual. A few Amity, Candor, but the most initiates are Erudite, which is strange. There's more of them than there are Dauntless-born. As I said, training them is a nightmare. Almost all of them drop out after being hit once across the jaw. Erik and I had to come up with a new rule that you can't drop out. This should help the future classes. But for now, I'll waste my time on these sorry excuses for initiates.

At the end of the year, only a few of the initiates have progressed to a point of becoming Dauntless. After the fear landscapes, a few threw themselves into the chasm. The only ones left that are ready to become Dauntless are a few Erudite, Dauntless, and one Candor. The rest become factionless, which I am almost sorry to say. Some go with smiles on their faces, other say nothing at all.

The day comes when we greet the next initiates. I still can't help but think of Tris. Her small, warm hand gripping mine. The nightmares have gotten better, but they'll always be there. I think about her less, but it is still hard. I've gotten over losing her as a fear, but murder has taken that fear's place, so my name is still Four. I look up and there is a figure that has jumped and is now in the net. I can tell it is a she be her laugh. I pull the net to me and I am face to face with the figure. It is dark, so I can't make out her face. I take her hands in mine and help her off the net. She has small, warm hands.

"What, did you get pushed?" I ask.

"No," she responds sternly.

"What's your name?" I ask her.

"Bea…" she trails off.

"Is it a hard one? You can pick a new name if you want, but make it good, you can't choose again," I say, recognizing her voice. She pauses for a moment more.

"Tris," she says with confidence. "My name's Tris."

This can't be happening. It just can't. I force myself to cover up any surprise that may have leaked out and say, "First jumper, Tris." I say to no one in particular. "Welcome to Dauntless."

"Thanks I guess," she says and smiles. Her smile. So beautiful and radiant, I can make it out in the darkness. A few helpers come to take Tris away and I am left waiting by the net, feeling utterly confused.

"What kind of simulation was I under a few years ago?" I ask one of the Dauntless leaders.

"The usual. Images, no sound. Just you and your fears," the man says.

"So you don't know anyone's names of who was part of my fear landscape?" I ask, surprised.

"No, only the man that watched over you. He's not supposed to tell us what he heard. Unfortunately, he's dead now."

They don't know who Tris is and why I connect with her. I don't know whether or no I should feel happy or afraid. "Why so many questions?" The man asks.

"I just had a little deja vu. It passed now though. Thank you," I say, and walk off, ready to train the new initiates.