Derek

You are who you pretend to be, so be careful who you pretend to be -Kurt Vonnegut-

He leaves the pub, while Rossi and Reid are still inside. They look at him like if an alien abducted the real Derek Morgan and substituted him with a clone.
He decides to walk, he's definitely far away from his apartment but he's not in a hurry and needs sometime to clear his thoughts, away from the confusion of the bar and the dissertations of Reid, maybe some fresh air is gonna help.

The night with his colleagues didn't turn out to be the distraction he needed and at this hour he's too tired to put up the Derek Morgan's-always-cool mask, so here he is, walking in the almost desert streets under this troubled sky. Something is going on with him lately, something he has to come to term with. He couldn't mark the moment when the crack began to open if you asked him, he just knows that at some point he realized that he wasn't anymore the Derek Morgan people saw when they looked at him. The player, always flirting and running after fun and flings, the impulsive agent who chases unsubs without thinking twice, who kicks down doors and plays the alpha male of the situation. For sure he knows when he started noticing that a radical change, and not a transitory phase, was taking over. It was when a nine year old girl allowed herself to cry in his arms after living one of the most traumatic experiences, something a child should never take.

Over the years coming back to an empty apartment has become more and more difficult, he started asking himself what he really wants to do with his life, beside his job that despite all the sacrifices is for sure the only thing out of discussion that he would never give up. Honestly now he couldn't care less about occasional sex and short term relationships; obviously feeling the excited glances pointing at him when he walks around the streets or he's having some drinks at a bar always pleases him and he's happy to play along for a while, but he never envisions this going anywhere further that a mere flirtatious conversation and maybe a couple of drinks. Back in time these flings were exactly the kind of thing he needed to relax and take a break from the horror he sees everyday, now something has changed. There's a hole growing in his chest and the job, the work on his properties or the occasional flings are not helping to fill it anymore. This hollow needs to be fixed with commitment and purpose, with someone to be there for, another human being to commit to on a long term, but this is not exactly something you find overnight and especially not with the job he does. If only it was a simple question of willpower.

The storm comes all of a sudden; he barely has the time to run under some roofing before the cataract floods the city. Few other people join him under the improvised shelter, among them there's this couple. He watches the way they look at each other, the hints, the reciprocal smiles, signs of a secret code built up throughout the quotidian of details only the two of them share and know. He misses this degree of intimacy with another human being, he misses waking up and feeling the warmth of another body beside his, who will not run away as soon as the sunlight filters through the window. He chuckles thinking of how the definition of playboy is now inappropriate for him considering the last time he had a date.

Suddenly a movement caught with the corner of his eyes interrupts his thoughts. A woman running, no jogging under the flood. The profile looks familiar; no, it can't be, she has definitely a lot of hidden sides and surprises in her hat, but this is crazy. He shakes his head resolving that he really works too much if he starts mistaking people around the city for his teammates. Nonetheless he follows her with his gaze and for a moment their eyes meet. "What the hell, I'll be damned" he sighs in recognition. She has definitely gone nut.

He finds himself soaked, running after her. He doesn't know what his intentions are, but it definitely feels good to do something crazy just for the sake of doing it.

Without reasons, without questions, without logic.


this was short, but I will update soon :)

Enjoy!