Luke sat in his grandmother's kitchen, pouring himself yet another shot of the Johnny Walker Blue he'd snagged from the Snyder liquor cabinet. It was ironic that such fine scotch was not being used for the celebration of a happy event, but rather for Luke's celebration of his own misery and humiliation. He knew he was inflicting possibly irreversible damage on his kidney, but he didn't give a rat's ass about that at the moment. All he cared about was to numb everything he was feeling right now. No one was here to comfort him – not his family, not his friends, not his boyfriend. He could hardly be blamed for taking comfort in a bottle of whiskey.
Oh, but he didn't deserve comfort, did he? Because this whole thing was his own fault, everyone made sure to remind him of that. He was vaguely reminded of a trashy thriller with Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen he'd watched a couple of years ago, "Derailed". The film's trailer stated that "one move can derail your life." Apparently, even D-grade movies got it right sometimes. Luke could be a little mischievous at times, sure, but he wasn't a cheater; he always did what he felt was right. On most days, under most circumstances, he wouldn't even entertain the notion of stealing an election. But he'd been pushed too far. First Kevin showed up again, then he allowed his people to make fun of Luke, to post that fucking video of him as a fairy, even to assault Alison; and when the election day came and Kevin was about to win due to buying people drinks, Luke couldn't take it anymore.
It was the early victory party that sent him off the edge. When he saw Kevin and his buddies celebrating, delighted that their dirty politics had beaten weak, pathetic, gay Luke Snyder, he snapped. In that one moment of stupidity, of short-sightedness, he agreed to the stuffing of the ballot box. All that mattered to him was the thought of winning, of finally getting one over Kevin, proving that he was better and stronger and teaching the bastard a lesson. The fact that he wouldn't win for real was beside the point. So Luke opted for this backdoor victory, but he never got the chance to enjoy it; before he knew it, the truth was out. And his life was instantly derailed. Not only was he not president, but he was kicked out of school for what he'd done. His fellow students – formerly fellow students, that was – clearly thought he was a joke now; even those who'd voted for him most likely regretted it. His parents were shocked by his behavior – Luke had never seen them look more disappointed. And his boyfriend left him.
His boyfriend. Or was it ex-boyfriend now? Perhaps the final straw that had broken the camel's back was how the truth got out. How Luke wished someone else had ratted him out to the dean, like maybe someone from Kevin's camp who had found out about the rigged results. He wouldn't mind more reasons to hate Kevin at this point. But no, Luke's boyfriend of all people – the one who could make all of this bearable if he was still there for Luke - had been the one to give him up, because apparently his nobility did not allow him to lie. Ironic, just like Luke's use of the whiskey.
Luke couldn't believe it; that after all they'd been through, Noah still couldn't do this one thing for him, still left him to suffer for his one moment of poor judgment. As though Luke had not literally taken a bullet for Noah, had not been stuck in a wheelchair for a long time so that they could be together. As though Luke had not spent months in agony having to watch Noah married to someone else, because a woman they barely knew was apparently more important than what they had. As though Luke had not comforted and supported Noah, even when Noah repeatedly pushed him away, during his boyfriend's period of grief for his father – the father who didn't exactly deserve to be grieved for, having tried to put Luke six feet under more than once. As though Luke had not taken Noah back without question after his boyfriend nearly left him to join the army. Tears of pain and anger started to form in Luke's eyes as he remembered Noah's sweet promise, "You don't have to worry about me going anywhere, 'cause you and I are gonna be together for a very, very long time." As he remembered Noah oh-so-recently assuring him, "I'm always gonna be on your side." What a fucking liar.
Realizing the direction his thoughts had gone, Luke let out a hollow, bitter laugh. Of course, it was easy to blame Noah for this mess. Blame him because he wouldn't actively help Luke steal the election. Ever since Luke got into this race, Noah could see where things were headed. He told Luke over and over again that he should quit if he was only in it to beat Kevin, and while he may have been annoyingly righteous about it, Luke knew deep down that Noah had a point. He just forced himself not to see it. Same for when Noah clarified that he wouldn't support Luke in cheating and was in fact disgusted by the very idea. He had done everything he could to stop Luke from making this mistake, but he couldn't be expected to tell the dean an outright lie to protect Luke from the consequences. In fact, he was horrified to learn of these consequences when Lily told him about Luke's expulsion. Noah had not voluntarily turned Luke in, and when forced to answer a direct question, he told the truth not to get Luke punished, but to not become a cheater himself. It was preposterous for Luke to want to drag Noah down with him – especially since the dean wouldn't have just taken Noah's word for it if he lied, he would have hired a team of experts to check the results, and then Noah would have gotten in trouble as well. Would that have made Luke feel better? Probably not. What would have made him feel better was if Noah hadn't broken up with him, because of Kevin of all things.
Kevin. Now, there was a much better person to blame. Logically, that son of a bitch should have been in Luke's debt for the rest of his life, considering that life would have ended two years ago if it wasn't for Luke. Kevin remembered what Luke had done for him, had even mentioned it on Halloween; how could he treat Luke this way? Luke didn't care if fucktard Mark had been the one behind the nasty campaign. Kevin could have stopped all of it if he really wanted, but he didn't; winning was a lot more important to him than not trashing the person who had saved his life. And in the end, it was too much for Luke to take. He couldn't just stand there and watch Kevin celebrate his upcoming victory, completely powerless to do anything about it. Just as powerless as he'd been back when his best friend called him a faggot. So he cheated. It killed him how this desperate attempt to turn the tables on Kevin ended up making things ten times worse. Not only had he lost the election, he'd lost everything. To everyone on campus, he wasn't just the loser in the election - he was a loser, period, a cheater who'd rigged the results after basing his entire campaign on fairness and ethics. Meanwhile, Kevin came off as the decent, moral one, got to be president and watch in content as Luke's entire world fell apart. Luke slammed his fist on the table, burning inside from the knowledge that he couldn't do anything else.
Ultimately, the worst part of it all was that everyone was right. He could hate Kevin 'til the end of the world, he could be frustrated with Noah, but it was all Luke's own fault. He had single-handedly thrown away everything he had in one accursed moment where logic and reason were overruled by emotion.
A knock on the door lifted Luke from his thoughts. "It's open," he called out flatly, not bothering to look up at whoever it was, then heard the door opening and footsteps approaching.
"Luke," Brian's voice called out. "How are you doing?"
"I'm great," he smiled bitterly at Brian, indicating the bottle of scotch. "Got plenty of company."
Brian eyed the bottle apprehensively. "Drinking is not a solution to your problems, Luke. It's only gonna make them worse, given what your grandmother told me about your kidney."
Luke rolled his eyes. Great… time for another after-school special. "You know what? Maybe this is gonna come off as blunt, or whatever, but I don't give a shit what you think. How do you like that?" he laughed stupidly.
He expected Brian to get mad; in fact, he wanted him to. It would be nice if that eternally cool and collected façade of his changed for once. Even better if he just decided to leave. But Brian, looking entirely unaffected by Luke's comment, merely sat down in front of him.
"Be that as it may, your actions don't just affect you, Luke," he said sharply. "They affect the people you love, like Lucinda, and I don't want to see her hurt. Maybe it's time you shaped up and stopped feeling sorry for yourself."
Luke pretended to consider Brian's words. "Right… except the people I love think I'm an absolute fuck-up right now, and guess what? They've actually got a point. So I would appreciate it, Brian, if you cut it out with the speechifying and just let me get wasted in peace." He offered Brian a faux-friendly wiggle of his eyebrows.
Brian's patience remained intact. "You know, Luke, maybe you don't realize how lucky you are."
Luke laughed darkly, an almost maniacal laugh most unlike him. "Lucky? Really? How do you figure that one out?"
"Not everyone has a support system like yours. A lot of people would kill to have such a large family that loves and takes care of them. Is this how you pay them back? Sitting here damaging your health?"
And though Luke was itching to spit out another obnoxious retort, this particular comment of Brian's broke his resolve. Suddenly, he started crying out loud, banging his head against the table. Of course Brian was right. Everyone was right and he was wrong, and he had no idea how to fix what he'd done. It felt like he was sinking deeper and deeper into this black hole, and there was no coming back. There was no light in the end of the tunnel anymore.
"Luke," Brian moved closer to him and took hold of Luke's arms in an attempt to stop his shaking. "It's okay. You just need some help to get through this."
Luke shook his head, but no words came out; he was too busy crying to form coherent sentences. Brian gathered him into his arms. Luke was surprised, but grateful. Maybe he was a screw-up, but there was someone who didn't recoil from him like he had the plague. Someone who wanted to comfort him. He wasn't alone anymore.
"I know it doesn't seem that way, but everything's gonna be alright," Brian promised. He pressed a kiss to Luke's forehead, surprising him even more. Then to Luke's cheek. Then to Luke's mouth.
For a second, it felt good. Someone was kissing him in spite of everything, didn't consider him a pariah like everyone else. Someone really cared.
And then, even through the drunken haze in Luke's mind, he remembered who was kissing him like this, on the mouth. It was Brian. His grandmother's boyfriend.
Horrified, he tried to pull away, but with all the alcohol in his blood, his movements felt sluggish, his limbs heavy. Meanwhile, Brian was kissing him deeper, and his brief joy had turned to revulsion and it had to stop –
His ears picked up on the sound of the kitchen door opening again. Brian moved away from Luke as though he had been burnt, but Luke immediately realized that it was too late when his confused eyes fell on the new arrival.
It was Noah.
Tbc…
