Title: Body Exchange (part two)
Author: Urania Chang
Rating: PG
Status: In-progress
Beta:wildannuette, who deserves a reward for her patience and kindness. It there're still any mistakes, it's all my fault.
Pairing: Scott/Logan eventually, coz they both stubbornly refuse my proposal of jumping into bed immediately.
Warnings: None.
Category: AU, with the basic setting of X1.
Summary: Jean's power surge causes unexpected results. Respond to xenasoul's Scott/Logan ficathon challenge. Prompt: Body Exchange. (Sorry for being late!)
Disclaimer: Not mine, but if I ever got a hold of Scott Summers, I will never let him go. :)
Author's note: I made Scott move on quite fast in this story, because I can't afford to make this fic any longer than it already is, hope you wouldn't mind.
Ps. This is the second part, I haven't had the time and muse for the third part.
Logan gives up on sleeping around , deciding to go get himself something to drink downstairs. It's not like he's having his usual insomnia, but those little snotty brats taking turns knocking on his door and whining has pretty much chased away any slight bit of sleepiness he had (plus the sleeping goggles make him highly uncomfortable). Four boys, two crying about bad dreams, the other two needed their bed sheets changed and a girl who made him read a bedtime story for her and her doll 'Malitha' before they can finally settle for sleeping.
He thought that after what happened today- yesterday- he corrects himself. He'd thought everyone would leave Summers alone for a few days since the man just lost his fiancée, but no, he forgot that kids are ignorant and selfish that there's no way they will stop bothering Slim with their petty problems, giving their teacher some privacy and time to mourn over his loss. Sure, it is actually Logan they were bothering, but the point is, that these brats were asking help from the only person they shouldn't bother. But Logan figures he has played the role well enough nobody should comment otherwise, except the once or twice he mixed up their names, a mistake he is sure that the genuine Scott will never make, though the kids didn't suspect a thing.
Stumbling all the way down the stairs, the glasses really start bugging the hell out of him, acknowledging that his respect for the boy has reluctantly gone up a notch in the past few hours. The multiple responsibilities gotta give credit to Summers for being a full time teacher and surrogate father 24/7 for dozens of brats, also part-time superhero too, but most importantly, how does that guy see through these annoying ruby quartz and move around like the rest of them anyway? That's what amazes Logan the most; he's constantly miscalculated the angle or distance of objects since staying in Scott's room, bumping into one bedside desk, knocking over the glass of water he put down only seconds before…Logan is sure that he has used up his life time quota of clumsiness in just half a day.
When Logan finally manages to reach the hallway leading to the kitchen, he's not surprised to find the lights are already on. If there's one person who's got more reasons for staying up then it would be Scott. And if Logan still had his enhanced smelling he would have picked the boy's scent long ago and turned other way, leaving him some privacy. But since now Logan doesn't have his old advantage it's kind of late to retreat, besides, Scott surely has heard his footsteps.
Scott is leaning on the counter, holding a cup of coffee which Logan can tell has been long forgotten even through his dull red vision, though it's weird to see his own body standing opposite him it's the expression on his own face that catches Logan off guard, that look is so…forlorn.
Suddenly he feels very apprehensive. He is intruding, is about to turn around and get out of there, but Scott already turns his head to acknowledge him.
"Logan."
Okay, now it's plainly disturbing to hear his name uttered in his own gruff voice by someone else, but he suspects that Scott probably feels the same, seeing himself walk in the kitchen. "I'm just here to get a drink, I won't be long."
"No, stay."
He must let out a doubtful look unintentionally, because Scott shifts his posture and starts moving to sit on a chair, mutely indicating an invitation for company. "I need someone to talk to, and since you are up…but if you don't want to hang around-"
"I'll stay." Logan figures if he is the one the kid needs right now, he might as well just go with the flow.
Though Scott says he wants to talk, they stay in silence for so long it only increases the awkwardness between them, and Logan is not usually one to feel uneasy. In his years of loneliness he has learned not to focus too much on what other people think, or how they feel. It's easier that way. But he can't do that when he's so close to the other man, just like the day Rogue came to him, so helpless and lonely in that bar. Logan may not be the compassionate type, but he isn't completely stone-hearted.
"Do you think I love her?"
"Huh?" The question is so unexpected that he can only look at Scott confused.
"Jean. Do you think I love her?" Scott is using such a detached tone that they might as well be discussing the weather.
"Er…sure you do. Everyone can see that." It's a lame answer, but Logan knows he's telling the truth. One of the reasons he flirted with the red-headed doctor was because he feels a little jealous about the couple, can only look enviously towards the kind of devotion Scott showed to her, when Logan has nothing but an incomplete life and memory to accompany him for as long as he can remember. But Logan can't just tell Scott that, he's not one cut out for a heart-to-heart.
"Then why did you flirt with Jean? Why did she flirt with you? Do you love her too?" Again, with the detached tone. Logan thinks he would probably be happier if the man yelled at him, or cried. Instead, he tries to clear things between them as best as he could.
"Look, kid. I know that you find some of my doings upset you, but you have to understand that I didn't do those things because I hate you, most of the time I don't really stop to think things over before making my move. I've been on my own for too long, sometimes the only one I can think of is myself."
An image of a half-neat, half-slightly slovenly room surfaces before his mind's eye, a room full of belongings from a couple who've spent a long time with each other. The mix of feminine appliances and male cleansing lotion in the bathroom, a bottle of perfume and some small jewelry set on a supposedly well-organized desk, a note of the order of colors for clothes nailed to the dresser in a female handwriting……It's an inner reflection of two people sharing everything together, fitting into each other's personality and life, if that isn't love, then what else is?
"Don't doubt Jean's feelings for you just coz of me." I didn't know her long enough to fall in love with her. He silently adds to himself.
They lapse into silence again. Logan can only hope he has gotten through to the man so Scott won't dwell on this triangle bullshit he's apparently come up from day one any longer and starts to get on the proper course of grieving, then moves on.
"Then why didn't Jean ask me for help? Why did she push me away?"
Should have known this stubborn mule-headed dick wouldn't be so easy to crack open. "I can't answer that for Jean. She was probably trying to protect you, or she simply thought she could handle it on her own and didn't want you worried, or-"
"Or she had been long gone before I noticed, let alone do anything to help." Scott says matter-of-factly, and Logan realizes that Scott already has the answer, but is looking out for some less-hurtful alternative.
Jeez, this kid is really beating himself up over what happened to his fiancée, when it's hardly his fault. "Listen, don't think I'm doing this because I like you, I'm not. But take an old man's advice- stop beating yourself up for a situation you didn't have control over, or a decision she didn't let you take part in, hell, Jean likely didn't have choice in the matter anyway. If there's anyone who's to blame, it's Chuck for putting his head in the sand, and he's not entirely responsible for everything happened to Jean. Sometimes, shit happens, and the rest of us have to deal." It comes out a little harsher than Logan intended, but maybe being cuddled and sweet-talked is not what Scott needs right now, simple truth works better under some circumstances.
Scott says no more after that. With a few minutes of slow hesitation the walls finally give way, he lowers his head into his arms, shoulders starting to shake, and Logan averts his eyes from the man in front of him (slightly thankful that nobody is here to witness Wolverine crying), glad to have given what he believes Slim needs most. Letting out all the feelings he has harbored through those emotional cracks, and then he can finally begin to patch himself up.
The Professor stirs in his sleep. An intense wave of sadness, also another one of concealed sympathy flows towards him, awakes him. Immediately Charles recognizes the source of these emotions, caressing the two minds downstairs, he smiles a little despite the incident earlier; he believes that his son will get through this with the help from his most unlikely ally.
Looking at his reflection in the mirror Scott is slightly amazed by the fact that he actually feels better from last night. In his wildest imagination, Scott wouldn't have believed that with all the people in the mansion, he went and talked to the one who has been a thorn at his side since the moment they faced off in the Professor's office. But he did and it helped. Scott suspects that Logan being an outsider has something to do with that, Logan doesn't have the obligation of being nice, so his words hold more effect than simple courtesy.
He's still grieving, still aches when the thought of Jean crosses his mind, but the emotional flood has been released, and there's no danger that he might collapse sometime soon under his own emotive burden.
Stepping out the bathroom, Scott looks through what little changes of clothing Logan owns, seeing nothing but muscle shirts and faded jeans, he briefly considers going up to his room to change, but waves the thought away almost instantly- seeing Logan dress like Scott Summers surely will send the students running again.
Logan has gone to teach (or attempt to teach) Scott's morning Algebra class, leaving reluctantly, though Scott is sure the man doesn't begrudge leaving him, but the idea of teaching math to a class full of teenagers obviously overthrows any complaints. He told Logan to ask the students to do quizzes for today; it will keep them quiet until class is over, even though he already knows the class will do anything just not to look their teacher in the eye.
Now it leaves Scott with no particular thing to do. He can hide in the room all day, yet he has no desire to confine himself in a room letting his memory of Jean swallow him up again. He needs space. The lake alongside the boathouse is the best choice at present, no one will question where Wolverine goes, plus Scott has had his full of hearing everyone whispering about Jean, about him.
On his way out he passes by Ororo and Hank, both of whom give him their tentative concern, Ororo asks how he feels, then makes a face clearly saying 'What a stupid thing to ask.', Hank uses his unique soothing aura of calmness and eyes full of compassion to do the talking for him, knowing that his friend doesn't need more verbal comfort. Scott declines his friends' offer for company, right now he only wants to be alone, and they leave without another word, having been friends for long enough to understand when is not the time they should approach.
The flourishing variety of colors outside of the mansion almost take his breath away; he hasn't seen anything but red for close to ten years and Scott has forgotten how beautiful they look; he hasn't paid too much attention to his temporarily-acquired unobstructed sight until now. Being surrounded by all these vibrant colors, a sense of joy blossoms in Scott's heart for the first time since Jean disappeared and Logan's enhanced senses make him highly attuned to all the beauty of nature. The clear-blue sky, fresh-made green lawn, Ororo's favorite and well-cared white rose bushes. All the colors mingle smoothly together, distracting Scott all the way to his destination. But the moment the lake unfolds in front of him, he is distracted once again- the warm breeze caressing tenderly across the deep-blue water, sunlight making the whole lake shimmer like a bowl of liquid sapphire, with shining sparkle dancing on the surface.
It's a heavenly view; it's where Jean loved most.
Lying on her back on the edge of the small deck, feet dangling over the rippling water underneath, she let out a content sigh and threw a big smile in his direction, giving him the nice fluttering sensation in his stomach everytime she did. Her fiery mane sprawling carelessly, the afternoon sun casting a golden-red halo on her fine features……
They were so happy…she was so happy…
This time, Scott let the memory of Jean stay in his mind for a few minutes. It's different than when he's in the mansion, here, at the lake, containing nothing but happily reminiscing of them together, those memories replay one by one without the sting that accompanied them back in the mansion which vividly reminds him of how quick and unexpected things have changed, also giving him some sense of conviction that he did try his best to love Jean, and vice versa.
They were in love with each other, but now Scott has to let her go, if he wants to keep these precious moments without breaking his entire world into pieces.
It's time to say goodbye, better now than later.
Sitting through one class after another is really not something he enjoys, especially when all the kids keep sneaking glances at you as if you might pass out on the spot or bawl your eyes out until the sky falls. Logan tries to pretend he doesn't notice anything and keeps his expression blank, yet he still feels annoyed; true, he's wearing those damned glasses but he's not blind for Christ's sake!
Only Marie and Bobby really concentrate on their textbooks. They both nodded to him when the class began and don't bother him with unnecessarily sympathetic looks. Logan finds it's easier to focus his attention elsewhere. First he thinks about how it is going with the Professor and Blue fixing Cerebro, but the thought flees almost right away, and his mind drifts again to somewhere else, briefly pausing to guess where the Phoenix is at this moment, and if there's any chance Jean will get rid of her and come back. It seems that everyone chooses not to linger on this subject, but the words 'probably never' hang heavy in the air, and just like everyone else, Logan moves past this subject quickly, unwilling to dwell on it, and finds something else to focus on his thoughts, or someone else precisely.
Last night with Summers has started the old man thinking. He probably made his judgment too fast, he'd only known the boy for five seconds and has since been picking on him with every chance that represented itself, when Scott hasn't really done anything to deserve it. As for the first night and their little face-off in Logan's room, no one can really blame Scott for being a dick, after all, if their places reversed (ignoring the irony of their places being switch now), Logan has no doubt he would be a bigger asshole. Logan used to think Xavier's golden boy was a spoiled brat, one who has no idea what the real world looks like. But last night what he saw is a man, who obviously has a high standard of conscience towards everything and everyone he feels responsible for. One who holds strongly to his emotions, has hurt badly by the love of his life and inwardly blames himself for not trying hard enough. Logan doesn't feel like anyone, himself included, can do better than Scott does in his situation.
Scott Summers is a good man. One he never took the time to notice, and now he gets to see past the aloof mask Scott deliberately puts on, Logan will be damned if he doesn't give the boy a fair chance to get to know him as well.
The ringing bell interrupts his deep thinking, the kids are all anxious to leave their mathematic quizzes (and their math teacher) behind. After watching them file out to get lunch Logan stands up, deciding he has had enough of all this closed environment and is in a desperate need of fresh air (Damned this button-up shirt and khakis). First of all, Logan's going to change into a T-shirt and a pair of jeans even if he has to go and put on the ones he owns. Scott's body can apparently deal with the temperature but the constant feeling of being restrained still makes the soul of Wolverine underneath restless.
Spending fifteen minutes rummaging through Scott's dresser, he finally finds what he's looking for, he really needs to teach that boy learning to let loose, starting like getting some clothes without buttons and sleeves, and sets off to take a walk in the woods after changing into them.
Less than ten minutes later Logan is already regretting his choice of attire, the bright sunlight seems to power up Scott's body tremendously, though the heat has no effect on him, but the pounding headache responding to the sun swiftly makes Logan double-over, it's one of the worst sensations Logan has ever experienced. Not that he isn't accustomed to pain- he has plenty of it to be considered as an expert, though nothing his healing factor can't erase in a short period of time. However, Scott's mutation clearly doesn't gift him this advantage, plus the side effect that comes with having a regenerative power is that he doesn't have much endurance for or experience of extended pangs. Especially ones beginning in the depth inside of his skull and trying to crawl out of it.
He now knows that Scott can't possibly choose his button-up shirts simply because he likes them.
Sitting on the deck for the whole morning, going through every memory of Jean and him, and with each memory passing by Scott quietly lets go all of all his sadness, love, and guilt for his longest and only relationship. Until nothing but memories settled back down deep in his heart without so much as a splash. It's time to get back to reality, Scott decides, to deal with everything with a clear head.
Backtracking his way to the mansion, Scott notices someone is huddled on the ground, halfway between where he stands and the mansion, holding his head in a desperate way. Scott's instincts have already pushed his body into moving to the person, even before he recognizes that huddled figure is his own body. It's Logan.
He reaches the man quickly and puts an arm around his shoulder to support Logan's weight without hesitating, his old body weighs almost nothing with Logan's strength. He knows well that Logan's condition is a result of the thin fabric on his back. Scott should have probably informed Logan about his mutation, but he has had Jean on his mind so he completely forgot to.
As Scott moves the man to the nearest shade provided by the trees, Logan slumps down gratefully with a dull thump, massaging his throbbing temples, waiting for the pain to subside.
"Sorry, I forgot telling you that there's a reason I wear long-sleeve shirts and jackets."
Logan lifts his head to look at him, grimacing with the movement. "Mind telling me now?"
"Well, my body absorbs sunlight. With more of my skin exposed to the sun, the amount of energy storing in my body gets larger. Theoretically, my brain should be able to convert it properly without any side effects."
"Should?" Logan eyes him quizzically.
Scott fidgets a little, not used to revealing his weakness towards anyone, let alone this man in front of him right now. But Logan helped him last night, Scott owes him that much. "I had a head injury when I was a kid. The part of my brain which served as a control device for my powers, was damaged. Every mutant is born with it, but mine…was shattered. So now I have to wear these ruby glasses, and when I absorb too much sunlight in a short time it causes those headaches. Like if a rolling gear isn't given enough grease to function it starts to grind, the energy converts into my optic blasts but has a side effect on my body."
"So…you have to cover up all the time? What about swimming? Rogue told me that you're the supervisor for the swim class here. You don't wear shirts and Khakis in the pool." Now it seems that there's one more thing Slim and Rogue have in common.
"Not really. I mean I can deal with these headaches, having lots of experience so the pain doesn't affect me so much anymore, it's just that I'll do my best to avoid getting them. They are bearable, but still not comfortable."
Logan nods to himself; anything is worth keeping the headache at bay. But bearable? Boy must be tougher than Logan gave him credit for. "There are a lot of things I don't know about you." Scott has given Logan a glimpse into his past, also unwitting let on more than he intended, one more piece of the 'why Scott Summer's like this' mystery. "You should tell me more about yourself."
Scott shifts on his feet uncomfortably, he always feels uneasy letting people come too close, physically or mentally. In the ten years since the Professor took him in, only a handful of people have got to see the real Scott. The Professor, Jean, Warren, Hank, Ororo, and later on, Bobby. Now Logan seems to come knocking on his shell as well, and Logan is the last person Scott thought would be showing interest in him. They aren't friends, yet last night's encounter did nudge them somewhat closer, it stirred their course so they are no longer entirely on the opposite sides. Though he's sure they both didn't see it coming, Logan accepts this new development easier than Scott.
"Maybe later, I should get you inside; the lunch time is almost over."
Logan grunts, another half day of Algebra classes isn't any more appealing than this headache. "Fine. If I have to sit my ass in class for another four hours staring at nothing and being stared, I might as well go with a full stomach." Picking himself up, he feels a lot better after shielding under the merciful shade. And he already makes up his mind, running as fast as he can to get out of the sun's way as soon as he leaves his safe spot.
"It's not exactly your ass."
"Did you just say that?"
The Professor tells the two men about the progress of his and Hank's task. It's going as planned, but still needs some more time to be able to function without causing unforeseen problems; after all, it concerns two people's mental identities.
The area of the cafeteria is not as loud and lively as usual, the vacant seats on the staff's table remind everyone of the event of yesterday. When Scott and Logan finally come in to have lunch, those who are still there quietly finish their meals and slip out, not wanting to disturb their grieving teacher.
Charles isn't surprised to see Scott and Logan hanging out together again, with all the people in residence, Logan is most likely the best choice to be with without Scott feeling overwhelmed by Jean's presence and the history between them. There will be a time when Scott is ready to share his feelings with his old friends and family.
Hank and Ororo, on the other hand look surprised, yet their suspicion of Scott and Logan fighting again flies away when they see the two carry that unmistakable aura of peace around them, Hank and Ororo apparently aren't aware of how things have changed overnight between the two men, but their pleasure at this new change is quite evident, though they politely refrain from being overly excited.
Things might actually brighten up from now on.
TBC
