Naruto of the Dead Bone Pulse
Chapter II: Speed Test
Naruto hung upside down with an intense look of concentration on his face. He was just about... done! He quickly flipped right side up on the Yondaime Hokage's nose and looked out at the village from the perspective of its greatest hero. Ofcourse that hero had been dead for approximately ten years, and Naruto was looking out from his stone face on the Hokage monument. It was serene, and Naruto was quite content to just sit there for the next five minutes as the sun's first rays illuminated Konoha.
Naruto breathed in deeply and adopted a sprinter's stance. "Get ready. Get set." he mumbled with half lidded eyes.
"NARUTO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" a random ANBU yelled at him.
"GO!" he yelled as he took off down the mountain and across the roof tops, leaving dust trails on the Hokage's painted faces. The ANBU were quick to give chase, pressing themselves to the limit to keep up with the blond Hokage wannabe.
The sound of shouting caused Kakashi to pause in his mission report to the Hokage.
Hiruzen smiled at the interuption and chuckled slightly. "It seems your wayward student has struck again, Kakashi." he said.
"Again? Thats the third time this month." Kakashi said in a bored voice, but he was inwardly smiling.
"Fifth actually. You were away on a mission for the other two." Hiruzen corrected. He stood and walked to the window and peered out. "Come here, Kakashi. Lets see how this turns out."
Kakashi nodded and came to stand beside his commander. He peered out as the situation unfolded.
The chase lasted ten minutes before the ANBU were in grabbing range, but Naruto made a cross shaped seal and a puff of smoke obscured their vision for a moment. When they had cleared the smoke, they saw four different Naruto's running in different directions. However, they weren't ANBU for there good looks and could instantly tell which one was the real one.
In five more minutes they had caught back up to Naruto and one grabbed a fist full of his shirt and yanked him around. In less than a second, a cloud of smoke obscured his body. When it cleared, there was a little girl with a scared look in her big brown eyes. They heard a soft landing behind them.
"You'll have to try harder than that ANBU-san." They turned to see Naruto with a large smile on his face. "Now put the girl down before you give her nightmares."
'Kawarimi.' They all thought before hopping off after their prey. The one who had grabbed hold of the girl set her down gently on the street before rejoining the pursuit.
The little girl just stared off at the ninja before shaking her head with a sigh. A plume of smoke obscured her for a second before Naruto was once again standing in the place of the little girl. 'Not one of them questioned whether it was a henge or not.'
"You must look underneath the underneath." Kakashi repeated what was said to all ninja at some point in their career.
The Hokage just smiled appreciatively at the strategy. "Looks like they figured out they've been chasing a duplicate and are turning around to re-engage. By the way, was it wise to teach Naruto the Kage Bunshin at such an early age."
"Mah." Kakashi waved off the comment. "The boy had jounin level chakra reserves at the time already. Hell if raw chakra was all it took to rise in the ninja ranks, Naruto would be standing next to me instead of you. Besides, how else was I going to teach him all the chakra control exercises in two weeks without it?"
Hiruzen nodded his understanding. "How many can he make?"
"Five years ago, he could make thirty without exhausting himself. Now, with his increased reserves and better chakra control, I'd hazard a guess at around sixty to seventy."
Hiruzen's eyes widened slightly. He could only make seventy-five and still be battle ready, and his chakra control was more perfect than most med-nins, other than Tsunade of course.
"Looks like the chase has resumed." Kakashi commented.
"What's wrong, ANBU-san?" Naruto yelled over his shoulder. "Did my little trick make you mad?"
"This kid is making a mockery of our entire organization." one ANBU said to another.
"Lets show this brat who the real elite are!" the ANBU replied.
All four of them fazed out of existence. Up front, a small secretive smile graced Naruto's features for a split second before returning to his large goofy smile.
The ANBU all fazed back into view ten feet in front of him. Naruto skidded to a stop in front of them.
"I see you are getting agitated." Naruto said, cocking his head to the side. He brightened up considerably, as if he had just gotten a grand idea. "I have just the thing to alleviate the tension." With a handsign a cloud of smoke obscured him from view. All the ANBU got ready for anything. The smoke cleared to reveal a stunning blond beauty in her birthday suit, with just small clouds keeping her decent. "Do I make you feel better ANBU-chan?" she cooed.
All of the ANBU, who were all men by the way, stared wide eyed at the un earthly beauty before passing out from massive nose bleeds.
Kakashi and Hiruzen sweat dropped at the technique as well as its effectiveness. They were both ashamed to admit that they would probably fall for it too.
"That was interesting." Hiruzen said.
"Yes it was effective. That was the first time he's ever gotten away from them."
"He's not out of the woods yet." Hiruzen said before poofing away.
Kakashi shook his head by himself. "Sorry Naruto. Its over for you. You don't stand a chance against the God of Shinobi." he said to the empty office.
Naruto had already begun walking away, celebrating his victory, when the sound of swirling leaves alerted him to a new arrival. He turned to be met with a smiling Hokage, still puffing on his pipe.
"Ojii-san? What are you doing here?" Naruto asked. It was a rare sight indeed for the old man to be out of his office.
"Well Naruto, I was taking a break from my paperwork to admire the glorious art work somebody saw fit to not only put on the Hokage's faces, but my face more importantly. Then I noticed a spectacular chase between my ANBU and this shirtless rascal." the Hakage explained, smiling.
'Hey! Its not my fault that ANBU-sensei quit buying me shirts after the fourth one I ruined.' Naruto thought indignantly. He now only wore black ANBU style pants and shinobi sandals.
"When the chase ended and my ANBU weren't walking away with the shirtless rascal apprehended, and instead the shirtless rascal was walking away from the unconscious ANBU, I decided I wanted in on the action."
Naruto cocked his head to the side. "Huh?"
"You gave the ANBU a good chase. Now give me one, or I'll have to make you scrub the entire mountain until tomorrow morning, whether all the paint is gone before then or not." the Hokage said, smiling serenely.
Naruto gave the old man an astonished look before sputtering, "Are y-you serious?"
"As serious as I can be. I'll even make it more interesting. If you can evade me for thirty minutes, I'll let you where my hat the rest of the day."
His eyes widened. The hat that he had wanted since he could remember was in his grasp. Maybe not permanently, but he could atleast see how he looked in it. So what if he was the Hokage and considered the best ninja in the village. He was an old man. No way he could keep up. Atleast that was what Naruto used to justify the situation, though he had a sinking feeling that he wasn't going to be seeing himself in that hat for a long time.
"Your on, Hokage-jiji!" he yelled before disappearing from view, leaving the Hokage still smiling in the middle of the street.
Naruto took every back alley, double backed a few times, and then jumped behind a garbage can. He was breathing heavily from the amount of activity he had already gone through. He smirked when there was no sign of the Hokage.
"You'll have to do better than that, Naruto-kun." Hiruzen's voice came from directly over his left shoulder.
Naruto's eyes widened for a split second before he was off again, jumping from roof top to roof top. He didn't slow down till he got to the park. He looked over his left shoulder to make sure he wasn't being followed. He breathed a sigh of relief at seeing no one.
"Are you having fun see-sawing with me, Sakura?" came a familiar voice from the playground. Naruto whipped his head around to see the Hokage playing with an ecstatic little pink haired girl. Hiruzen looked over at him and winked. Naruto was off again.
Everywhere he went, the old man was there. On top of the hospital's roof, he was there. In a back alley, he was there. Behind the Hokage's Tower, he was there. Naruto only had one last place to hide. He jumped through the coverings of Ichiraku's Ramen Stand and took a seat at the counter. He was too nervous to move, afraid that it would somehow attract the Hokage's presence. Then, a steaming hot bowl of miso ramen was placed in front of him by Tseuchi, the owner of the stand.
"Hey. I haven't ordered anything yet, Old Man." Naruto called to Tseuchi.
"I took the liberty of ordering for you, Naruto-kun." Hiruzen's gravelly voice didn't startle Naruto anymore. The blond just sunk down with a sigh.
"I give up, Ojii-san." Naruto sighed. He took his chop sticks and began eating.
"Don't feel bad, Naruto-kun." Hiruzen said. "There are few in this world who could escape me, much less an academy student. Just tell me something. Why did you paint the Faces today, or any of your other pranks?" Hiruzen asked, expecting the lack of attention speech, but he was in for a surprise.
"Why do you think, old man? To test my speed." Naruto said, shooting a smirk.
"To test your speed?"
"Yeah. When I first began my pranks, the chases lasted barely five minutes if I was lucky, no matter how many tricks I tried. The one today lasted thirty minutes, not counting the time they were off chasing my Kage Bunshin. I realize if they were going for the kill, I would've been dead before I got off the Hokage monument, but I still think I did pretty good. Besides, they could use the practice as well. If they couldn't catch that Henge trick, then they're losing their touch." Naruto concluded with a self satisfied nod.
Hiruzen gave a pleased smile. The boy was something special. His smile turned wicked as he decided his course of action.
Naruto was just finishing his bowl of ramen when a heavy thunk landed on his head. Naruto looked at the Hokage in confusion for a moment before realizing that the man was missing his hat. He gingerly reached up and gripped the side of the Fire Shadow's head dress.
"The chase began thirty-one minutes ago, and I still haven't apprehended you. Looks like you won, Naruto." Hiruzen said, lighting his pipe.
"YATTA!"
Four ANBU members were gathered in front of the Hokage's desk. After having woken up, they were immediately summoned to the Hokage's office to speak with him.
"Care to explain how my elite ninja were fooled by an eleven year old boy?" Hiruzen asked in a serious voice, though secretly amused. "You are losing your touch if he was able to evade you like that. The boy isn't even a Genin yet, but he has made a mockery of you. Anything to say for yourselves?" He was met with silence. "Well, this requires action. I can't let this just blow over. So what should we do with you?" The Hokage, minus his head dress, began tapping his chin in thought. "Naruto, what do you think?" he asked, turning to the boy who was posing in front of the mirror in the Kage's hat.
Naruto turned and blushed at being caught posing. Then he turned his attention towards the question. A devilish grin graced his features causing all the ANBU to gulp.
"Why the hell do we have to clean up his mess, Taicho?" a masked ANBU asked his team leader. They were all stuck to the Hokage monument wiping off all of the paint. The only problem was that this paint was unusually stubborn and refused to come off.
"Because you were the one's who got bested by an eleven year old." was the reply. The ANBU captain hadn't been a part of the chase, so was just present to supervise the work.
"But this isn't fair." the ANBU whined.
"Now I see how he did it." the Captain said. "You sound like a ten year old girl, so you must have the skills of a ten year old girl. When we get done here, we're going for a training trip inside the Forty-fourth Training Ground."
All the ANBU shuddered at the mention of the area and wisely didn't say anything further.
"Naruto?" a voice sounded from the Hokage's door. Old Hiruzen was going through paper work with the blond by his side, showing him some of the things that crossed the desk of the Hokage.
They both looked up and saw a familiar Dog masked ANBU poking his head in the door. "ANBU-sensei!" he cried and ran to the ANBU. Kakashi smiled and ruffled his hair, though no one besides himself was aware of the former.
"May I take Naruto-kun with me for a moment, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked.
"Ofcourse. Naruto, you may want to leave the hat here. You can put it back on when you get back." Hiruzen said, taking his hat from the eleven year old.
"We'll be back soon, Hokage-jiji!" Naruto yelled as Kakashi shunshined away with the blond in tow.
"Where are we going, ANBU-sensei?" Naruto asked for the fifth time since they had left the office.
Kakashi laughed softly at the energy of his companion. "You do not have to call me sensei, Naruto. I only taught you a few control exercises five years ago."
"You still taught me something! More than the Academy instructors can boast, and I have to call them sensei. So you have more than earned the title."
"Hnn. How did you fail the Graduation test anyway? With what I saw today, you more than meet the requirements for a fresh Genin."
"I was required to make a Bunshin. My last two sensei's said that the Kage Bunshin didn't count, and if I couldn't make a regular Bunshin, then I couldn't graduate." Naruto said, sadly. He brightened up as he continued, "But this year, I'm going to Iruka-sensei's class. He's always been friendly to me, even the one time he caught me skipping to play pranks. Plus, all the kids are my age, so I might be able to make some friends, though I will miss Lee."
Kakashi shuddered. He had run into Naruto's old Academy friend Lee. He had been put on Kakashi's 'eternal rival', Maito Gai's team. Gai had turned him into a virtual clone. It was creepy.
"Well, just stay on your chakra control. You have a ridiculous amount of chakra for your age, so that is why you can't do regular bunshin. However, if you keep fine tuning your control, you'll eventually be able to." Kakashi said. He led Naruto into a Ninja store. You had to have a headband, and a ninja ID-card just to browse anything here. Since Naruto was with him, he was allowed in too.
"What are we doing here, ANBU-sensei?" Naruto asked, looking through the various weapons and scrolls.
"You told the Hokage earlier that you were testing your speed. Well, we're here to get you something to make you faster and stronger."
"Oooh. What is it?" Naruto asked.
"These." He held one pair of standard leg weights, and another pair of wrist weights. He paid for them and strapped them to Naruto when they were outside. "Whenever I think you're ready, I will pop in with more weight. Only take them off when you're practicing your kekkai genkai. These are too expensive to be replacing after an accidental bone spike tears them up."
Naruto stared at the bands around his wrists and ankles and frowned. "But ANBU-sensei. How am I supposed to walk around town with these things on? They look so uncool."
Kakashi sweatdropped and tried to rub the bridge of his nose in annoyance, but realized that his ANBU mask was in the way, so he just ran his hand over the smooth ceramic features in annoyance. He then marched back in the store and came back out with a few more items. "Here." he said throwing them in Naruto's hands. "The pants are baggier than the ones you have on, so you can have the weights on underneath. The forearm warmers can be put on top of the weights, to hide them from view."
Naruto nodded and slipped the arm warmers on. They were black with orange elastic bands to hold them in place at both ends. They extended from his wrists to his elbows, so they completely covered the weight bands. After finding a bathroom, he changed into the pants his sensei had given him, which were looser than the ANBU style pants and covered up the leg weights without trouble.
"Now are we good?" Kakashi asked his student, though he didn't consider two weeks worth of training to be adequate enough time to be considered a sensei.
Naruto nodded, but then thought of a question. "Uhm... ANBU-sensei? Why are these weights so light?"
"They are only the introductory weights. Their purpose is to get you used to moving around with extra weight before you really start training, so you don't hurt yourself. I'll come by with the next set of weights sometime next week. They'll be significantly heavier." Kakashi said. He then made a hand sign. "Try walking back to the Tower to get a feel for them." He then shunshined out.
"I have got to learn that." Naruto thought before jumping on top of the roof. Instantly, he could tell what Kakashi meant. The added weight, little that it was, was enough to make Naruto have to alter his movements slightly. If he had had too much weight on right then, he probably couldn't have made it to the roofs. He had to get used to moving before he could really begin his training.
"Did you get him the weights?" Hiruzen asked as Kakashi shnshined into the room.
"Yeah, here are the receipts." Kakashi said, laying the peices of paper on the desk.
Hiruzen nodded and puffed on his pipe. He was a chain smoker. He admitted it, but he also said that after all the battles that he's been through, he deserved the relaxation it brought.
"I'll begin pulling the funds from his monthly check. It'll take two payments to cover it, as I still have to pay for the mission to get his groceries." The Sandaime had finally realized that it would be easier for him to get other ninja to buy Naruto's things. He ended up spending the same amount for groceries as he had been to cover the cost of the Genin who did it, but he got much better supplies. Couple that with Kakashi buying all of his clothes and supplies, Naruto had almost no money left over, but was better off in the quality of goods.
"We have one more thing to go over Kakashi." Hiruzen said, getting the copy ninja's attention. "I'm pulling you off active ANBU to Jounin status again."
"You're trying another go at making me a Jounin Instructor?" Kakashi asked, already knowing where this was going. The Hokage did this once every couple of years to try and get the young man over the deaths of his old team by accepting a new one.
"Yes. Though its more than that this time. Uchiha Sasuke is graduating this coming year, and the Council is petitioning you to be his sensei."
"To train his Sharingan whenever it activates." Kakashi said, correctly deducing the reasoning.
"Yes. He, as always, has to pass the test ofcourse, but I agree with the Council for once on this one. Added to it, with Naruto's two time fails, he will probably be put on the same team."
"So I finally will be the boy's sensei." Kakashi mused.
"Yes. You may turn in your gear at the ANBU headquarters and get your Jounin vest... again." Hiruzen sighed the last part, causing Kakashi to laugh before shunshining out.
T.B.C.
Okay. I stand corrected. Thank you for the list of fics, High Demon Lord, I'll check them out when I have the time. And I don't consider it rude at all to correct me.
Big-Babidi, sorry if I made it seem like he was getting beat every other day. What I believe is that most of those were assassination attempts that occured when he was one or two and defenceless. They tapered off after that due to constant ANBU intervention. After that I was thinking five to ten when he was three, three to four when he was four, and one or two after that. I'm sorry if it came off as unrealistic, but I have to say that its probably more realistic than many other estimates. I've seen some who say he was beaten three times a day.
Hope y'all liked this chapter. It was another filler before I can get to the real plot.
