Loud music and Home shopping

UmbrellasAnPoptarts

Chapter Two

Candy flavored content

A nice heavy downpour had erupted by the time the moody ex-pilot finally made his way out of the large, chain grocery store. Cursing loudly and inaudibly in his native language, he stepped out from under the bright lighted awning and out into the rain. Stepping to the curb he surveyed cars of all shapes, colors and sizes hurry by. Watching as he saw an empty yellow cab make its way towards his lonely spot on the sidewalk he held up his leather clad arm and hailed it.

A sigh of relief came from his lips as the car veered over to the curb and stopped expectantly. Throwing open the brightly painted door, he gladly slid in the back seat.

"Where I go?" The man who turned around in the drivers seat was defiantly foreign, even to this colony. He had a large white turban and dark swarthy skin. But he looked friendly enough, his face in a small polite smile as if to say, "Can I help you?"

"78 Carson Street, Astre Complex." Heero stated quietly. Once the driver had turned himself around and replaced his tanned hands on the steering wheel, the japanese boy turned his attention to the world outside.

Rain made wide random tracks down the thick glass, obscuring the view as the streets sped by. Blue eyes simply stared vaguely through the window, unfazed by the liquid. There were a few turns here and there but the ride seemed to take only moments, the vehicle stopping right in front of his building. The man turned around in his seat again, same polite smile on his face.

"How much do I owe you?" Heero said, already digging in his pocket for his wallet.

"Five credit please." The man said in his heavily accented voice, watching as his passenger pulled out the specified amount and placed it in his outstretched hand. "Thank you."

The gundam pilot merely nodded his welcome and slid out of the cab, pulling his two bags of food along with him. He didn't bother to run to the door of his apartment building as other people were doing, he simply walked at his normal, reserved pace to the overhang. There he shook his head, sending droplets of water flying from their unwelcome haven in his thick brown mane. The door opened for him and he refused to look around the lobby as he walked towards the elevators on the opposite wall.

He frowned about as dark as possible when he saw that all four of the elevators were currently in use which could do nothing other then agitate the hacker. He walked with an irritated sigh to the last one on the right. A hard jab on the large button expectantly and he stood still as he watched the number indicating the floor in which the elevator was on tick down in a surprising time. At long last the doors tinged open and the only passenger strolled quickly out.

Heero watched curiously out of the corner of his eyes as the man walked away. He seemed familiar even though Heero knew he defiantly wasn't from this building. The former pilot of wing zero watched with interest as this man with a black baseball cap drawn firmly down to obscure his face walked, with a cheerful bounce in his step, right out of the front entrance. If Heero really thought about it he could've sworn he saw a huge grin on that guys deeply shadowed face.

i was waiting for a cross-town train in

the london underground when it struck me

that i've been waiting since birth to find a

love that would look and sound like a movie

Shaking his head sharply to make the suspicious thoughts disappear from his mind, he entered the large elevator and pressed 12, watching it light up the small round button. Large thick doors closed slowly before the room jumped to life and zoomed upwards. Watching the numbers become was not much of a chore as he silently thanked whichever god had broken the speaker in the place. He was in no mood to deal with the irritating, incessant music that played loudly over the speakers.

Glancing up he noticed what seemed to be severed wires all along the ceiling. A small, appreciative smile appeared on his face as he thought of whoever had thought to cut the music off.

so i changed my plans i rented a camera and

a van and then i called you

"i need to pretend that we are in love

again." and you agreed to

There was just to much going on in his mind right now. To much in his poor troubled mind to deal with the out of tune, out of date music that flowed out of elevators speakers, pretending to be tasteful jazz. Curling his lip at this thought he strolled down the hallway towards his apartment. There was just no getting around this... His mind really was on the fritz.

Yet another sigh escaped the pilots mouth that day, this one much more troubled and tired than all the rest. Juggling the glossy blue plastic grocery bag Heero dug around in his coat pocket, searching for his keys. Once said keys were retrieved he dialed in the code on the key pad, just as he had done earlier that day. Jamming his key in the lock with about as little care as anyone could ever see, he turned it. All he wanted to do was be home.

i want so badly to believe that "there is truth,

and love is real"

and i want life in every word to the extent

that it's absurd

With that thought still in mind he went through the door and shut it quietly behind him. All he wanted was to be home... The thought echoed over and over in his mind, as if he'd never even thought anything of the like before. Was this his home? Was this where he wanted to be?

His mind said yes. It screamed it, yelled it, droned it sickeningly, repeatedly, in its overly persuasive way. But his heart, in its quiet, ever beating and soft way, told him no. It was telling him that his home was somewhere else. Somewhere off in the galaxy of shining stars and milky blacks. Somewhere most likely very far away...

Or maybe just with someone very far away...

i greased the lens and framed the shot using

a friend as my stand-in

the script it called for rain but it was clear

that day so we faked it

He barely felt the plastic handle slip from his slackened grip and tumble to the ground. The young japanese man didn't seem to care at this point. It seemed he was fighting a loosing war. But loosing was something he had never been taught to deal with or had ever even experienced. Actually, he'd lost once... He'd lost once and that'd all it'd taken to start this whole loosing streak. I understand why people hate loosing now... I get it... It makes sense to me now... This pain... It hurts...

In this instant he wasn't the perfect soldier anymore, he was just a scared, lost and hurt little boy. In his heart, he just wanted to go home. Just go home and let that little boy inside smile again. He wanted to hear him laugh and smile and bounce all around like he used to... Like he used to...

the marker snapped and i yelled "quiet on

the set" and the called "action!"

and i kissed you in a style clark gable would

have admired (i thought it classic)

Heero couldn't feel his face falling into that same sad frown. He couldn't feel anything really, except that child inside crying. All he wanted to do was cry along, to feel drops of liquid slipping down his skin. Just wanted to have that salty taste of tears on his lips. To cry like he never had. Just to cry along with that kid inside and get rid of all the pain. He wanted it like he hadn't wanted anything in a long time.

It was beginning to grow and be just as important as the need for food or water. It was suffocating. He wanted to cry away all the sadness and the loneliness and the pain. In his mind he could almost see everything disappearing in a sad single tear down his cheek. But knowing that couldn't happen, knowing it didn't work that way, he could feel his soldier mask begin to slid itself over his face again. Maybe I haven't changed after all...

i want so badly to believe that "there is truth,

that love is real"

and i want life in every word to the extent

that it's absurd

And for that the little Heero inside sobbed harder until he just couldn't take it anymore. Twin lines of liquid made their way down his stiff cheeks and he felt release like he hadn't felt in so long. He just stood there, in the entryway of his classy upscale apartment, grocery bags on littered either side of him, soaking wet with artificial rain and... crying.

It was a cry for himself and he knew it. For everything he was and everything he wished he could let himself be, he cried. But it wasn't just that little one inside him crying, the perfect soldiers defenses had crumbled like a weak castle wall and he to sobbed. The stoic mask was thrown against the wall, stepped on, beaten, battered and left dirty and broken on the ground to be disposed of.

i know you're wise beyond your years, but

do you ever get the fear

that your perfect verse is just a lie you tell

yourself to help you get by?

Opening his shimmering blue eyes to the world he sniffed so that he could breath a little better and instead of wiping his tears away, he rubbed the back of his hand across his nose several times. Sliding off his much loved jacket and battered shoes he picked up his long forgotten food stuffs and walked into the kitchen, tears still in place.

There was a kind of relief flooding and ebbing through his entire body. Every limb, every portion of his body felt it. And it felt damn good. He'd never realized that crying could make you feel... Good. Not that it'd made any of the loneliness or any of that really go away but... It gave him some kind of relief. Another sniff was issued by the japanese boy as he sorted his things and put them in their appropriate places with unexpected energy.

He rolled his shoulders when the chore was done and he stepped back into the hallway. Deciding on turning in for an early night he wanted to go get some shut eye but something told him the living room was the ticket. I didn't even know my body housed intuition... He thought sarcastically when he strolled through the living room door to find yet another thing gracing his simple coffee table. There, next to his mysterious roses was a box. A pretty white rectangular box, looking much like a glossy bakery box, adorned with a cute red ribbon tied around it like a Christmas package.

A card was attached to this to, just as one had been with the roses. A confused look twerked his features as he pulled the almost blank white card out from under the ribbon.

"Hope your missing me too" 12

A confused, perplexed, lost and somehow pleased look fell on his features and he actually smiled some. It was all to confusing but he felt like it was all being led somewhere so for once, he just decided to kick back and be led along. Sliding the ribbon carefully off the box, he opened it to find a surprising sight. A feeling of extreme surprise and pleasure rocketed through his body. It looked like... But was it really...?

Just to be sure, before he got to excited, he pulled a small dark brown ball out of the box and popped it in his mouth without a second thought. Homemade dark chocolate and peanut butter melted around his teeth as he chewed. Damned if it wasn't. His favorite food ever, ever, most defiantly was the small round candies populating the box he held in his hand to the rim.

Homemade bullseye. Ah, the power of chocolate. A thoroughly contented sigh found itself tumbling from his lips just before he shoved another one in his expectant mouth. After that one savory morsel was gone, he put the lid back on the box, solely because he didn't trust his stomach around them and he did want to save them for a while.

Scratching his head in thought, he wondered again vaguely who had done it. It was obviously the same person. But who?? Shaking his head in disdain, he cleared his extremely lost thoughts and turned to leave the room. He'd been lost a lot lately... Actually he'd been lost for some time now. Some time now? His mind said softly, No, no. Some time now doesn't express how long I've been lost... It just doesn't compare to how long I've really been lost... Ever since I left him...

Heero barely made it to his bedroom before the thought came into his head, sticking in his mind and echoing over and over again as the thought in the hallway had earlier. It was deafening, sickening and tiring. He let himself fall back onto the neatly made blue comforter of his bed. Was that why? Was it bec-

A loud crash shuddered through his house just as the lights cut out and he almost jumped before he realized that it was thunder. "Stupid fools never understand they suck the colonies power dry with those dumb stunts of theirs..."

I'd said this was all saved for a rainy day and I think this is about as rainy as they come. Duo... There was a topic he'd long refrained from bringing up. Even if he was a subject of everything that entered in his mind.... Ahhhh Duo...

They'd been together all through the war and even after. The long haired American had been his best friend even when he didn't know what that was. He'd been the one to open up Heero with his grins and constantly cheerful attitude. Even as cold as Heero acted, Duo never gave up, just ignored the cold voice and dark glares. And that night that Duo'd kissed him...

I guess that was the first night I really knew... Everything had just taken off from there, from that sunny day towards the end of the war... Things were just never the same again. Things escalated and feelings grew and Heero experienced emotions he never knew existed... He was completely amazed by this grinning maniac obsessed with death. There was nothing about Duo that didn't bring him absolute and complete joy. He'd been there with Duo all after the war, years in fact and yet... And yet he hadn't been able to admit they had a relationship. He'd acted in public as though they were only friends.

Duo had decided he wanted more, he wanted Heero to be with him and be proud of it, of him. And Heero had refused. He just hadn't been able to deal with what he was feeling. To admit to the world that he was with Duo was to open up a whole new world of feeling. He didn't want to open Pandora's box. To admit that to the world would have been to admit that to himself as well... Which he just couldn't do.

And his cute american had grown sad after that, no matter of kisses could make him smile. A real genuine smile, not a fake one that he put on just for show to make the rest of the world happy. He gave so much to Heero and only wanted so little back. But Heero just couldn't give.

The short haired boy just couldn't give something that he didn't have. Duo had asked for his love and Heero hadn't been able to give that to him. He couldn't find it, didn't even know what it was. And so, each day that Duo had grown sadder, so had Heero. He grew so depressed that he'd hurt Duo that he broke it off, just up and left. It was the only thing he knew. He wasn't programmed to deal with any emotion, much less one as deep and painful as that.

He'd missed his friend to the core of his being everyday since the one where he'd boarded that shuttle off the earth. And yet he couldn't bring himself to do anything. Years had passed since he'd seen his lovers face and each day that dragged by without him seemed like an eternity. A eternity of pain and suffering.

A sudden realization caused his eyes to snap open in a quick instant. Was that why is hurt? Did it hurt because... Did it hurt because he really did love that stupid American? Was that why it hurt? Had he just been to scared, to stupid to see it?

Yes, yes he had. That's why it hurt. That's why the pain. That's why the loneliness. That's why everyday seemed like it was never going to end. Because it wasn't filled with the one he loved. Or even hope of seeing the one he loved... He loved someone... He loved Duo...

And he'd known it to. He'd known it for so long and denied it even to his inner most self. There was no getting around the fact that he'd simply ignored this oh so important feeling of his. He'd refused to let himself be acknowledged as a human being with real human emotions... And he'd paid the price...

This day had defiantly been a day for revelations he thought with a tiny smile as the lights flicked back on and he jumped carefully from the bed. Not a second more and he was in the kitchen, picking up the phone, he just had to know. He just had to know if what he was feeling was really love or not.

Suddenly, Quatres sleepy face appeared on his screen, "Oh Heero! What a Surprise, calling again? In one day, wow..."

"What does love feel like?" he asked, his face expectant and waiting.

The blond was obviously caught completely off guard, "...What??"

"What does love feel like?" he repeated his question, waiting for it to sink in.

The Arabian, still thoroughly confused, scratched his head for a moment then said, "... Well... Let's see... It's when you're around this person... and just to be around them makes you happy. Just them, they don't have to even be doing anything... but it makes you smile. And when you're away from them... When you're away from them it makes you sad and very lonely and..."

Heero just waited for Quatre who had a wistful look on his face, to finish. "... it's so hard to be away from them. You miss them every moment, every second of that time they're gone. I guess that's about more or less what... Well, what I think love is." A big smile appeared on his face as he thought of how it applied to he and Trowa.

"Thanks Quatre, I have to go now." Heero said, as though it explained the strange question all to well.

"But..?... Why... That..." Quatre's golden boyish brow moved around in several different ways expressing his confusion before it was put to rest with a sigh. Heero was just going to be Heero, there was no way to ever get around it. Since his understanding of Heero and his moods and actions he said simply, "Alright, I'll talk to you soon."

After hanging up the phone, Heero simply stood there. Not moving at all just standing there, much to lost in thought to bother with actions.

So I love Duo Maxwell...

What a surprise that was now. Everything Quatre had said had applied to him and his feelings. He found himself... proud to have those feelings in his heart. He wondered if Duo would be proud of him, if Duo would care.

He found himself pondering whether or not Duo still cared about him, whether or not he still... If he still loved him, even a little anymore. A small sigh fell from his lips in a very careless way as he made his way over to the fridge and opened it, pulling out a carton of orange juice. Finding his way over to the cabinet he opened it and pulled out a random glass, pouring the citrusy liquid in generously.

Taking a sip he let his eyes drift the phone and stick there, glued as if with crazy glue. Setting down his glass he walked over to it and picked up the receiver, simply looking at it. A small smile toyed with his lips as he just stared at it, hearing the dial tone echo to his ears.

Finally he began to press his long, slim and nimble fingers to the different numbers. A long string of oh so familiar digits were entered and only then did he feel nervousness grip a firm fist in his stomach. He was going to talk to Duo... He was going to actually hear his voice after... After all this time...

It was even scarier when the first ring was issued through the ear piece.