PARTNERS IN CRIME


"How...what happened to me?" the Master held his head in his hand, his other cupping his long black as he blinked into it. He groaned and closed his eyes.

"It's all right," Rose tried to sound reassuring, leaning across the table, placing her hand on his. She forced herself to be kind, reminding herself, for what felt like the millionth time, that he was the Master no more.

The Doctor seemed to be having an easier time of it, as he tucked into a banana muffin. "It'll wear off, trust me. Must have been a very good party."

The Master winced. "I don't remember," he looked up, focussing on Rose's hand, still resting on his, then his eyes travelled up to meet hers. Rose forced herself to smile. It was very weird, looking into those eyes and not hating him.

"I'm sorry, I feel like an idiot," he gulped, "but...who are you, exactly? I know your face, but everything else..."

Rose frowned a little and glanced at the Doctor.

Before she could answer, he spoke up again, laughing a little. "Wait," he winced, speaking slowly as though it ached him to do so. "Who am I?"

Rose's heart jumped, as she realised how badly they were doing. They hadn't even thought of a name for him. The TARDIS usually took care of all of that stuff, but they'd dragged him out of the TARDIS the moment the chameleon arc had done it's job - before he regained consciousness and was reminded of anything TARDIS, or Time Lord related.

The Doctor bumbled. "Now, that's a thing, forgetting your own name! It's..." he paused, stalling, glancing out the window of the cafe.

Rose looked out the window as well, for inspiration. There! A white transit, 'Southwark Art Museum' printed in bold, black letters on the side.

"Sam," she turned back to the Master quickly, moving her hand from his to raise her cup of tea and take a sip. She swallowed, nodding. "Your name's Sam. I'm," she skipped a beat. Nothing that would remind him of his past, the Doctor had told her.

"I'm Sally," she said quickly, closing her eyes for a second. It didn't matter. They were never going to see him again. Rose paused. "This is John. His name's John," she decided. "We're your friends."

"Sam?" the Master winced again, rubbing his temples. "Sam who?"

"Tyler, of course!" the Doctor, stood, pushing his chair back under the table and patting 'Sam' on the shoulder.

"What?" Rose asked oddly. Jack was the only one who referred to her as 'Tyler', occasionally.

"Sam! You know, good ol' Sam Sammy Tyler," the Doctor grinned cleverly.

Rose gave him an unimpressed look, realising what he'd done. Oh yes, he would think that was funny, wouldn't he?

'Sam' looked slightly less confused, still rubbing his temple. "Tyler," he said slowly, nodding. "Yes. That's...familiar, I suppose."

"'Course it is," the Doctor pipped merrily, indicating very slightly to Rose that it was time to leave. "It's your name."

Rose finished her tea in a quick gulp and stood. "Right. We've got to-" she pointed to the outside world, lost for an excuse that didn't sound like they were abandoning him. Which was exactly what they were doing.

Despite him being the Master, and at a number of times, a maniac, he looked so confused, so lost, that Rose again began to have misgivings about their tossed-together plan to reintegrate the Master into society, as a human. It had been either that, or the brig for the rest of his life.

She turned back to the Doctor, looking up at him with worried eyes.

"But what if-"

"He's fine," the Doctor assured her.

They said their swift goodbyes to the Master, and left him, only slightly less confused than before, in the coffee shop in Southwark.

The Doctor marched away, without looking back, his hands in his pockets.

Rose raced out of the coffee shop after him. "But what if he starts to hear the drums again?" she called out, stopping behind him.

The Doctor paused, a few paces from the store, and spun around to face Rose. He regarded her for a moment, before flicking a glance back at the coffee shop. "It's his life. His choice."

"Won't anyone recognise him?" she insisted.

"Nah!" the Doctor scrunched up his nose. "Not with that haircut."

"But the drums! What about those, they drove him mental-" Rose started again. There were just so many what-ifs.

"Exactly," the Doctor cut her off. "Rose, he was normal once, driven insane by the sound of drums. We've given him a fighting chance to lead a relatively normal life, now!" he insisted, in a tone that suggested to Rose that he was trying to convince himself, as well. "We'll keep his watch safe, in the TARDIS, and he'll live out his life here, none the wiser. Sure," he tilted his head, "he may remember a few odd, residual timey-wimey things. But he can't do anything about them, can he? He'll dismiss them, think they're dreams, just like you and I did," he looked at his feet at this last.

Rose pursed her lips at him, still feeling uneasy. "But we've left him with nothing. It...doesn't feel right."

"We've left him with a name, that's something," the Doctor answered calmly, nodding back at the cafe again. "And a good name at that," he smirked at Rose.

A smile crept onto her face. She couldn't help it.

"The rest is up to him," the Doctor continued brightly. "Can't live his life for him. Now!" he grabbed Rose's hand, grinning cutely and signalling the end of the conversation, swinging her hand back and forth. "Quick visit to your mum's?"

Rose nodded. She'd promised as much; that if they were in London, they would visit, no matter how 'busy or important' they thought they were.

She glanced, one final time, behind her, to the cafe. She could see the Master- no, she reminded herself – Sam Tyler – sitting by the window, looking out into the street as a couple of cars honked their horns at the traffic lights. She hoped that he'd be all right.

The Doctor was right, she smiled. They'd given him a new chance at life. It was now his choice, as to what he did with it.


"Been keeping busy?" Rose asked from the couch.

Jackie Tyler sat back with a groan on the other side. "Oh, don't get me started, it's been a madhouse. Got old Esme from number three dropping in for a rinse in about an hour. How 'bout you, sweetheart? Haven't seen you two since Christmas."

Rose nodded, smiling into her cup, shrugging a shoulder. "Just been travelling, same as usual."

Jackie nodded, standing up and going to the window, peering out the blinds. "Same as usual could mean anything to you two. What's he doing out there, anyway? What if the neighbours see him, what'll they think?"

Rose frowned and moved to the window. The Doctor had dropped Rose off with a quick 'hi!' to Jackie, and had retreated, to the TARDIS to do some archiving, he'd explained.

Archiving indeed.

She laughed as she spotted him; or at least, his legs and shoes. He was lying on his stomach in the garden that ran alongside the carpark.

"They'll just think he's some sort of council maintenance, mum, don't worry about it."

Jackie hmmed in a disapproving way, raising her eyebrows and returning to her seat. "I'll tell you what the neighbourhood is talking about, that Howard, from the markets?"

"I remember him, mum," Rose cut her mother off quickly. They'd only borrowed his fruit-laden dressing gown, after all. "What about him?"

"He got the biggest fright when he saw me, you should have seen him. Said he thought I was a ghost!" Jackie revealed.

"What's so strange about that? You were missing for over a year."

Jackie frowned. "True, I suppose," she looked down in thought. "He's seeing that woman from the bakery. Miffy, whatever her name is, you know. The one with the boggle eyes."

Rose hinted a slight bitterness to her tone and sat forward.

"Mum, it's probably for the best," she tried gently.

Jackie didn't seem to hear her. "It won't last of course," she frowned. "The only reason she even looked twice at him is because he's been on that diet, lost all that weight recently."

Rose nodded, feeling uncomfortable, and again, feeling responsible for her mother's isolation and obvious loneliness. She could have started again, with Pete, over in the alternate universe. But Jackie had returned for her, and it cost her years from her life, and new chance at happiness.

The door flung open, and both Jackie and Rose turned to it quickly, pulled from their thoughts.

The Doctor stood there, grinning, holding his coat in one arm and a scruffy looking Yorkshire terrier under the other. "Look who I found!"

Rose leaped up. "What's that?"

Jackie had also leaped up, and raced forward. "Ohh, isn't she sweet!" she grabbed the dog from the Doctor and started talking to it. "Yes you are, and I bet you're hungry," she cradled the dog, smiling up at the Doctor. "Where'd she come from?"

The Doctor had been staring between Jackie and the dog, and shook himself before responding. "Um. In the gardens. She sort of just...turned up."

The dog started licking Jackie's face. "Oh, look, I think she likes me!" she beamed at them. "I'm going to get you something to eat!" she told the dog and carried her, like a baby, to the kitchen.

Rose stood next to the Doctor, a bemused recognition overcoming her. "That dog..." she pondered.

"Looks an awful lot like Rose, doesn't it?" the Doctor nodded, a twinkle in his eyes, referring to the dog her alternate-universe mother had owned.

Rose hit him. "Where'd you really find her?"

The Doctor shrugged. "I was telling the truth, Rose. She just...appeared, and started licking me. Probably a stray. Homeless, by the looks."

"Nice," Rose stared at him, disbelieving. "You do this often? Bring strays into other people's homes?"

The Doctor gave her a knowing, sideways look. "Sometimes." And with a cheeky glint in his eye, moved into the kitchen, calling out to Jackie that he had a great idea for a name.

Rose shook her head, rattled, and sat back on the couch. Had he just insinuated that she was a stray?


"He does what?" the Doctor tossed Jackie an odd look from the couch.

Jackie was towel-drying the dog, who she'd named 'Billie' at the Doctor's insistence, in the middle of the lounge room floor. "Just pops a pill, every night for a couple of weeks. Didn't cost him that much either, and it worked, not like all those other diet scams," she rubbed Billie's ears roughly and the dog tried to catch the towel, play-growling a little. "The fat just walks away," she added, then shrugged. "Was thinking of trying it myself, actually."

"Mum, you don't need to go on a diet," Rose said sternly.

The Doctor crouched down next to the terrier and helped dry her with another towel. "Just...walks away, you say?" he asked, trying to sound idle.

"Mm," Jackie nodded, then put the towel down, picking up Billie with both hands and bringing her close to her face. "There you are, isn't that better! No more stinky doggy!"

The Doctor looked to Rose, who shrugged, rolling her eyes. The attention her mother was lavishing on this new dog was wearing thin.

"But...that's impossible," the Doctor stood, joining Rose on the couch again. "Fat doesn't just walk away."

"Just a slogan," Jackie cradled the dog and sat on the couch. Billie immediately leapt from her arms, springing agilely onto it's tiny paws, and shook itself. It's brown fur returned to scruffy mode and she trotted toward the kitchen, where they'd left a bowl of water for her. Jackie frowned a little, watching her go.

"Who's slogan?" the Doctor wasn't letting it go.

Rose stared at him, trying to gauge what had taken him in. "Is it important?"

"Might be," the Doctor shrugged, and turned back to Jackie.

Jackie reached over to the coffee table, picking up a newspaper. "That Adipose lot," she passed the newspaper to the Doctor. He took it, one eyebrow raised, and put on his clever specs.

Rose read over his shoulder.

The newspaper sported an advert, covering half of the page, with pictures of a woman; before and after shots typical of weight-loss businesses.

"Adipose Industries," Rose read to herself.

"The 21st century way to lose weight. No exercise, no diet, no pain. Just lifelong freedom from fat. The Holy Grail of the modern age.

"You just take one capsule, one capsule, once a day, for three weeks. And the fat just walks away."

"And it works?" Rose frowned as the Doctor handed her the newspaper.

Jackie stood. "Worked for Howard," she turned away. "Billie! Come back out here with mummy," she called, following the dog into the kitchen.

Rose watched her mother go, then turned to the Doctor. "You just had to bring the dog inside, didn't you."

The Doctor removed his glasses. His mind was elsewhere, as he muttered something about keeping her company. Then he stood. "Well, that's just about enough chit-chat for one day," he turned, and called into the kitchen. "Thanks for the tea, Jackie, we'll see you next time," he held out his hand to Rose, who raised her eyebrows and took it. He pulled her up from the couch to her feet and handed Rose her jacket.

Jackie stood in the kitchen doorway, a bottle of milk in her hand, "Oh, you leaving, already?" she asked brightly.

Rose stepped over and hugged her mum. "Gotta go," she patted her mum's back, glaring at the dog over her mother's shoulder. It was scratching at one of the cupboards, whining a little. Rose pulled back. "You be good," she held her mother's shoulders, staring at her.

"And look after little Billie," the Doctor called from the doorway, shrugging his coat on.

Jackie looked up from her daughter, beaming at the Doctor. "I will, Doctor. You look after yourselves," she nodded goodbye to them, turning back to the kitchen, and cooing at the dog.

Rose stared a moment longer at the dog and her mother, bemused. The Doctor put a hand on her back, ushering her toward the door. "C'mon," he said lightly.

They closed the door after themselves, Rose still confused by her mother's immediate adoption of the newcomer. Why did it irk her so much? It wasn't like the dog was replacing her or anything.

Rose tried to shake the odd feeling, clocking it up to...well, childish jealousy. He was right, at least now her mum wouldn't feel so alone all the time.

The Doctor was walking swiftly toward the TARDIS; she ran to catch up with him.


"Why are you so interested in this Adipose thing?" Rose asked as they hurried down a crowded street in the business district of London. "Isn't it a good thing? People losing weight?"

The Doctor stuck his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, of course," he shrugged. "Healthier, fitter, stronger, happier people. But where does it go?" he regarded Rose. "Fat doesn't just walk away."

Rose shrugged this time. "Maybe the pill dissolves it somehow?"

The Doctor piped up quickly. "Yes, but where's the by-product? Matter doesn't just...disappear," he stopped at a tall glass building, staring up at it.

Rose regarded the building as well. A silver sign, with a shinier silver logo announced they were standing in front of Adipose Industries.

She turned back to him. "We're taking the front door for once?"

The Doctor grinned at her. "Why not?" he tapped the psychic paper against his hand. "Who do you want to be today, Rose Tyler? How about," he pondered, rocking on his heels. "Health and Safety?"

Rose laughed. "Sounds thrilling. As long as you don't make me sit through boring lectures on how to safely sit at a desk and climb stairs."

"Deal," the Doctor strode toward the revolving glass doors.

Rose fell into step beside him.


They'd picked the perfect time to visit the offices, it turned out. A number of reporters were being lead from room to room; the Doctor and Rose fell into step behind them. The group was being lead by a stern looking blonde woman with severe glasses, who introduced herself as Miss Foster.

The Doctor nudged Rose and she startled awake as the lights came up in a lecture theatre. He flashed her a smirk, then nodded to the front of the room.

Rose flushed, embarrassed that she'd nodded off. That sure had felt like a health and safety lecture. She straightened in her seat, trying to look interested and clever.

"Excuse me, Miss Foster, if I could?," a smart looking reporter with black curls called. "I'm Penny Carter, science correspondent for The Observer."

Rose could hear the hint of doubt in the woman's voice immediately.

"There are a thousand diet pills on the market, a thousand con men stealing people's money," Penny carried on. "How do we know the fat isn't going straight into your bank account?"

"Oh Penny, if cynicism burnt up calories, we'd all be as thin as rakes," Miss Foster smiled, and a couple of people in the theatre laughed. "But if you want the science, I oblige," she nodded, removing her glasses and clicking a small remote, which started another slide show.

Rose looked to the Doctor, imploringly. What were they doing here? Not another powerpoint presentation.

The Doctor had put on his glasses, and was leaning forward eagerly, watching the screen.

Rose shrugged and and settled back into her seat. Well, it couldn't all be about travelling to exotic planets and running for their lives, she reasoned. She'd just have to sit this one out. The Doctor wouldn't have taken interest in it if he didn't think it was important.

The movie on the screen displayed an animation of how the pill worked on the human body.

"Adipose Industries," a computer voice announced. "The Adipose capsule is composed of a synthesised mobilising lipase, bound to a large protein molecule."

The Doctor shuffled in his seat, and Rose flicked a glance at him. He was regarding the screen with a stern look on his face, one eyebrow raised.

The presentation continued. "The mobilising lipase breaks up the trigycerides stored in the adipose cells..."

Rose tuned out. It was going to be a long day.


The group were eventually lead through to the call centre, their final stop in the tour. Miss Foster said her goodbyes, encouraging the reporters and health and safety officers alike (Rose flushed and turned away) to ask any questions of the staff, reminding them that Adipose Industries had nothing to hide. She gave them a final smile, and left.

Rose turned to the Doctor quickly, whispering. "Good. Can we go now?"

"Not yet," the Doctor was surveying the room speculatively.

Rose followed his eyes around the room, sighing, before spotting a familiar looking red-head sitting at one of the call centre desks. She did a double-take.

"Donna?" she asked, quietly.

The Doctor looked back to Rose quickly, then followed her gaze.

"That's Donna Noble," Rose pointed, grabbing the Doctor's sleeve.

The red-head they'd encountered the previous Christmas was wearing a headset and reading from a computer.

"Donna Noble, I don't believe it!" the Doctor broke out a grin, and they hurried toward her.

Donna's eyes glanced upwards as they approached, as she noticed the movement.

"That's a three-week course of pills for a special price of-" she did a double-take, eyes now focussing on the Doctor and Rose, her mouth forming an 'O' shape.

Rose couldn't help but grin as well as they rounded the cubical.

"Oh my god!" Donna stood, the cable attaching her headset to handset stretching to maximum. She suddenly looked confused. "What? Oh, no, I mean, sorry. It's forty-five pounds," she talked into the headset, grinning at the Doctor and Rose, putting her hands on her hips. Her grin fell after a moment, and she rolled her eyes, pointing to the headset. "No, we deliver them," she answered blankly. "Yeap."

The Doctor and Rose stood, both grinning, and waited.

"Three days, usually," Donna continued, sounding more and more rushed. "You'll get a full 21 days' worth of pills, information pack, and an Adipose Industries pendant. Look, could I call you back in a bit?" she flicked the Doctor and Rose another excited glance. Donna did a 'winding up' hand signal to them, nodding. "Yes, I promise. Okay – okay – bye!" she pipped the last quickly, wrenching the headset from her head and pressing the call end button at the same time. "Phew! That one had a mouth on it!" she laughed, then in two steps, closed the gap between them and hugged both Rose and the Doctor at the same time.

Rose laughed, hugging back.

"What are you two doing here? I don't believe it! You're even wearing the same suit!" she cried, aghast, hitting the Doctor. "Dont you ever change?" Donna pulled back, and her smile suddenly dropped, as did her tone as her eyes widened. "Wait. Oh, bugger. There's not something dodgy going on here, is there?"

The Doctor opened his mouth but before he could answer-

"Please don't tell me it's another bloody big scorpion! Oh," she turned away, grabbing a handbag. "Knew I should've taken that data entry job in Hackney. But no," she rolled her eyes at them. "Dumb old Donna was taken in by the thought of a sales commission, wasn't she?"

Rose began to notice the other staff taking interest in all the noise Donna was making.

"Uh, Donna?" the Doctor tried to butt in, also noticing the interest from the other staff.

She jostled the handbag over shoulder. "Come on. Tell me what's going on over lunch," she marched past them, linking Rose's elbow in hers as she passed. Rose laughed, as Donna lead them to the lift, and the Doctor hurried into step after them. "My treat!" she called back to him.


They sat in a crowded sandwich shop, Donna talking the whole time.

Rose had to admit, Donna looked a lot happier then the last time they'd seen her. She was bright, bubbly and excited; told them about how she'd travelled a bit of Egypt, and had a couple of other temp jobs to fund her travels, the latest with the call centre at Adipose.

"So, enough about me," she waved her hand, dismissive, shaking a packet of sugar before upending it into her latte. "What were you two doing skulking around Adipose?"

"I wasn't skulking!" the Doctor defended, turning to Rose. "I don't skulk, do I?"

Rose laughed. "We were so skulking," she teased him, grinning and sticking her tongue between her teeth, before turning back to Donna. "Didn't really figure out what for," she shrugged.

"Investigating!" the Doctor pointed at Donna triumphantly. "We were investigating. There, much less creepy thank skulking."

Donna laughed now. "All right, investigating, then. What's up?"

The Doctor breathed in, and paused before responding. "Not sure," he exhaled.

Rose hit him on the arm quickly. "You been dragging me around all morning and you don't know why?"

The Doctor retorted just as quickly. "Yes, well, I wanted to make sure before making any accusations, didn't I?"

"Still bickering like an old married couple then," Donna was trying not to laugh at them again.

Rose flushed, and noticed the Doctor turning red as well.

"C'mon, Doctor," Donna carried on. "What's tickled your fancy? Maybe I can help?" she smirked. "Been working the call centre for a couple of month's now. Was there for the millionth sale," she raised her eyebrows at them, obviously expecting an impressed response.

"One million?" the Doctor gaped. "They've sold diet pills to a million Londoners?"

"Must be more than a million now," Donna sipped.

The Doctor leaned forward. "Donna, have there been any reported side effects? Any anomalies, or people it didn't work on?"

She shrugged. "None. They're calling it a miracle drug. Whoever invented it must be raking in a fortune."

"I'll say," Rose muttered, frowning, a small spark in the back of her mind firing. It was now, officially, sounding kind of fishy. Nothing had a reported 100% hit rate, without a cover-up of some kind.

The Doctor turned back to Rose. "No side effects and no failures," he stated. "Twenty-first century Earth medicine just isn't that efficient."

Donna glanced between the pair of them, her eyes wide again. "Is it aliens?"

He mustn't have heard Donna, turning quickly back to her. "Donna, do you have any access to client records?"

Donna nodded. "'Course. Can't sell to them otherwise."

He leaned forward slightly. "Couldn't get me a copy of that list, could you?"


Rose wrapped on a door, as Donna tucked the section of the list she'd printed out back into her handbag. The Doctor was visiting a different house a few streets away.

A fairly large woman opened the door, looking as though she was getting ready to go out.

"Stacy Campbell?" Donna smiled.

The woman regarded them both a moment. "Who wants to know?"

"I'm Zezi, this is Davina," Rose introduced as Donna flashed her card. "We represent Adipose Industries and you're on the list of our valued customers," she smiled.

At the mention of Adipose Industries, Stacy's face lit up with a smile, and she let them in, without a second glance at Donna's ID card.


Donna looked oddly to Rose as Stacy ducked off to the bathroom, asking them to call her if her taxi arrived.

"Zezi and Davina, are you mad?" Donna whispered.

Rose shrugged as she cast her eyes over Stacy's lounge room. A tiny, golden pendant in the shape of a pill was sitting at eye height near a photo frame, and Rose took it with a frown, turning back to Donna. "What's this?"

Donna stepped in front of Rose and took the pendant. "It's a gift. We give them away with the Adipose packs. Bit gimmicky if you ask me," she raised her eyebrows down at it, twisting the two sides of the pill. "They wouldn't let staff have them, of course. Couple of the others swiped a few, I think, though."

Donna cut herself off as a cry came from the bathroom.

Rose took a step toward the stairs. "Stacy? You all right?"

"Yeah," they heard Stacy's uneasy reply.

Rose and Donna barely moved, staring at one another, listening and waiting.

Then; "What?" they heard Stacy cry. "What are you? What are you?"

Donna and Rose raced up the stairs.

"Stacy?" Rose called. "You sure you all right?"

"Stacy?" Donna asked as well.

There was another cry from within, and then she called for them. "Help me! Oh my god, help me!"

Rose and Donna looked at each other. Donna had fear in her eyes. Rose tried turning the bathroom door handle, and found it to be locked.

"What is it, what's wrong?" Donna called.

Instead of answers, they heard more strangled cries coming from the bathroom.

"Stacy!" Donna cried.

There was a scream from Stacy, then, suddenly, nothing.

"We've got to help her!" Donna cried.

"I'm trying!" Rose took a step back and kicked at the door a couple of times.

"Oh, sod this!" Donna bashed at the door with her handbag, then kicked at it as well.

They finally broke through, one of the hinges on the door bending. Rose glanced around for Stacy, but couldn't see her. There was a pile of familiar looking purple clothes on the floor, though.

Donna gasped and grabbed Rose's arm. "What the bloody hell is that?!" she cried.

A small, potato-sized creature was waving at them from the window sill, then jumped out.

"She's gone," Rose blinked, moving to the window, feeling a wave of sadness wash over her.

Donna joined her, still gaping. "You mean, Stacy's..." she trailed off, pointing to the street below. "Become those things?"

Rose opened her mouth to answer, then paused, squinting outside into the darkness. Something moving, running along the street.

It was the Doctor. He raced past Stacy's flat, holding something out in front of him.

"C'mon!" Rose jumped into gear, hurrying out of the bathroom toward the stairs.


A taxi pulled up outside the flat.

The driver called out. "Stacy Campbell?"

Rose raced past him, without a second glance. She heard Donna answer, sounding sad.

"No, she's gone."

Why was she gone – and where, Rose wondered? She kept running in the direction they'd seen the Doctor racing by a moment ago. Neither the strange little potato-thing, nor the Doctor, were in sight any longer.

Rose rounded the corner into the next street, and saw the Doctor standing on the spot, spinning around, holding up a device in his hand. He looked disappointed.

She slowed to a stop, watching him. He looked up to her, shaking his head.

Rose pursed her lips and nodded, resigned. They'd lost it.


Donna lead them back to her apartment, plonking a cup of tea in front of each of them before taking a seat herself.

"S'pose I'll have to move back home again," she commented idly, "with Adipose 'bout to be exposed," she rolled her eyes at them, trying to laugh.

Rose glanced at the Doctor, and sipped her tea.

He'd already grilled them for every detail they could recall of Stacy Campbell, and the strange little potato-shaped creature that had waved at them from the window sill. He was in deep thought, and didn't speak, fiddling with Stacy's golden pill-shaped pendant, frowning.

Rose turned back to Donna. "You'll get another job. Maybe you can keep this place?"

Donna laughed. "It's too good for me anyway, like my mum always says," she shook her head. "Could only manage it with the sales commissions anyway. It's expensive, living in London on your own," she nodded knowingly to Rose, then seemed to rethink. "You've got a pretty sweet deal there, kiddo."

Rose smiled kindly, shaking her head. "Mum can barely afford the rent at the council flats."

Donna's eyes widened. "...mum? Rose, I thought-?"

"Oh!" Rose remembered. They'd met up with Donna right after Rose had first thought her mum was gone. "No, sorry – we found her!" she grinned. "Wasn't killed or sucked into hell or anything! She's fine!"

Donna beamed. "That's brilliant! Oh, I'm so happy for you."

"Bio-flip digital stitch," the Doctor muttered, to himself, inspecting the pendant closely.

Both women turned to him, Rose issuing a 'what?'.

The Doctor regarded them, then held the pendant forward. "Donna," he started slowly. "You were fiddling with this before Stacy disappeared, right?"

Donna nodded idly, then her eyes widened. "Oh, god. I didn't...kill her, did I?"

The Doctor shook his head very quickly. "Don't say that."

Rose leaned toward the golden pill. "It's a trigger?"

The Doctor nodded.

Donna moaned. "I did, didn't I?"

The Doctor's eyes snapped to Donna again, warningly. "I told you, don't say that. You haven't killed anyone Donna, Stacy was dead from the moment she signed onto Adipose Industries fat-busting contract. And you're helping us to stop any more deaths from happening."

Rose turned to Donna, who was nodding slowly, her mouth clasped shut, her eyes a little watery. She felt compelled to reassure, and distract the woman. "Donna, tell us about that woman, Miss Foster. Do you think she knows what's going on? Is she behind these little fat monsters?"

Donna was shaking her head, her eyes still bright. "I dunno. Barely saw her. Miss Foster only showed up in the call centre when she wanted more sales out of us," she turned to Rose sadly. "Rose, what's going on? Is Miss Foster an alien or something?"

"Foster, of course!" the Doctor thundered, standing abruptly and making both women startle. "Of course!" he repeated, wild eyed to Rose. "Oh, I should've guessed it! This isn't a pill!" he thundered, holding up the golden pendant and standing. "It's the spark of life!"

Rose flashed a glance at Donna, who still looked startled. She turned back to the Doctor, quickly.

"Doctor, what do you mean?" she said definitely. "Who's Miss Foster, do you recognise the potatoes or something?"

The Doctor was on a roll. He grinned down at the pair of them. "They're her foster children! The potato aliens," he dismissed the name quickly, rethinking. "The Adipose," he grated. "They're the by-product!" he cried triumphantly.

"By-product of what, human beings?" Donna cut in. "That's just sick!"

"We have to stop her," Rose stated the obvious.

"Oh, but it's brilliant!" the Doctor's abruptness again caused both women to startle. "The fat literally gets up and walks away! As a living, breathing, conscious baby Adipose!"


Once the Doctor had worked it out, the rest was quite simple. They confronted Miss Foster, whose name was really Matron Cofelia of the Five-Straighten Classabindi Nursery Fleet, Intergalactic Class (try saying that five times after a few glasses of wine, Donna had muttered to Rose).

They'd learnt that the Apipose usually only converted fat, but in a crisis, such as with Stacy Campbell, they could convert bone, hair and internal organs as well. When Miss Foster's bodyguards pointed guns at them, the Doctor issued his usual 'run!' command, and he, Rose and Donna ended the conversation and ran for their lives.

"It's always like this with you two, isn't it?!" Donna called out.

"Oh yes!" the Doctor grinned back, looking as though he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

They dashed along a deserted corridor, the Doctor skidding to a halt at one point and turning ninety-degrees into a storage cupboard. The Doctor started throwing the supplies out of it, handing them to Rose, who looked at the supplies questioningly before tossing them to the ground with a 'CRASH!'.

Donna puffed to a halt next to them. "Well, that's one solution. Hide in a cupboard. I like it!"

The cupboard back opened out to reveal a big green machine built into the wall.

Before the Doctor could fiddle further with the machine in the wall, a computerised voice announced, "Inducer online."

The Doctor looked to the roof a moment, then ran his eyes over the machine urgently. "Oh no no no no no!"

Donna leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. She nodded to Rose. "That's bad, right?"

Rose glanced at Donna, then looked back over the green controls for anything useful, unanswering.

The computerised voice issued another warning.

"Inducer activated."

The Doctor soniced a couple of controls. "No you don't!" he grated.

"What's happening?" Rose called.

"She's started the program," he flashed a wild-eyed glance at her.

The computer voice called out again.

"Inducer transmitting."

Rose cut in over the announcement. "Doctor, what does it mean?!"

He glanced over the green device, no longer sonicing. "So far they're just losing weight, but the Matron has gone up to emergency pathogenesis."

"But she can't!" Rose cried.

"But she is!" he locked eyes with her, desperately. "Skeletons, organs, everything. A million people are gonna die!"

Rose and the Doctor stared at one another. She could tell, from the worry in his eyes, that he didn't know, at that moment, what he could do to prevent it.

Donna butted in, in the end. "Can't you cancel the signal or something?!"

The Doctor tore his eyes away from Rose's and regarded Donna, pointing. "Aha!"

He fished around in his coat pocket, pulling out the golden Adipose pendant and swiftly breaking it in half. "This contains the primary signal. If I can switch it off the fat goes back to being just fat!"

"Here, then!" Donna scrabbled in her handbag a moment, then held out her hand. She presented a fistful of golden Adipose necklaces.

Rose raised an eyebrow at Donna. "A couple of the staff nicked 'em?"

Donna pursed her lips, then rolled her eyes and nodded quickly. "All right, so everyone else was doing it, now will they help or not?"

The Doctor's eyes widened as he spotted Donna's offered pendants. "Donna Noble, you're a genius!" he grabbed them, splitting and adding the circuits to the green machine in the wall, sonicing like mad.

Donna gave Rose an look. "If they save a million lives, you won't be looking at me like that," she trailed off innocently.

Rose continued to smirk.


With the added pendants of Donna's the Doctor had no problem stopping Miss Foster from converting a million people into Adipose. When he gave the all clear signal, he raced away again, heading up stairs. Rose and Donna glanced at one another, then followed him.

A loud horn signalled the arrival of a huge, circular spaceship, as Donna and Rose crashed out after the Doctor onto the rooftop. Donna shielded her eyes from the bright white lights, in awe, while Rose hurried to the Doctor's side, undeterred.

It was the Nursery ship, he told her.

"Children!" Miss Foster didn't appear to have noticed the trio, as she talked to the tiny, potato-shaped aliens. "Oh my children, behold. I am taking you home."

The Adipose cheered in tiny voices.

"Far across the galaxy, your new mummies and daddies are waiting," Miss Foster continued. "And you will fly!"

A blue levitation beam hummed and reached out from the nursery ship. Rose ducked and the Doctor startled, grabbing her arm to hold her back.

"Take me!" Miss Foster cried. "The children need me!"

The Doctor let go of Rose, and stepped forward, toward the mad woman holding her arms up to the blue beams.

"Matron Cofelia, listen to me!" the Doctor called out.

Miss Foster smiled as the blue beams locked onto her, and she started hovering upward. She waved. "Oh, I don't think so, Doctor. And if I never see you again, it will be too soon."

"Oh, why does no one ever listen?" he muttered, then called again. "I'm trying to help!"

Before they could argue further with her, both Rose and Donna jumped, as the blue beam around the Matron Cofelia vanished.

Miss Foster looked more shocked than all of them, as she fell.


Donna looked decidedly depressed, as the Doctor and Rose delivered her to her apartment.

She sighed, dumping her keys on the table inside the door, then flopping on the couch.

"What a day!" she breathed.

The Doctor and Rose stood in the doorway.

"You all right?" the Doctor shuffled his feet, sticking his hands in his pocket. Rose could have sworn that he almost looked...guilty.

Donna glanced at them a moment, then nodded. "You two sticking 'round? Could get some takeaway from the Greek place down the road."

Rose looked up to the Doctor, who was shaking his head, and she frowned at him. Why couldn't they stay around for once, after turning Donna's life upside down (again)?

"Better get on," he nodded, looking uncomfortably between Donna, and the outside world. "Got a...thing to do," he added awkwardly.

Donna laughed. "Whatever you say," she stood up. "Ah, you crazy kids," she hugged Rose. "Pulling my life apart, in front of my eyes," she joked.

Rose frowned up at the Doctor as Donna pulled back. "Donna, I'm sorry, about your job," she rested a hand on Donna's shoulder.

"Oh, stop it," Donna waved, smiling. "It's not your fault," she hugged the Doctor as well. "I'll carry on."

The Doctor hugged her back. "Why don't you come with us?" he offered.

Rose smiled. Why hadn't she thought of that?

Donna barked a laugh, and pulled back from the hug. "You've got to be kidding me, Doctor," she shook her head. "Me, keeping up with you two? You're having a laugh."

"Oh, I dunno," he smiled at Rose, then back at Donna. "I reckon you'd be brilliant at it."

"Come with us," Rose pounced on the idea, urging.

Donna smiled at them, more seriously, shaking her head. "I still have a life here," she stepped back, indicating her lounge room. "How could I travel with you two, see the stars, only to return to this?" she faced them with a bittersweet smile. "It's better, safer for me, if I give this real life gig another go," she winked at them.

Rose smiled back at her, thinking to herself how much braver Donna was than her. She'd thrown 'real life' away as soon as she'd gotten a better offer.

No, she reminded herself quickly. She hadn't given up on real life. The Doctor, and the TARDIS, were her real life now.

They left Donna Noble to her regular, boring, but wonderful life.


To be continued, in Fires of Pompeii...


Thanks so much for the reviews of Voyage of the Damned! It does mean a lot to me, and convinced me to continue with this harebrained scheme, despite knowing that Rose is returning in the canon series this year.

This series from AU perspective is hopefully going to be different to last years, which for the first few episodes, was just a rehash of the series three episodes with Rose instead of Martha (until Rose started leaving a proper impression on things).

This series, we're really going to see how the continued inclusion of Rose has changed events. I've figured out how to end the series too, so I can head toward a goal now!

As for this episode - lots of significant little spoilers and recurring themes in here; hopefully you spotted them all! I had loads of fun with it and it's renewed my enjoyment in writing the series.