I woke up with Stark's arms wrapped around me. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, too, feeling all warm and fuzzy. I closed my eyes, planning on going back to sleep when I remembered everything.
At first, I thought that I had dreamt the entire thing. I thought that after we did the spell that showed that Neferet was the one who had killed my mom, and Dragon died, we went straight to the tunnels and fell asleep here. I'd dreamt that Nyx had appeared to us all, and let us see Jack again.
It wasn't until I thought about what she had asked me to do that I realized it wasn't a dream. It was all real. The cold, hard knot in my stomach assured me that it was real.
Stark stirred beside me. I tried to get up slowly and quietly so that I didn't wake him, but his eyes popped open the moment I stood up.
"Hey." he said with a smile on his face.
"Oh, uh, hey." I replied. I looked to the ground and then back at him. I was holding my stomach as though I thought it would explode. It felt like it might, the way it was tossing and turning.
He sat up, still leaning on his elbows. "What's-" He was going to ask me what was wrong, but he stopped. I could tell by the look on his face that he had remembered what Nyx had asked of us. He got up quickly and came over to me. Taking my chin into his hands, he said, "Hey, it's all going to be alright. Nyx is on our side. She's going to help us."
"I know. It's just…"
"I know." He dropped my face and wrapped his arms around me. "It's not going to be easy, but we'll get through this."
I just nodded. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to voice my worries for fear that if I did, they would come true.
"The sun's down. Let's go get this over with." he whispered.
I pulled away and looked into his face. "You can't go. You heard what Nyx said."
He stared into my face for a long time, and I could tell that he was struggling with the plan. Finally, he sighed and said, "I know. I don't like it, but I know. Nyx said she wouldn't let anything happen to you, and I believe her. Go. I'll go talk to everyone. You know if you don't go now, they'll never let you go by yourself."
I was about to tell him I knew he was right when he kissed me hard. We stayed like that for a long time. When he pulled away, he said, "Don't say anything. Just go. I love you. I believe in you." He gave me one last kiss on the forehead before walking out of our room.
I took a deep breath and walked out the door. Stark must have gone fast because he wasn't anywhere to be seen. I went as fast as I could to the basement of the old depot, so fast that if anyone was in the kitchen, I didn't see them. They probably didn't see me, either.
When I was in the basement, I took a deep breath and tried to center myself. I didn't have the elements to help me because Nyx had taken my affinities. I know she said she never takes anything away, and she was telling the truth. She was going to keep them until we got the plan done, and then give them back to me. If I backed out of the plan, she would give them back the second I decided I didn't want to do it. If I had my affinities, Kalona wouldn't trust me in the basement of the depot.
I knew it was weird that Kalona had gone into the tunnels with Rephaim - who was doing way better, by the way - while he was injured. Nyx had told us that he had only done so because no one with an earth affinity had been there.
As soon as I felt capable, I walked out of the basement and into the main floor of the depot. Once there, I sat down and closed my eyes. I tried to imagine that I was in the earth. Soon, after taking plenty of deep breaths, I was actually there.
I was A-ya, and I was in the ground with Kalona wrapped in my arms. It felt right being there. I felt so much love for him, it almost made me cry. I knew that this time I wouldn't go back to the earth. This time, I would stay there with him.
I opened my eyes, knowing that the part of me that was A-ya had taken over my body. When she - well, me, but it was a little different - took over, it was as if my body was acting without thinking. Surprisingly, that made my mission a little easier than I thought it was going to be.
I took a deep breath and - instead of yelling like I thought I would - said softly, "Kalona, my love. Come to me. I need you."
I sat there for what seemed like ages. I thought of the years Kalona and I had spent in the earth, trapped in each other's arms. I could literally feel his touch, smell his skin. In A-ya's eyes, he was a part of her. They belonged together.
Too soon I stood up. I could no longer think about Kalona and I in the earth. Instead, I was totally focused on Kalona. I could feel his presence above me. I knew that he was flying around, wanting to come to me, but scared of what might happen.
"Do not fear me, my love. Come to me. I will not let anything happen to you." I whispered.
His response was almost automatic in my head.
I will not go down there. A-ya, please, come to the roof. Meet me there.
I was torn. The part of me that was Zoey wanted to stay down here, so that if anything bad happened, we would be sheltered and close to the earth. The part of me that was A-ya wanted to run to the roof and take Kalona in her arms. Reluctantly, I let her take the lead.
I tried not to think about what was going to happen. It was strange of Nyx to ask me to do something so…inappropriate. But as she told me that plan and answered my questions, I knew that what she had come up with was perfect and right.
As soon as I opened the door to the roof, he was there. Kalona took me into his arms. I automatically felt the familiar cold yet still hot touch of his body.
"A-ya, my love. You have come back to me." he whispered.
I turned my head up to him. "Yes, Kalona. Dear one. But our…" Again, I was torn. The Zoey part of me knew that what she was about to say would change everything, and not for good, either. The A-ya part of me not only knew that this was supposed to happen, but wanted it to. I finally let her speak the words she was going to before I interrupted. "Our meeting cannot be done up here."
Kalona's eyes widened. Obviously he was surprised that I had invited him to have sex with me so soon. That surprise lasted only a second. He tensed and said, "I will not go into the earth. Not again, A-ya. Why would you try to do that to me again?"
He sounded so hurt. Suddenly, I was no longer Zoey anymore. No part of Zoey existed in this body. Or maybe I did, I just knew that deep down I had wanted to make him happy and good, so I gave in and wanted the same thing as A-ya.
I touched his face as I said, "Oh, my love. I will never do that to you again! I love you so. I just want it to be more…private. Not in the earth, just not so above it, either."
For a moment, he looked like he would give in. I was smiling up at him, with all the love I could put into my face. Out of nowhere, his grip on me tightened, and even though I was afraid of what he would do next, it sent a chill of desire running through me. "No, I will not go there. I want you here. Now."
He kissed me hard and started to mess with my… Skirt? How could that be? I had been wearing pajamas when I went into the depot. I realized with a start that when I had allowed A-ya to take over me, my clothes had changed into her moccasin skirt and blouse. I guess it shouldn't have seemed so impossible to me. After all, I knew magick existed.
I grabbed his hand with unremarkable strength and said, confidently, "No. Not here. You will have me down there, or nowhere at all. I am yours, but you will respect me."
Damn. I'd had no idea A-ya was so…brave. I - the Zoey part - was scared of what would happen. A-ya was not.
Kalona stopped what he was doing with my skirt and looked into my eyes. They were hard and full of passion. He threw his head back and laughed. When he looked back at me, his eyes were filled with humor but hadn't lost their passion. "I forget how demanding you are, my A-ya. Of course, my love. Let us go."
He picked me up and practically flew down the stairs with me, he was so fast. Once we were in the depot, I pointed to one of the rooms. "Go there."
I hadn't really had to say where to go once I had pointed. He was already going there.
The room wasn't all that large, but it was good enough to be a small classroom. There was an old desk in the back that looked like it was about to crumble to pieces. Kalona automatically went behind it. I was surprised to see that there was a blanket laying there on the ground, nice and neat. It even had a pillow at the top of it. At closer examination, I realized it was my pillow, but I didn't recognize the blanket.
"Did you lay this here?" he asked.
A-ya wanted to tell the truth, but only because she knew that she was going to lose him and she didn't want to. Zoey knew better. I knew that if I told him I hadn't put that there, he would be suspicious of me. "Yes, my love." I whispered. He gave a fast nod and then set to it.
He laid me down and undressed himself. The sight of his naked body was remarkable. There was no way I could even try to resist him now. He was beautiful, a true god worthy of everyone's admiration. His skin glistened with the sweat of anticipated passion. It made his already gold body glow, and brought out the creases of his muscles.
He watched me as I stripped off my clothes, slowly. Zoey had come to the front of my mind, but not my body. I'd made A-ya strip slowly so that I could think about my next move. There was something that I wanted to do, but I was afraid of what it would do. Finally, I decided.
Laying there naked, I struggled with A-ya to retain my body. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to make love to Kalona, and be with her lover yet again. With a horrible scream in my mind, she let me take my body over.
Kalona had come to rest over me, both of us naked. He was about to get ready for the, uh, love-making, when he looked into my face.
I said, "Wait," just as he said, "Zoey?"
"Yes. It's me."
"What did you do with A-ya?" Kalona's face was a mask of anger.
I felt my eyes water. I'd known that this was going to be hard, but not this hard. I hadn't realized until this moment that the entire time I had been trying to get him to come here and sleep with me that I had wanted him to come for me, not A-ya. For once, I wasn't going to feel guilty about relationship drama. Stark had known what was going to happen while we made the plan. Hell, he knew what was going to happen when he sent me up here!
A tear slipped out as I said, "I haven't done anything with her. She's a part of me. You said so yourself. She's still here."
I didn't think Kalona would understand what I was feeling. I thought he would just try to make me bring A-ya back so they could do their dirty deed. Instead, he surprised me, as usual. He reached up and wiped the tear from my cheek. "Of course she is. Zoey, what is wrong?"
"I… I…" I didn't know how to finish. I didn't know how to explain any of this to him. I just knew that I wanted him to understand that I was doing this for him. Because no matter how bad he was, no matter what he did, I loved him. There was an ancient part of me that loved him and would never, ever quit.
He shushed me by putting a finger to my lips. As he reached for his clothes, he said, "It's alright, Zoey."
"No!" I yelled. I realized then that Kalona did have good still inside him. He hadn't lost everything when he fell from Nyx's kingdom. It made me want this so much more. What surprised me, though, was that there was a part of me, Zoey, that felt just like A-ya. I didn't want to do this because I knew that I would lose him. But I also knew that he wasn't the one I was meant to be with. He would be better after he did this. He would be good again.
"Zoey, you want this? But…why?" His voice had gone from soft and loving, to hard and suspicious. I knew I was going to have to do some explaining, even though I didn't want to. I was afraid of what he would say. Actually, I was scared of how he was going to say it. How he would reject me. Would he treat me like a little girl, and explain that he liked me but loved A-ya? Or would he be blunt and horrible, telling me that he would never love someone like me?
I sat up and grabbed his face in mine. The love for him that I had given into when I let A-ya take over just wouldn't go away. I couldn't help what I was feeling for him. "Kalona, I-I don't know how to explain this to you. I…just…" I let the sentence trail off, giving him a little peck on the mouth. I laid back down, looking anywhere but at him as I felt the burning in my cheeks and the tears running down them.
"You…love me." he whispered, more to himself than to me. I nodded, not trusting my voice. I knew that if I said something, I would just wind up screaming, "Yes! I love you! I love you!" If I did anything like that, most likely someone would hear it, and I didn't want that happening.
"You love me!" he whispered again, this time sounding more confident. He bent down and kissed me. It wasn't a passionate, yearning kiss. It was sweet and gentle, like he thought he would break me.
After a few sweet kisses, I broke away from him and said, "Tell me you love me, too." After I said it, I searched his eyes, wondering what was going through his head. A-ya was screaming inside me. She wanted me to let her go so that she could be with him. What she didn't know was that I was just baiting her.
Nyx had told me last night that I - Zoey - would have to be the one to sleep with Kalona, not A-ya. She had talked me through everything. She told me how I could let A-ya out to call to him and get him to be with me. She said that I should call A-ya out and let her lead Kalona down into the depot to have sex, but as soon as we started doing so I would have to push A-ya back and let Zoey back in control. Only then would our plan work.
But it would also work if I was the one he started having sex with.
Thinking about it now, I wonder if I really did have to have sex with Kalona for the plan to work. Nyx had said that we needed to be connected, and I understood that, but wouldn't it have worked with us just hugging or something. I guess it would, but I think having sex with him would be better because then it would be a sure thing that we were connected and it would be harder for him to pull away.
After what seemed like forever, Kalona whispered, "I love you." I was about to open my mouth to tell him to say he loved me, Zoey, and not A-ya when he put his fingers on my lips again. "I love you, Zoey."
His lips found mine again, and we kissed for a while. I felt like my body was going to burst into flames. I was nervous, because I wasn't A-ya anymore, and also because I knew what the outcome of this would be. Nyx hadn't assured me that it would work and I was scared of that.
When my lips felt like they were about to fall off from all the kissing, Kalona pulled away from me. He had passion in his eyes again, and I knew that it was for me this time and not A-ya. I'd never thought that there could be a flaw on Kalona, but his lips were red and a little swollen from all the kissing we had done. Instead of it making him look kind of like a fish - like it would on most people - it made him look even hotter.
"Are you ready, love?" he whispered, still looking into my eyes.
"I'm…nervous." I admitted. It was a lot easier to admit that than I thought it would be.
"Don't be. I will help you all the way through it. We will be together." He stared at me for another beat and must've noticed that I was still nervous because he whispered, "I love you."
That thawed my nerves. And I do mean totally and completely thawed them. I, again, felt the heat go through my body, and this time I wanted him with every fiber of my being. "Come to me, my love."
In the back of my mind, I thought that A-ya had been rubbing off on me because I had never called anyone "my love" before. But at that moment, I wasn't paying attention to anything but the fact that Kalona and I were getting ready to have sex.
My heart was fluttering at a million miles an hour. When the moment finally came, I stopped breathing for a moment. When I was able to take another breath, we rocked together. A moan escaped my lips and I stopped breathing for the second time. It was harder to take another breath, and alarms started going off in the back of my head.
It was happening. It was time. I had wanted to scream that I didn't want it to happen yet; that I wanted more time with him. But I knew that it was now or never. With the third breath, right before I let go of my body, I whispered, "I love you." I barely heard his returned love before I totally disappeared.
