"Lily… You look beautiful, just like your mother." My father said, looking at my reflection in the mirror, tears gleaming at the corners of his eyes. He had never gotten over losing my mother, and thus, never remarried, leaving me the only heir to the throne. That meant I had to marry someone as soon as possible, despite my personal feelings. My father, a believer in finding true love, hated the idea, but knew he had to deal with it.

"Thank you, Papa. Wherever Mother is I hope I am making her proud."

"You are, and don't ever doubt that." My father left as I gazed at my reflection. My lilac dress was thin and gossamer compared to the giant ball gowns most other girls wanted to wear. My gown defined my curves, whereas the latter would have made me look like a giant cream puff. I placed a copy of my mother's tiara on my head. The only difference was that my gems were purple instead of green.

I made a brave face and left my room. My Aunt Peach was waiting outside the door, ready to escort me in the place of my mother.

"There are three suitors here tonight, Lily." She remarked enthusiastically.

"Oh, really now. Tell me more, I beg of you." I answered sarcastically.

"No one wants you to do this, you know. Your father wants you to meet your soul mate, not become espoused to a complete stranger."

"Just tell me who the damned suitors are."

"You have your mother's proclivity for swearing. Anyway, there is Prince Aashiq of the Desert Kingdom. He is nice and strong looking. Then, there is Damien. He rules the people of the Haunted Grounds. A little pale, but definitely pleasing to the eye. And finally, Henri, king of the Cloud Lands. He seems to be a bit on the… ah… fruity side."

"The only one that sounds remotely interesting is Damien because his kingdom is full of ghosts. But that is honestly about it."

"You chose this, sweetie."

"I know. But if it weren't for me being the only heir—"

"Shh, Shh. We're here, now be nice to the suitors."

We walked into the ballroom where my father could be seen finishing his speech about my birthday and how I got to pick a suitor. Wahoo! It was entirely convenient that we had made just in time for me to make my grand entrance, with no opportunity to be fashionably late. I was a little bit disappointed.

"Now, I, King Bowser Koopa, present to you my daughter, Princess Lily. May one of you fine lads win your way into her heart. Now, love, you may choose whom you would like to dance with first." My father was forcing a smile as he said this. Did I mention that he was totally against this in the first place?

The three suitors were lined up in a row. Prince Damien looked just as bored as I felt, so naturally I picked him, to the surprise of everyone in the room.

"So, umm, Princess, why exactly did you choose me?" Damien inquired. He had black hair that fell down to his shoulders and grey eyes that seemed to be overflowing with sadness. For whatever reason, that broke my heart and I was filled with the urge to make him happy.

"Henri seems like he has a stick shoved up his ass and Aashiq is flirting with anything that may or may not have a vagina, inviting the assumption that he is a tool-bag. You, on the other hand, appear to be normal."

"My kingdom consists of dead people and you think I'm normal."

"Normal enough for me. And please, call me Lily."

"Alright then, Lily. Such a pretty name…" Damien smiled sheepishly, the kind of smile that made young girls go red in the face. And yes, I qualify as a young girl.

"Alright, alright. Enough hogging the princess, some other people need a turn." The heavy Middle Eastern accent made it way too obvious that the speaker was Aashiq.

"Why, uh, yes, sir. Of course," Damien replied reluctantly.

I got into dancing formation with the desert prince. He had golden brown skin, a shiny bald head, and dark brown eyes. His smirk was that of an egotistical prick.

"Why, Lily, you would make a fine edition to my harem," Aashiq remarked. Harem? Seriously? The first thing he says to me is about his freaking harem?! I could already tell this was not going to work.

"Gee, that sure sounds…lovely, Aashiq. However, I am unsure that would be very beneficial to me, considering I have to stay within my kingdom and provide a definite heir…"

"Nonsense, we would be able to work it out!" He planted his hand firmly on my ass. Time to get myself out of this mess.

"Aren't I supposed to also have a dance with Henri?"

"You mean the French speaking guy swapping spit with his male attendant?"

"Yeah, he is also a suitor you know, sexual orientations put aside."

"Don't waste your time. He would not be able to impregnate you, due to him lacking the ability to get off to chicks. And that emo-looking kid seems too incompetent to rule a kingdom. I'm your best bet."

"I should get going—"

"No, stay." He forced my body closer to his, squeezing my ass to the point of discomfort.

"Hey, dick-wad, fuck off."

"Who dares to talk that way to me—" Damien had come to my rescue, punching Aashiq square in the jaw.

"Come on, Lily, let's go!" He grabbed my hand and we ran off through the ballroom and down the hall. We eventually made our way to the balcony, where we sat on a bench trying to catch our breath.

"That was really cool of you. Punching Aashiq the way you did." I looked at Damien. I could tell that he was blushing, it really wasn't that hard considering how pale he was.

"No problem. He was openly molesting you. That isn't how you treat a lady. It's sickening."

"I take it that you have a lot of experience with the ladies?"

"Honestly? Not at all." He reached his hand over to mine and tried to hold it. I let him. He was clearly as new to this as I was. Besides, he was kind of cute.

"Lily, Lily! There you are!" It was my cousin, Francesco. He was Aunt Peach's son, his father being the ever famous Super Mario. "Everyone has been looking for you two! Come on, now."

"Fine, Frankie, we're coming. Let's go, Damien. We don't want to send everyone into a riot."

"But that would be kind of fun…" Damien protested.

"Yep, Frankie. I think I like this one."

And that, is where shit hit the fan. I would love to say that we went back to the party, I announced that I chose Damien to be my husband and we commenced to produce some baby batter. However, life is not that easy, and lemonade is a bitch to make if you aren't using the pre-packaged flavored sugar stuff they sell at the grocery store.

The moment we got up to leave, a sickening, black smoke filled the entire area. I felt someone stuff my head into a bad, grab onto my waist and carry me off. This was so cliché I actually laughed a little bit. Quietly, of course. I wasn't up for dying quite yet.

After what felt like forever, the bag was finally removed from my head, and I was pleased to see that my crown managed to stay on. That, in of itself, was a miracle. The part that sucked, however, was that I was in what appeared to be a dungeon cell, with nothing but one of those piranha plant things to accompany me. Not Petey Piranha, the guy who played baseball with my family, but one that I assumed he was closely related to. He was kind of standing there, several tentacle-esque vines swinging back in forth around his body.

Wait.

Vines.

Tentacle-esque vines.

He did look awfully hungry…

I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going.

Gross.