Floor 35, Krystal December 24 2020

The leather wrapping of the sword hilt dug into my hand, uncaring for the metal-laced black gloves protecting my avatar from the biting cold of the winter dungeon.

I held it out from habit instead of will to survive. I could've cared less if the Naughty Dark Elves that stalked this forest dungeon got a lucky hit. Not anymore. Five people are dead because of me. An entire guild of middle school kids barely half my level are now sitting in some Nagano morgue with fried synapses because I shoved my damn foot in my mouth and lied through my teeth. They honestly thought I was level 20? Doesn't matter anymore. They're gone, and it was my fault.

Argo claimed the Christmas dungeon boss dropped a revival item. It was a rumor. Gossip, speculation, a possibility. Either way, something good comes from this, I find a way to revive Sachi, or I die a fool's death. Erased by the boss. Alone, suffering and broken. At least that way I get what I deser-

"Kirito? What are you doing here man?" Snapping my eyes up to the left entrance in the area, I saw Klein and the rest of the Fuurinkazan clad in the red samurai-inspired armor. "...hey Klein..." I addressed weakly. Klein knew I was hurt by losing the Black Cats. The half-hearted greeting didn't help his concern. "Kirito why are you out here by yourself? This is pretty deep in," as Klein spoke he summoned his map with one hand. "If you're gonna grind for the higher level monsters, you should at least let your friends know..."

I flinched at 'let friends know' because that was exactly what I didn't want to do in this situation. Looking back up, Klein had frozen with his finger hovering on the dismissal of his map, his eyes were wide with a twinkle of fear in them. Stepping forward, Klein grasped my sleeve, "NO! Nononononono NO! You are NOT going on a suicide mission!" I flinched again. He must've seen the boss room was the next room over. "There's a chance Klein. I can't waste it. I can bring at least one back..." Klein seemed to deflate, shaking his head with tears stinging his eyes. "...Kazuto...man, you have to let go...she's gone..."

Tears fell freely and I snapped. I couldn't handle it. "WHAT DO I HAVE LEFT YOU WEEABOO BASTARD! WHAT DO I HAVE DAMMIT!" I fell to my knees, retching out a long, crackling, pained, bellowing wail... Shooting upright I grabbed my best friend's wrist, sword still held in his hand, and brought the blade to my throat. "DO IT! FUCKING END ME! THEY DIED! EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM. WHILE I GOT OUT WITH BARELY A SCRATCH! ...why do I deserve to live when I led them to their deaths? " I couldn't stop trembling, "This is your katana. There are many blades like it, but this one is yours! DO IT!" This is what I've fallen to. Incoherently referencing Full Metal Jacket, begging my closest friend to take my life.

Klein took a step back in shock, dropping his sword with a soft 'pwiphth' as the tip sank into the fresh fallen snow. A beat passed before his gloved hand came down gently on my shoulder, the soft shift in the snow telling me he'd dropped to a knee. "Kazuto? Look at me." I obliged. "You have plenty left to fight for... friends like me who care for you enough to look for you when you disappear like this... but who's probably watching right now? On your player stream?" ...Damn him...and damn me for telling him about Sugu and my life back home... She was probably bawling right now. Shouting at me blindly through the screen to stop..."Kazuto...do you know what kind of reputation you're building among the civies?" I shook my head in confusion. "Heh," Klein smiled weakly, "you've become a living legend. A silent, black-clad merc hardly charging a thing to grind, escort, or rescue. Ever since you took that job on floor 5, the low level red guilds have almost disappeared. One of them even turned themselves in. The. Entire. Guild. All because you put their tank in critical red with one strike on that job. They call you the Black Swordsman. You're as big a hero as the top guild leaders man! And if you vanished..."

Realization hit me. I'd become a leader... even if the clearers hated me… fine... Fine...dammit… I'll have to grit my teeth, swallow my own needs and lead… I can't disappear, not yet. My hand wrapped around the hilt of my sword. I stood and started moving toward the boss entrance. "Kazuto... what are you doing?" I turned toward him, my proximity to the edge of the clearing causing the portal to ripple. A breeze picked up, billowing my coattails. I took a strained, centering breath before looking over my shoulder, "What am I doing? ...Well it imagine what would happen if word spread of the Black Swordsman soloing a boss? So, you wanna know what I'm doing? I'm Leading." Leaving no time to respond I pushed forward lunging into the boss arena.