A Nightmare Remembered

Chapter 2: An Intangible Bond

She scratched at the ground, gripping the dead leaves between her fingers. Anything to feel just that much closer to...oh whatever it was. That was the problem. What was it that she was trying to feel closer to? In fact what was that thing that she was feeling at all? A ghost? Some sort of entity that demanded every bit of her attention, virtually every hour of the day. However it wasn't always faceless. From time to time, it would take some sort of form. Whether in her dreams or as a wisp in the corner of her eye. Her mind was torn, her heart felt as if it was in poorly replaced pieces, falling apart again one by one.

Everyday was a little bit harder and a little vaguer than the next. At the beginning it was different. She could still smell the spice of that air. She could feel the chilling, creeping breeze. A soft touch and a voice. Comforting, sure and loving. Something...someone special. She felt a tiny smile tug at the corner of her lips. Suddenly, thunder clouds formed over head and began to rumble and roar. Before she could be completely pulled from her thoughts, rain began to litter the ground around her.

She didn't want to leave her spot. She knew if she did, it would just get harder. At the beginning it was easy, but today, at that moment in the rain and gray, all she could see was a shadow, tall, slender, and haunting. All she could feel was a ghost, an entity, whispering silently in her ear at night, lightly brushing against her mind, and sadly, fading with every passing day. It had been five years since this feeling began and even those memories were skewed.

She could make out through the annoying mist in her mind, a cold night...Halloween night. Several screams, a figure in black, running and then, nothing. Blank. Mostly, she convinced herself it was all a dream, her next memory being waking up in her foster home, same as always. However that was had been years ago now, four to be precise. Things were much different now than they were when she was 17. Her stress and worries had tripled since then, with college, work and other projects she was currently in. There were many instances where she felt she could no longer take the worry and frustration. It was at times like that where this shadow of a feeling seemed to help. They would creep gently upon her, like a fluttering breeze on her cheek. There were times where she would lie in bed and feel a touch upon her hand, a gentle caress of the arm. Words would ring within her head, as vague and innocent as a childhood memory, and just as dear to her.

Eve, if I ever did anything to hurt you, I would never forgive myself…

Maybe being abnormal in a world where being such is actually normal means….

Might mean that you…belong here?

Please do just one thing for me before this dream turns into a nightmare…

Eve I don't want to lose you again…

I love you…

Kiss me, J-

And then everything, although more confusing they may be, was nice. But this was never always the case. In her times of most joy, powerful waves of overwhelming feelings would break over her and take her down. Feelings of sadness, longing, and abandonment, but above all betrayal. However this feeling seemed to follow a type of pattern, as she not long found. Whenever she was romanced or courted by men, this feeling came like a slap in the face. Something always, always, reminded her. She was at fault, but for what, she knew not and this, among many things, she pondered at. And that was why at this very moment she was on her knees, begging this feeling to manifest, to answer her. Something had recently happened and this feeling expanded and grew, tormenting her dreams with visions of black forests, creatures of the night, and a tall, nameless figure, blurred by time and memory.

As she laid there, cold and wet, she more felt rather than heard what words manifested in her mind at that next moment. For a moment she was overshadowed by this and the words fell from her lips.

"Do not give away what has already been given. Do not break, when it is already broken. Do not relinquish what cannot be reclaimed, for rarity is this nature of this undisclosed desire. Think, feel, do and do not. Love truly and true love with not falter. Remember him."

Eve shook herself of this shadow and fell on her hands and knees. She could feel the tears well within her eyes. A pit of the purest sorrow grew within her chest and she then began to sob. It was a hard, bitter, hopeless sob, emptying her of every happiness. She pounded her hands into the damp ground.

"Stop! Please just stop!" she shouted into the rain. Nothing heard her, nothing cared. She breathed heavily, trembling with overwhelming anguish. She was hopeless. She knew it would never end. The shadow darkened her every waking hour and blanketed her in her dreams. Her breath began to soften. Slowly, she began to lift her head up and a grin formed on her face. She thought about how funny it was that her pain was also her solace. In what reminded her of the nameless, faceless shadow, also brought her comfort. The dead trees, the cold, gray skies that lie above, the darkness that surrounded and gave speed to it all.

She sighed and rubbed her shoulders, she couldn't tell what were tears and what was rain anymore. She knew as soon as she got up from her place in this cold, lonely, grove of trees, she would have to go back. Go back to wearing a mask of fake emotions and skewed opinions. She would have to pretend and play along. Slowly she rose up and as she did, she saw a puddle of water that was quickly forming beside her. Moving over slightly, she looked into it. Once again, what looked back was disappointing.