Chapter Two

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"Because I begged him not to, Sire."

The hurt on Arthur's face went straight to Gaius's heart. He nearly softened; Merlin might have been his ward, but Arthur was so very, very dear to him as well. It was as if he were having to choose between two of his children. But no, it was better this way. Should Arthur grow embittered, let it be towards him. Merlin and Arthur were young and the Kingdom needed both of them working together. If Arthur never forgave him, so be it, but let things be well with them, he thought.

Besides, what he had said was only the truth after all.

"You, Gaius? But why?"

Gaius was helpless to know where to begin. "A hundred reasons, Arthur."

"That's not good enough! Not more than seven months ago you told me in this very room of how you had looked after me since I was a nursling and chided me for not knowing that you love me far too much to betray you. Was that all a lie?" (1)

"Most certainly not!"

"Well, what else can I think, Gaius?" Arthur asked.

"Try and understand, Arthur - "

"Understand what?" the King demanded. "That everyone I care about in my life is going to betray me? Trust me, I've learned that little lesson well enough!"

"NO!" Gaius shouted fiercely, pointing a threatening finger. "You can say what you want about what I did, but don't you dare say Merlin has betrayed you! Don't you DARE! Yes, I realize the revelation must have been painful for you, but true betrayal involves someone actively trying to hurt you, of keeping a secret for their own gain at your expense and showing no remorse. All that boy has ever done is try and protect you and serve to the very best of his ability! Not telling you may or may not have been a mistake, but Merlin could only make his decision based on the circumstances of any given moment, to chose what seemed right at the time - which is all any of us can do - but when he did, what was best for you and for this kingdom was always, always at the forefront of his mind!"

"As for me," Gaius went on, the fight suddenly bleeding out of him, "What I did was partly for you, more for him, but mainly because I'm a selfish old man. I've already lost so much to your father's madness - the woman I love, the magic that filled my heart and brought me joy, my peace, my security and even my very soul, Arthur! Your father made me a murderer by association and I just couldn't stand it anymore! In that bedchamber lies the only thing I have left in this world! He is my son in all but blood and I couldn't lose him! Not like that! Not to one of your father's pyres!"

"Gaius - " Arthur began, his voice softer now, but Gaius interrupted him.

"I don't think you have it in you to hurt him, Sire - at least I pray you do not - but I thought you might have banished him, even for his own good, and then he would have been gone. And I had to face the fact that more than likely I wouldn't have lived long enough to see him return."

Arthur began to pace around Gaius's chamber once more, but more calmly this time, thinking over what his old friend had told him. The physician took some hope from the fact that the King's ire had lost some of its volume, but he could still see the set line to the young man's jaw and knew that this was far from settled.

"I can understand your reasoning, Gaius, but that doesn't alter the fact that the both of you lied to me. How can I even trust what you're saying to me now? How do I know you both don't have agendas of your own? Are the words of liars really worth my trust?"

"That's unfair, Sire. Is it really lying simply to keep a secret to yourself until it is safe to tell?"

Arthur scoffed. "Safer for him. Safer for you."

"Yes, safer for us. That's not something you can just dismiss as if it was nothing but a minor consideration. Does anyone really owe someone else a secret that can get them killed?"

Arthur looked away. "Fine. I can see that. But it still rankles. Especially your lie. You've been like a second father to me, and yet you did this. You've possibly lied to me even more than he has, for you told me you understood the need for my father's law when all the time you were breaking it." (2)

"I know, Arthur. And I am eternally sorry for hurting you. Lying…" Gaius threw his hands up helplessly. "It is no excuse, but lying becomes second nature to those hiding from persecution, even when it is not necessary. I've lied to many people, including your father and Morgana. I've even lied to Merlin. There was not always reason, only that paranoia becomes a necessary habit."

"You lied to Merlin?" Arthur asked, surprised. "About magic?"

"I did, Sire. When… an old friend… returned to Camelot and I caught them practicing magic, I attempted to cover for them when Merlin started asking questions. There was no cause to do so, certainly he would not have told even if he hadn't shared the same secret, but I did it without thinking." (3)

"This old friend, Gaius, wouldn't happen to have been the woman who was arrested for poisoning my father, would it?"

Gaius nodded, the familiar pain in his heart allowing him to mask his minor astonishment at Arthur's deduction.

"And was she the woman you loved? The one you lost?"

"She was my fiance."

"And it was the Purge that separated you."

"It was, Sire."

Arthur sighed and rubbed his face with tired hands. "I am sorry for that. Truly I am. But why didn't she just stop using magic? Like you did?"

"Your father took my promise because I was an old friend. And, quite frankly, because even in his misguided rage, he knew he would still need an advisor on magic. But he wouldn't have made the same bargain for Alice."

"Now you're the one being unfair, Gaius. My father's reaction may have been extreme, but was it really misguided? Magic did kill my mother after all. And this Alice person did try to kill my father."

"She was possessed by a manticore, Sire," Gaius argued. "She couldn't help what she was doing!"

"Still, she wouldn't have been if she hadn't been dealing with dark magic."

"She only wanted to help people, to find better ways to heal."

"And my Mother?"

"Your mother died not because of magic but because of your father's refusal to see the natural consequences of the compact he had made," Gaius snapped, exasperated at this old, old argument.

"That may be, but it doesn't change the fact that magic is dangerous - "

Gaius weighed up the young man before him. "Is that what all of this talk about betrayal really stems from, Arthur?" he asked out of the blue.

Arthur looked at him with puzzlement. "What?"

"Is it truly just that Merlin kept this secret from you, or is it something more?"

"I fail to understand your meaning, Gaius."

"Perhaps Merlin's secret would not have felt so much like a betrayal if, deep down, you did not automatically see all sorcerers as being evil and inherently plotting against you. You are a good-hearted man, Sire, but is it not likely that prejudice is colouring your reaction, even just a little? That perhaps the reason you are so upset is that you feel like you've stumbled onto a poisonous snake in the meadow where you thought you were so safe? It would be understandable - you have grown up hearing from the father you loved and admired that sorcerers are the greatest evil there is, and the few instances you have witnessed would not have changed your mind - but that doesn't mean it's right, and maybe it is blinding you to seeing Merlin's point of view."

"No! That's preposterous! It isn't that at all!"

"Not even in some small part? Would you be reacting this strongly if you found out after all these years that Merlin liked daffodils or hated turnips?"

Arthur snorted derisively. "That is hardly the same thing, Gaius."

"Perhaps not, but I don't recall you acting this way when you discovered he had been born a bastard." (4)

"That was different! I told him about never knowing my mother and he told me about his father in return. It wasn't that he was keeping it a secret, it was simply the first time the subject had come up."

"Or maybe that bastardy doesn't frighten you as much?"

The rage returned to Arthur's face and he glared at Gaius, but the old physician stood firmly as Arthur ranted. "You accused me of dismissing Merlin's safety as a minor consideration, now you are doing the same to me! Is being lied to not enough of a reason to be angry? Is being mistrusted, as well as finding your own trust to be misplaced, not enough reason to be hurt?"

"It is. I just want you to be certain of your own reasoning. Do you really feel your trust in us was misplaced, Arthur?"

"YES! No. I don't know!" Arthur shouted. "But surely it's questionable. It's like building a castle only to find there are faults and cracks in the very foundation! How can I trust the solidity of it enough to keep building when it may all fall down on me at any moment? I need to be able to rely on people, not just want to."

Gaius bowed his head, shame pleading with him to stop all of this, but there were still so many things Arthur needed to know and understand. "I know you do, Sire. But you also need to stand on your own two feet, as well as start looking beyond the tip of your own nose."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Trust is a leap of faith and faith by its very nature involves making that leap even when you're not sure of your ground. Merlin and I didn't take that gamble, and perhaps that was unfair to you, but - magic or not - we are flawed human beings and just because we may have made a mistake does not mean that we are necessarily unworthy of your trust. Please think about making the leap we didn't."

Arthur regarded him closely for some moments, obviously struggling within. "You are asking quite a lot, Gaius."

"I know, Arthur. But think of the many other reasons why we might not have told you. And beyond that, think about how it has been for Merlin. You've faced many trials, but you don't know what it is to have to hide in fear every moment of the day, to deny who you truly are from the time you were in your cradle. You don't know the constant terror it entails, nor the endless heartbreak. You don't know the toll it takes. But he's never known anything different."

"Wait, what are you talking about? He's had to hide since he was a baby?"

"Arthur, he was born with magic. He never chose it. He never had any say in what he became. As it stands, your father's law would persecute him for something he could never have prevented."

"I… I didn't know. I have never heard of such a thing. I've been wondering for months why he was idiotic enough to start practicing it in the first place." The King's demeanor become subdued as the full weight of this news sunk in. "There are people out there who cannot help it?"

"I am afraid so, Sire. The law may give the impression that it is meant to capture Camelot's enemies, but what it really does is persecute your subjects for something they are and cannot change."

"Then why didn't that idiot come to me? Why couldn't he have trusted me? We could have worked something out!"

"There are nearly two dozen reasons, Arthur, but be fair: when did you ever give him cause to think he could come to you with this?"

"Look, Gaius, I understand he was too frightened to do so while my father was alive, but I've been King for over a year."

"Yes, and you've had Agravaine whispering in your ear for nearly all of that time. Longer if we include the time while you were Regent. Or had you forgotten that?"

Arthur looked like a man who just taken a heavy blow on the training field. "Was that necessary?" he asked coldly.

"I am sorry for it, Arthur, but if you really wish to trust Merlin or myself again, you must understand our reasoning. If Merlin owed his secret to you as your friend, would not you have owed it to Agravaine as your uncle? The Uncle you loved? The Uncle you chose time and time again over listening to anyone else? The Uncle who was in charge of the castle's defence and sat at your right hand and ruled in your stead whenever you were absent? You cannot dismiss the influence Agravaine exerted over you. He persuaded you to kill a King and convinced you to reject the woman you loved. (5) What chance would a simple servant have thought he had, friend or not? Especially when you consider that he was, in fact, breaking your laws."

"I wouldn't have told!"

Gaius abstained from pointing out to Arthur that his protest sounded like a child's. "I have no doubt you wouldn't have meant to, but what would have happened at the first sign of a magical threat? Your calmness in knowing you had a weapon to hand would have made Agravaine suspicious. He would have wanted to know your plans for the castle's defence, no doubt making numerous convincing arguments that it was only logical for him to be told. And even if you didn't, would he not have gone searching with even greater fervour than he had displayed before, knowing that the secret was so close?"

"I didn't know you could be so hurtful, Gaius, as to use my uncle's betrayal against me."

"It wasn't just him, Sire. What reason have you ever given Merlin to make him think you'd take this well? That you've changed your views on magic and wouldn't execute him or force him to leave his home? You say you've known for a year, but have you made any attempts to change the law in all that time? Have you even given him any sign that you've contemplated it?"

"I - "

"Have you made attempts, even obliquely, to reassure him? Or even approached him to discuss the matter? To hear his side of the story? You say you feel betrayed but then why didn't you confront him? Was it because you realized the answer might be more complicated than you thought?"

"For that matter," Gaius continued sadly, "when in the last year would have been a good time for him to tell you? When you were denouncing magic after the death of Uther? When you led a hunt to kill a baby dragon still in it's shell just because it was a creature of magic? When you were interrogating me because of my past? After you threatened him with exile for wanting to talk about his best friend?"

And the lowest blow: "When he found out you had slaughtered an innocent tribe of his own kind?" (6)

Arthur's voice was hushed and cold. "I didn't know you could ever be this hurtful, Gaius."

"I do not like doing it, Arthur, but if you are to be the great King you are meant to be, you must not hide from the true realities of your father's purge. Your kingdom will never be truly stable if a such a large segment of its population must unfairly live in daily fear of their lives."

Just then there was a hard knock at Gaius's door.

"Oi, Princess! The Queen wants to see you!" Gwaine yelled from outside.

Arthur turned to Gaius. "We're not through with this discussion," he warned before he left.

"Indeed, Sire, we are not. We are not even close," Gaius said to the empty room.

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1) "The Secret-Sharer"

2) Again, "The Secret-Sharer"

3) "Love in the Time of Dragons"

4) "The Last Dragonlord" Also, please know I'm not trying to knock the real Arthur. I think when the reveal finally comes on the show he will act maturely. (Or get murderous, but hey, it all depends on circumstances.) This is for the Arthur in this story and only this story. Given the particular circumstances of this plot, it is a valid question for Gaius to ask.

5) "His Father's Son"

6) "The Wicked Day", "Aithusa", "The Secret-Sharer" and "A Herald of the New Age"

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Author's notes:

First off, I hope you can see this new chapter! My story disappeared off the Merlin board for awhile this morning. I could find it on my profile page, but not here.

Tigress pearl - I don't know, an actual exploding Gaius would be interesting. As long as he could do it at will and recover after, that is. Explodo-Physician would make a fantastic super-hero!

Lady Willamina - I have an idea for a short story (mainly a conversation between Merlin and Kilgharrah) about this very subject. I think Destiny might be keeping Arthur in the dark because both he and Merlin have things to learn before they're ready to assume their greater roles. At this point, Arthur, even with his tendency to lash out when there are things he doesn't want to her, would probably take Merlin's secret reasonably well (i.e. not set him on fire).

However, that doesn't mean he's necessarily ready to have an all-powerful warlock at his beck and call, at least in my opinion. I think Arthur needs a bit more confidence in his role as King before he's given the easy option of depending on Merlin to get him out of things. (Though maybe it'll be different in Season 5, since it's several years later.) It's also possible that if he learns the secret before he's changed his own thinking first, he might accept Merlin out of friendship, but might not fully grow to trust others with the same gifts.

Stealth Dragon - I think this point tends to get forgotten sometimes, and to some degree it was the inspiration for this story. If Arthur was the son of Hitler, would it really be betrayal on Merlin's part to hide that he's Jewish? Or say it was fifty years ago when homosexuality was still illegal (and by illegal I mean go-to-jail-and-have-every-single-aspect-of-your-life-destroyed illegal), and you found out a friend was gay. Could your really scream betrayal just because they hadn't told you any sooner? It seems bizarre in this age of displaying your whole life on social media, but it wasn't that long ago when certain secrets were able to utterly ruin your life (or even get you killed) and where people took things like simple illegitimacy to their graves.

Anyway, hearty thanks to everyone who reviewed or favourited the story! I didn't know so many of you found Gaius as awesome as I do! And don't worry, he still has a LOT to say...

P.S. I'm looking for a story. In it, Merlin is attacked by a noble - and yes, I know there's a few of those out there, but in this one his ribs are broken and when Gwaine gives him a playful slap against his side it causes him to collapse. Does anyone know that story and if you do, could you tell me? I've been looking for it for ages.