AN: So for the last couple of weeks I've found it a little hard to write sympathetically about rich, privileged, white, male, Yale alumni. Luckily for this story I seem to be getting over it. I thought I'd give you another lost scene. A little Rory POV for you guys. Hope you enjoy.


Rory sat hunched over the kitchen table, her head resting on her forearm. She had never been so tired in her life. She'd pulled a few all-nighters in college studying for exams, but those had nothing on this feeling. And she'd been a mother for less than 48 hours. At least she was allowed to up her intake of coffee from one cup a day to three. There was a lukewarm cup of the brew sitting right there on the table with her. All she needed was to find the energy to pick it up and bring it to her lips. Instead she continued to remain immobile.

The doorbell rang and Rory's head popped up, waiting for the ear-splitting scream from her room. It didn't come. She thanked some amorphous god she wasn't sure she believed in that Lila hadn't woken up.

She sighed, trying to find the energy to stand and go get the door. It was probably Lane. Her friend was supposed to come by with the twins and meet Lila, though she was a bit earlier than expected. She pushed the chair back and got up, grabbing her Nevertheless She Persisted coffee mug to bring with her for the trip to the front door. When had the front door moved so far away from the kitchen?

She took a gulp of her nectar and felt its revitalizing properties as the warm liquid travelled down her throat. She closed her eyes and inhaled the lovely scent—then proceeded to trip over her own feet, coffee sloshing out of the cup and onto her Yale T-shirt.

"Crap!" She looked around and saw a semi-clean burping cloth that she had left on the sofa and, picking it up, she started dabbing at the stain. She wasn't sure why she bothered since the shirt was already a mess. She set the cup down and walked the rest of the way to the door, opening it without really looking, still preoccupied by the stain on her shirt.

"My, what a vision of loveliness," a droll voice remarked.

Rory looked up, wide eyes, hand on boob as she was still rubbing at the coffee splotch. "Colin!" she yelped, quickly pulling her hand away. Colin was here. At her house. Which meant he knew. Who else had Logan told? Should she be expecting a parade of Life and Death Brigade Members coming by the house to yell at her?

"It is I," he replied. They stood in the doorway, staring at each other. "You going to invite me in?" Colin finally asked.

"Why? Are you a vampire?" she asked, stepping aside to allow him entry.

"Huh?" he asked, making his way into the home.

"Guess not." She shook her head. She couldn't be worried about everyone else right now. Right now she just needed to muster up enough energy to make it through this. Colin loved Logan like a brother. She was sure he wasn't just here to congratulate her.

"How…cozy," Colin commented, taking in the small home.

Rory crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously. Her home must seem as tiny as a dorm room to Colin. Not to mention what a mess it was. And then there was her. Her shirt was wet and stained, she wasn't wearing a bra, she hadn't showered in three days, she had an adult diaper on, and she was fairly certain there was spit-up in her hair.

"Is there something I can do for you, Colin?" Rory bit out, as she collapsed onto the sofa.

"Well, I wouldn't say 'no' to a glass of whiskey. I mean, it is traditional to offer your guests a beverage."

"It's also traditional for guests to be invited," she snarked defensively.

"Touché," Colin agreed.

Rory sighed, not having the energy to get up from her spot. "There's beer and water in the fridge, you can help yourself. I'd stay away from anything in a baby bottle unless you're jonesing for some breast milk."

"Nah, breast milk is only worth it when it's straight from the breast."

Rory shuddered at the imagery. "Gross, Colin."

Colin disappeared into the next room and came back out with a bottle of Poland Spring. He appraised the living room once more, with that judgmental look he had perfected, before pulling up a semi-clean chair to face Rory. He removed a couple of magazines from the seat and tossed them onto the coffee table.

"I shouldn't be here," he spoke, twisting off the cap of his water and taking a sip.

"Then why are you? Because if it's to give me a guilt trip, you'll need to get in line."

"Can't say you don't deserve it," Colin replied.

"No, you can't." Rory agreed defeatedly. She deserved every bit of hate and anger people could throw at her. She really had convinced herself that she was doing the right thing by not telling Logan, but the second she had found out he was there in the very hospital she had just had his child in, she knew how badly she had screwed up.

Maybe it was just the massive flood of oxytocin, but in that moment, she would have given anything to take it back. To go back in time and make that phone call…or write a letter. A letter would have been better. She could always express herself best on a page. But she couldn't go back. Her choices were irreversible and because of them, Logan would never be able to forgive her. She had ruined any chance she'd had at having a real family. Not that traditional nuclear families were the only ones that were "real". But Logan was it for her. The only man she had ever truly loved, hated her. And she deserved every last drop of that hate. So, honestly, nothing Colin could say could make her feel any worse than she already did.

"Look, ethically speaking, this is the kind of thing the BAR frowns upon, but I'm not just Logan's lawyer, I'm his best friend. So if you could keep this little tête-a-tête between you and me, I'd appreciate it."

"Logan doesn't know you're here?"

"No, but that shouldn't be a problem; we both know how well you can keep a secret from him."

Rory glared, pulling her phone out of her pocket and pretending to type something in. "New…York…State…BAR…Assoc.." she said and she randomly hit keys.

"Okay, okay," Colin acquiesced, holding his hands up in surrender. "That was out of line."

Rory put the phone away. "If you could get to the point sometime before Lila wakes up, that'd be great."

"Do you love him?" Colin asked, following her directive.

Rory swallowed down the tears she felt building up. "Yes," she admitted. "I've tried not to. So many times I've tried to stop, but I can't."

"Neither can he."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore."

"I am," Colin replied crossing his ankle over his knee and leaning back in the chair. "Even now, even when he hates you, he still loves you. I never thought he would love anyone as much as he loves you, but I was wrong."

The tears were winning now. She couldn't hold them back. It was everything she never wanted to hear. The thing she had gone to extraordinary lengths to avoid. Hearing that he loved Odette more than he loved her. Finding out that she wasn't the one he wanted most of all.

"The way he loves that little girl of yours…" Colin continued.

Rory's head shot up as she furiously wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Lila?"

"No, Queen of the Sloths," Colin snarked.

"Queen…what?"

"Your horse," he attempted to clarify, but Rory was as lost as ever. Colin sighed. "Never mind; yes, Lila," he admitted with a roll of his eyes.

"He's so good with her," she choked out. He had taken to her immediately. There was no site more beautiful than Logan rocking their daughter to sleep on his lap. And as angry as he was at her, he never, for a second, blamed any of it on their daughter. Yes, he loved Lila. Of that she was sure.

"Why'd you do it, Rory?" Colin asked, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward in anticipation.

Should she give him the reasons she gave everyone else? The reasons she'd told herself over and over again until she actually believed them? Or should she tell him the real reason? The one she'd tried to bury so far down she'd never have to deal with it?

"I was afraid," she admitted.

"You were selfish."

"Excuse me?"

"You protected yourself first. Before Logan, before your daughter."

"I think you should leave now…" Rory growled.

"No," Colin shook his head calmly, relaxing back into the chair again. "I'm not done. You're selfish, Rory. You always have been. Don't get me wrong. I consider you a friend. I care about you. But you're not as perfect as everyone always made you out to be. You'd never have fit so well into our group if you were. We're all a little screwed up. I mean, I'm privileged and judgmental, Finn is the poster child for Peter Pan Syndrome, and I think Robert just has narcissistic personality disorder, but I'm not entirely convinced he's not an actual sociopath."

Rory shrugged at the descriptions. It was true, they were all a little (or more than a little) screwed up. But it was also true that despite everything, she did still care about all of them. "And what's wrong with Logan?" she asked, playing along.

"Logan…Logan has abandonment issues."

"Logan wasn't abandoned," Rory reminded him. "His family may be screwed up, but his parents are together and in his life."

"I'm not talking about his parents, I'm talking about you." Colin clarified

"I never abandoned him. He's the one who walked away. He's the one who said all or nothing. And he's the one who chose Odette."

"I tend to agree with you on the first part—though you'll never convince Logan of it. He will always believe you were rejecting him and not just his proposal. But you're lying to yourself if you think he chose Odette over you. He never chose at all. This time, it was you who did the walking."

"He asked her to marry him—while seeing me. He asked her to move in with him—while seeing me. If that's not choosing, I don't know what is."

"You're an idiot." Colin shook his head. "He wasn't choosing her, he was waiting for you to tell him not to. Every time he took a step forward with Odette, I could practically see him holding his breath, waiting for you to stop him. For you to say 'don't marry her, marry me.' But you never did."

"I was supposed to tell him not to marry her? What? Was I supposed to throw myself at his feet and beg? I'm not that kind of girl, Colin."

"No, you're not," he agreed. You don't need a man. You don't need anyone. And that's exactly what Logan was afraid of. That you'd never need him like he needed you. That you'd pick your wide-open future again. And that he'd be left all alone...again."

"So it's all my fault, huh? Everything that's wrong in his life is because of me?"

"No," Colin shook his head. "He made a ton of mistakes too. And I told him that, just like I'm telling you. But right now, it doesn't matter who screwed up more. What matters is, how do we fix it."

"We don't fix anything, Colin. I appreciate that you're looking out for us…in your own screwed up way. But you can't fix our relationship. I don't know if it can be fixed, but if there's any hope, that's between Logan and me.

"I'm not talking about your fucked-up relationship. Though I do think you both need to get over yourselves and work it out. I'm talking about Logan."

"Logan doesn't need to be fixed."

"No? Then I guess that panic attack last night was totally normal."

"What?" Rory sat up at attention, feeling suddenly panicked herself. "No! Logan doesn't panic. Logan doesn't know how to panic. Logan could be lost in the woods being chased by a grizzly and he'd calmly smooth talk the bear into giving him directions."

"24 hours ago, I would have agreed with you. But a lot has changed since then."

"I know I've put him in a bad situation with..." She still couldn't bring herself to say the name, even if it was over now, "…her," she managed to grind out. "And it won't be easy telling his family, but…"

"You don't get it, Rory. Have you listened to anything I just said? This isn't about Odette, or his parents. The only thing that could fuck him up like this, is a Gilmore girl—or two."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means he's terrified of losing her. Just like he was terrified of losing you. The mere suggestion that you might try to keep him from her had him falling apart at the seams."

"I wouldn't!" She insisted. "I won't. Yeah, I thought it would be better for both of us if he didn't know, but he does…" At that moment a high-pitched cry reverberated from the baby monitor.

"Ahh, my niece is awake. Girl's got a set of lungs on her."

"Niece?" Rory asked, standing up.

"That's right. I am Uncle Colin and if you fight me on it, I will find a way to make it legally binding."

"I don't have the energy to fight you, Colin. I barely have the energy to make it to the bedroom."

"I'll get her," he offered, standing up and following her towards the bedroom door.

"Do you even know how to hold a baby?"

"No," Colin shrugged.

Rory gritted her teeth anxiously as she continued towards the bedroom. "Sit" she told him, entering the room and pointing to a rocking chair. She gently scooped up her crying daughter, feeling her diaper. It felt heavy. She tugged at the waist band in the back, sticking her nose up to it. Number one and two.

She glanced at Colin who was wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Don't suppose you want the honor of changing her…Uncle?" she asked.

"I'm more the spoil her with gifts type of uncle, and less of the dirty diaper changing kind."

"Big surprise." She laid Lila down on the changing table and went about cleaning her daughter up. Once the new diaper was securely in place, she brought Lila over to the bed and sat down. "She needs to eat," Rory announced looking straight at Colin.

"Go ahead," he replied.

Rory started at him for a moment, wondering if he realized what she was about to do. 48 hours ago she would have been mortified at the mere thought of breastfeeding in front of anyone. She'd even kicked Logan out of the room. But it was amazing how quickly her modesty had gone out the window. Since then, she'd not only fed in front of Logan multiple times, she'd fed in front of her grandmother, her father, several hospital employees, Pat the postman, and Kirk.

"Okay," she acquiesced, pulling up her shirt on the side farthest from Colin and bringing Lila up to her breast to latch on.

Colin, to his credit, seemed to take things in stride. "I'm impressed," she told him, surprised at the lack of inappropriate sexual comments.

"What? I'm a modern man. Go breastfeeding," He held his first up in a show of support. "Breast is best…" At that he did giggle. "Yep, definitely pro breast."

Rory rolled her eyes. "All out of your system now?"

"Yeah," Colin agreed. "Now where were we? Oh yes…Logan's not so irrational fear that you might try to keep Lila from him…"

"I won't!" she insisted again.

"I know that, but you can see where the fear is coming from, right? After all we discussed. You've disappeared on him before. And keeping this from him…"

Rory squirmed uncomfortably, not sure what to say. She knew her secrets had hurt Logan, had probably ruined any chance she might have had and having a real relationship with him. But the way Colin was talking…it was like he wasn't just hurt, he was broken. How could she have had the power to break him like that?

"I've told him a hundred times that if he wants to be in her life, I won't keep her from him. I don't know what else I can do to convince him."

"Having something in writing will help. We decided last night that mediation is best—you agree?" he asked for confirmation.

"Yes! Of course," she exclaimed. "I don't want a lawsuit. I don't want to fight."

"Good. Do you have a lawyer?"

Rory shook her head.

"Talk to your crazy friend, Paris. She got a top-notch legal team in that company of hers. I'm sure she can hook you up with someone great."

"That won't spook him? Me getting a great lawyer? I mean, do I really need one? I told you, I don't want to restrict his access to her. He can see her whenever he wants."

"It's not as simple as that," Colin explained. "Agreeing to co-parent is only the beginning. He understands that. He knows you need a lawyer."

Lila finished feeding and Rory fixed her shirt. She held Lila up against her chest, her chin resting on her shoulder as she patted her back a few times to burp her.

"I don't know how to make this right," she admitted.

"You might not be able to. All I can say is, whatever he needs to feel secure, especially when he can't be there…phone calls, pictures, videos…you've got to give it to him. He can't feel like you're holding back."

"I won't," she promised, looking lovingly at her daughter. She owed this to Logan, but she also owed it to Lila. She owed her a good relationship with her father. Rory stood up and started walking towards Colin.

"What are you doing?" he asked skeptically.

"Letting you hold your niece," she smiled.

Colin suddenly looked very nervous. "Umm, are you sure about this?"

"What? A few minutes ago you were offering to get her all by yourself…" she reminded him.

"Yeah, because I knew you would never let me."

Rory laughed. "Relax," she said, laying the baby in his lap. "Make sure you support her neck."

Colin took her reluctantly, his eyes wide and his body tense. Rory stepped away and he looked down at the infant who was making funny faces as she squirmed a little in his arms. His grimace slowly gave way to a smile and he felt himself relaxing back into the chair.

"This one is a charmer, Gilmore," he said, unable to take his eyes off the baby in his arms. "Just like her Mom."