When the Captain told me to fill out a 20 paged resume, I thought he was joking.
From that point forward, I learned that whatever Zee Captain says, he expects it to be taken a hundred percent seriously.
The anomaly that is Captain was somehow able to obtain twenty pages of clean, white paper and further more, was able to write down the most ludicrous questions ever to grace a resume. They started off normal such as what's your name, your phone number, your current address. But then questions I would assume an insane man would ask started to appear such as "Can you lick to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?", "Do you believe in the false landing of the moon?", "Can you dance the salsa?". My personal favorite was "Do you have any relatives in your family that are extra-terrestrial?". By yet another miracle, I was able to find a number two pencil ("IT HAZ TO BE NUMBER 2 OR THE APPLICATION IS USELESS!) and fill it out, for the Captain won't stop hovering over me until it was completed.
"WELCOME TO ZEE RANKS MS. FORTIS!" Congratulated the Captain when I wrote down the last word.
He led me inside of a decaying building which I presume use to be a bank. The marble structures on the floor and the foundation still were going strong after being exposed to the toxic elements. The inside was dimly lit by a fire with three figures hunched over it. I can only assume this was the army the Captain was boasting about.
"MINIONS! I HAVE ZEE MOST JUICY ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE! TODAY WE HAVE A NEW RECURIT TO JOIN ZEE RANKS! MEET MZ. AMANDA FORTIS AND SHE SHALL BE SERVING WITH US TILL ZEE END OF TIME AND UNIVERSE!"
The figures looked up towards me. Due to sleep, food, and water derivation, I could only tell them apart by the colors of there goggles. One wore blue goggles, one wore green ones, and the other one wore orange ones. Though all wearing masks, I could tell by there body language that their Glorious Captain didn't inform them that he would go out recruiting today.
" So, you are joining our group I suppose?" Asked the orange-lenses one.
I looked down to their hands. They were holding cans of miscellaneous food. I haven't eaten in days.
"Is that food?" I asked.
"Yes"
I glanced over to the far left of the room. There were several pieces of cardboard and wool blankets to make a make-shift bed.
"Are those beds?"
"Yes again"
In this hellhole of a wasteland, these men seemed to be living in the lap of luxury. I couldn't turn this down, no matter how insane the "minions" might be.
"Then yes. I am the new recruit"
I didn't want to introduce myself to anyone yet, for those cardboard beds were calling my name. Lumbering over to them, I crashed landed on the stone floor only to be slightly cushioned by the thin layer. I didn't even cared that I may or may not have broke my face on the way down, for now I will sleep with the knowledge that I am safe for the moment.
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When I awoke from my much needed beauty sleep, I noticed that the one with blue goggles was sitting to the wall next to me. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that he was wearing a black and white jacket and one of those Emotive Goggles that could express your current emotion.
"Ah, you're awake. You've been out for at least a day" Said the man. He reached his hand over to me and pulled me up when I accepted it.
"Thanks" I murmured. Talking out loud was still something I have yet to get use to again.
"No problem. You're Amanda right?"
"Yeah thats me. And you are...?"
"Charles Snippy. But you'll hear Zee Captain call me Snippy most of the time"
I was about to ask some questions along the line of "What the hell is up with that Captain dude?" but my stomach rudely cut me off.
"Oh I almost forgot. I'm near the brink of starvation. Do you have any food around here?"
The brow on his left goggle raised up, surprised by my sassyness despite I was a day away from death.
"Ummm yeah I think we have some refried beans somewhere"
Charles parted from my side for a moment to dive into a nearby bag. After a few seconds of rummaging, he pulled out the second most beautiful sight I have seen today. Charles kindly used a knife to open the lid and hand it to me with a spoon as well.
"Here you go"
I was too chocked up with tears to say anything, or was that hunger? Either way, I barely acknowledge his existence afterward when I plopped down on the tile, pulled my mask down, and began to eat. Its amazing how good food taste when you truly are starving. Even though wandering wastes left me famished at the end of the day, I would grimace every time I had to eat a can of unidentifiable food. But now, I wolfed down the beans with God-speed and didn't even take a break to breath until every last bean was gone.
I tossed the empty can to the side and let out a satisfied sigh.
"Thank you. You truly don't know how happy I am for that."
Charles sat across from me as I thanked him. He waved off the compliment politely.
"It was nothing. I'm grateful Captain was able to find a sane person for once. Well I guess Engie is sane but he can be kind of a dick at times"
Now was my turn to look surprised, but I didn't have any Emotive goggles to express that. Damn it!
"Who's Engie?"
"Hes the guy with the fur lined hood and orange lenses. He use to be an computer engineer so Captain came to call him Engie"
Well that makes sense. Maybe that would explain Charles's name.
"So Captain calls you Snippy because you're a sniper or something?"
"Well not exactly. Snippy is my real last name but Captain thought that automatically made me "Team Sniper". I've had training with guns before, but I was never a professional sniper"
It occurred to me as Charles and I were conversing that this was the first real conversation I had in years! Further more, it was a pleasant one! A dumb grin spread across my face with that nice thought in mind. If Snippy had a comment on it, it was quickly intercepted by the loud voice of Captain.
"HERR SNIPPY! GET OUT HERE AT ONCE! AND BRING ZEE NEW RECURIT WITH YOU!"
Snippy gave out a long, defeated sigh. It was clear that he didn't enjoy answering to the Captain.
"Well I guess its time for another stupid mission. Are you ready to go?"
I got up with him and was about to walk into the radioactive city of Eureka once again until I remembered something.
"Wait! One more thing"
Snippy turned around in concern.
"Yes?"
"Do you have any water to drink?"
