Cool Songs for this Chapter:

Million Dollar Man - Lana Del Rey

Memory - Younha ( Feat. Tablo )

Czardas (Violin)


CHAPTER 1

A faint light in the distance, a vague touch that caressed him gently like a carefree breeze. If he reached just a little further ... no. It was just beyond his fingertips, so very close. It was frustrating, it was there, yet he was not able to attain what he wished to possess.

Tendrils of ice, wrapped around him uninvitingly, as if trapping him in a sparkling clear cage. No matter how beautiful it appeared, it still refrained him from reaching the warm sun. Just a little further.. he wanted to bask in that golden light. What he desired was so intangible, yet so close. At that very moment, some outer force pulled him from his dreaming state.

"Mr. Braginski." A voice inquired politely. Stirring slowly, Ivan awoke to find himself laid in the leather black le corbusier lounge chair. He sat up slowly, ignoring the pounding migraine in his head. He made a fist with his hands and rested them on his forehead.

His secretary stood patiently, waiting for Ivan to gradually wake up. When Ivan looked up, he saw that his secretary had a silver tray with a steaming cup of black coffee. The aroma helped him to become more aware.

Ivan took the cup of coffee thankfully, taking slow sips from it. His shirt was slightly unbuttoned, his silvery hair was tousled. "Call for a car," He told his secretary.

"Yes, I understand. Are you planning on returning?" The secretary peeked at the tired man from underneath his glasses. Ivan was buried in a stack of papers, contracts, waiting to be signed. Proposals that needed to be read, his head was starting to ache again remembering all of the matters that needed to be attended to. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I will. I'll come back later in the afternoon for the meeting with our clients." He stood up, stretching his long legs. He slipped on his black jacket over his rustled white button up shirt. Ivan walked out with confidence, his hands tucked into his pockets.

Stepping outside onto the street, he observed silently the bustling city streets, the cars whizzing past causing his silver hair to rustle. In that moment, he appeared as a model striking an elegant pose for a fashion magazine.

Women paused, whispering and giggling at the attractive wealthy, young man. Glancing at his watch, he decided he had some time before the car arrived. Strolling down the street, he passed by many high end designer stores.

He paused, a window display catching his eye. "Oh, it would fit Yao so well," he thought immediately to himself when he spotted the sparkling piece of jewelry. It was a bracelet made of rose gold, with clear diamonds artfully placed inside metal peonies. It was a feminine piece, but it did not sway him from purchasing.

Ivan left the jewelry store in a good mood, humming cheerfully. He looked down at the wrapped box in his hands with the ribbon tied over it, he wondered what Yao's expression would be like? A flushed, excited smile crossed his face like a young child's.


When Ivan walked into the chilly penthouse, he thought it was utterly adorable how Yao curled up like a tiny kitten in a bundle of blankets and pillows on the window seat. The only thing visible was the top of his head. Guilt plagued him, Yao looked so damn lonely though ...

It couldn't be helped. All Ivan wanted to do was lock Yao up, and treat him like Rapunzel. Sighing, he sat by the curled up figure, lightly running his fingers over the cool cheek. "Mphm," Yao made a small sound, and snuggled up to Ivan's lap. Surprised, but happy, Ivan stroked the dark hair in content.

"Kiss me," Yao whispered faintly. Pleased to hear this, Ivan leaned down to press his lips against the parted ones that were softly breathing. Yao took the initiative this time, he turned the chaste kiss into something more adult - like. He traced Ivan's lip with his tongue, Ivan parted his lips to allow the probing tongue entry.

Their two tongues rolled over each other, exploring every part of each other's mouth. Their mouths strained against each other's, with Yao's body still relaxed in sleep. Yao pulled apart and whispered lovingly against the Russian's moist mouth, "I love you..." Ivan's heart elated at those words, it felt like he was on cloud nine. The words were so close to spilling out! However, Yao hadn't finished his sentence. "Arthur," He caressed the name so gently it sent flames of jealously down his very core.

He pushed the sleepy Yao away, the silver hair casting shadows across his downcast face. Yao finally awoke with a start, rubbing his eyes. "Ivan aru? When did you get home?"

When Ivan didn't answer, Yao became worried. "Oh, did you have a bad day?" He leaned forward on his knees, it was quite a feminine action. His cool hand brushed the silver hair which was covering Ivan's violet eyes. It was a similar action he had done in the past, when he took care of a younger Ivan. It felt like so long ago.

"Don't treat me like a child anymore," Ivan stated bitterly, slapping the hand away. He was acting petulant, crossing his arms, and tossing the box carelessly to the side. Pushing the blankets to the side, Yao leaned down to pick up the box. Sensing that Ivan was in a bad mood, he decided to cheer up the Russian. This was a rare occasion, since Yao usually hated Ivan's guts. He still did ... but he had after all raised Ivan. So his motherly nature was not easy to crush.

"Oh what's this?" Yao asked as he untied the ribbons. Ivan observed him quietly with his hooded, guarded eyes. When he opened it, Yao assumed he understood. A grin crossed Yao's face. "You sly fox you! Have you been crushing on a woman?" Yao's dense assumption only worsened Ivan's mood.

Really, for such a 'wise' nation, how could he be so freaking dense?! Ivan did a face palm.

"Are you upset because she rejected you? There there," Yao soothed as he patted Ivan's head. Another major headache was appearing in Ivan's head.

"Have you forgotten that I like you?" His stony voice stilled Yao, freezing him.

"Uhh ... I don't ... " Yao was at a loss of words, not sure how to respond in this situation.

"Really. You frustrate me to end." Grumbling, he stood up and stretched his arms. Without a word, he walked to Yao's bedroom, and fell onto the bed with a heavy oomph, the down blanket having an indention around his frame.

He was face down in the clean pillow that had the scent of laundry detergent. This bed was a much better improvement from the bed Yao had a long time ago. He remembered in the expensive Shanghai two floor place, his bed had always spelled of tea, and that British man. He hated it, when he was a child, he'd make a mess of Yao's bed. He'd always be scolded afterward. So much had changed.

Ivan pulled off his jacket and threw it on the floor, he turned on his side and settled in the bed. Yao sat beside him. "What are you doing? Sleep in your own bed," Yao said, trying to pull the heavy man off his bed.

"No, I don't want to get my bed dirty. I haven't taken a shower yet," He pouted childishly and burrowed further in the bed.

"Hey! That's rude! Then go take a shower." Yao nagged.

"No, I'm too tired right now." Ivan's long arms reached out to pull the smaller man to his chest, burying the flustered face into his broad chest. "Isn't this nice? Why can't you be this tame all the time?" He sighed.

"Hey! Let me go!" Yao objected by thrashing about, pushing him away, but to no avail. Ivan's arms were like a unyielding vise around him. Giving up, he laid there like a deflated balloon.

Content, Ivan laid there with his favorite person in the world in his arms. Right now, he had no worries. Before, he was extremely concerned about his future engagement, and attending the fancy social gathering. Now, he wasn't worried. Yao seemed to be in a good mood lately. He would bring Yao along, and Yao would comfort him. Or so he hoped.

Closing his eyes, Ivan began to hum a Russian lullaby someone sang to him a long time ago. He could barely remember their name, or their face. He didn't really like to remember things before Yao. His little Yao was becoming tired also at the lulling tone. His body went slack, and he started to slip back into sleep. This was a rare moment, where the two weren't fighting, or Ivan wasn't persistently trying to get in Yao's pants.

Relaxed, Ivan's hand rested underneath the pillow, only to find an oddly shaped object.

He pulled it out, confusion and suspicion marring his face. He opened the box, to find tiny yellowed notes of paper, a small photograph, and a string of pearls. Ivan looked at it, and his blood froze. Of course. In the faded photograph, there stood Yao in his silk dress, sitting in Arthur's lap, who wore his officer's uniform. They seemed so happy together.

He picked up the strand of pearls, which somehow, set him off. Could he not win at anything? As if it wasn't enough that Arthur was most important in Yao's heart, he had beaten him to everything. Even beat him at buying a stupid piece of jewelry. He wished, if only, he was born earlier. If only he was an adult and met Yao first.

Ivan sat up abruptly, which caused Yao to wake up again at the abrupt movement. "What is it aru?" Yao asked with a slightly irritated tone.

"Why do you still think of him?" Ivan asked with an icy smile, his hand that held the string of pearl necklaces snapped, round pearls scattering on the grey stone floor. Yao's heart broke, and he fought the urge to lean down and pick them up.

Yao didn't address the question, for he didn't really have a definite answer. "They were important to me." Yao stated simply, repressing most of the anger that bubbled inside of him.


The shattering of the bottle was deafening in the silence. Yao felt primal fear creep deeply into him, his stomach rolling sickly. This was much more scary. Ivan was drunk, his violence sheerly held back, his insanity on the brink.

Silently, Ivan had knocked back bottle after bottle, a pile of empty bottles rolling on the floor by his feet. Finally, Yao was so worried that he tossed the bottle aside. "Stop it already!" He shouted. A glare passed through Ivan's eyes.

"Damn it Yao," He roughly pulled the dark brown hair up with his hand. Yao winced at the painful position, his neck craning up to look at the Russian. With his brute strength, he pushed Yao down on his knees, tying his hands together with the white scarf. His knees dug painfully into the ground.

"Tell me you love me," Ivan demanded. "Just say those words, and I'll treat you like a princess." Yao said nothing, but his eyes shifted away from Ivan's face. He laughed at Yao's obstinate manner. Yao's mouth was set tightly in a line.

"What, do you like when I treat you roughly like this?" Ivan asked with a scary grin, his violet eyes glimmering with sadism. His little Yao Yao had driven him to his wit's end.

His passion was unbridled, and bordered a bit on obsessive. He carried a protesting Yao over his shoulder and roughly shoved Yao onto the bed, tearing the shirt off. The buttons scattered onto the floor, and Yao looked back with a bewildered expression. "Ivan, what the hell? You crazy bastard!" He exclaimed.

A glare passed in the darkening violet eyes, and he raised his hand. Yao squeezed his eyes shut, expecting a blow, but instead, he heard the sound of a pillow being torn instead. He slowly opened his eyes, to see feathers floating in the air like snow. Ivan had a knife in his hand, which had torn a slash in the pillow. The feathers floating around Ivan, were unfitting, since he appeared as a demon filthy with sin. Yet he was still so handsome.

"Yao Yao, don't push me. I would hate to scar your beautiful face," He cooed while lightly running the sharp edge of the knife on Yao's cheek.

"You're insane," Yao said resentfully.

"Please forgive me for the sin I'm about to commit." His eyes seemed solemn, the only human feature he had left.

"I will never forgive you, for as long as I live." Yao spat back angrily, tears of rage shimmering in his burning amber eyes.

"Don't judge me too harshly." He hastily undid his belt, the metal buckle making a clinking sound. He loosened his tie, and appraised the fearful Yao for a moment. Every time, it still took his breath away. Yao's skin was like a blanket of pure snow, and yet .. his fingers brushed against the bare chest. It was always so warm. Every time, he felt like he was dirtying the pure body, even though he knew Yao was far from "pure." Looks were so deceiving.

With every rough thrust, Yao tears flowed steadily down his cheeks. A sob wracked in his chest at the pain of being ripped wide so open, Ivan had been merciless, ruthlessly entering him. There was no end, Yao struggled to breathe, beginning to hyperventilate.

He plundered the tiny hole, not allowing Yao to collect himself. Yao thought he would go insane, there was nothing but the constant feeling of being pounded into, his body was limp and lifeless, loosing all it's energy. It laid there, allowing Ivan to take whatever he wanted. Ashamed, Yao covered his face with his hands.

"No." Ivan pinned Yao's wrists above Yao's head. He saw a miserable face, with tears and snot messily running down his face. People saw Yao as a perfect being, the prettiest boy. Ivan was pleased to know that he was knew that Yao was vulnerable, and that he was the one who was able to bring Yao to tears so easily.


When Yao awoke from his unconsciousness, he found scattered pearls, illuminated by the moonlight mixed with the buttons. Sniffling, and crossing his arms to keep himself warm, he lightly jumped off the bed.

He let of a cry when his wobbling feet touched the ground, his body crumpled uselessly. Tears pricked at his eyes in frustration, at being so pathetic. How many times had a man taken him like that? He limped all the way to the shower, his hips emanating pain.

Breathing heavily, he almost collapsed in the shower, he leaned onto the wall, turning one the multiple shower heads. The heated water was like heaven against his sore body.

The white seed and blood dripped from down his thighs, swirling down the drain. No mater how hard he scrubbed, he could not get rid of the bruises, the love marks, and teeth marks. It appeared as if someone was trying to devour him. Which was sort of true.

Yao slid against the white marble wall, the shower heads spraying steaming water onto his skin. He shuddered, and wrapped his arms around his knees. Pulling his knees to his chest, he was a curled up ball of hurt and confusion.

He bit back the tears that so desperately wanted to flow. He didn't know what he felt anymore, he was so frustrated. Why did he constantly allow himself be demeaned in this way? He was a man. One that should be strong, yet he was again at the mercy of a perverted man. They were all so kind, what happened? They'd all turn so cold and cruel.

Where had he gone wrong? Was everything his fault? Did he bring upon his own misfortune? He thought to himself, hiding his face in his knees, his hair flowing around him.

It was frustrating. He said he wouldn't love anyone anymore. So why did he keep remembering Arthur? He wasn't his first love, no, it was all an illusion. It ached, so much more than the bodily wounds that marred his skin.

Wounds of love scattered, each trying to claim the fragile precious doll for themselves. What selfish men. Why was his love so painful, he wondered?

Finally, he turned off the handles with a squeak, and stood there, the water dripping from hs sore body onto the stone floor.

When he stepped out of the shower, and into his bedroom, he was prepared to kill Ivan when he saw Ivan still sitting there on the bed. He thought that Ivan had left! Ivan sat there, with his head hung in his hands, his pants still low around his hips. His shirt was loose and unbuttoned, showing off his taut, stomach muscles.

If Yao wasn't so damn frightened, he would've thought it was sexy.

"I'm sorry," Ivan said remorsefully, when he peeked up cautiously at Yao's scared face, he was utterly miserable. Back to square one. Damn it.

"Saying sorry won't fix what has happened." Yao said bitterly, tightening the towel around himself. Water dripped from the ends of his hair. He turned his back, and started to change quickly, pulling a cotton shirt over his head. He winced at the uncomfortable feeling when he raised his arms.

Ivan sighed deeply. "Very well." He was suddenly very somber and aware of what he had done. He made no excuses for himself. "I'll leave this here. Remember, we're leaving for the countryside tomorrow." Without another word, Ivan left the room, shutting the door with a soft click.

Yao turned to look at the bed, there was a tube of healing cream for his bottom, pain medicine, sleep medicine, and a bowl of soup.

It wasn't fair. Ivan shouldn't be so conflicting. He should be a villain with no feelings, no remorse of guilt. He didn't have the right to be so concerned about him. Yao was completely confused on what to feel, unease unsettling his wavering heart.